Author's note: I don't have a whole lot to say about this chapter, but I think you will like it. Just don't stop reading in the middle of the chapter Oh and Donna's speech to the press, I wrotesound like Toby's "you're my guys speech." . The title pretty much sums it up. This chapter takes place during "Lies, Damn Lies and Statistics."
Once again Danie was a huge help!
Thank you for all the feedback- the last chapter was a tough one to write and your reviews really helped.
Donna tapped her pencil on her desk, she was waiting. Something was going to happen something more than just the crumbling relationship between her and Josh. Bad things came in threes. Just one more thing could go wrong and she was going to be ready.
CJ was getting antsy. Fear of losing her job and unknown approval ratings were so mind consuming that she didn't notice her assistant's mood. The light that had once made Donna shine was gone. But she did notice the lack of cookie and candy around the office and the staggering number of runs Donna went on.
Josh rushed down the hallway and hurrying to his office, rumor had it the secret service wanted to kick his ass. Apparently they blamed him for the recent decline in quality of cookies. Also Joey Lucas was looking for him and he wasn't the least bit interested in what she had to say. Mostly because he found it disconcerting that when he wanted to talk to her, he heard a man's voice.
He was shocked to see an old friend waiting for him outside of his office.
"Matt!"
"Hey, Josh."
He ushered Matt Skinner into his office. "It's nice to see a friendly face."
"So are things really as bad as I hear?"
"You heard?" Josh swallowed.
Matt nodded and in the nicest way possible explained he ran in to Teresa.
"It's time you moved on. I've got this friend," he said, and Josh's eyebrows rose. "She's great. I think you two would really hit it off. Her name is Heather and she's a teacher. She's brunette, funny, smart, and doesn't care about politics."
"Hmm…does sound intriguing."
"I'll leave you her number, ok?"
"Sure, but it doesn't mean I'm going to call her."
"I know."
Her phone number sat on Josh's desk for two days, undisturbed.
As Donna had expected, the wheel came off the wagon. A British Tabloid reported Sam and Laurie's relationship. CJ woke her at 5:45 a half an hour later she was at her desk.
She cursed England, the Queen, and the pound. She hated everything British; expect for the Beatles, she could never hate the Beatles. Most of her frustration came from her own failure.
"CJ, I'm sorry, I never expected it to come from another country. I focused all my energy on the American Press."
CJ shrugged off Donna's concerns. Toby and Josh were already pleading with the President for Sam's job.
Donna wasn't about to start her attack if Sam didn't have a job. She continued to tap her pencil on her desk as she waited for Toby's call.
The phone rang, "Green light." Donna was ready for battle.
The briefing room seemed the most obvious place to hold this little get together; it was neutral and comfortable ground. Besides when all the rooms were being used for meetings and the briefing room was often used meetings, or at least that was Donna's logic. She didn't stand behind the podium, raised above the press: superior. She swallowed before speaking recalling CJ sage advice, "they can smell fear." Time to do her job, she smiled and asked, "So anyone got any good stories they would like to share with the class." Donna had spent the last year watching CJ, parroting her, learning. CJ always had a joke ready for the press when it was needed.
When the press chuckled, Donna knew she was in. "I want to talk to you guys about something." She paused and caught Sam's eye. He was standing in the back of the room, looking the worst she had ever seen him. "We all have our own responsibilities; mine is to this White House and yours is to your editors and readers. And if we all went about our days only doing what we are responsible for, the humanity aspect of our lives would be forgotten. This is your country, and it is your responsibility to report the news and happenings in the White House, I understand, more than you might think. The people running this building are not gods, or immortal. They are human and they make mistakes. Momentary errors of judgment, we all make them and being employed here does not make them exempted.
