A/N
Hi everyone. Thank you so much for all the reviews. I know I said I would update sooner but I never realized how much life gets in the way sometimes. The next chapter will be up some time tomorrow
Chapter 10
Tomorrow is a new day
It was Sunday night and Lucas could not sleep. He had way too much on his mind. There were so many thoughts flowing through his mind that it overwhelmed him. He hated himself. Only a horrible brother would hide divorce papers in his room and secretly plot to find ways to get his unsuspecting brother to sign them. This is not what he wanted. He idolized Nathan and Haley's relationship. At some point in the very distant future he wanted to have a woman in his life that he loved more than he loved himself. But what choices did he have, it was either get Nathan to sign or live like a pauper. As usual Dan had Lucas backed into a corner. External forces had more control over his own life than he did and he hated it. His guilt was keeping him up. He was breaking his promise. Lucas and Nathan had promised each other that Dan would never come between them again. It was the best decision he ever made in his life. Living with Dan three sometimes four days a week would have been much harder if he didn't have someone to talk to, someone who was going through the exact same thing. Dan made his boys feel exactly how he felt, inadequate. Lucas setting foot into the Scott mansion was like a referee blowing his whistle to start a boxing match. They spent two years trying to outdo each other in order to gain Dan's love, respect, praise and approval. They competed over everything. Who could finish eating dinner first, who could make the most jump shots, who could run faster, who was better at Super Nintendo games. These stupid competitions always ended the same way, one of them would win the battle but no one would win the war for Dan's love.
Lucas' prospective betrayal of Nathan was just one of the things keeping him up. He couldn't stop thinking about Kristin. The way he degraded her, offering her money for sex like a hooker. He was so desperate to use sex to make himself feel better that he didn't care if he hurt another person to get it. But this was a new low for him. This girl was only fourteen. He had felt so horrible when he saw how scared she looked. Kristin was someone's daughter. He tried to make amends but she started acting like a little bitch, threatening him. Who the hell did she think she was? No one threatens Lucas Scott. Lucas Scott will be threatened by no one. No one except his father, that is. Who cares about Kristin anyway? She got what she deserved. What did she expect coming to a college bar dressed like a pussy cat doll. Stupid girl. Lucas couldn't help but succumb to Dan's threats but a little girl's, no way. If she had only moved her slutty ass off that pavement to call the security guard he would've made her wish she was never born. That bitch would've been down on her knees begging for mercy.
What about the girl he was fucking at this exact moment one week ago. He could have just shook her lightly and politely asked her to leave. He didn't have to douse her with cold mop water. What he did to her was nothing compared to what he had done to other girls. Jenna Aimes had gotten the worst of him. Jenna was his on again off again fuck buddy from freshman year. She had started punching him incessantly because he had gotten "a little bit rough" with her during sex. He couldn't help it, he loved rough sex. As he intensified each thrust he got more and more pleasure. More pleasure meant that he could numb the way he was feeling. Lonely, unloved and controlled. He lost his temper and in retaliation he did the only thing he knew would stop her from attacking him. He slapped her right across her face. Yes Lucas Scott had slapped a woman before. It was the first time he had ever laid his hands on a woman and after his prolonged depression afterwards, he vowed that it would be his last. What kind of man hits a woman? Lucas firmly believed that no matter what a woman did no man has the right to hit her. So then why did he do it? If Karen Roe knew that the son she had always raised to be so chivalrous had struck a woman she would have a heart attack. He went to bed that night and begged God to turn back time so he could handle the situation differently. God didn't answer. He had felt atrocious. He could not even look at his own repulsive face in the mirror. The thought of what his mother would think of him if she knew haunted him. He loved his mother and he felt that she was the only person who truly loved him. He could never let her find out. She would be so disappointed. She would never look at him the same. He needed her. He needed to feel loved. He already had one parent whose love for him was dubious, he didn't need another one.
He couldn't take it. His mistakes and fears were seriously bothering him. They were practically walking around in his brain teasing him. He had to get out. He picked up his cell phone from his jeans pocket on the ground and told the one person who could help him through this to meet him on the bench right outside her dorm in fifteen minutes.
"Lucas you can't just call me in the middle of the night when I'm sleeping and expect me to come meet you out here."
"I know but I really wanted to talk to you Hales."
Haley was dressed in a pink spaghetti strap top and matching pink pajama bottoms with little hearts on them.
"Nice pajamas"
They both sat down facing each other on the bench.
"So how have you been?"
"Good I guess. It felt good to be able to leave my room without having to leave a note telling someone where I was going and when I'd be back. How is he?"
"Nathan, he's ok"
"Luke"
"He's depressed without you Haley and Dan is really laying into him."
"He didn't seem very depressed the other day when I saw him driving his hot new Lexus. He seems to be doing just fine without me."
"Haley I know you don't honestly believe that. It's killing him to be so disconnected from you. And you hanging in the studio with this Chris person doesn't make it any easier on him."
"Luke, Chris is just helping me with my music."
"I know but Haley a guys not going to see it like that. To Nathan you broke up with him and your spending time you should have been spending with him with some new guy."
"So what am I supposed to do? Not work with Chris in the studio? Give up the opportunity of a lifetime because Nathan is jealous? My marriage has taken enough away from me Lucas. Why can't I just have this for me? I'm recording song Lucas, my very own songs in real studio. I've wanted this forever and guess what I can't even enjoy it because of how bad things are with Nathan and me. What can't I just have this and not have to feel guilty about it. Do you know how many hours a day Nathan works out in the gym and practices basketball? At least four, every single day. I spend one week working on my music and he's upset."
"Haley, it's not the same thing. Nathan plays basketball with a bunch of guys. You spend hours every week at night alone in a studio with another man."
