Me: And finally, the moment we've all been waiting for… Enter Elphaba!
Everyone else: It's ABOUT time!
Me: Um, yes. Right. Oh, and happy birthday to Azriel/Carma! Yay! Now I'll shut up so you can just read the stupid chapter!
Chapter X: The Computer/The Witch of Shiz University
-Elphaba's POV-
Right after Galinda leaves, I take my chance to make my presence known to Fiyero, who has gone back to playing pacman. Originally, I was going to stalk him from the mirror in his dorm, but quickly found it doesn't work too well, due to the fact that the mirror lives in his closet. Which could use a good deal of cleaning. I think he and Avaric shove all the crap that they're too lazy to get rid of in there. I also noticed a lot of magenta panthers with tags saying:
To: Fiyero
From: Raoul de Chagny
It was vaguely disturbing. But anyway. The one surface that he was constantly staring into was the computer. So I decided to stalk him from there. Making use of my ability of ventriloquism, I begin:
"Insolent girl this prep of fashion, basking in your mediocrity! Ignorant blonde (okay, that was redundant), this oblivious suitor, sharing in my triumph!"
"Wait, how is my mediocrity your triumph?" he asks. "Unless… You're a Boq supporter, aren't you! DIE DIE DIE evil Boq follower! DIE!"
"I think a certain person had too much sugar today." I comment.
"Who? The Authoress?"
"I think a certain two people had too much sugar today."
Attempting to get back to the script, he says, "Angel, I hear you. Speak-"
"I would if you'd shut up." I interrupt. Yes, yes, I know, I should improve my people skills, but it's just so much fun to provoke people. Although, that's probably why I don't have any friends… Oh well. Whatever.
He glares at me. "I wish people would quit blaming me for all my stupid lines. I DID NOT WRITE THE SCRIPT!"
"Okay, gosh. I'm just making this interesting for the readers."
"Right. Okay, moving on. I listen. Stay by my side, guide me."
Like I don't have better things to do.
"Angel, I totally understand if you don't think yourself worthy of my presence-"
"Wait, WHAT?" I demand.
"Just checking to make sure you were paying attention."
"Idiot child you shall know me. See why in Shiz I hide. Look at your little yellow pacman dude on the iMac screen… I am there inside!"
I snap my fingers and we're in a cemetery, and I'm singing, "…You denied me! Turning from true beauty!"
As Fiyero sings, "…I denied you! Turning from true beauty! Angel of-"
At that moment I get a note distributed on my head. I break the seal and read,
Yah, nice try, Elphie, but not happening. You thought I wouldn't notice if you skipped straight to the Wandering Child scene, but you were WRONG! MWAHAHAHAHA! It's kind of hard for me not to notice, considering I haven't even written that chapter yet. Now go back to the Computer scene.
I remain, Elphaba, your obedient dictator, CG.
I hate Authoresses and their stupid pet ravens. Snapping again, we return to Fiyero's dorm.
"What was that all about?" He asks.
"I was trying to get us out of having to do about half of the musical."
"Hey, I'm sure we can try again some other time, seeing as there are way too many reoccurring tunes in Phantom of the Opera."
"Um, Fiyero? Quit being optimistic, and just continue the stupid song."
"Okay. Angel of Musac-,"
"Whoa. WHAT did you call me?" I interrupt. What is this "musac" of which he speaks?
"Angel of Musac. It means the same thing as music."
"Yah, I'm not the Angel of Music OR Musac. The Angel of Music/Musac is over in Paris eliminating the world of all things plaid. But not paisley. Ravensmyst is using paisley to make the Fop explode."
"So what are you, then?"
"I'm a person and my name is Anakin!" I receive a blank stare in response. "Er, sorry. Sudden Star Wars outburst. I'm the Angel of Magic."
"Magic? Cool. That's gotta be a lot more useful than being able to sing." Fiyero says. I'm glad SOMEONE appreciates my magical…ness. Whatever. "Angel of Magic, guide and guardian, grant to me your glory! Angel of Magic, hide no longer! Come to me, strange Angel!"
"I am your Angel of Magic… Come to me, Angel of Magic… I am your Angel of Magic… Come to me, Angel of Magic… This is kind of repetitive, isn't it?" I ask.
"Tell me about it. I had to sing an entire song about the Angel of Musac."
