Hi Kase here. I am so grateful to all the new reviewers. I encourage everyone to drop me a review letting me know what you thought of the chapter. I thank all my regular reviewers and please keep it up. I just want to give a shout out to Lucia who said that my chapters are her drug. That seriously cracked me up when I read it but thanks. I'm seriously too tired right now to tell if this chapter is total crap, but what the hell I'm posting it anyway. The words in italics are flashbacks. Next chapter by Friday.
Kase
Chapter 18
Loneliness and deceit
Brooke glanced up at the circular black and white clock on the wall. In five minutes it would be three o' clock and she had only written one paltry paragraph on her manuscript. The only sounds in the room were the light buzzes of HB pencils scribbling frantically on paper and the rhythmic ticking of the clock overhead; nothing that would be considered particularly distracting. Her task was to write a critical review of Emily Dickinson's poem "Because I could not stop for death". Fifty five minutes had elapsed and she was still struggling to focus her concentration on the task at hand. Her palms were getting sweaty and her pencil kept slipping out her hands. Her heart was beating as quickly as the ticking clock. It was just a class assignment but Brooke had not failed anything in years and if she didn't magically produce two pages of analysis in the next five minutes that streak would be broken. Each time she tried to fill her mind with the words of the poem they were drowned out by explicit flashes of the previous night's events - the nudity, the intimacy and the shame.
Brooke pushed the coffee table aside and walked up to the CD player rack. Her eyes descending quickly down the rack in search of a CD that would make the mood just right. Perfect she thought as she found a satisfactory selection and put it inside the player. Lucas had not shed a piece of clothing yet. He just kept staring at her trying to figure what her intentions were. Didn't she hate his guts? She took a seat on the couch awaiting her own private Chippendale show.
"Lucas I don't have all night!"
Why in God's name was Lucas hesitating? He did want to fuck her. This was every man's dream, to have a girl ready and willing to please him. Then again Brooke hadn't said anything about pleasing him or was it just her. Brooke really had no idea what she was getting into. He could feel himself getting aroused. Did it really matter how startled he was by her sudden advances. In a few minutes he could have her on all fours like a dog screaming in pleasure. Sure this was another one of her little servant games which he was at this point fed of playing, but this one was different, he stood to gain something out of this one. She pointed the remote control at the CD player, selected track two and pressed play.
"Every stripper needs some music right"
Lucas chuckled, was he really supposed to start undressing and pulsating his hips to Beyonce's Naughty girl? Fine, he would strip but he was not dancing. This wasn't for Brooke, this was for him. If he played his cards right tonight he could easily seduce her. He walked closer to the couch and stood right in front of her. He took off his long sleeved black T-shirt and lightly threw it on her lap. He slowly took off his white wife beater and threw it on her head. Brooke didn't seem to care. Her eyes were too busy raping him. He was a male god. All the basketball and working out had certainly done his body a favour. He unbuckled his belt and then quickly ripped it out of the loops and forcefully spanked the chair with it. He bent down to take off his sneakers, then unzipped his pants and pulled down his jeans. There he stood in nothing but a pair of grey cotton boxers. Just one more item of clothing to go before he was completely exposed. Brooke saw him mouthing words to her but she could not hear a thing. She minimized the volume until his words became audible.
"You want everything off?"
"Come closer to me"
Lucas stepped closer until his feet were touching the edge of the bottom tapestry. Brooke's heart started to race, his erection was now mere inches from her face. Brooke nervously stood up and placed her hand on his chest pushing him back a little. She ran her hand slowly down his bare chest, touching his nipple, down to his six pack to the trail of hair leading to his manhood. She then ran her hands down his back from his shoulders down to the elastic band of his boxers. Lucas just stood there relishing the feeling of a woman's touch on his bare skin. He felt her soft feminine hands enter his boxers from behind, massaging and squeezing his ass. Lucas wanted to take the lead but he wasn't sure if it was still a game or the real thing. She brought her hands to his sides and pulled his boxers down to his ankles. There it was, right in front of her, her first close up look at a real erect penis. She stared nervously at it. Touch it? Don't touch it? Touch it? Don't touch it? Lucas was still looking at her studying her facial expressions as she explored his body. Her touch was different. This wasn't about pleasuring him, this was all about her. Her facial expression revealed the ambivalence in her mind. He knew what she wanted to do but for some reason she was hesitating. He gently took her trembling right hand and placed it on his erection. Lucas moved his hand off of hers and Brooke extended two of her fingers along his length. It felt so hard and warm. She gripped her hand around it and started moving her hand along it back and forth. She immediately discontinued the eye contact she had with him. There was no way she could look a guy in the eye while giving him a hand job. She turned his body around and pushed him unto the couch into a sitting position. She sat on his lap straddling him, still refusing to make eye contact. Her focus was solely on his erection as she resumed giving him a hand job. Lucas was staring between her legs. What was he supposed to do? This had to be the worst hand job he had ever gotten and she was sitting on his lap in a skirt with her legs spread apart. He was staring at the print of her clitoris through her blue Winnie the Pooh panties. What the fuck, did her mom by her that or something? What 21 year old girl still has panties with little cartoon characters on them? He just wanted to touch that tiny bulge on her panties that was protruding directly on Winnie's little honey pot. But he knew he had to take it slow. He wasn't the slow moving type but he knew that if he headed straight for her sexualized body parts she may get turned off and stop everything. He pushed the few strands of hair that were dangling in her face behind her ears. He pressed his lips against hers and Brooke immediately pulled back. She let go of his erection and started to climb off of his lap. Lucas stopped her by firmly gripping her around her waist.
