Feel
So… chapter 2… who's up for food? I mean, we can skip this and you can get food. Unless you're sick or something, then I apologize for mentioning food and think you should get rest. Unless then there's an evil demon antagonizing you when you sleep so that the majority of your energy's gone from placing barriers and protection spells around your room and invoking various gods and stuff. Then I fully sympathize.
Ignore me.
The biggest problem with this fic has been, well, halfway through this chapter and some icky writer's block, and naming it. Naming it has been a pain in the ass. In fact, as I'm typing this, I still don't know. I'm just smiling along with Fuji-kun (Prince of Tennis). I love downloading music… Fuji-kun has a great voice… I want the next manga, though that has nothing to do with the voice. But I had a name this morning 9-14-04 (that's how long ago the first half of this chapter was written), but I was walking that street and a half to my bus stop, so no typing on the computer for me. But obviously if the fic is up, I have a name for it.
This fic is so detached… I just realized that. I've been immersed in Violets and Emeralds, which is in Otogi-kun's POV, and my version of his is so into his surroundings and random that it is quite the opposite of this. Gah…
INSERT EVIL AUTHOR INSERTS HERE! Yes, my brother and I appear because I needed some characters. (AKA: This is where the story kinda plummets.)
And Yami no Yuugi and Yami no Bakura will not be appearing in this fic. Neither will Malik-tachi, Otogi, Anzu, or many more people. I kind of wish I could realistically include Malik, cause I like him… ah well. mentally reprimands herself for not doing her English reading… which she should be doing as she types this
Chapter 2
Numb
Monday
I was starving when Yuugi-tachi came. I hadn't eaten dinner the previous day, if I remember correctly. Oh yeah.
Kaiba-kun had just barely woken up before they came. He sat up and looked around, hair perfectly in place except for one lock that he flicked over at once. As he stood, I got a good look at him. He had no shirt on and was wearing only loose pants.
Shit, why was I reacting?
Kami-sama no, I couldn't be… I mean I knew I was rather feminine, but still! Some straight guys could be feminine, right?
Good! He put a shirt on. I felt better now. If I was to find out I'm gay, I'd prefer greatly to find out because of some guy that I knew and liked, not some jerk. But I'm not gay, so there's no problem, ne?
Yami Bakura would be laughing at me right now. I wished he was, then he could beat it out of my head that I was a normal, straight male, even if I had died several times, all because of him… did I really want him back now? And I don't have anything against gay people—more power to them, but it is frightening to find yourself on that edge when you've just assumed all your life that you were straight.
Wait, that made it sound as if I was speaking from experience…
I'm going to shut up now. I'll end up insulting someone, if I haven't already. I'm sorry, anyone whom I have insulted.
To be blunt, since I was in yesterday's clothes still anyway, I pulled on my slippers and went over to the main house, where I could smell breakfast. Namakura-san smiled at me. "I missed you and Kaiba-san yesterday for dinner."
I bowed. "I'm sorry. I was tired. Thank you for the accommodations, ma'am."
"You needn't be so respectful." She laughed, referring to the fact that I had bowed very low. "We haven't been fully introduced, have we? I am Namakura Minami. Hajimemashite." She bowed briefly.
"Bakura Ryou, hajimemashite. Yoroshiku dozo." I did the same, but a little deeper. This was out of context since we had technically met before, but it was very polite of her. (1)
It was at this point of time that Yuugi-tachi joined me. While they had gotten me up, Jounouchi-kun had realized that he had left his slippers in the room in his half-sleep state and they had run back to help his search as I was contemplating my sexuality.
"Ohayou!" They yelled. Kaiba-kun had to be up now and probably wasn't happy, hearing Jounouchi-kun's voice first thing in the morning. I have a headache.
I looked around, now noticing that Haga-kun and Ryuuzaki-kun were sitting around the table. Hot cakes sat on two plates. Oh kami-sama, this woman is a generous goddess. There's food.
"Itadakimasu."
