Yo-ness, people! Since Dancing through Life is so freaking long, I'm splitting this into two chapters. I would like to thank Valentine for telling me about the Wicked libretto! And now that I have it, I will probably go back and add some stuff to the other chapters… Eventually. So, anyway, chapter eleven!
Chapter XI: Macarena-ing Through Life, Part I
A/N: For the heck of it, and because the Authoress is having problems turning Christine into a Fiyero, Christine suddenly suffered a head injury involving magenta panthers and rioting Fop-Bashers. So she will not be appearing in the first few segments of this chapter. And anyway, now the Authoress can bash Raoul some more about him being brainless, as suggested by Ravensmyst.
Raoul's POV
I am bored. "I'm bored," I say.
"I have an idea," says Masked Freak on the other side of the room. "Why don't you jump off a cliff!"
I think for a minute. (A/N: Everyone especially Azriel and Rory picture Raoul thinking. Tough, isn't it?) I decide to ignore his last comment. "I'm going to ignore your last comment. Anyway, I was thinking."
"Yah, right."
I continue. "The new girl had the manager arrange a Masquerade! We should go!"
"Define we."
"I should go!"
"Yay. I'm thrilled. Can you tell by the way I REALLY DON'T CARE!"
"No, not really." I don't understand him sometimes. I get up to go find my friends. As I walk out the door, I begin to 'sing.' "The trouble with-,"
SLAM!
Hey! He slammed the door in my face. How rude! I sigh. Some people just don't appreciate good music.
But then, luckily, when I got to the Ozbucks Café across the street, I ran into a group of my followers. THEY would listen to my song. "The trouble with operas is they always try to use the wrong music! Believe me, I've seen enough of them to know."
"Exactly how-a many 'AVE you zeen?" One of my followers, who happens to be wearing a huge pink dress resembling a cake asks.
"Just out of curiosity, who are you?" I ask.
"Hola, monsieur, my name is Carlottttttttttttttttttttttttta."
"Shouldn't that be señor?" Some guy with a really weird tie suggests.
"No, where I come from, we speak Spench." She replies.
"Spench?"
"SPENCH!" She squawks, and Tie Guy shrieks and hides behind one of the Ballet Rats.
"Aren't you supposed to be Spanish-Italian?" Asks a ballet rat.
"Yes, but what zoundz cooler: Spench or Spitalian?"
"I'd actually have to say Spitalian."
"I AM SPENCH!"
"Okay… Moving on." I say, because those ravens scare the heck out of me, and they tend to come whenever we get off-script. "They want you to become less poppish, less foppish, but I say- er… what do I say?" I'm not the best at making up lyrics off the top of my head, can you tell?
"No, zis is my fork. ZIS is my needle! Please ignore the bloodstains." I hear Carlotta telling Tie Guy.
"Okay, sure. So I say 'ZIS is my needle!' Stop studying pork and learn to live with the 5,092 and 4/19's uses of sporks! Dancing through life, being oblivious, don't notice they're bashing you. Life is painless for the brainless-,"
"We'll have to take his word on that one. He's the only one who really understands being brainless," snickers that annoying ballet rat, Aradia, I think her name is.
"Of course I would know! I'm the epitome of brainlessness!"
"Somehow I'm beginning to doubt he understands what that word means."
"Those who don't try never look foolish-,"
"Judging by his constant look of stupidity, I would have to say he tries a lot then."
"Dancing through life, no need to stop it when you can fop it off as I do-,"
"What the heck does 'fop it off' mean?" Meg demanded.
"Become a fop, of course!" I said. Okay, so a few days ago, I was under the impression that when people call me a fop, they're dissing me. But then I realized that EVERYONE is calling me a fop, even my followers, so it's probably a good thing to be foppy. Or foppish. Or whatever.
Right as I am about to begin singing again, I hear the cawing of… A raven! Bravely, I dive behind Aradia and put her between me and the raven so perhaps it won't see me. I don't know if it actually did see me or not, but it just kind of gives Aradia the note and flies off.
