Author's Note: This chapter is kind of rough around the edges. I'm still trying to figure out where I want to take this story yet. Any ideas are appreciated. )
If I was forced to say something, I probably would have just kept my trap shut. I knew something completely lucid, or something illiterate would sputter out of my mouth, and I figured I'd save myself the humiliation. My jaw hung there in midair as if it had been pried open, shamelessly gaping. There was nothing to say even, but then again, I didn't really want to make the effort to try. Why was he was in my class? My mind silently protested over and over again, refuting itself until I didn't know what to believe or think, so I just gave up. It did make sense; he was in eleventh grade again, my grade. Why then did he too seemed just as surprised as I was, giving me the same confounded stare I was him? For a few minutes it just stayed like that, until I realized that we were holding a stare-down. Regaining control of bodily funtions, I snapped my jaw shut, only to have that form a thick line of distrust. I broke the gaze that was held, and tried not to notice as he promptly looked towards the window, pretending not to notice me whatsoever. He was such a fake, that it really was truly pathetic. This was all of his fault. If he hadn't been there with open arms last year, if he hadn't been ratted out, if he had just left things alone, we, more so I, wouldn't be in such a shitty situation.
The three of us were the only ones in the lab, with the exception for Snake, but the class was filling up. My hand reached for my bookbag, swiftly slinging it over my shoulder, and moved to the opposite side of the room so not only would I not have to be directly across from him, but would also not have to look at him. I could care less if I was in the front of the room (though I did get a better view of everything), I refused to be even remotely near him. Had Snake been delusional when seating him by me? Did the stress finally take its toll on him? He had known what went on last year, and had been none too happy with my actions. With the way he treated me those first few weeks afterwords, I was expecting it to be a madhouse between the two of them. Instead, he threw me for a complete loop by seating him practically right beside me. Was he encouraging some sort of berserk harmony between us? If he was, it was guaranteed, at least on my part, that it would never in a million years happen.
Just a few minutes. I figured if I continuously repeated this phrase, it would become my new epigram in untimely situations. Soon I would be out of here, on to Kwan's class. As I waited for the bell to ring, I unconsciencely tapped my pencil anxiously on the desk, listening to the conversation behind me. The words stung as I fully comprehended their meaning, but I let myself continue listening anyways. Part of me needed to hear the thoughts that so many had voiced with their facial expressions, but never words. Words were always something permanent; you couldn't erase them, and the worst of them always seemed to hang in history. Only now supposedly did the daft and the clueless actually have the guts to bring up the situation that had been carefully avoided. Afterall, no one wanted trouble. Any conflict between unacquainted people just didn't seem to make sense; their time was better spent elsewhere. But now that I was actually hearing the words that seemed inevitable, I wanted to shove them back into the respectful mouth. They really did hurt.
From what I could gather, it sounded like Spinner, but I couldn't really tell since they were far away. I only could catch a few tidbits of the conversation, just minuscule phrases, like yes's or no's, but then I heard, "What happened between you two? You seem beyond obsessed with her, and it looks like she loves you too." I noted the sarcasm behind the comment, regretting my decision to listen in on them. In that instant, I could feel my face becoming flushed. It was bad enough with the ring of gossip about me last year, but the last thing I wanted was for something else to be spread around. Maybe everyone was experimenting with keeping a low profile this year, but it didn't help my case anymore. I needed for them to have rumors that were worse than mine. Maybe that was selfish of me, but hadn't I already suffered enough? I spent the last half of my sophmore year defending myself on something that wasn't really worth much estimation, and I had figured that was paying my debts well enough.
The laughter from him rung in my ears, as I listened to the muffled reply from his comrade. "Greenpeace? Are you serious? She's well... look at her!" The look of his face flashed before me even though I had my back to him. That signature smirk, accompanied by a look that probably made Spinner want to laugh in my face. I had seen it so many times, especically last year. What had I'd seen in him at all anyways? And why had I suddenly thought that this year things would be any different between us? All he'd wanted was a cheap girl, and I just happened to be the easiest fish to catch. I was insane to think that hiws ass would want to have anything to do with me besides that.
With a sigh, I returned to focusing on the announcements on the screen in front of me. Shame on me for ever expecting something worthwhile from a guy. They only wanted a good fuck buddy, not a quality relationship. Jay probably thought I was some fluke for reacting in the manner that I did in the hallway. I could almost hear what he was thinking; "Wow she must really be that desperate." I'm sure he still goes down to the ravine hooking up with random girls. Whatever had once made me feel special with him was completely off in left field. I guess I really was off my rocket at that time when I "associated" myself with him like everyone had said. Until now, I had refused to believe their ideas that I really had been irrational because of the events with Rick and Sean. Apparently, Jay was all it took to show me the truth.
Not that any of that mattered now. This new revelation I found would let me be careless, and now I could help out Degrassi like I used to. I wouldn't be the screw-up this year, and now I didn't have a reason to be. That was all in the past. After half a year of being out of touch with friends and my life, I could get back in sync with the old Emma. The old me.
I left in a herd with the rest of the class as the bell rang, quick to notice Jay and Spinner lingering back conversing with my dad. My thoughts returned to the schedule ahead of me, my conscience reminding me of my severed ties with them. As far as the rest of the world was concerned, I never knew them.
"Hey Emmaline."
Turning around to the voice behind me, I smiled at the sight of Chester. Now here was someone who could brighten my day.
