Author's note: Well here it is its come to an end. This is the final chapter of Kismet. Sniff sniff, weep weep. I am really going to miss writing this story. This story was more satisfying to write than "Then Everything Changed". The writing is a little choppy but it was done on purpose, Josh and Donna always talk their issues out, and any stress comes from a lack of communication. This chapter takes place during Midterms and the rest of the second season.
Thanks to Danie and Damom for being betas. Thank you to everyone who left feedback. Kursk, Mary Kate 113, JDfanatic, Caia, and Miss Jasadin, I know I say this a lot but your feedback means the world to me. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!
I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.
Summer time turned into school time and Josh and Donna continued their lives together. Dinner, Bath Time and Bed Time all became habit. However this did leave both of them in a state of slight physical frustration. Josh never wanted her to feel pressure, romantically or sexually, so he waited on a leaky boat in a sea of uncertainty. At the very least he could wait until she was well on the road to recovery.
Leo needed him to start traveling, Josh refused to for the first few weeks, but he desperately needed to be in New Jersey. One over night trip wouldn't kill Donna. Would it?
One night in New Jersey taught him the following facts:
1) He missed Donna much more then he could have ever expected.
2) For all the trash talk Jersey gets, it really isn't that bad.
3)He couldn't sleep without holding Donna in his arms.
4)You can't pump your own gas in Jersey.
5) Wawa has the best No- Donna –in- Your- Bed- Hence-No- Sleep coffee.
After two days and one night, Josh raced home to find a vision. Donna was standing, not sitting, in the kitchen, not the bedroom, wearing jeans, not sweatpants, putting cheese on some form of tomato sauce. Her hair was in a pony tail and her shirt had buttons. She smiled brightly. Suddenly Josh realized everything he had been missing. It was healthy Donna, a pre shooting Donna. The Donna he had first fell in lo…no he couldn't think things like that, only bad things happened when he thought it. She was shot the night he had thought it for the first time. Saying it out loud in his kitchen where there were plenty of pointy objects was a disaster waiting to happen.
But a different and yet very much the same desire took over. He hadn't spoken yet, and words were stuck in his throat. He dropped his backpack on the floor. Her eyes followed the object. He moved towards her and his hands were instantly on her cheeks. The air between them became shared, but not for long. His lips pressed sweetly against hers. "No, this isn't how this kiss should be", he thought to himself. "Not like all the other kisses, sweet, light and non-threatening." He opened his mouth wider, the kiss became passionate. The words that were stuck in his throat were able to slip into her mouth through this kiss. He wanted her to know everything so he didn't have to say it out loud.
When their lips parted, she whispered, "I missed you too."
His arms wrapped around her, "We should make that apart of the routine."
"I was just wondering what took you so long."
He smiled at her, "I needed you to start getting better."
Weeks passed and interesting things started to happen. There was a paradox, the life which Josh had spent years building for himself didn't seem to matter. Josh enjoyed being with her at home much more then being at work. He liked the stuff in his home; it contained different parts of himself, childhood idealistic memories, the books of a well educated man, and the sports memorabilia of a Mets fan. But it was the new stuff he liked the most, he had a cat, there were woman's clothing in his hamper, (well the hamper was new, too) and there was Donna. He was surrounded by everything that embodied his past and when he looked at her, he saw his future.
September gave way to October and Donna was growing antsy. She loved the few hours a day she spent with Josh, she loved it as much as she… well, she could never say it out loud. It could be misdirected emotions, right? She enjoyed Bath Time and Bed Time, especially now that all the kissing was added in. She wanted more, but how could she ask for it, not after all that Josh had done for her over the last few months. Maybe if she knew for certain where she stood in Josh's mind, no more hints or innuendoes? She needed evidence, proof. Was she here only because Josh's guilt over the shooting made him overreact? Did he want her to leave when she got better? Did he feel the same way as she thought she might or could his feelings be misplaced?
Cindy became her counsel on all matters related to Josh. Of course, Cindy offered ridiculous advice: talk to him about it. See, crazy. Donna could never do that for the following reasons.
