First of all: I hate to break the satirical "fourth wall", but: wow. Thank you so much for all the reviews. I was barely expecting three, but thirteen? That totally blew me away.
And now, disclaimer: I don't own Phantom, but I wish I did, because oooooomg Gerard Butler is TEH SEX and it's sooooo obvious that Gaston Whatever wrote the book with him in mind. Also, Emmy Rossum needs to DIE, because GERRY IS MINE, WHORE!1 If only I could meet him, I know he would totally fall in love with me.
…oh, you want the story? Hokay.
Marie-Suzette woke slowly. She yawned and stretched attractively. Somewhere nearby, the serene music of an organ floated into the funnel of her ear, through the ear canal, and past the delicate bones of her ear to her brain, where it resonated pleasantly. She smiled, revealing her stunning teeth, which shone so brightly that the whole lair was illuminated with gleaming white light. Erik looked up from his organ brightly. She must be awake. He rushed over to her.
"Are you alright, Snookie Bear?" he asked in his halting English, sitting beside her. Marie-Suzette glared at him.
"How dare you kidnap me and bring me down here!" she snarled. Erik was puzzled. He looked a little like a puppy who was being petted and hit with a newspaper simultaneously.
"But—I zought you said—"
"I don't care what I said," Marie-Suzette said tearfully, her huge, beautiful green orbs filling up. "I'm a lady! I have my morals! Get me out of here this INSTANT! I have to sing in the opera tonight!"
Erik only understood about half of the sentence; his grasp of English wasn't so good. He got the idea of it, though.
"Of course. I shall take you back."
Marie-Suzette turned away, her luxurious golden curls covering her snooty expression. How dare this deformed monster, no matter how darkly sexy he was, touch her? Later, up in her dressing room, she reflected on his sinister attraction.
"Meg… I have a problem," she confided to her new best friend. Meg nodded, concerned about her friend's well-being, not caring at all that she had been delegated, once again, the role of sidekick.
"Quest-ce que c'est?" asked. Marie-Suzette rolled her eyes.
"English, Meg. You know I can't understand that." Meg sighed.
"What ees eet?"
"It's the Opera Ghost." Meg gasped, and Marie-Suzette continued. "He's been… following me. He kidnapped me brutally and took me down to his lair. And today… he sent me this." Marie-Suzette tossed an envelope at Meg. The seal, a wax skull, was broken. Meg took it out.
Ma cherie,
Je t'aime beaucoup. Ton musique est de les anges. Tu est plus jolie de tout les femmes de Paris. Je tu regarder ce soir. Bonne chance.
Ton servant fidel,
Fantome de l'Opera"Oh my…" said Meg. "You are right. Zees ees bad." Marie-Suzette's eyes widened in an attractive way.
"It is? I don't know what it says," she said. Meg smiled gently. She found her friend's unwillingness to learn French to be endearing, rather than ignorant and stubborn.
"Eet says: My dear. I luff you very much. Your museek is of zee ahngels. You are more byootiful zen all of zee girls in Paris. I weel be watching you tonight. Good luck. Your faithful servant, Opera Ghost."
Marie-Suzette groaned. It was a very ladylike groan.
"Why won't this sinister, mysteriously handsome man leave me alone?"
"Wait, zere ees more," said Meg. "'e would laik to take you on as 'ees student."
"Ees what?"
"Hees student," enunciated Meg. "For seenging."
"Oh. Oh!" exclaimed Marie-Suzette. "What nerve he has! I only met him yesterday!"
"Did you say anyzing? To… lead 'im on?"
Marie-Suzette stood abruptly.
"Of course not! What do you think I am, some kind of brazen strumpet?" She sneered. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to get ready to perform in the opera that I was only cast in yesterday and opens tonight."