"However, Sam Seaborn did not commit any crimes. His actions might be questionable at the very most. But I think it is worth noting, how many times friends tried to talk him out of this. He refused to listen and risked his career to stand by a woman, one that most would disregard. He chose loyalty over his own career. Right now, sitting on his desk, are bills and ideas to make this country a better place. Everyday his name is wrapped in this scandal is one day he isn't working. He has a responsibility to his country, and to you, its citizens, let him do his job. Honestly how many of you would choose loyalty?
"You're my guys, I know you can't control the Op Ed pages or the other newspapers. But you can control what you write and how you write it. You know Sam and the kind of man he is, you know the truth. It's up to you what you do with it."
Donna left the room. She made eye contact with Sam. Sometimes there are glances and non-verbal exchanges that can be expressed through words, sometimes there aren't. Sometimes the moment and glance are so raw and honest that if one watches the exchange it is an invasion of privacy. This was one of those moments. Sam mouthed the words, "Thank you." Donna simply smiled.
In the back of the room, behind the glass CJ, Leo and Toby had been watching. "Damn, she's good," Toby whispered.
"She turned a seven day story into a four day story," CJ nodded.
"How much does she make in a year?" Leo asked.
"Not as much as she should," Toby answered.
Replacing the resentment pride filled Donna's chest. A job well done, gold star! Figures, Josh would somehow ruin this moment for her. Out of the corner of her eye Donna saw Josh, he was laughing with Joey Lucas and Kenny. She caught CJ's eye as she scanned the area.
"Going for a run?" CJ asked.
"Yep."
Donna was back much sooner than expected. She hobbled in, with a strange short man holding her up.
"My desk is there." She pointed. The man eased her down; she winced when her right foot touched the ground.
"I am so sorry. So sorry. So very sorry." The man stood in front of her shifting his weight from side to side.
"DONNA!" CJ yelled and jumped from her chair. "What happened?"
"I bumped into this gentleman."
"Literally I presume?" CJ smiled. Donna bit her bottom lip and looked up at this attractive man who was smiling back at her.
"Yeah, but I was asking for it, the way I was on my side of the path and all."
"Do you want anything to drink; maybe I can get some ice or something. Are you in a lot of pain?"
"It hurts, but…" She called over to Jackson who was walking to his shift post. "Jackson will take a look at it. CJ can you take this handsome man down to the mess and get some ice?"
CJ smirked and said, "Of course."
Donna's whimpering started CJ was out of ear shot. Jackson kneeled down and looked at her ankle, "are you ok, Ms. Moss?"
"No it really hurts."
Jackson pulled off her shoe and sock, "You're a wuss. Try taking one to the arm and then see if you complain about a twisted ankle."
"DONNA!" Josh's voice carried through the hall. His face white and eyes wide, he raced to her side. "What happened, are you ok?"
She had never seen him this concerned, not since they rescued Baxter. "I'm fine, I just ran into someone."
"Are you bleeding?"
"A little."
Josh looked up to see an unfamiliar face in running shorts coming down the hallway with ice and CJ in tow. "Is that the guy who ran into you?" He asked angrily. Jealous perhaps?
"Calm down Josh, he isn't the first man to hurt me." Her eyes narrowed and Josh took the hint, walking back to his desk.
Jackson gave Donna a disapproving glare. "He was worried and that was unnecessary."
Donna looked down at her now puffy ankle and admitted sadly, "I know," already regretting saying it. Jackson declared she would live and headed towards his post.
The man ran up to her with the ice and gently placed it on her ankle. "I really do feel awful about this. I wish I could make it up to you. Dinner, maybe?"
Donna smiled and nodded. "Sure, I am a little busy tonight, how about tomorrow?"
"Sounds great," he glanced around, awkwardly.
"I'm Donna Moss." She reached out her hand.
"Cliff Calley." He grabbed her hand.
Josh had stopped along the way to his office to hear whatever this gomer had to say. Bitterness clenched at him. When he returned to his desk he picked up the phone, "Hello, is Heather there?"
The day, night, next day, and early evening passed. Both Josh and Donna had dates and neither was looking forward to it.
