Chapter 10- Refusal
Why are children... so selfish? We have to teach them to be kind to others, to share, to sacrifice. But is it selfishness... or ignorance?
Or perhaps...
Innocence?
We have to teach children because they know nothing. The only way they gain knowledge is by living and experiencing things on their own. You can tell them what guilt is, but they won't really understand until they've felt it themselves.
A child is born selfish. All they do is want from the moment they're born. They want food, they want attention, they want love. Only by growing up and living through life do they learn when they have to give up their food to the hungrier, when they have to be lonely so somebody else can receive attention, or when they have to give up someone they love.
A person thrown into the world suddenly won't know these things; they must learn them.
Children aren't "innocent", they're selfish. They only know negative emotions like greed, power, and hate. They have to have everything, they have to be in control, and if they aren't... they hate. A person isn't born kind. Only by struggling through life does a person learn positive emotions. Tranquility... happiness... selflessness... Kindness...
Love...
Rune sighed, turning his head sideways and laying it gently on his knees, which were drawn up to his chest. He laced his fingers loosely around his legs, blue eyes gazing out away from the Dragon Castle to the expanse of the gardens.
Poor Rath was still depressed... hopefully that would be better soon though. He would fall into this type of mood for several days, or a week depending on the initial cause, then his spirits would gradually rise again.
But... Rune thought in quiet despair, It's already been over a week since I found him in the dining hall... and he only seems to be worsening... as does Ruwalk...
Another sigh lifted from the heavy-hearted elf as he lifted his face only to bury it in his knees. He himself was slowly starting to slip into the maddening blackness, overburdened with the weight of everyone else's pain.
Faeries are truly magical creatures. They can use their own spirit to heal others and relieve them of their pain. They're also very insightful creatures, and are able to easily tell when another is in pain. However... they are also a bit empathic. They can feel the pain of their loved ones as they suffer, and because of this, they also suffer.
Elsewhere in the castle, Thatz was also sighing. He flipped over onto his back, sprawling dramatically across his large bed, even though it was mid-afternoon. The pillows were in as much disarray as his green hair, and the sheets were so tangled he wondered if he'd ever get out of them. His loose white tank top was hitched up his stomach and one of the sleeves were hanging around his arm, while his drawstring pants were riding low on his hips and rolled up past his knee's from all his tossing and turning. He didn't care though... he felt too lazy to fix his clothing or his bed.
The Earth Dragon Knight brought a lean hand up and pushed a few stray green locks from his face, then left it laying above his head while his other arm was draped across his stomach. The large white curtains that brushed his bed slightly bellowed out and lifted up from the wind, momentarily playing shadows across Thatz's form.
Then the wind died and the curtains fell back to their normal spots, leaving emerald eyes to wander to his open window, staring out at the clear blue sky. A few birds flew past, singing lightly as they flapped their wings, their black forms contrasting against the puffy white clouds that dotted the sky.
Thatz moaned quietly, lazily turning his head to face... somewhere else. The mood of the castle was choking. Rath was in deep depression and was dragging Rune down with him. The Earth Knight tried to keep their spirits high, but he himself was feeling the gravitational pull of their sorrow weighing him down.
A small knock interrupted Thatz's thoughts, thankfully. He ignored it though, staying in the silence of his feigned sleep, even though his eyes were blinking at the door.
Another knock. It went ignored.
Finally the door slowly opened and a crimson-topped dragon stuck his head in.
"Rath?" Thatz muttered, his mind feeling heavy. Seeing him awake, the Fire Knight came into the room, shutting the door behind him, and walked over to the other's bed.
Thatz looked up sadly at one of his lover's. Dark circles underlined his eyes from lack of sleep and his face was a bit sunken in from not eating. He always seemed a bit out of breath, even thought he didn't do much more than slowly walk around. His normally fiery crimson eyes were now dull and blank, but also extremely lonely. His posture was sagged, his arms hanging limply at his sides and shoulders drooping like a large weight had been put on them.
In short; he was exhausted. Both physically from the strain on his body and emotionally from trying to pull himself out of his depression, but failing.
Thatz looked at him softly and Rath needed no other encouraging. He climbed up on the bed, then over the green-haired Knight, laying between him and the window.
"Hey," he finally muttered, laying his head on Thatz's chest, sighing a little.
"Hey back. How ya feeling?" he asked, even though he knew the answer.
"Tired," the Fire Knight sighed again, bringing a hand up to rest on Thatz stomach while his head lay over his heart.
Ba-bump.
Ba-bump.
Ba-bump.