"Another man that I'm not even interested in. I'm still wearing my ring Luke. He knows I'm married. Chris would never try anything. And what about all those parties Nathan goes to after his games. All those girls throwing themselves at him. You think I don't worry about other women, but I trust Nathan."
"Look Haley I'm on your side here."
"It doesn't sound that way."
"Haley you're my best friend ok. You know that. Not that you need it, but I support your decision. It's just, I live with him, I see what he's going through and I empathize with him. You deserve your chance Haley. Just do two things for me."
"Just talk to him. Even though you guys are taking time apart you can still talk. If he's a little hostile at first ignore him because I know deep down he really wants to talk to you."
"Fine. I'll talk to him. Not only for you, but for me. I really really miss him. What's number two?"
"Be honest with me Haley, do you have feelings for Chris? Do you think he might have feelings for you? Don't lie to me Haley. You can tell me if you do."
"No I don't have feelings for him. He's just helping me with my music."
"What about you. You have feelings for him?"
"No I swear."
Haley lied to Lucas' face. She could not tell him that she had a teeny tiny crush on Chris. Truth be told, Chris was the kind of man she always pictured herself with. She loved Nathan, but Chris was different. He wrote songs, he wrote poetry, he read classic literature, he was self assured, driven, he was everything Nathan wasn't. She couldn't help it, she was drawn to him. She promised herself she would never ever act on her feelings because she was a married woman and Chris had never shown any signs that he had feelings for her. So what she had a tiny crush on someone else. Big deal. Just because your married doesn't mean you automatically stop being attracted to other people or having feelings for them. She wasn't doing anything wrong. All she had to do was not act upon them. In all fairness Haley was only twenty one, she was still on a path of self discovery and she hadn't really lived. Her first kiss, first love, first time, first everything had been with Nathan. The average girl slept with at least four different people before getting married. Well lucky her. She was married, too bad for her. She would never know what else was out there. She would never know what it felt like to make love to another man. She had found the love of her life in high school and married him without thinking it through thoroughly. She didn't consider finances or how young she was. Most importantly Haley didn't consider that there was more to a successful marriage than love. She had just acted on impulse. What were her parents thinking giving her permission like that? They had to be the stupidest parents on the planet. Who lets their seventeen year old daughter get married and then packs up and leaves town afterwards? Haley gave Lucas her most sincere smile.
"Enough about me, why did you call me out here in the middle of the night?"
"No reason Haley, forget it."
"Lucas, come on. I just spilled my guts to you. I know something bothering you. So just tell me"
"Alright, alright. I hate myself."
"Lucas, why?. You're a great person. You're a great big brother to Nathan, I know you're taking good care of him. You're a good friend to me."
"Haley you don't know that half of it."
"Ok, what's going on?"
"Haley I'm a horrible person. I don't know what's wrong with me. I treat women like dirt. In just one week, I threw a bucket of water on some girl, I sexually harassed a fourteen year old girl at Eclipse and I threw some other girls notebook in the pond. I don't why I did those things, I mean I know the surface reasons but I don't really know why. All I know is that I'm not proud of who I am and I want to do better. I don't want to be like my father. I resent him for disappointing me but I don't want to be a disappointment"
"Lucas I know you got mad at me the last time and you said never to bring this up again but…I think you seriously need to reconsider going to see a psychologist."
"Haley I'm not going to see some stupid psychologist. So just drop it ok."
"Why not?"
"Because people who go to a psychologist are the kind of people you find in a nut house or something."
"Lucas, come on. You don't honestly believe that. I think everyone could benefit from having someone to talk to."
"And that's why I have you."
"But Luke I'm not a professional, I don't have the answers, I really think you need some help."
"So you think I'm crazy?"
"No Luke I just think you do some bad things sometimes. I think if you understand why you do them maybe you can control them. I mean look at what happened with Jenna."
"Don't bring her up!"
"Why not? You can't just sweep what happened under a rug and pretend it never happened just because you feel bad. Look, I'm not trying to make you feel bad, but look at what you did to her and all the other girls. Do you want to be that guy that no woman can trust? Lucas I'm a girl too you know. Am I supposed to just listen to talk about these despicable things you do to girls and still feel comfortable with you?"
"Haley, you don't trust me?"
Haley couldn't answer. She felt bad to tell her best friend that she didn't completely trust him. What was the difference between her and these other girls? One day she could make Lucas really angry and he may throw her in the pool or something.
"Haley, answer me"
"Not completely. I'm sorry Luke, but what's the difference between me and these other girls?"
"I can't believe you don't trust me. We've been best friends for eleven years. Haley you're not one of those girls, I'd never be mean to you."
"Lucas, you shouldn't be mean to any girl."
"I know. I know. I'm going to try to do better ok."
Haley knew better than to believe Lucas' words. This wasn't the first time his guilt had overtaken him and he had come to her stricken with guilt. In two weeks he would be back, confessing some other heinous act.
"Haley I mean it this time. Really I do. Tomorrow I have class with the girl whose notebook I threw in the pond. I'm going to buy her another notebook and apologize."
"You mean it?"
"Yeah I do. Look you should get back to bed. I'm sorry I woke you up."
"It's ok Luke I'm here for you. Is that all you wanted to talk about?"
"Yeah, pretty much"
That wasn't all. He could not tell Haley the other thing that was haunting him. He could not tell Haley that he was conspiring to get her husband to sign divorce papers.
"Alright, well don't be stranger ok."
They both stood up. He walked her up to her residence hall's main door, kissed her on the cheek and walked back to his own hall. Tomorrow was going to be a new day. He was going to polite and respectful to all women from now on.