I sat down at the table, taking a plate and grabbing a couple of the cakes. So hungry… I needed a hairbrush after this.
"Ohayou gozaimasu!" Mokuba-kun yelled, making his presence known. Namakura-san had just greeted Yuugi-tachi and now she pleasantly returned the young boy's welcome.
Jounouchi-kun plopped down next to me, having a rather intense glaring contest with Ryuuzaki-kun. Insert sigh here.
"Ohayou, Bakura-kun." Yuugi-kun and Honda-kun said as once. Jounouchi-kun mumbled the same greeting, not once taking his glare away from the guy in front of him.
I finished breakfast pretty quickly, though I am not a fast eater when compared to Jounouchi-kun, once he stopped his glaring contest. I swear I would loose a hand if it came in his general vicinity. Mokuba and Namakura-san were obviously not used to this because they looked a little confused, and the latter rather amused.
"That reminds me of my husband when he was younger." She laughed. "Does anyone want some tea?"
"Hai!"
She began pulling out the cups.
"Let me help you, please." I jumped up, taking four of the cups.
"No, no. I can manage." She assured.
"Think of it as beginning repayment for housing us in your home. You've been so kind already." She blushed at this and I smiled. I managed to pick up a fifth one between my hands. I must have looked like a circus clown or something.
I had to stop myself from dropping all of them as I turned around. Kaiba-kun was in the doorway, looking at me. I could feel my face heat up quickly. He was dressed in clean clothing. His coat, seeing as he had reverted back to his original color of blue, gave him an intimidating presence.
"Ohayou nii-sama!" Mokuba-kun called to his brother cheerfully.
"Ohayou." Everyone else said one by one.
"Ah! Ohayou, Kaiba-san!" Namakura-san picked up the rest of the cups. Was there room at the table anymore? "I assume that you were able to get your computers to work?"
"Yes ma'am." He nodded. With a short bow, he added, "Arigatou gozaimasu."
I watched my feet as I walked now, unable to look up because he might look at me again and I would have to drop everything. I don't even know why, damn it! Why does it matter if he thinks I'm an idiot?
Oh, he was just the guy making you question your sexuality a few minutes ago.
I think I'm getting myself worked up in my confusion. I feel a sudden heat wave pass through my body.
I set the cups down on the table and picked up my plate in a jerky manner. Namakura-san met me halfway to the kitchen and took it from me, I unable to resist.
"Do you want any tea yourself?" She asked.
I shook my head. "Iie."
"Are you alright, Bakura-kun?" Yuugi-kun asked. Shit, now I could tell they were all noticing me. All I wanted was to stay out of sight, in the background. Now that the spotlight had been cast on me, even for this small thing, I could feel anxiety seizing me. Why can't I-?
I nodded my head, picking it up from my slippers momentarily. I was correct; everyone was looking at me.
"You sure you aren't sick?" Honda-kun asked.
"Nii-sama, maybe you should help him back to the room." Mokuba-kun suggested. Yeah, that's all I needed.
I shook my head and started walking on my own. As I reached the door where Kaiba-kun stood still, I stopped and bowed to Namakura-san. "Goshisousama. Arigatou gozaimasu." He moved out of the way as I walked at a quick pace out of the room.
"Bakura-kun?" A chorus of voices rose.
"Kaiba! Leave him alone!" Jounouchi-kun's voice yelled, indicating that the thumping was not only my heart, but also Kaiba-kun's footsteps behind me. I get the feeling he let me enter our room before confronting me because I heard the door close behind me. Why Jounouchi-kun is not barreling in the door now and no doubt breaking it, I haven't the slightest. Honda-kun and Yuugi-kun are probably preventing it.
He stood and waited until I turned to him. I didn't need this. Not now. Shit. Why was this happening to me? I didn't even like the guy! He's a heartless jerk a-and… he's himself, an egotistical bastard.
"Bakura-kun," he started. He actually knows my name. Why did that make me want to cry? "Daijoubu ka?"