"Why doesn't anything ever happen?" Kai-Stern moaned, running his fingers through his snow white hair.
"Something along the lines of disastrous so you would have an excuse to leave the castle?" Tetheus asked from his side.
"Exactly; the mood in this castle is so heavy I feel like it's gonna drag me under."
The other said nothing, just standing beside Kai-Stern, who was leaning over the railing of one of the balcony's up in the castle. Lemon yellow eyes wandered over what he could see of the land from this high position, desperately wishing something would flood or break out in a major fire... Hell, even some political disaster!
He knew he was being selfish, but he couldn't help it. The air about the castle was going to kill him it was so choking.
"You'll be fine," the raven-haired dragon suddenly spoke.
Another sigh. "I know... I just feel so..."
"Overburdened?"
"I guess," he shrugged, leaning on his arms, one dangling off the edge of the railing. "If it weren't for Alfeegi this castle would already be six feet under."
"The Dragon Lord would never let that happen."
"He's been staying in his room too, though," Kai-Stern pointed out, shifting his head to glance at the stoic dragon. "Ruwalk was his best friend and all... I heard they had a fight."
"Another argument?"
"Yup. I think that since Ruwalk can't bother Alfeegi too much anymore, he's moved onto Lykouleon."
Tetheus said nothing.
"All I'm saying is he's driving me INSANE!"
"But he's not doing anything to you-"
"He doesn't HAVE to be! Just his PRESENCE is enough to smother me!"
"Just give him a chance, please! You used to lo-"
"Don't you say it!"
"Lykouleon?"
The blond Lord blinked out of his reverie, snapped back to the present by his lovely wife, who was looking at him worriedly. He pulled a smile up. "Sorry."
Raseleane sighed in concern, straightening. "Did you and Ruwalk argue again?" she asked softly.
The other just smiled and turned his head back to his paperwork, which was demanding his wandering attention. "It's fine."
"Oh it is not," she huffed gently, moving over to a large vase of dead flowers. "You and-"
"Let me help," Lykouleon interrupted, scooting his large chair back and walking over to join the female. He grabbed the decaying flowers so she could replace them with and armful of much brighter and livelier blossoms. While she emptied her arms, he walked over to the open window and dumped the dead plants out it. Emerald eyes watched as they fell onto the garden several feet below the window, where the dead flowers would become fertilizer for the growing ones.
"As I was saying," Raseleane tried again, sorting the beautiful flowers in the blue vase. "You and Ruwalk need to stop fighting so much."
"It's not like I enjoy them."
"I know dear." She turned to him, sounding slightly exasperated. "But you are the Dragon Lord and he is not. I know he has a problem with Alfeegi, but you're not getting rid of him. Thus, the arguing is pointless and very draining."
Lykouleon sighed, sinking back onto the bad and putting his face in his hands. "I know... I know, but-"
"He is no longer Ruwalk," she said gently, coming to sit beside him and stroke his back comfortingly.
"But he may regain his memory... I can't just kick him out."
"I'm not suggesting you do. But these fights are wearing on your heart... I hate to see you like this..."
Emerald eyes looked over into golden ones warmly. "I know, and I'm sorry."
Raseleane brought a hand up, stroking his hair gently. "I know how hard these fights are on you... He was your best friend, and his reason for arguing is-"
"Absurd," he interrupted again.
She just smiled.
Long aquamarine hair swayed as he walked down the hall, arms filled with at least a two-foot-high stack of paper. "Kai-Stern!" Alfeegi called out, glad he had caught the other man. "Open the door for me, will you?"
"Sure," the Blue Officer nodded, swinging the large wooden door open for the other, who walked in and set the stack of papers on his desk. "Hey! Watch-"
The whole stack fell to the ground with a fluttering noise.
Copper eyes narrowed at the papers floating through the air, as if blaming them. His glare soon found the other Officer, who was bent over with laughter.
"I tried to-! You- Just a pencil-!" he tried to say between laughs. Alfeegi glanced over and saw a single, small pencil on the desk, right where the corner of the huge stack of papers was set.
"Oh for-!" he growled angrily, upset that such a small object had caused his whole mornings worth of hard work to collapse instantly. He snatched a few sheets of paper out of the air, scowling darkly.
Kai-Stern, now over his laughter for the most part, bent down and started to gather all the papers that had fallen to the floor. "What are all these?" he asked, trying not to giggle.
"Even if I explained it to you, you wouldn't understand," Alfeegi snapped, grabbing more papers out of the air. "But these were all sorted not a minute ago! And NOW look at them! I spent most of the morning working on these, only to get to this point and have it all collapse at my feet! And why! Because of a pencil! A PENCIL for Dusis sake!"