At that point, Aradia begins to sing the strangest song. "Bravely, bold Sir Raoul rode for from his dorm room. He was not afraid to die, o brave Sir Raoul. He was not afraid at all to be poked in nasty ways, brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Raoul. He was not afraid at all to be crushed by the raven's note. Or to have his eyes pecked out, and his elbows broken…" She is eventually joined by some other ballet rats as they begin to act out a very odd scene.
She tosses me the note and I break the seal cautiously.
Fop
Idiot! First of all, the word "fop" is a noun, not a verb, therefore it is not possible to "fop it off." Second of all, you may NOT convert any of the other innocent (Well, most of them are innocent, anyway) Phantom characters or any one else to Foppism!
"But you told me to! I'm just going off of your script!" I whine. More red ink appears on the note.
Oh, yah. Well, then, carry on.
"And by the way, your Microsoft Word: Mac doesn't think that Foppism is a word either."
DON'T QUESTION THE AUTHORESS!
The ink appears so suddenly that time that I let out a very manly shriek, and get a disgusted look from the ballet rats.
I remain, Fop, your dictator, CG.
I watch as the Aradia and the ballet rats finish up their scene.
"…Bravely hid away, away, when danger reared its Raven head, he bravely dove behind rats and hid, yes brave Sir Raoul ducked away. And gallantly he chickened out-"
"SHUT UP!" I yell.
"Okay, gosh. Take a chill pill, dude." Aradia says. She's getting on my nerves. So I glare at her, and she bursts out laughing. (A/N: Raoul can't glare very well).
"Nothing matters, but staying away from Erik's Phans… It's just life, so keep fopping through."
I continue to the next verse. "Fopping through life, standing around and doing pretty much nothing, and always keeping cool-,"
"Like HE knows what cool is…" Aradia puts in.
"Honestly, rat, are you incapable of shutting up?"
"Yes," she answers instantly.
"Life is fraughtless when you're thoughtlessThosewho don't try never look foolish." By this point I had caught on that if I don't leave time for them to insert any comments, that they won't. "Fopping through life, mindless-,"
"You've got that right." Dang it. She slipped the comment in before I could finish. Leave it to the Authoress to make sure that there are plenty of places to make fun of me. I glare up at the general direction of where the raven came from.
"… And bad-hair-less, make sure you're where less Punjabs are rife! Woes are fleeting, chandeliers are dropping when you're fopping through life!" I see Christine turn the corner. "Christine! What's the most-,"
"Why are you singing Fiyero's song when I'm Fiyero?" She interrupts.
"Didn't you read the Authoress's note at the beginning of the Phic?"
"No."
"Oh, I'll go get it!" Offers Meg and runs off.
"So… what's the most fopolicious place in town?" I ask.
"Raoul, don't use that word."
"Okay, fine. But seriously, answer my question."
"Um… that would be the one place the opera house where we did the Masquerade scene."
"Sounds like that'll be okay, I guess… Let's go down to the Masquerade scene, we'll meet there later tonight! We can dance 'til we get bored… Find the prettiest girl, give her a whirl. Right on down to the Masquerade scene! Come on, follow me."
"I'd rather not," Aradia says.
"I've given up trying to convert you to Foppism," I reply then continue to everyone else: "You'll be happy to be there fopping through life!"
"Fopping through life, down at the Masquerade," sing my followers.
"If only because masks are what we come to!" Adds Christine.
"That should be on a t-shirt, or coffee mug or something." Suggests Aradia, as Meg comes back, breathing hard.
"I'm back… Finally… I had to… Run… To the very… Beginning of this chapter… Not easy to do... Here…." She hands Christine the Authoress's Note.
"Wait, so the AUTHORESS gave me that minor head injury?" Screams Christine. "Excuse me while I go kill her." She leaves. I shrug and continue.
"Nothing matters but staying away from Erik's Phans… So keep fopping through…"
Ten minutes later…
A/N: Due to character intervention (insert glare at Christine, who is currently smirking and forcing me to write this), Raoul is once again singing the role of Galinda, and Christine is back to singing as Fiyero. However, since I lack other ideas, the parody of the song "Dancing through Life" will still be about converting people to Foppism.