How could I be? I'm so confused. It's all your fault, you know that? Of course, I can't tell you that. I don't even know why it's your fault and not someone else's. Someone I know better and could explain it to without being too embarrassed. Or scared. I really am scared right now. I don't care if almost everyone has a touch of this problem at some point, when they question their sexuality. Before this, I never really showed physical attraction to anyone. Hell, I didn't even show physical attraction to he who confuses me now! What about me is so different now than, say, Duelist Kingdom or Battle City? Sure I am lacking my Ring and stronger half, but that shouldn't really account for anything!
Why was I attracted to you, of all people?
I must not have answered him, because he took another step towards me. I didn't move. I couldn't really, as he slowly stepped closer and touched my forehead, which was now sweating. This seemed worse than any nightmare I could ever dream.
To get something straightened out here, and ignoring the odd irony in the statement, I don't like Kaiba-kun. I don't have a crush on him. Even if I did, I would do everything in my power to get rid of it.
I just… find him physically attractive. That's what scares me. Kami-sama help me, I just found out that I'm gay because of my friends' archenemy. And he's standing less than two feet away from me right now, feeling my sweaty forehead and there was no way for me to hide my flushed cheeks.
Great Ryou, you're getting yourself sick. What do they call it when you do that? There's a name for it. You think so much that you are or you worry so much that you make yourself sick and it's all in your head, but you do show symptoms. Psychosomatic! That's it! This fever is psychosomatic, and if I calm down, it will go away.
Sure, you try calming down in my position.
"You feel like you have a fever." He said finally, removing his hand from my forehead. It had actually felt a little nice—his hand was cool. "That could be why you went to bed early last night. You should go to sleep."
I nodded, swallowing hard. Yes, I'll blame it on being sick. You know, I do feel a little shaky. Crap, it's all because of my mind that I'm sick. This is a good excuse to stop thinking.
I think I just fell on my mattress. That's all I remember.
I woke up to the cool rag on my forehead. It felt nice until I remembered what exactly had transpired. I then felt a blush coming up to my cheeks again.
My eyes were still closed as I heard footsteps coming towards me, and a hand feel the rag on my head. It was brief, but I could tell from the firmness that it was Kaiba-kun.
"How is he, nii-sama?" Mokuba-kun asked.
"Still a little warm." Kaiba-kun answered. The rag was removed from my head and his hand itself rested there now, feeling my temperature. Wait… My eyes shot open and I saw Kaiba-kun's face directly in front of mine, far too close for comfort.
I yelped. He pulled away slowly and opened his eyes. I hope I didn't just make him go deaf… but he was the one putting his face so close to mine! So he was checking my temperature… he still put his face too close! My logic says that I am not at fault!
Then again, since when has my logic proved of use? I should be classified with Jounouchi-kun and Otogi-kun in that. My logic is mine. There, I like that. It's logical.
I wonder if I can switch with someone? I'm still not desperate enough to room with Haga-kun and Ryuuzaki-kun, but with Kaiba-kun staring at me like that, that may change soon.
Ah, what to do now?
A knock interrupted everything. Namakura-san came in with some tea. I sat up as she entered and hoped I looked at least a little presentable.
"You're awake?" She asked. "Are you feeling better?"
"A little." I answered quietly, accepting the cup of tea that she was handing me. My mind had calmed down from its frantic state of earlier and that, in turn, made the stupid psychosomatic fever go away.
"Bakura-kun, what's wrong with you?" Mokuba-kun asked. He looked so worried standing there, unlike his brother, who was just looking like I was a waste of his time. See, this is why he will never get anyone.
Not that I'm interested. Let's just stay clear on that. Yeah.
"I'm just a little out of it." I gave a small laugh. Yeah, after that small embarrassment, I do feel a little better.
He nodded slowly with this 'no duh' look on his face. "I can tell." His voice reflected the expression.
"Kaiba-san," Namakura-san asked, "when does the tournament start?"
"The orientation is this evening around six." He answered concisely. "The actual tournament begins tomorrow afternoon. It is in an elimination style, from what I have heard." Which is no doubt everything.