"You really going out with this guy?" Josh asked at they unintentionally met in the hallway.
"Yes. You never seemed to have a problem with it before."
That's because I never saw them before, Josh thought.
"Well, he seems a little…" Short, entered Josh's head.
"What?"
"Clumsy."
"I don't think you should be passing judgment on people's grace."
I don't think you should be going out with this guy, Josh's brain screamed.
"Are you sure you're going to even have a good time?"
"Well, if all of his body parts still work and he isn't you, I'm sure I will." She bit back harshly.
Instantly regretting it, and hating herself. Why have I been this angry with him? She wondered. Why can't I get over this. It was a kiss, he wasn't interested in me. It's time move on and this Cliff guys seems, sweet, right? A good one to move on with. Right? Should it be this hard to move on, should it take this much convincing? She knew it didn't. She knew the truth and it scared the hell out of her.
Heather was everything Matt said she would be. But she wasn't what Josh wanted and the reason became perfectly clear. "Heather, quick question. You're having the worst day of your life, you've no home, no job and only ten dollars in your pocket. There are two homeless men farther down the street and a Starbuck half way between you and the men. What would you do?"
"Is this one of those math word problem things?"
"No."
"I don't know, I guess I would keep the money and spend it very carefully. Does that make me a bad person?"
Josh smiled at her from his wine glass, "I don't know, but it's the same thing I would have done."
Before he left the restaurant he picked up a piece of chocolate cake and headed back to work, assuring Heather he would call. But she smiled and said, "You won't and that's ok."
He felt bad for being a disappointment to Heather, but worse for being a disappointment to Donna.
By 10:30 he was back in his office and he waited for her. She was normally back by 11. Sure she was mad at him, and she might hate him, but she wouldn't break tradition would she? He pondered.
11:30: Donna was a no show.
12:30: Still no Donna.
He picked up the phone ten times to call her, but each time the call ended before he could dial. His eyes started to get heavy. By 1:30 he was asleep at his desk.
Donna walked into the room she had spent so many nights in, and stared at the occupant. She wasn't expecting him there. She figured she would leave what she brought with her on his desk; sure it might stink in the morning. She strolled over to him.
His mouth was open, small pool of water formed on his desk and he was snoring. Very attractive she thought.
She questioned if she should wake him up. He was here and she did have a lot to say to him, the three glasses of wine did make her a little more aggressive. She inserted her finger in her mouth and sucked on it for a minute. When it had the correct amount of saliva she dug it into his ear.
"OH GOD, that's gross!" He managed to say as he instantly woke up. His head shot up as Donna pulled her finger out of his ear. She smiled satisfied, as Josh rubbed his ear and muttered, "It's all wet."
Finally he looked up at her, and his reaction was not what she has anticipated at all. In the past three weeks they had barely spoken, and never any eye contact. Something about his eyes Donna found it hard to look at. Maybe it was because his eyes never lied to her. She was lost in her thoughts, all emotions she felt, all memories or conversation, somehow were reflected in his eyes.
She wasn't expecting them to change from shock to joy to sorrow. She didn't expect to witness these emotions, or feel them for herself.
There are moments when emotions are so raw one reverts to a childlike state. The feelings of a child are so strong and simple. Adults tend to make things more complicated than they need to be. Donna was hurt, in its simplest and rare form. Adult tend to vocalize things very complicated as well. But Donna was still in this child mind set.
"You hurt me," she said, blinking back her tears.
"I know." Josh wanted to stand, but his legs wouldn't move. He wanted to hold her, but his arms were frozen.
"I shouldn't have said those things to you today or yesterday. I'm sorry."
"Don't even worry about it."
"I don't know what happened. When I left today I didn't intend to come back, but then I got these crab cakes and I've been carrying them around with me all night." She looked at the take out container in a voice on the edge of tears she said, "I got you crab cakes because you are a bad Jew and you don't call home enough." He took the container and placed it on his desk. He pulled out the cake from his drawer and offered it to her.