1)She could be wrong; Josh might not feel the same way.
2) He might get mad and kick her out. Sure it seems unlikely, but it was a possibility.
3)He might feel the same way, but fear of a political backlash might prevent him from going any father. (Here was a huge problem. She had lied about something two months back. She told Jefferson she remembered everything about the day of the shooting, but she really didn't. She remembered what she felt like when Josh asked her to dinner and the giddy butterflies she felt for the rest of the day, but all the other events were a blur. She was only able to piece together bits and fragments of tangible events.)
4) If Josh's guilt was the whole reason she was here, then that would be worse than if he didn't feel the same way. To build a relationship on guilt is not the sturdy foundation she desired.
To not know was almost better then knowing. At least when she didn't know, she had hope.
In Donna's mind a scenario was created to push thier relationship farther. She would approach Josh slowly in a neutral location, like the living room. She would kiss him lightly on the lips to say hello. If he wanted more, (normally he wanted more) she would push him away. In a coy and sexy voice she would say, "You know Josh, October 10th is right around the corner."
"Yeah?" he would answer just as low and husky.
She would place her hand on his chest, "do you know what that means?"
"The 11th will be the next day?"
She would roll her eyes at the cheesy joke, "No, you only have a few days to take me out."
He would look at her skeptically, "I believe the terms of the agreement was that I had to ask you out by the 10-10, not physically go anywhere."
"I assumed one meant the other."
"There is where you went wrong. And I did ask you out, that is not up for negotiation. In case you don't remember, you were otherwise occupied on the day in question."
"Well I think we should reschedule." Her lips would be inches from his.
"Gee, I don't know." Josh would scratch his head trying to play it cool.
"I guess I could always just start dating other men here?" She would pull away and wave her hand around the apartment.
She would like watching his eyes bulge out, "That's out of the question."
"I don't see why not. I gave you time, that's what you needed, right? Have things changed?" He would stare at her as if to say, "duh" but he wouldn't answer. She would lean in more with her lips barely touching his, "do you still want "more"?"
The word would be barely air leaving his mouth, "Yes."
"Then what are you waiting for?"
They would kiss, passionately. He would carry her to the bedroom. He would be cautious and mindful of everything he did to her. Her safety would be his first priority and he would watch her eyes to see if they reflected any pain. Their hands would explore the each other's body, places for too long had been untouched. The removal of all clothing would be with great ceremony. Their love making would be the stuff love was made for. They would bask in the afterglow and lie in each other's arms until they fell asleep.
She had played every aspect of this in her mind except the repercussions. How would he react? Would this change everything? Would he freak out? Would she freak out? Would words slip out that she had tried so long to keep in? But one question plagued her mind more then any other: Why was she living with him and how long was she supposed to stay?
She hated when reality set in, it always ruined her fantasy.
October 9th came and Donna was a little more snippy the usual. She hated it when she failed to meet deadlines.
The 10th was a Sunday and Josh refused to go into the office even if the entire northern hemisphere was turned upside down. He popped a movie in the DVD player for Donna and told her to stay in the bedroom. She heard clanging and banging, but ignored it. When the movie was over, Josh announced Bath Time was early today, and ushered into the designated room. She was a little tired of being bossed around by him, but the goofy smile on his face made her comply. Bath Time was unfocused, and rushed. Josh insisted that Donna shave and left the room. Donna did as instructed, clearly something was up. All suspicions were confirmed when Josh returned with a dress for Donna to wear. He dried her hair, (he liked brushing it the most, something about it was so intimate) and changed his clothes as well. He was almost skipping as he led her into the living room. Dinner with real home cooked food was waiting on a table, complete with candle and flowers.
Josh looked at the table with pride and glee and back at Donna, "See, I know was supposed to take you out by today, but I didn't think you could leave the apartment, too many germs and stuff. So I did this instead. It turns out I know how to boil water to make pasta!"