"Calm down, Alfeegi," the other chuckled, straightening the small stack he had in his hands.
"I will not!" he growled, also dropping to the floor and adding more papers onto the pile he had started. "I am sick of this whole mess! And YOU!" he suddenly snapped, directing his rage towards the unfortunate dragon. "YOU need to work more! It's bad enough Ruwalk does NOTHING all day! But YOU don't either! I can't even convince those infernal Knights to do any work! At LEAST the Lord is doing is, but ONLY because-"
"You're at his throat every second he's not?"
Alfeegi was not amused. "I'm going to be at YOUR throat if you don't get back to work."
"Hehee, what about Tetheus? He hasn't been working either!"
"Oh yes he has!"
"What! But I've never seen him working!"
A slender aquamarine eyebrow rose. "Where is Tetheus now?"
"Making his afternoon... rounds..."
"Yes. And last time I checked, that was working," he sniped, before suddenly dropping it and turning back to gathering his papers.
Kai-Stern laughed slightly, nervously, but didn't respond, also going back to the papers. He didn't ask Alfeegi why he wasn't badgering Ruwalk to work.
It was now common knowledge that Ruwalk wouldn't step one foot inside the office.
"See? Isn't this relaxing?" he grinned, speaking softly in hopes of getting Alfeegi to actually relax, but that didn't look like it was going to happen anytime soon.
"No, it's not," the other huffed, sitting up and looking down at his boyfriend. "I don't have time to stare at the sky with you Ruwalk! I have papers I must fill out for Lo-"
"Aw, don't you have a romantic bone in your body?" the brunette whined a little, interrupting what was sure to be a very long rant. "When was the last time you watched the clouds, huh? Or have you ever?"
"Whether I have or not is not the point, the point is-"
"You haven't, really?" Ruwalk was surprised... He suspected the former never actually took time during daylight hours to relax... but never stopping to watch the clouds! How obscene.
Alfeegi huffed again in irritation. "Well maybe I had better things to do that sit and watch the stupid-"
"Sit back and relax," he coaxed, grabbing just above the elbow closest to him, trying to pull Alfeegi back so he was laying down again. "Work can wait. It'll still be there once you come back!"
"Yes, but it will be late, and-"
Using the other's elbow to pull himself, Ruwalk rolled over and gently pushed his shoulder back so it was against the ground and looked at him steadily. Alfeegi blinked, surprised, and automatically brought a hand up to tuck the ticklish red-tipped strands in his face behind the other's pointed ear. Warm brown eyes softened as he leaned down and sealed Alfeegi's lips with his own, kissing him slowly and gently. The White Officer let him for a moment before starting to kiss him back, shyly opening his mouth under Ruwalks. The brunette slowly snaked his tongue out and licked his lips before venturing in farther. The two tongues meshed and-
"NO!" A white pillow hit the wall with a dull 'thump'. On the opposite wall sat a mussed bed, and in that bed was a panting Ruwalk, who was glaring at the pillow as it flopped forward and landed on the floor. He growled and gripped his head tightly, shaking it and sending red-tipped strands flying. "No no no no no NO, dammit! I WON'T think about things like that! I REFUSE!"
Growling again, highly frustrated with himself, he kicked the tangled covers away from his legs and stepped onto the cold, stone floor. Clad in nothing but a light pair of capri's and a loose white tank top, he strode out to his balcony door, opened it, and stepped into the chilly night air.
"Dammit..." he swore quietly, narrowing brown eyes up at the star-sprinkled sky as a faint breeze shifted brunette strands over his shoulders to spill down his back. He leaned forward on his elbows, hunching his thinly-clad shoulders and looking with cold eyes out at the expanse of the gardens.
After a few moments, Ruwalk leaned forward so his chin was resting on his crossed forearms. He stared absently out at nothing with half-lidded brown eyes, still scowling faintly. He quietly muttered to the night air, "I will not have dreams of memories I don't remember... of a love I don't remember... from a life I don't remember... I refuse..."
Kage: Thanks to all that reviewed! I'm feeling to lazy to look up everyone's screenname's...but just know that YOU keep this story alive! XDD I just realized I forgot to put a chapter title up for the last one too, O.O Lol! Yeah anyways... hope you enjoyed this chapter! Sorry it's so short, but I wanted to end it here, ;; I'm working on another one though, honestly! I am determined to get it done before school starts! ((Sept 6)) Wish me luck, XDD
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