With another snap of my fingers, I turn the computer screen into a two-way mirror. I offer him my hand, which he takes, and this awesome organ music starts up. Somehow, without the computer getting any bigger or Fiyero getting any smaller, I take him into a passage behind it.
"In sleep she hexed at me… In dreams she came… Wait. You came in my dreams? But I don't dream." He protests.
"Trust me, you do, and about the stupidest things. Like salamanders, tacos, and bananas. You just don't remember it."
"That voice which calls to me… And says I'm lame…"
I sense a bit of bitterness in his voice. But you know, the truth hurts.
"And do I dream again? For now I'm positive… The Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch of Shiz University is theeeeeeeeeeeere… Inside my closet!"
I stop in my tracks. "Wait. That doesn't rhyme. Apparently no one got the Authoress her rhyming dictionary. And you knew I was in your closet?"
"Yah, one time during Winter Break we were really bored, so we decided to see if Raoul's panthers were flammable. Avaric went in there to get the panther, and saw you, and told me that the Witch of Shiz University was in my closet."
"And so were they flammable?"
"No. It exploded, though, when this girl in paisley walked past."
I shrug and we continue walking. "My ventriloquism and all my threats make my power over you grow stronger yet-"
"Imagine that," comments Fiyero sarcastically. I glare at him and he shuts up.
"And though you turn from me, dare to look back, the Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch of Shiz University is theeeeeeeeeeeere… In your iMac!"
There's a change in key and we come to the lake. I summon a couple of brooms and hand one to him. We cross the water on the brooms.
"Those who have seen your skin, call you a freak."
"A little blunt there, aren't we?" I ask.
"Well, it's TRUE!"
"You do realize that I could 'accidentally' unenchant your broom and you could fall into the lake of piranhas at any time, right?"
"I am the hat you wear," He sings. Hey, he noticed my hat. You know the black one with the coney thing that's my signature hat? The one commonly referred to as a "witch's hat" that I happened to be wearing today?
"It's me they seek…"
"People seek you?" He questions.
"Yah. As soon as they find out I'm a witch, they all decide they want love and money and power potions. It gets really annoying after a while."
"Your magic and my skin that is not green… The Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch of Shiz University is theeeeeeeeeeeere… inside my screen!"
"She's there… The Wicked Witch of the West! Beware the Wicked Witch of the West!" Sing the random disembodied voices.
"What, are you wicked now?"
"Not yet, but it fits better in the song." I reply.
At this point, Fiyero decides to start singing like Christine does in the Phantom movie. It's really disturbing that he's capable of going that high. "Okay, you can shut up now!" I yell.
He can't hear me.
"SHUTTETH UPPETH!" I scream the enchantment at the top of my lungs. And, would ya look at that, he lost his voice.
I smile sweetly and say, "Yes, well, now that I have your attention, I can continue. In case you haven't noticed, I muted you, and so now you have to shut up and listen to my schpiel. And after my schpiel I have a five-minute-forty-second solo, so I'll shut you up for that chapter as well. Now PAY ATTENTION!" The last two words made him jump about seven feet. It was highly amusing.
"I have brought you… To the place of wicked magic's home… To this lair where you all must bow down before magic… not that you have a choice because well it's magic and it will make you do whatever anyway… magic… You have come here for one reason and one alone… I have noticed you can't sing worth beans, so the magic can teach you how to sing worth beans… For Shiz's sanity… Shiz's sanity…"
:sings:…Please take this letter to Cosette and pray to God that she's still there! Little you know… Little you care:Looks around, sees that everyone's staring at me: Um, oh, hi. Yah, I that's the end of this chapter. Took a bit longer to write due to (1) Procrastination on my part, and (2) The fact that this was a longer chapter. Review, people! Or I will be forced to say… Ni!
Ravensmyst: Oh, yah, I forgot about paisley. Pleasure to help in your destruction of all things Fop! Yay! Death to the Fop! But do me a favor before you explode him. Hack his hair off. We should torture him first.
Carma: HAPPY BIRTHDAY:Starts belting Happy Birthday: Someone should say happy birthday so I can punch you… JK… Yah, anyway thanks for reviewing, you made me a happy PhantomoftheCafetorium. Stupid school won't let me into my Cafetorium because it's summer. :Grumbles to self:
