Disclaimer: Still don't own anything. :sighs: Hey, is there a pattern going on here?
Chapter VII: What is This Pheeling
When I left the Manager's office, once again, Madame Giry started talking to me. She told me that due to a horrible accident including Buquet, a flying toaster, and an evil bunny with sharp pointy teeth, someone would be coming to share a dorm with me. I shrugged. Whoever it was would probably request to move out my dorm within the next week, anyway.
When I entered my dorm, however, I did not find a very happy surprise waiting for me. Raoul de Chagny, the guy everyone loves to hate, okay, the guy everyone loves, and I hate, was unpacking his Humphrey the Magenta Panther posters and taping them to my wall. "What are you doing in my dorm? And why do you have magenta feline-related merchandise?" I demanded.
When he heard my voice, he spun and gaped for a moment, then said, "It's you!"
"Um, yes, it's me, and this is my dorm. So get out."
"But Giry told me to come heeeeeeeeeeeeeeere!" Whined de Chagny. I could tell he was going to get on my nerves very soon.
"Get out or I'll Punjab you."
"What's a Punjab?"
"Hey, not only are you incompetent and shallow, but you're stupid too!" It's so much fun to provoke and argue with people you hate.
"Yah, well- Um… You're ugly! So there! What now?" He asked, as if this was a better dis than anything I could come up with.
"At least I passed the third grade."
"I passed the third grade!"
"Yes, but you had to retake it twice."
We could have continued with this for the next 47 ½ Microsoft Word: Mac pages, which we did, but then I got bored and pointed out that we were supposed to do a song here. De Chagny, who I suspect to have an unnatural fear of note-burden ravens, quickly returned to the script.
"At least my face hasn't been fried!"
"What kind of a dis is that? And my face hasn't been fried." I pointed out. "That was a dis, right?"
"Hey, I'm just going off of the script." He pulled out his script and showed it to me.
"Why are your parts highlighted in pink?"
"Its magenta!" He yelled defensively.
"Right." I glanced at my script to see where we were. "At least I'm not completely tone-deaf."
"I am so not tone-deaf!" He retorted, then remembered we were supposed to be reading off the script. "I mean: That's so hurtful!"
"What are you going to do? Write a letter to your brother?"
"Yes." With that, he grabbed a pink, sorry, magenta clipboard and fuzzy panther pen, and started writing like crazy. Sighing at the stupidity of it all, I went to the desk and started scrawling with a pen and scarlet ink.
"Dearest, darlingest, bestest big brother," de Chagny began as he wrote.
"To Whoever Made Me Dorm with HIM," I said, reading aloud from my own letter.
"There's been some pure evil over rooming at the Populaire." We continued together.
"But of course, I'll have to kill you." I informed him. He turned around swiftly and gaped at me. Unfortunately, he didn't give himself whiplash, but his suddenly pale expression was worth it to watch.
"Isn't that… illegal?"
"No… Really?" I asked, my voice dripping with sarcasm. "But I'll kill you anyway."
"Erm… But of course, I'll rise above it!" He continued, apparently assuming that I wouldn't kill him if he was singing. On the contrary, his singing gave me the excuse that I was killing him to put everyone out of their misery.
"Not that you really care how that I respond. Yes, there's been some confusion, for you see, my dormmate is…"
"Unusually ugly with a bad sense of fashion, did I mention really ugly and quite icky?" Said Raoul.
"A fop," I stated simply.
Weird music started up, I rolled my eyes and we continued the song. "What is this feeling, so sudden and new?" He said.
"I know, which shows I'm not as stupid as you," I replied.
"His face looks funny."
"He is a pansy."
"He is a meanie."
"What is this feeling?" We sang together. Or more, I sang, and he kind of yodeled.
"Violent as a noose."
"I'd like a pet moose," de Chagny informed me. I turned and sent him a disgusted look, then replied, "So?"
"Loathing! Possibly unhealthy loathing!"
"For your face,"
"Your hair,"
"Your organ!"
"Let's just say: I loathe it all!"
"Every aria, every chorale,"
"And what kind of a name is Raoul?"
"Hey, are you dissing my name?"
"Duh. It has three vowels in a row."
"Yah, well-" he began, and then stopped. "Yah, I guess you have a point there."
I engaged in some forehead smacking with my palm, then got bored and continued the song. "This freakishly strong loathing! There's a strange manifestation in this stupid situation! He ruined my song! Okay, so it came on kind of fast, but face it, we all know that it will last, and I will be loathing, loathing you my whole life long!"
I sat back in my swivel chair and watched as a whole bunch of random people ran into our dorm and started serenading Raoul, who was spinning in his swivel chair and saying "Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
"Dear de Chagny, you are just so rich! We'll get you rid of this son of a-"
At that moment, a very well-timed raven flew in and dropped some more notes on our heads. Breaking the all-too-familiar scarlet seals, we read the three words scrawled in red ink. "Whoa, dudes, language!"
