Disclaimer: Eeeerrrr, I don't really know what to say. JUST READ THE DAMN STORY! Crappy title, I know. I will change it soon!
HALO: Combat Devolved
We see HALO, the giant Hula- Hoop slowly spinning around on its axis. Strange, source less music erupts out of nowhere. The Camera pans around 180 degrees and the Pillar of Goths comes into view for a second before the Pillar of Goths smashes the camera to atomic level.
Camera no. 2
The camera no. 2 approaches a glass box that is obviously the Pillar of Goths bridge… and subsequently smashed into it, creating a lovely smear.
"Stupid space dwelling bug thing!" complained the Pilot, pressing a button marked Windscreen wipers. The smear is wiped off.
Camera no. 3
We appear in the bridge, and see Captain Keyes staring out of the window box, at the giant Donut.
"Cortana, all I really need to know is, did we lose them?" he asked
"I think we both know the answer to that" said a disembodied voice. Cortana appears on a Holographic Pedestal.
"No we don't"
"Yes we do"
"Don't!"
"Do!"
"Don't!"
"DO!"
"AAAAAGH, GAINT BUG EYED ALIEN!" yelled Keyes, taking his Pistol out of it's holster and hitting camera no. 3 repeatedly with it. Camera no. 3 three is destroyed.
Camera no. 4
We appear back in the bridge. This time, though, the camera is invisible and has an impenetrable shield around it.
We see Captain Keyes walk over to a console manned by a technician. The technician is playing Halo 2 Live.
"Hang on a minute! How the HELL can Halo 2 exist yet when this is Halo?" asked Keyes. The Halo 2 Live disappears in a puff of logic.
"Dammit!" Yelled the technician "I was having fun!"
"JUST SHOW ME THE DAMN COMPUTER SCREEN THAT SHOWS ALL THE COMPLICATED SPACE STUFF THAT'S REALLY A RECIPE FOR FRENCH BREAD!" yelled Keyes.
"Eeeerrr oooookaaaaay" said the Technician, pressing a few buttons and a complicated graph appears on the screen.
"French bread!" admired Keyes. Keyes shakes his head "I mean, we made a blind jump, how did they…?"
"Get here first? Covenant have always been faster. It didn't help when you wanted stop for that Christmas Tree" interrupted Cortana. Keyes turns towards a Christmas Tree that's in a nearby corner that is covered in winking fairy lights.
"Christmas Treeeee" gurgled Keyes, froth coming out of his mouth. Several Technicians do the same. Keyes shakes his head again and spits the froth, at the nearby bin, which hits the camera no. 4 on the lens. Camera no. 4 shorts out and the shield and invisibility wear off.
"ANOTHER BUG EYED ALIEN!" yelled Keyes, stamping on camera no.4
Camera no. 5
We see Keyes walk up to the big Holographic board thingy that has lots of colourful images on it.
"Preeeetty!" admired Keyes "I mean, we were running dark, Yes?"
"Well, my sensor log says that a Marine on B deck left his night light on. Also, you insisted on having the Christmas Tree lights on." Said Cortana. Keyes and the Technicians turn to the tree.
"Christmas Treeeeee!" Repeated Keyes.
(Ignoring this) "They were waiting for us on the far side of the planet" informed Cortana.
"So where do we stand?" asked Keyes, regaining his composure.
"We are currently on the bridge" stated Cortana.
"I know that, I meant the Covenant!" said Keyes.
"Them? Yeah, we've just finished giving their recon picket an MOT, which they failed, but I've isolated multiple SCS battle groups, make it 3 Capital ships per group and in 90 seconds, their going to be all over us" said Cortana.
"Well that's it, bring the ship back up to combat alert. I want everyone to have a glass of Lemonade"
"Don't you mean that you want everyone to be at their stations?" asked Cortana.
"Eeeerrr, that to. And Cortana?"
"Hmm?"
"Lets give our old friends a shaken and not stirred one" said Keyes
"I've already begun" replied Cortana.
In a cocktail bar, the barman prepares and Martini and hands it to an Elite.
"Oh, hey, thanks!" thanked the Elite.
We see a Marine waving two blue light sticks at a stationary Pelican drop ship (have you always wondered why he does that in HALO?) a Marine walks up to him.
"Hey, Mike, you don't really need to do that. The Pelican is stationary" said the Marine.
"I know, Sam" replied Mike "It's just that I've been poorly programmed"
We continue down and see Scorpions being loaded into Pelicans and Warthogs aimlessly driving around. A particular Warthog drives into an archway and passes Sergeant Avery Johnson's.
"You heard the lady! Move like you've got a purpose!" yelled Johnson. The Marines form up and Johnson walks between the Marines.
"When you see those son-ofa- aliens, I want you to rip their Testicles off and shove them in their mouth and want you to shoot them in the stomach and leave them to drown and suffocate in their own blood and sexual organs, am I right Marines?" yelled Johnson.
"Sir, yes, sir!" Shouted the Marines
"Uh huh! Now move out! Double time! I have Soaps on TV!" yelled Johnson. The Marines move out and Johnson goes to watches his Soaps.
We appear in the Cryo station. A Tech is busy typing random buttons. Suddenly, a message appears on a screen from Cortana. The message reads 'Release Frosty the Snowman'.
"FROSTY THE SNOWMAN? YAAAAY! I mean, whoa, sir?" said Tech 1
"Right, let's thaw him out!" said Tech 2
"What? Your gonna kill Frosty the Snowman! Noooo! I won't let you do it!" yelled Tech 1. Tech 2 knocks Tech 1 out with a judo chop.
"Okay, bringing low level systems back from the dead, Cracking the case in on nanosecond" said Tech 2. We pan in for a close up.
"He's hot! Blowing the pins in five!"
4 minutes and 55 seconds later…
"Oh yeah" said Tech 2, pressing a random button. The casket door explodes off and crushed camera no. 5
Camera no. 6
Steam spreads upward and the MC steps out.
Disclaimer: hope you like that chapter! And make sure you review! also, next chapter for HALO: Separate Events will be up soon! I aslo working on my other stories to.