All-Seeing and All-Knowing Omnipotent Authoress's POV, aka Third Person
"Monsieur de Chagny? I 'ope you'll save at leezt one dance for me, I'll be rrrrrrrright there, waiteeeng all night." Says Carlotta (Like you couldn't tell… She's the only one that I have to write a Spench accent for).
"Yah, right. Not on your life, Carlitta." Replies the Vicomte.
"Carlotta," Carlotta corrects.
"You know, if you want, you could go out with Piangi just for the heck of it."
"Okay!" She agrees, and heads back across the street to the Opera house to go track down Piangi.
"You're good," Christine says to Raoul.
"Of course I am."
"So… We'll be heading down at about eight?"
"After all, now that we've met one another, it's clear we deserve each other." They 'sing.' Or, Christine sings and Raoul, well, let's just say that Erik would be murdering him in the name of all things music if he was there.
"You're Christine."
"You're Raoul."
"So we're perfect together! Born to be forever!" Obviously, they haven't read any of the many E/C phanphics, or they would know that that's not much of a reason to be "perfect together."
"Masquerading through life!"
Meanwhile, back at the dorm…
"It's pathetic!" Erik yells at the only person around who will listen to him vent: Piangi. "This stupid girl and a rich Vicomte appear and everyone's off to worship them at some cultish social gathering!"
"Have you seen them yet?"
"Well, one of them. He happens to live in my dorm."
Piangi figured he didn't want to be the one to tell the Phantom that the "stupid girl" happened to be Christine. So instead he says:
"Even me! I'm going! Isn't it wonderful?"
"Define wonderful," Erik grumbles.
"Carlotta had too much dignity to ask me at first, but then Raoul rejected her."
"The fop!"
"Don't you dare say another word against him!"
And Piangi, not exactly being the brightest bulb in the pack, didn't realize that that was probably not the best thing to say to Erik at this point. Or ever. Making the second mistake of not having his " 'and at zee level of his ice" as Giry puts it, he finds himself with the Punjab Lasso around his neck.
"Would you like to rephrase that request?" Erik says mockingly.
Piangi is turning pretty colors. Red, then orange, then yellow, then green then purple, then blue… Obviously no one taught him the colors of the rainbow in order.
"Okay," squeaks Piangi. The Punjab slackens, and Piangi begins to sing.
"Finally, for this one-,"
He is cut off because of the fact that Erik has just successfully Punjabbed him, because he can't sing worth beans. Kind of like Fiyero…
Well, there's your first half of "Dancing Through Life." Oh, and the whole "Macarena-ing Through Life" as the title will make more sense when I get the second half up. Which WILL be soon, since I know what I'm going to do (for once).
Yay! Review Reply time! And yay! Seasons of Love is playing!
Ravensmyst: I took your advice and made Raoul sing Dancing through Life. It took me longer than I would like to admit to parodize this one. Stupid muse was taking a nap when I was trying to write. :Shakes fist at muse, which doesn't work very well considering said muse is inside my mind… Kind of like Phantom of the Opera:
DragonheartRAB: Heya! I'm glad you found my insanity amusing! I haven't thought about Music of the Night yet… Yah, I know I'm a slacker, but it's summer so I have an excuse. But knowing me, I can probably screw it up badly enough for you all. :D
Valentine: Thank you so so so so so so so so so so so so (Okay you get the picture) much for telling me about the libretto! I can't see Wicked until it comes to our state which is in like a year, and I've looked for the libretto before and haven't found it. But now I have it! Yay! Now I can make my friends to perform it with me! Mwahahahaha!
Alli Lynn: Being slow like I am, I didn't realize the whole thing with Pink Panther. But hey, I guess that works! By the way, I found your review quite amusing. I'll probably end up putting more Les Mis quotes and stuff in here randomly, because I'm weird like that. Yay! Go Mizzies! (and Phans, and Wicked fans...) Speaking of which…
Does anyone know what a Wicked fan is called?
Anyone who reviews can have… um… a piece of cake, and anyone who can answer the question above gets… ice cream! Yay!