A part of Donna wanted to cry from the sweet display of romance, but she didn't. She brushed her lips against his cheek and sat down to enjoy their first date, after living together of nearly seven weeks.
The leaves started to change colors. Josh never spoke the three words that screamed in his head and Donna never asked any of her questions. But time was ticking, and no matter how much they didn't wanted it to, no matter how powerful Josh was, no one can stop time from passing. The unspoken words start to form a wall between the struggling couple.
Hell, Donna wasn't honestly sure if they were a couple. Josh saw her naked on a regular basis and their make out sessions were getting longer and less like two teenagers kissing on a couch, praying that a parent didn't walk downstairs. But, still no verbal confirmation.
The day had come that Josh had been dreading. Leo needed him to leave and put finishing touches on the campaigns. Ginger was the bearer of bad news. Josh drove home slowly that night. He hated leaving Donna, not because she was frail and weak, because she was past that stage, but because he simply loathed being away from her. Everything he did that night was slow, he packed under Donna's watchful eye and he ate dinner, but the food had no taste.
Before he left, he had to tell her. She was the love he never knew existed, he started living the day he meet her, and every time he thought of the future, she was in it. But the words didn't come out, instead he kissed her, undressed her and made love to her. He prayed that the physical act would say more to her than his stumbling over his words.
It was everything Donna had imaged it to be, except it left her with more doubts than before. She felt the tears well up as Josh kissed her goodbye. He promised he would call and would be miserable without her. She would be alone for five nights, alone in a cold bed with only her unanswered questions to keep her company.
She had one last doctor's appointment before she would be cleared for activity duty, that meaning, of course, returning to the White House. This meant she was "better" in theory, everything would return to normal. Josh would work in the White House. Donna would start her new job with the First Lady. Josh would stop by and bug her, maybe. She wasn't really going to be as close to his office as she had been when she worked for CJ. At night Josh would return here and Donna, well she would go home, back to her small apartment with a roommate who had very loud sex. Honestly, Donna didn't look forward to that at all.
Josh resented saving these campaigns .If the candidates would have listen to the plans he had written two and a half months ago, no one would have been in this mess. Every minute was like a whirlwind of travel and political masterminding at its best. Once in his life he would have loved this, and a part of him still did, but it had been three nights without Donna and he didn't look forward to the idea of two more. Josh was tired and he missed her with every fiber of his being. He missed the way her hair fell on the pillow or the struggle for a corner of the blanket in the middle of the night. He missed Baxter taking up more room on the bed then he and Donna combined. He ached to hear her breathing in the darkness. Everything was cold in his hotel beds.
While walking down the street with Sam, who Leo had sent along to keep Josh sane, something caught the Deputy Chief of Staff's eye. He stopped mid sentence, and gaped at the tiny window encased in marble. "How do you know it's a good one?"
"Good what?" Sam asked.
Josh pointed to the diamond ring but didn't speak. Sam understood and answered, "It's the four C's clarity, cut, carat and something else I can't remember. But I don't think you should take my advice. I bought one once and she didn't marry me. While I am sure the ring had nothing to do with it, you might not want to risk it."
Josh nodded, "I'll have Ginger do the research on the fourth "C.""
Sam looked at Josh inquisitively, "so you told Donna, right?"
"Nope."
"I think it's something she might need to hear."
"You think?"
"Yep."
"Well, I guess that I should tell her, huh?" Josh smiled at his dearest friend.
"Good, because I've been working on one hell of a best man speech for six months now."
"Six months! But we just started…."
"Josh, it was fate." Sam answered sage like.
The next two days were the slowest in Josh's life.
When the plane landed, Josh promised the cab driver at twenty dollar tip if he could get Josh home in twenty minutes. When the cab pulled onto his street, Josh's leg started to bounce and the goofiest smile was planted on his face. He took the stairs two at a time as he raced. He nearly broke down the door trying to get in. Baxter leapt into his arms.