"Brooke wait, what's wrong?"
"Nothing, I'm done"
"Was it the kiss? We don't have to kiss we can just do whatever you want, here continue." Lucas said as he placed her hand back unto his penis.
Brooke pulled her hand off of it quickly.
"Brooke? Come on. It's ok. I don't bite, you know you want this." Lucas said again trying to convince her not to change her mind.
"Lucas put on your clothes and get out."
"What? Why? What did I do?"
"I'm serious, I'm going to my room now and when I come back out you'd better be gone."
"As you wish Queen Brooke." Lucas said sarcastically.
Ten minutes later she heard the shuffling in the living room cease and the front door close. She put on her white Hartford hoodie and went outside for a walk. She couldn't stay in the apartment right now. She felt like somehow the plain white inanimate walls were judging her. They knew too much. They knew how lonely she was all the time, they knew what a discourteous roommate she was and they were just watching her first handshake with a penis. She walked aimlessly for an hour and then finally settled herself on the large brown callous root of an oak tree.
Why did she start something she couldn't finish? Why didn't she finish what she started? Brooke was quite eager to have sex. She thought about it all the time. Where she'll be, how she'll feel, how it will feel and what kind of guy she would do it with. There were so many things she thought about, so many unanswered questions. Sometimes she wished she had a guy friend she was comfortable with that she could bombard with all her silly virgin questions. Where should her hands go? Should her heart be racing? Should there be music playing like on the movies? Who should do the insertion? Should she do something with her hands or just lay there like a zombie? All these questions plagued her mind. She could just ask Bianca and Rachel. Even though these were embarrassing questions to ask she was comfortable enough with them to ask, but Bianca and Rachel were different from Brooke. They did not view sex in the same way Brooke did. To Rachel sex was just plain fucking and to Bianca sex was leverage to tie a rich man down. Brooke saw sex as this amazing emotional, physical and spiritual connection between two people in love. There was a symbiotic relationship between sex and love. Maybe she was thinking like an idealistic naïve virgin but there wasn't anything casual about sex. To have a man maneuvering inside her. There would be no moment when a man would be closer to her than when he was inside of her. Being close to a man meant that it was easier for him to crush her because he knew all her weaknesses. He could easily use any number of things he knew about her to hurt her. Maybe he would not do it deliberately. But someday there would be that argument where it would all come out. That argument that neither one of them would want to lose. Painful words would be thrown back and forth. Kitchen utensils would be thrown, and then it would slip out. Her deepest darkest secret would be used to hurt her as if it was a grenade in a war. No one knew about it, but the man she slept with would have to know. She would have to tell him. She wouldn't be able to hide it at that stage of intimacy. So what choices did a scared but extremely anxious virgin have? Underneath that tree sat a lonely broken girl who was fighting to hold back tears. Brooke Davis under no circumstances cried. She was stronger than that. People who cried were just weak and needed to learn to bottle that shit up. So she sat there for hours ignoring the quizzical stares from passersby.
"Times up, everyone stop writing and pass your manuscripts up to the front."
Brooke stared at her miniscule paragraph and contemplated whether she should throw her script away or hand up substandard work. She couldn't do it. It's not like the lecturer would check class attendance so see if she was present but did not hand in the assignment. She stuffed it into her bag and casually walked out of class. She could always analyze the poem on another day and hand in her analysis at the end of the next class. She had another class now, Art History. She liked Art but today was not the day to sit through a two hour lecture. The bar seemed like a more pliable option at this point. Today she could be like any other college kid. She could drown her shame with alcohol.
Brooke entered the apartment moments later with the aim of changing into a raunchy outfit to wear to the bar. On her way to her room she glanced in the kitchen. It was disgusting. She hadn't washed any of her dishes or thrown away any of her empty food cartons since Bianca's cleaning strike. A noise coming from the direction of the bedroom hallway distracted her. No one is ever home at this time. Bianca had work until four and Rachel had class until seven. Rachel never skipped class. The shower was going. It was probably Bianca. She heard a loud spank echo threw the hallway, Bianca and Allister again she thought. She went into her bedroom to scour her closet for something to wear. Twenty minutes later she hadn't found anything she liked. Why did she need to dress up anyway? She didn't need to go to the bar, she could go to the grocery store and pick up a bottle and bring it back home. She heard Bianca and Allister talking in the hallway. She hoped they were clothed because she would have to pass right next to them to leave. Brooke opened her door and Bianca nearly died of shock.
