A/N: Well I almost never post anything on Saturday's but since I have to go to dinner tonight I couldn't partake in my normal Saturday afternoon activities so I decided to just write something. Chapter 6 is up. Raven and Nightwing conversation. This should prove interesting considering Nightwing would probably sooner kill Raven than reason with her. It should be fun. Enjoy.
And to my reviewers which of course aren't too many considering I keep posting fast:
DarkAngelImogen: Glad you liked it and I'm sure you'll appreciate this quick update.
DeathsLastBreath: It will get even more interesting because Slade isn't going to sit on the sidelines for much longer. Patience is a good thing but you'll probably find that I update pretty quickly when I'm really interested in my story and right now, I am really interested in writing this story.
Cherry Jade: They don't get much crazier than Nightwing but that doesn't mean he can't get any crazier. Glad I'm keeping you happy with the quick updates. It's the least I can do for all my great reviewers. Yeah Cyborg got messed up. Your not the only one to comment on the 53 hour thing but its my opinion that an EMP strong enough to override all his safeties, really would have damaged his system and he probably hasn't had to majorly repair himself in a long time so ya know. Again thanks for all the compliments.
They Call Me Sweetsnow: Glad you liked it and yeah 53 hours is a bit excessive and it was a slightly arbitrary number but I figured Cyborg hasn't had to have any major repairs on himself for a number of years so all that damage would probably take longer to repair since it hit harder. But anyways, yeah, I'll still concede the point that it is too long.
Disclaimer: I don't own the Teen Titans so lets not try and sue me since I don't have anything to sue for.
Finding Hope Again
Chapter 6
By: Finalitylife
I knew I was dreaming but somehow I instantly knew that it was not my dream that I was experiencing. As everything came into focus, I realized that it was not a dream, but rather a memory, a single haunting memory. I watched a great battle through another person's eyes, a battle I knew all too well. My father towered over the landscape firing blasts of flame at the attacking Titans, swinging massive fists as if trying to swat away insects. I saw Starfire firing Starbolts, Cyborg blasting away with his sonic cannon, Beast Boy flying around as various animals trying to distract Trigon, as well as myself hurling objects at his face. The one person I did not see was Robin which I knew was because I was seeing the battle threw his eyes. I could feel his feelings as he stood there staring up at the demonlord. He felt weak, useless, human though that did not stop him from charging forward with a battle cry. I felt his fear as a massive foot connected with his form sending him flying backwards, crashing into some rubble. I could feel the pain that shot through his body upon impact. I could feel his terror as Trigon roared and unleashed a massive wave of fire at him. I could feel the heat building up around him as the blast got closer and closer though it never impacted. A blur of purple suddenly appeared in front of him taking the entire blast of fire, being completely consumed in the process. I felt his mind shatter at the sight in front of him and the terrible pain as his heart turned to stone.
My eyes shot open and I breathed deep as my body shook a little, results of feeling the emotions from the memory. I felt tears building in my eyes as the image of Starfire dying would not leave my mind. None of us ever realized just how close Robin had been to that great tragedy. None of us had ever seen that it was him she had truly given her life to save, sacrificing her own right in front of him so that he could live. None of us knew how much Robin had blamed himself for her being gone. He believed that he had killed his own hope because of his weakness, Robin's weakness. I had just felt the moment that Robin had truly died. I closed my mind as the searing emotions lingered in my mind. It was so painful, so horrible. I tried to stop the tears from flowing but I couldn't. I cried from the memory, I cried for myself, I cried for a lost friend, and I cried for a lost boy who would never be found again. I lay there quietly sobbing, not completely aware of where I was though I knew that I was not in my room. As I slowly calmed down, I remembered the end of last night and where I had went to sleep. It was only confirmed as I felt that my pillow was now Nightwing's slowly breathing chest and that his one arm was wrapped firmly around holding me as close to him as I could be. It felt nice. It amazed me how he had not awoken from the nightmarish memory that had gone through his mind and inadvertently into mine. He probably was used to seeing it which was a horrifying thought.
