I
can just see all of you people looking at the title of this chapter
and shaking your heads. I'm just letting you know that you're
probably right to be shaking your head. Okay, here's the deal. I
probably won't be able to update again for another couple of weeks, but
I'll still be able to write. So I'll work on my next chapters and
upload them later. But anyway, here's chapter thirteen.
Chapter XIII: Musac of My Site
Most sane people don't really consider witches and technology mixing well. I mean, just read Harry Potter and you can tell that they kind of contradict each other. But, when you live on a Kiamo Ko across the lake with very little interaction with the outside world, you're still gonna need the internet. Which explains why Elphaba had a nice pretty iMac. I mean, she's got to amuse herself somehow. And she needs to be able to buy a whole bunch of useless junk somewhere! Although the FedEx guys are always having problems getting the random Ebay stuff across the lake… And don't even ask why an h2o intolerant witch is living on a lake.
Anyway, one of Elphaba's most recent projects was creating a web site devoted to Les Mis (A/N: Sorry, couldn't help it). Once she found out that she could host a forum there, she began to obsess over it. So now she was going to force Fiyero to sit through an entire solo about it. Fiyero would probably have protested, but he was still mute.
"Forums addict, attract all kinds of people. And who doesn't like Les Misérables? Silently the Mizzies abandon all their fan fics... Quickly heated arguments have started. Everyone uses caps lock and exclamation marks. Turn your face away from the songs for Ms. Daaé, turn your thoughts away from Raoul vs. Erik fights… And listen to the musac of my site!" At which point, Elphie turned on the sound with a flourish, and the Confrontation could be heard in the background.
"Close your eyes and- What are you doing? FIYERO! AHHHHHH! NOT MY COMPUTER! NOOOOOOOO!"
"Mmph, mph mphmph mph!" Fiyero tried to say, but he was still muted from the Shutteth Uppeth spell. Elphie quickly undid the spell.
"What did you say?"
"Hey, that wasn't me!" Fiyero repeated.
"Yah, it was! You hit my computer, you insolent boy, this slave of fashion! And that made it crash!"
"It's not my fault! Okay, maybe it sort of is, but still! You muted me!"
"I could have done a lot worse."
The two continued arguing for another couple of hours, but were interrupted (finally) by a really loud "DINGALING!" From the computer.
"What was that?" Elphie demanded.
"Not sure… But if I didn't know better, I'd say your computer started up email."
"Email…?"
"Yup. But since when does the Witch of Shiz University email people?
"Hey, I'm not doing this. But why is my computer doing things on its own?"
"I don't know. It's your possessed computer."
"You're helpful."
Fiyero let his curiosity get the better of him, and he hit the "get mail" button. In a couple of seconds, a happy little beep signaled that Elphie did, indeed, have mail. Upon opening it, the two saw that it was from AngelofDarkness theLair .net. "Who's that?" He asked.
(A/N: Can you guess? Because if not, I have just one question for you: HOW MANY PEOPLE DO YOU KNOW OF WHO HAVE LAIRS?)
"Heck if I know…" Said the Witch, who was obviously enthralled by the emailing program. "Who's WickedGreenGirl theWesternSkies .net?
"That's you."
"Oh. Okay." As you can see, she doesn't really use her emailing program all that often.
The email said:
To Whom It May Concern:
I was informed by a certain source that you are, indeed, the sanest character in the musical Wicked. I, myself, will not say that I am wholly sane (although I do have the best maniacal laugh EVER), but I would like to communicate with someone from your musical. It has come to my attention that something has become screwed up with the plot of my musical, Phantom of the Opera, and that it is now, in some way, a parody of Wicked. I was curious to see if anything is messed up in yours, and more importantly, I need to know if you know how to fix this.
I remain your obedient servant,
O.G.
Post Script: Have you noticed an increase in the number letter-laden ravens around your area? Particularly letters from a person named "C.G?"
"This is a bit… weird." Commented Elphie.
"I'll say… Heck, I didn't even know that our musical was called "Wicked"! You'd think they'd name it something decent! Like… "Fiyero" or something. That has a nice ring to it," Fiyero said.
"Narcissist…" She muttered, and then said, "I wasn't talking about our musical! And what kind of an idiot doesn't know what his own musical is called?"
"How many kinds of idiots are there?"
"You- Never mind. Just shut up for a bit, would you? I'm going to reply to him."
O.G.:
Just out of curiosity, are you aware that you are conversing with the Wicked Witch of the West? And how did you come across my email address in the first place? To answer your questions: Yes, our musical is screwed up, and no, I have no idea how to fix it. If you are able to find a way to make the musicals normal again, please tell me how. I read ahead a couple of scenes, and I'm not too sure I like the idea of "All I Ask of You," and the Reprise afterwards. Glinda and I are friends, so that could make it a bit… awkward...
-The Wicked Witch of the West
"I thought you weren't the Wicked Witch of the West yet," Fiyero pointed out.
"I'm not; It just sounds more menacing than the Witch of Shiz University."
Fiyero hit the "get mail" button again.
"Oh, look, another email. Um… Who is FoppingThruLife ParisPopulaire .net?"
"I don't know… It's sent to a whole bunch of other people as well… Open it."
i got anothr 1 of those servey things… here are my answers… fill it out and send it back!