"Trey? The guy you were in the shower with was Trey. Bianca." Brooke said in a disappointed voice.
"Trey I think you should go now. I'll see you around ok." Bianca said. Trey nodded at Brooke then sullenly left the apartment.
"Bianca, what is going on with you? Seriously, we need to call a truce right now and just talk because this is not like you at all. Cheating on Allister or any guy is just not you."
"Fine truce, lets sit."
They sat on the floor and began talking just like old times. One fight could never destroy the bond it had taken them years to build.
"Bianca what's going on I thought you liked Allister"
"I do, he's smart, charming…."
"Rich"
"Yeah rich too, he's mannerly, caring, he's everything a girl could ask for."
"But"
"There is not but"
"Yes there is. If there was not but you would not be cheating on him with Trey, who's supposed to be his friend."
"I dunno. It's hard to explain. He's everything a girl could ask for. He's perfect, no complaints. Any girl would kill to have a man like him. But the perfect Allister is just not enough for me. He has everything I ever wanted in a man, but if that was enough for me I guess I wouldn't need to turn to Trey."
"So this is about sex?"
"No"
"Then what?"
"I like him. I mean I really like him. Ever since that first time Allister introduced us I felt this uncanny attraction toward him. Allister and I were supposed to go out one night but at the last minute his dad called with some business emergency so I had to take a cab home. Trey offered to give me a ride if I just gave him five minutes to finish up his work. We started talking about his job and before I even realized it, it was 12 o' clock. He told me about his family. He's really a compassionate person. He was supposed to go to Georgetown but he turned down his acceptance because he knew his true passion was working with cars. He stayed at home and became an apprentice. His dad threw him out, said he wouldn't support a son while he was throwing his life away. He's so brave. To sacrifice a life of financial comfort to do what he loves. I could never do that. He's interested in knowing who I am. He asks me questions like "where do I see myself in ten years?" and "what's my relationship with my parents like?" Allister talks to me but not like that. He only sees what's on the surface and I think that's all he wants to see."
"Bianca, if you know all of this why are you still with him?"
"I don't know."
"I think you do know. You know it. I know it. Allister is rich and that's your top priority in a relationship, money."
"Is that bad?"
"It's not whether it's bad or not Bianca. I know you don't love Allister now and I know that you never will. Are you willing to marry someone you don't love just because they're rich."
"It's not like that. When the time is right I can see myself loving Allister. He is everything a girl could want."
"But is he what you want?"'
"Yes. Of course."
"Really? So then what's showering with Trey about I know you're having sex with him."
"No no it's not like that. We're not having sex. Today was the first time."
"Will it be the last?"
"Sure."
"Look it's not my place to tell you how to live your life Bianca but I just want you to be happy. Whether you find happiness with Trey or Allister I don't care. Just you can't keep doing this to Allister. What if he finds out? Trey works for his dads company, he could lose his job."
"I know I know I'll stop."
"What about Allister are you going to tell him?"
"Brooke please, don't be crazy. You think he'd tell me if he was sleeping with his secretary. So Brooke this never happened. Not a word to anyone. Not even Rachel."
"Rachel doesn't know yet"
"Nope, you weren't supposed to know yet either."
"Were you ever going to tell us?"
"Yeah, when I was ready to."
"So if you liked Trey, why did you make me go out with him?"
"I felt so bad about having feelings for him, so I decided to hook you two up. I figured if you two hit it off I would be forced not to see him again because my best friend was dating him."
"So that's why you got so angry with me? I really thought you got way too angry with me over the whole Trey thing."
"You're right. When you acted so rudely towards him I knew that it would never happen for the two of you and I wouldn't have something to prevent me from wanting to see him again. So I guess I took out all my anger about that on you. Yeah I was angry with you because you were rude to him but not that angry. I wasn't stop cooking for you angry."
Bianca and Brooke had made up. Had they really? Like so many "resolutions" in life they had only resolved a symptom of the problem in their friendship, not the cause.
"Well Brooke I know I haven't been taking an interest in your life lately but what's going with you."
"Nothing really, same as usual." Brook lied.
She hadn't told Bianca about her first unsuccessful sex attempt, so why should she tell her about the second. Even though she loved Bianca and would put aside her anger to help her with her infidelity problems, she had not forgotten. The more she thought about it, the more resentful she was of Bianca. Bianca had screamed at her, denied her food, called her a spoilt brat, used Rachel to make her feel isolated just because of her feelings for some guy. The last few days without them made Brooke realize how empty her life was. She was so lonely that she turned to someone she hated for attention. She had made a huge mistake with Lucas just because of Bianca's deceit. Sure they made up for now but this dispute was far from over. They had too many unresolved issues for the cause of the problem in their friendship to not manifest itself in another way in the future.