He had never told any of us of what happened that day. He had never told us of the consuming guilt and self hatred that had destroyed the young man who was once Robin, that drove him away, that created Nightwing. It was a terrible burden he carried within him, that made him so horribly cold. However, at this moment he simply was holding me, sleeping quietly, and he felt so warm. Suddenly, I felt myself being thrown from the bed. My body impacted soundly with the floor. All I could do was lay there and let out a small groan, unsure of what had just happened. It took me a few seconds to finally clear my head and I rose to my knees. It was then that I noticed Nightwing standing on the other side of the bed in a defensive stance glaring at me. His face was locked in a half snarl as he looked at me. It was then that I realized he had awoken and thrown me away from him when he realized I was there. I looked up at him, not quite sure what to do, not quite sure what he was going to do. Eventually he seemed to calm down and stood straight up, rigid. The voice that came out was cold, emotionless.
"I thought I told you not to touch me witch." I felt the anger build up in me at his words. I hate you Nightwing. God how I hate you. The words echoed in my mind as I finally made it back to my feet. I did not say anything but simply glared at him with a look of contempt. His face didn't register anything. Eventually I broke my glare and looked down, not wanting to look at him anymore. The two of us stood there for a few moments before his voice broke the silence.
"Witch. I need a new shirt and some food and water. Get them for me." Again I felt anger within me though I did my best not to snap completely. As if seeing my internal struggle, Nightwing spoke.
"I have no time for you to have a hissy fit. In the end you will do what I ask so just do it." My head snapped up at him and again I gave him a death glare but eventually as before, I dropped it. Letting out a sigh, I knew he was right. I was going to help him because I could not bring myself to leave him when he still needed me.
"Fine. I'll be back. Do not move." I disappeared in black energy. I went to Beast Boy's room because that was the only place I could think of that would have a shirt for Nightwing. Thankfully, Beast Boy had grown up before he had left and might actually have a shirt that would fit Nightwing. I found myself rummaging threw his closet and found a black, long sleeved shirt that would work. After that I went to the kitchen and made him a sandwich and poured him a glass of water. On the way back to the infirmary, I peeked into Cyborg's room. Machines were actively opening him up and sparks flew as they worked. It seemed like they were everywhere on his body. Slade really had screwed up Cyborg. My internal clock told me it was later than usual when I woke up and the countdown clock on one of Cyborg's computers told me that he only had 40 more hours left until complete recovery. I must have been asleep for a long time. All that healing really had taken a lot out of me last night. I let out a sigh and left Cyborg's room and headed back to the infirmary.
When I entered the infirmary, I saw that Nightwing had not moved from the spot I had left him. He was still standing, completely rigid, emotionless. I placed everything I was carrying on a nearby table that apparently was not close enough to him because I felt him glare at me.
"What. I'm not going to serve you." I still felt his glare as he walked over toward the table and put the shirt on. It did fit, though it was very tight. He drank some of the water and started eating. I watched him eat, not sure what to do or say. He said nothing, not even a thank you. Occasionally, I felt his eyes on me though it was only for a few brief moments. His mental barriers were up in full force and I felt nothing from him or had any clue what he was thinking. Eventually he finished eating and he finally said something.
"Well I've wasted enough time here. Its time to get back to my mission." He simply walked past me toward the exit of the infirmary. I panicked. I thought I would have more time. I tried to think of something to say. He was simply going to leave again, to most likely eventually die fighting Slade. I had to stop him. I could care less about Nightwing but I knew that Richard needed me.
"She would have been so sad to see what you've become. She would have cried if she saw how you treat other people, especially old friends." He did not stop leaving.
"She didn't give her life to save whatever it is you've become." That made him stop. I watched as he clenched his fists, one metal, one human. The voice that came out was low, threatening.
"You don't know anything." I stepped closer to him, standing my ground against him.