"Hi, Bax, where's Donna?" He asked the cat, expecting maybe over the last five nights it learned how to speak English. Baxter meowed. It turns out he didn't learn how to speak. "DONNNNNAAAA!" His bellows filled the hallway. He busted into the bedroom. His heart stopped.
Donna was sitting on the bed. Luggage packed and close lay at her feet. She looked up at him, teary eyed.
For a moment either spoke.
Not surprising, Donna was the first to break the silence, "I'm better."
Josh just blinked at her. "That's nice." His lips moved but he really wasn't focused on the words coming out.
Josh's cell phone started to ring.
Ignoring it, Josh looked to Donna for a deeper explanation.
Ring.
"Um, the doctor said I could resume work on Thursday." Donna picked at the bed spread.
Ring
"Ok." Nothing about this made sense.
Ring
Josh thought to himself, "They were fine a few days ago. Right?"
The cell phone stopped ringing and Donna spoke again, "I thought I should go back home."
The house phone started to ring.
She continued, "We could go back to our normal lives."
Ring
Josh said nothing.
Ring
Donna picked up the phone and handed it to Josh, "You know they are going to keep calling."
Josh nodded and answered the phone in a monotone voice. "Lyman. Oh hi, Sam. No, I'm not coming back to the White House tonight. That's great." He lacked the enthusiasm the news required and he was asked a follow up question he didn't want to answer but did anyway. "No, everything's not alright. I'll see you tomorrow." He hung up the phone and look down at it. Donna would want to hear the news. "We won the house. We have a democratic congress."
Donna's eyes lit up and she sounded much happier than she felt. "That's amazing Josh! I'm so proud of you."
Josh's head snapped up and he spoke bitterly, "You're leaving me Donna! I don't give a shit about politics." He sat on the bed and hung his head between his knees.
Donna took a breath and tried to speak evenly and calm, "I'm not leaving you; I am simply not going to live with you."
"And how exactly is that not leaving me?" Anger filled every word. He instantly regretted it. This isn't what he wanted. This isn't how this night was supposed to go. His brained screamed, TELL HER! Josh started to flash in his mind, between the screaming, what his life would be like without her. TELL HER THE TRUTH. He would go back to Teresa. TELL HER NOW. He would hate himself for doing it. He would ruin the career of any man who went near Donna. He would start drinking, heavily. LOSING HER WOULD BE THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN. Some sort of scandal would ruin his career and his life. NO! That wasn't going to happen.
He cried loudly, "I stole your cell phone on purpose." He blinked for a few seconds; apparently his mouth did that thing when it spoke without consulting the brain first.
Donna looked around the room for some sort of a logical response, "Um, I know, you held it hostage…"
Josh shook his head, "No, back at Starbucks. I stole it so I could see you again. Sure I put on a good show for Sam and Amber."
"Who?"
"My assistant. For like a month."
He looked at her with pleading eyes, "I knew, from the first minute I met you, I needed you in my life. I don't think I was smart enough to fall in love with you at that first moment but I did know I needed you. I can't pinpoint the exact moment I fell in love with you, I've tried. But I do know when I realized I was head-over-heels, once in a lifetime kind of love, with you. Sam asked me the day I asked you out. I didn't answer him, but I knew it was true. I was nervous during the President's speech. I was probably going to screw it up at dinner and tell you. But then everything changed." He was silent for a moment, staring at his feet as he re-lived the events of that night. He looked up, "I am not going to lose the best thing in my life without some sort of reason."
Donna's mind froze. He loved her. He had been in love with her for a while. Shouldn't that be enough? Did she really have to ask the question she wanted, no needed to?
"I can't stay here. I don't even know why I'm here, was it because you wanted me here or because you felt responsible for the shooting." Her voice quivered more then she would have liked.
Josh sighed, "At first you were here because I thought it was my fault. But that only lasted about a week. I love having you here. For the first time in my adult life I felt like I had a home."
His words put Donna at ease, but she had other concerns, "Things are going to change. I am going back to work…"
"So we would have shared a ride. I was going to keep the hours I set up with Leo…"
"What if there is a scandal and you loose your career over me. Would resent me and stop loving me?"