The tears she had been biting back all night started to flow. Josh's legs and arms started to function once more. He stood and wrapped his arms around her, holding her.
"I am so sorry," he whispered in her ear. "I don't think I can forgive myself for any tears you shed."
They stood in silence waiting for healing to begin. She whimpered on his shoulder, "are you going to eat your crab cakes because I am kinda hungry?"
"I'll drive you home."
During the drive, neither spoke. Donna counted street lamps and Josh counted traffic lights. The air was filled with words that needed to be spoken, but Josh's tongue didn't seem to be working. Thankfully, Donna's never seem to be broken. She spoke when he found a parking space.
She asked quietly, no longer child like, "Am I really not good enough for you?"
"It's not that," Josh answered softly.
"What is it? Explain it, I hate not knowing."
Josh sighed and opened the car door, "it's hard to explain."
Donna opened the door and stood up, "explain it, I am surprisingly very smart."
He walked to her side of the car. "You would just end up getting hurt."
"Been there done that. Try a different excuse." She frowned and started walking down the block to her apartment.
The frustration mounted in Josh and he finally confessed, "I have to protect you!"
"From what?" She wanted to scream but didn't.
"Everything: the press, evil politicians, vending machines, anyone who hates me and will attack you for it."
"I think I can protect myself from vending machines." She rolled her eyes, "honestly Josh, what the hell are you talking about?"
"You'll be the "Bartlet administration's whore". People will assume you slept your way to the top. Any promotions you get, everyone will assume it's because of me. They will tarnish your name, and you'll never be able to work in DC again."
Donna stared at him blankly and blinked four times. "Josh, this is the single most insulting thing you have ever said to me."
"I didn't mean to insult you, just to tell you the truth."
"So the entire press corps, all the senators and congressmen and women I've met in the past year will assume I am too dumb to get promoted on my own, and that the Great and Wonderful Josh Lyman helped me along the way?"
"I don't know if they'll call me 'Great and Wonderful.'"
"JOSH!"
"Sorry."
"That's still a lame excuse, and most likely not even true," she said at her door step.
"You don't understand this city."
"I understand it more than you think."
He grabbed her hands he staring into her eyes and whispered, "I have to protect you. I can't lose you."
She pulled him a little closer to her, "you won't lose me, but you have to stop lying about this. I want to the real reason."
He swallowed and placed his head to hers. Looking down he uttered, "You scare the hell out of me. Everything about you is more. You're more alive, more forgiving, and more hopeful. Every time I am near you, I want and need more."
With a simple roll of her head their lips were inches from each other; her voice was husky as she whispered, "Is that so bad? Wanting and needing more?"
"Donna I've never desired anything as much as you. But if something happened, if people found out, I have to protect…"
"We could keep it a secret."
"It wouldn't work, I can't keep secrets and people would know. I'd be too happy."
"You've said that before." Air molecules separated their lips their breath became one and their fingers entwined.
"It's true. We could just wait; it's just two more years with the option of four more." He tried to smile.
Donna pulled away breaking their connection. "No, I am not waiting for you, not for two years."
"But Donna, it's the only option."
"You are a very smart man, Josh, you seem to have this idea stuck in your head and nothing I say will get it out. But I refuse to wait around." She watched the disappointment wash over his face. "I'll tell you what. I'll wait until October 10, that's two months, for you to find a solution and to get over your fears, but after that I am moving on."
"Why October 10th?"
"That would be one year since the state dinner. That's the night I started to fall for you. A girl shouldn't have to sit around and wait for more than a year for a boy to call."
Josh reluctantly agreed. He started to stare at his shoes and asked, "Donna, are we ok?"
She placed her palm on his cheek, "we will be."
He wished he could stay there forever in this moment, but he knew he couldn't.
"Goodnight, Donnatella."
"Goodnight, Joshua."