The serenaders glared at the raven as it flew off, smirking. "-witch!" They continued. "He's a terror, and he's deformed! And we know we're being biased, but de Chagny, you're a martyr!"
The Vicomte in question stopped spinning long enough to add, "Well, his music is the driest!"
"Poor de Chagny, forced to divide his space with someone whose face has been fried-"
"For the last time, my face has not been fried!"
"We just want you to know that we're all on your side! We share your loathing!"
"What is this feeling, so sudden and new? Must I repeat I'm not as stupid as you? He has a Punjab! He is a pansy!"
Meanwhile, the losers/Vicomte worshippers were "singing", "…Possibly unhealthy loathing! For his face, his hair, his organ! Let's just say: We loathe it all!"
"So what is this feeling?"
"Every aria, every chorale makes us feel sorry for you, Raoul!"
"Does it have a name? Yes, blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAh!"
Then pretty much all the other people sat around repeating the word "loathing", while de Chagny and I sang, "There's a strange manifestation in this stupid situation! He ruined my song! Okay, so it came on kind of fast, but we all know that it will last, and I will be loathing, for forever, or until I get bored, loathing, truly deeply loathing you my whole life long!"
Somewhere above us, we heard someone yell, "Geronimo!" Before the word fully registered in anyone's brain (or lack thereof), a chandelier was distributed onto Raoul's head. After the deafening crash, there was silence for a full two seconds before people started freaking out. The members of de Chagny's posse started either looking around trying to find who dropped the chandelier, running around in circles and yelling "He's here, the Phantom of the Opera," (Which made no sense whatsoever considering that I didn't even start calling myself the Phantom of the Opera until at least a few years later), and/or poking the fop to see if he would wake up from his current state of unconsciousness. I simply leaned back in my chair, put my feet up on my desk, and watched with an amused look on my face.
Eventually, everyone left after a janitor came in and started sweeping up the chandelier/Vicomte de Chagny remnants. When the dust settled, a teenager with a huge grin on her face (yes, I know, everyone's a teenager in this Phic, but live with it) entered the room.
"Who are you?" I asked carefully.
"I'm Alli! Alli Lynn! And even though you don't know it yet, you're going to be the Phantom of the Opera, and people will make books and movies and Broadway musicals about you, and combine you with the musical, Wicked, which hasn't been invented yet either, oh, and by the way, go Wicked! Wicked rocks! Yay Wicked! But anyway, you're, like, Erik, and eventually you'll get all these phangirls like me, and oh my gosh, I can't believe I'm actually here!"
My left eyebrow shot up, not sure if I should be impressed or afraid that this Alli person could say that much in one breath, under five seconds, while still grinning hugely. "Um, okay."
"Oh, and by the way, I was the one who dropped the chandelier on Raoul, I never liked him, yo, did you know that there are a whole bunch more phangirls for you then there are for Raoul, and hey, are Raoul Phangirls called Phangirls or Fangirls? I never really figured that out because-"
"Hold on." I interrupted. "You say that you dropped the chandelier?"
"Yah! It was fun! I-"
"Why did you do that for me?" I asked, and she instantly responded,
"Because you rock. Omg, can I have your autograph? Please? Please please please please please-"
"No."
"Why not?" She was silent long enough to gasp and point. "Is that your Punjab lasso? It's so… Punjab-y…"
"Um… Are you planning on leaving me any time soon?"
"Nope."
This girl was getting increasingly annoying. I had to get rid of her! But how… Aha. That was it. "Hey, Ali? You're a phangirl, right?"
"Yah!"
"Could you go do me a favor? Get the sea-monkeys to give me my money back."
"Okay!"
If she really was a phangirl, she wouldn't be coming back any time soon. Especially since the sea-monkeys stole Kali's money, not mine.
Aiight, I'm done. I hope I didn't disappoint anyone with my parodized version of What is This Feeling; I'm not quite sure if it ended up all that well. Oh, well, I did my best, and if you don't like it, review anyway!
Ravensmyst: Yay! Thank you so so so so so much for reviewing! So far, you're the only one who reviewed Chapter VI, except for Azriel and Rory, and they don't count because they're my friends. And BTW: After reading your review of Chapter V, I'm thinking of rewriting it to fit in some lyrics. :)
ThePhantom'sApprentice, aka Azriel: Whatever. I get confused sometimes. Although, you should kind have already known that. :D
Phantom of the Icoplex aka Rory: Dude, when I called you, you said it was "musac," but as you say, it's slang, so who really cares? Oh, and guess what! The tigers come at night, with their voices soft as thunnnnnn-der! As they tear your hope apart, as they turn your dream to sha-a-a-a-ame! Haven't heard that for like two minutes! (This is your cue to stare at me like I'm crazy, if you aren't already.)
Aye, I hope all you dudes liked this chapter! Please please please review! It will make me a very happy Phantom of the Cafetorium if I get a few more reviews from this chapter than I did the last one. And thanks again to everyone who's been reading this!