"That would never happen."
"What if it looks like we are moving too fast?"
"I really don't care what it looks like."
"I still have two months left on my lease."
Josh rolled his eyes, "Now that's the lamest excuse I've heard yet."
Fear and hope battle each other in Donna's heart and mind. Her body didn't know how to react, so she cried a little.
Josh held her hand and asked, "Do you want to leave?"
Donna shook her head, "No, I just thought I was supposed to."
Josh pulled her close to his body, aching to feel her warmth, "Then stay."
"When I start working, this WILL change. What if you don't like it? What if I don't like it?"
"We'll have a two-month trial bases"
Donna shook her head, "too long, one week."
"One month."
'Three weeks"
"Deal." He kissed the top of her head. "Are you done freaking out?"
"I just needed to know where I stand."
"Next to me, for as long as you'll have me." He whispered in her ear.
Donna warned, "That might be a long time."
"Well I hope its ok, but I was thinking about asking you to marry me."
"Now?" Donna said rather loudly, sort of ruining the tenderness of the moment.
"Nope, but just letting you know it's on the way."
Donna rolled onto the bed and Josh followed, his arms wrapped around her. She looked into his eyes, "I love you, too."
"I know; I am pretty charming."
Donna's radiant smile and warm laugher filled the once tense room. For a while they laid in each other arms, waiting for everything to fall back into place. When Baxter jumped on the bed, walked over them and spread over the remaining parts of the bed, Josh knew everything was going to be alright.
The three week time trial came and went, Donna stayed with Josh, only returning to her old apartment to slowly put her stuff in their home. She framed the first piece of mail that came to her at the new address, it was a Bed Bath and Beyond coupon.
The news that Josh and Donna were officially together was greeted with cheers and delight. Josh's mother was is a state of euphoria of the perfect match. Several members of congress were disappointed to here that Donna was no longer on the market. They still had staffers they thought would be perfect for her.
CJ, Toby, and Sam helped Josh pick out a ring. He agonized over ways to propose. But Josh Lyman was a man of occasion and when Christmas came around he had the prefect idea. Donna opened the book, Heinrich Breckengruber on The Art and Artistry of Cross County Skiing. Josh shrugged and said that Heinrich Breckengruber must really like skiing. Inside was a note, "Will you marry me?" He already knew the answer but he thought he should still ask.
The wedding planning was a nightmare. They rarely fought, except when it came to the wedding and really there was only one issue that caused the tension. Josh wanted Donna to invite her family to the wedding. Donna stated that the only family she wanted to have at the wedding was already invited. Josh wanted to meet his in-laws and she assured him, he really didn't. Josh reminded her, she would need someone to walk her down the isle. Donna was silent for a few moments, and then she stated she knew who she wanted.
Sam would have been more supportive towards Josh and Donna but he was preoccupied with some new Republican lawyer.
Mrs. Landingham was supposed to pick up her new car at the dealer, but instead helped Donna solve the Seating Chart Crisis Part 5. Mrs. Landingham became a life saver during the rest of the wedding planning process.
The President announced to the country that he had MS. The news was alarming and left questions in the minds of Washington. But a party loyal congress saw that any questions of illegal activities were overlooked and the administration went unscathed through what would have been a troubling time.
When the day of the wedding finally came, two secret service agents, both named after former presidents, walked Donna down the isle. Josh was convinced he had never seen a vision more beautiful than Donna on their wedding day. The coffee at the reception was Starbucks, it seemed only fitting.
Maybe in some other universe somewhere, Josh and Donna were boss and assistant. Maybe they parted ways for a time. Maybe their paths would meet back together.
But it's nice to think no matter where these two are they were destined to be together. Maybe if they met some other time or place, they would still find a way. Because with true love, its fate, destiny, kismet.
This is the part where I am supposed to say they lived happily ever after. But I can't. In DC there is no fairy tale ending, only new and successful administrations.