1. What is your name?
raoul!
2. If you could have one wish, what would it be?
that i didnt have erik as a dormmate!
Etc, etc, etc, you get the picture. Elphie sent back an email asking who the heck was, along with sarcastic answers to all of the questions except for number 1 ("What is your name?" To which she answered "Sir Lancelot"), number 24,601 ("What is your quest?" To which she answered, "to seek the Holy Grail"), and number 525,600 ("What is the air-speed velocity of a unladen swallow?" To which she answered "What do you mean? An African or European swallow?")
Elphaba got several more emails by various people, such as AradiatheFopSlayer ParisPopulaire .net, BalletGirlMeg ParisPopulaire .net, and PrimaDonna ParisPopulaire .net (Gosh, I wonder who that last one is). She and Fiyero entertained themselves answering emails and trying to figure out how the heck a whole bunch of random people from the other musical had gotten a hold of her email address.
"Hey, shouldn't you be singing a messed up parody of Music of the Night?" He asked about an hour later.
"Yah, but this is much more fun."
"Let's just hope the authoress and her stupid chickens or ravens or whatever don't notice that we're answering mail instead of sticking to the script."
"Honestly, Fiyero, I think she was actually involved in the fact that all these Parisians are emailing me. It probably has something to do with her not wanting to mess up Music of the Night any more than she has to. She likes the song a little too much."
"And you know this how?"
"Hey, I'm a Witch. I can know whatever the heck I want."
Wicked Witch of the West:
Ah, so it is you whom I have been given the part of! Just out of curiosity, when was the book you're musical was based off of written? I have not been able to find it in any library. I would like to know what's coming up in our musical. Have you, by any chance, gotten any emails from FoppingThruLife ParisPopulaire .net?
-The Phantom of the Opera
To which she replied…
The Phantom of the Opera:
Oh, it's you who I've been emailing! I have been given your part in this thing as well. And I seriously doubt you'll be able to find a copy of Wicked, seeing as you live in Paris in 1871 or whatever. Dude, just go on the internet! You can find the libretto there! And yes, I did get a very long and seemingly pointless email from FoppingThruLife.
-The Wicked Witch of the West
Elphaba was just about to open another email when a raven flew in and dropped about seven of those spiral notebooks on her head (in assorted colors.) She cursed at the raven as it flew off, and then looked inside the first notebook.
"What is it?" Asked Fiyero.
"It's just… for the first time, I feel… stunned."
"Shouldn't it be "wicked"?"
"No, I'm not going off of the Lyrics. Who wrote those anyway? I mean, do they really think that before track fifteen of a musical named Wicked, I'd never felt wicked ever in my life?"
"Um… That's a song, you know. But all I'm saying is that I did not write those lyrics, so there's no need to hex me."
"Actually, mostly I only hex people when I'm bored, whether they've done anything to me or not."
Fiyero decided that this would probably be a good time to change the subject, so he asked, "Why do you feel stunned, then?"
"That raven just dropped the rest of the script on my head."
"And that stunned you?"
"Have YOU ever had seven notebooks dropped on your head at once?"
"No…"
"Exactly my point." Elphaba referred back to the first notebook. "Okay, we're going to start from "Let the dream begin"."
"Why?"
"Because I like that line." She said, then stood up and began to sing. "Let the dream begin, let your lazy side give in to the power of the forum that we write… The power of the musac of my site!"
There was a musac interlude and Elphaba started poking Fiyero. "What?" He asked.
"You actually have to do something in this song." She pointed out where they were in the script.
"I can't make myself faint!" He protested.
"Fine. I'll help you." Muttering about bananas, tacos, and incompetent people, she grabbed her broomstick and hit him over the head with it. Apparently, she did it hard enough to knock him out, and so he lost consciousness. She caught him, complaining under her breath about how the heck did they expect her to carry him all the way to the sofa and sing at the same time? She dropped him onto the sofa and sang, "You alone can crash my computer right… Stay away from the musac of my siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii- iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiite!"
(Is it just me, or does that note seem abnormally long? In the movie soundtrack, not the OLC soundtrack). Don't know if I can get away with doing this entire chapter as pretty much emails, but it's really hard do parodize MotN. But think of it, think of it this way… Next chapter, Raoul gets to do his own version of Popular! I'm thinking of something along the lines of Fopular, but I'm afraid I might be overusing the Fop factor… Any ideas and opinions about this would be much appreciated and all that jazz. :D
Anywho (Wow, haven't said that in like forever…) Review reply time!
Graceful Lee: Thank you muchly for your review! I haven't really looked at the Harry Potter fanfiction yet, but I should do that… Good idea. I'll make sure to drop by your stories while I'm there. :D
Ravensmyst: Unfortunately, I can only kill off Phantom people permanently when the Wicked characters they are playing die. And Galinda doesn't die. Rats. Oh, well. I guess we need to have someone for Erik to take out his anger on. And I tried to send the cake and ice cream through the mail but it wouldn't fit in the mailbox. And then I tried putting it through the CD drive on my computer so I could email it, but that didn't work either! And Galindisciples… I like that! I'll see if I can send the armadillo in the mail.
