Chapter 3

I want More

Nathan's eyes opened suddenly as he heard the front door close. He had been sleeping lightly. He cursed under his breath. He was pissed. After a long day at work he had gone to the gym to practice basketball with some of the guys. As if he didn't have enough on his plate he spent the whole night trying to finish his extra credit Economics assignment on John Maynard Keynes. He failed two out of his four courses in the previous semester, so he had no choice but to enroll in summer school if he wanted to graduate on time or more importantly meet the academic requirements to be eligible to continue playing college basketball. This summer was stressful for him. His marriage was like a parasite. It was eating away at him, sucking out all the energy he had for his other responsibilities. He was frequently late for work, his game was off and he was no longer a warm and pleasant person to be around. While he never mentioned it to her, he blamed Haley. She knew exactly how to get under his skin and piss him the hell off. What the hell was her problem?

It was 6 o' clock in the morning and she was now arriving home. She didn't call, she didn't leave a note, nothing. He couldn't even concentrate on his assignment, which was due in a few hours. She knew how important it was for him to do well on it. He had failed Intermediate Microeconomics 1 again over the summer and he had begged Professor Mc Lean to give him an extra credit assignment to make up for it. Ordinarily Professor Mc Lean would never allow an insolent student who failed to get extra credit. But Nathan was different. He was one half of the star basketball duo at Hartford and no one not even an aloof, condescending, arduous, divorced middle aged Economics professor wanted to see the division one basketball team fall from grace.

Lately he and Haley had grown apart. He still loved her though. She was his heart. He would do anything for her. He couldn't believe how selfish she was being lately. She knew he would worry about her. If the clock struck 9 pm and she was not at home and he didn't hear from her, he would start to get nervous. He was very protective of her. He hated to go to clubs and bars with the guys if he knew Haley would be there. He could not concentrate. He could not have fun knowing that she was on the other side of the club with Peyton, unsupervised and unprotected. He could not stand they way men looked at her, like if they were undressing her with their eyes. He hated it even more if any man touched her, even if it was just a friendly hug. Quite frankly, there were only two men who he felt comfortable with touching Haley, her father and his brother Lucas, otherwise known as Haley's best friend.

Ten minutes later when Haley didn't come into their bedroom. He went into the living room. He sighed. She was sleeping on the couch again.

"Hales"

"Hales"

She was ignoring him.

"Haley I know you're not sleeping"

"What do you want Nathan? I may not be sleeping but I'm trying to."

"Look, can we talk"

"About what?"

"Us…I mean what is going on with us Hales. You're always so hostile with me. You stay out all night, you don't call me. Last week for 24 hours I had no idea where you were!"

"I'm an adult Nathan. I'm my own woman I don't have to account myself to you!"

"Like hell you do! You are my wife!"

"Excuse me! I'm your wife Nathan, but you don't own me!"

At this point she was screaming at the top of her lungs. He just stopped and stared at her. This wasn't like her. Haley never screamed at him. She was the most even tempered person he had ever met. He sat down on the couch and ran his hands through his hair. Something was going on. He took a deep breath and gave her some time to calm down.

"Hales c'mere" he said as he placed his hand on the spot next to him on the couch.

She sat down next to him with tears in her eyes. She didn't want to tell him. She knew what she had to say would hurt him.

"What's going on?"

"I think we need some time apart"

She said it so softly that Nathan barely heard her

"What!"

She could hear the pain in his voice. She couldn't even look at him. She felt like a horrible wife and a horrible person. How could she say such awful things to the man she loved, to the man who always took care of her. Truthfully, she couldn't take it anymore. It was eating at her, day in day out. It was bothering her so much that she started to eat at Nathan as much as her secret desire was eating at her. She had been married to Nathan for three and a half years. To Nathan their relationship had been tried, tested and approved. From angry parents trying to destroy their relationship to drowning in a raging sea of financial debt. Now after all they had been through, Haley wanted to call it quits. He tried his best to fight back the tears. He was so hurt. It didn't matter why Haley wanted the time apart. All he knew was that the love of his life did not want to be with him anymore.

"Look Nathan, it's not that I don't love you because I do. It's not that I want a divorce or anything….Its just……Its just we got married at such a young age and I don't regret it, but I need some time for me. I don't regret marrying you but lets face it there are some disadvantages to getting married at such a young age. I was 17. I was still finding myself. I was still trying to figure out what I wanted out of life, who I wanted to be. I'm 21 now and I'm still learning new things about myself everyday and that scares me because there may come a time when we won't recognize each other, someday you may look at me and you won't see that Haley James you married that day on the beach. Yes you're my husband and I love you and we have this amazing relationship….but…"

Haley did not want to finish her sentence.

"But what?" Nathan said quietly trying not to lose his temper. He was so angry and so sad. He wanted to scream and bawl like a newborn baby at the same time.

"But its not enough. I want more. I want to be more than Haley James Scott – the wife. I want to be Haley the singer, Haley the songwriter, Haley the actress, Haley the college student who doesn't have check in with another person before making a decision. I feel like I'm growing up way to fast. I feel like an old woman. On Thursday night when everyone is at the Calder Hall party, I'm at home trying to balance the cheque book. I know I chose this life but that doesn't make it any easier to live. I just want to be like every other college student. I don't want the weight of insurance and rent and tuition money and savings. I feel like I can't concentrate on me Haley the individual and what I want outside of this relationship. Did you know that Chris invited me to the studio to work on a song together. He thinks I have talent. But ohhhh no I couldn't go because I had to work. Its just too much for me Nathan. I have no time for just me and I feel like I'm losing myself. I'm telling you this because I don't want to be married to you ten years from now and feel unhappy and regret the chances I never took.I"

Before Haley could finish Nathan interrupted.

"You know what Haley I get the point alright. I'm weighing you down and I've failed you as a husband because I can't provide for you. Well I don't want to keep you back from being more than Mrs. Nathan Scott, because apparently being married to me isn't enough for you!"

With that Nathan walked out of their off campus apartment slamming the door with all his might.