"I saw your last memory of her. I saw the day she died. I know she sacrificed herself for you and I know you blame yourself. Do you really think she would have wanted you to use the life she saved for you to be this, this monster."
"Shut up." Again I stepped closer.
"She saved your life because she knew what a good person you were. You were her best friend and she loved you and she knew you would do good things for this world. Don't let her down."
"I said shut up witch." His voice was more of a growl but I knew I had to keep going. This could be my only chance.
"Go ahead Richard. Let Nightwing keep you in the darkness. Let him keep you wallowing in self pity and guilt. Don't dishonor Starfire's memory like this!" It was only a step behind Nightwing and I never saw it coming. A backhand connected soundly with my face and the sudden impact caused me to fall.
"I said shut the hell up! Richard is nothing but weakling!" I couldn't help it but I laughed as I rubbed my face.
"Oh aren't you the tough one. Hitting someone who wants to help you when they don't expect it. You know what Nightwing, you're the weak one. You're the one who runs away from everything in the past. You're the one who consumes himself with Slade so that they don't have to face reality anymore. You're the one who is afraid of what could happen if you actually tried to deal with everything, actually tried to feel something other than self hatred and rage. Richard is the strong one. He was the one who comforted me after Starfire's death. He was the one who was not afraid to deal with her death. Nightwing was the one who wouldn't let him, was the one who was a coward!" I felt tears falling down my cheeks again though I didn't care.
"Richard is not afraid to feel, Richard wants to feel. That is what brought you back here last night because you lost control and Richard wanted to feel comfort again. And you know what, it made me happy when Richard held me again. It made me happy last night when Richard called me beautiful and that's what Starfire wanted from you. She wanted you to feel. She wanted you to be with your friends. She wanted you to make others happy and to protect the innocent just like you used to. Nightwing can go to hell but you know what, I'm not going to let you take Richard with you!" My voice echoed around the room. Nightwing's dark form continued to stand there but I could pick up the slightest movement from his body. He was shaking, though only slightly. I waited for him to say something, for him to say anything. I barely heard it but he whispered only a few words.
"Starfire…I'm sorry. Raven…I'm sorry. I want to come home." I smiled for a second but it quickly fled as he let out a terrible scream. It was filled with so much pain. He slammed his metal fist straight into the metal wall. The wall dented easily. Bam! Again he slammed his fist in the wall as he screamed.
"Worthless! Absolutely worthless! You don't have a home. You will never have a home. You don't deserve a home. You couldn't save your parents. You couldn't save Starfire. You won't save yourself!" I stared wide eyed at Nightwing as he clutched his head in his hands as if he was in tremendous pain. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and comfort him as he once comforted me but I knew better than to do that right now. He was dangerous right now and he needed to fight this battle himself. I could not help him right now. Nightwing slammed his head into the wall. I cringed at the impact. He turned toward me, he had a wild look on his face as he looked at me.
"Is that what you want to come back to Richard? Her? She doesn't say it but you know she hates you now that she knows it was your fault Starfire died. Everyone would hate you if they knew that it was your fault the universe doesn't have her anymore." Again he screamed as he turned away from me. I watched as he ran off out of the infirmary, away from me. I wanted to chase after him but I knew I shouldn't. I would simply have to have hope that Richard would win and come back to me.
Nightwing stumbled out of the tower into the cold, overcast winter afternoon. He still clutched his head as he ran. He was desperate to run away from everything but the problem was he couldn't. Richard was inside him, Richard was him before there even was a Robin. Nightwing gritted his teeth as an internal war raged on. He would not lose. He would not lose to something as weak and pathetic as his humanity though it was him that still continued to try and run away.
Deep within his current base of operations, Slade watched a T.V. in front of him with a malicious smile on his face. He watched Nightwing fleeing away from the tower like some type of wounded animal. He couldn't help but chuckle to himself.
"Trying to run away again Robin? I will make sure that you only run right to me." Had anybody been around Slade at that moment, they would have felt the air in the room turn even colder than even the brisk, winter day.
I