She nodded. "My grandchildren are interested in watching. They are coming to visit tonight." Her eyes widened. "I forgot to mention that, didn't I?"
Mokuba-kun and I nodded.
"Well, I will probably announce it at lunch. They should be here by dinner." She smiled. "It's been so long since I've seen them. My granddaughter should be about your age and my grandson maybe a year older than you." She indicated Mokuba-kun, who, if Kaiba-kun is eighteen, is twelve right now.
"Why don't you ever see them?" Mokuba-kun asked.
"They live in America, where their father is from. Their mother was my third out of four children. The others live in Hokkaido, Osaka, and Tokyo. I see them a little more often, as you can imagine." She paused. "Well, I have some work to do. I will leave you now." She bowed, as did we (or I did as much as I could while sitting on the floor), and left.
"What time is it now?" I asked after a few seconds. Kaiba-kun had moved back to his computer. The nervousness in my stomach had receded, something that I was not going to complain about.
"About 10:30." Mokuba-kun answered after checking his watch.
Oh my. I have been sleeping the day away, haven't I? So much reading, so little time…
Lunchtime found me lying on my stomach on a blanket in the yard, reading. Namakura-san had come out and found me sitting under her sakura tree and brought the blanket out so that I could not get grass stains on my clothes. So I was lying there, quite comfortably reading under the shade of the tree. A breeze blew now and then, ruffling a few pages and tossing entwined, bare branches.
I could smell the food even before the crunch of grass told me that someone was coming to announce it. I turned over and saw Kaiba-kun approaching me. His hair was wet, so I imagine he just got out of the bath. I pushed my thoughts on that observation aside very quickly.
"Lunch?" I asked nonchalantly. I felt unnaturally calm. Maybe it was just the setting. He nodded in reply and opened his mouth slightly, as if he were about to say something, but that just faded.
I stood and wiped myself off, looking myself over to make sure that there were no leaves or anything stuck on me.
"Right there." I looked up and Kaiba-kun was pointing at my hair.
"Hn?" I felt around, and then started clawing in frustration. Gah, why must leaves be so hard to remove from hair? Where would the leaf have come from anyway? The trees that were blooming were on the other side of the lawn!
Time seemed to freeze suddenly, or at least run painfully slow. Kaiba-kun reached over and removed the leaf from my hair so gently that I could hardly feel it. I could only stare at his hand as he drew it away and dropped the leaf. It was like those anime shows. It was very unnerving.
"Thank you." I managed to mutter. I cleared my throat and put on a happy personage. "Well, shall we go to lunch? Everyone must be waiting."
I shouldn't try to be an actor. I could tell that I was as transparent as perfectly clear glass. Something in me was unnerved, shaken from its place. It's almost like someone is chipping at my centerpiece, making reference to the keystone that holds an arch together. If you get rid of the keystone at the top of the arc, the whole thing will crumble and collapse. Someone is chipping at my keystone slowly and like a giant stone archway, I cannot retaliate. Unlike the said archway, I can react very ungracefully, but I cannot defend myself still. That must be why I am so shaken.
It's so odd that I can even try to put up a façade. I am usually so easily bent that none is needed, but here I am, trying to push everything under the proverbial rug and shove those skeletons in the closet, as I believe the saying goes.
I tossed my book on top of my sleeping mat from the doorway and followed Kaiba-kun into the dining area. Namakura-san was just telling the others about her grand children as we arrived. A bowl of rice sat in the middle of the table along with other dishes. I really wished this woman were my grandmother.
"Where's Mokuba-kun?" I observed his absence.
"Bath." Kaiba-kun answered shortly. I need a bath too sometime, don't I? Though it may be more crucial for the Duelists to do so first, seeing as… shouldn't they be there at least a little before start time? And they have to look cool or else it just doesn't work.
I did need a bath though. That would be nice. Just… at a more normal time of day and not in the middle of the afternoon.
Screw it; if there's a bath opening, I'll jump at it.
"Obaa-san!" A young girl with short brown hair flew in the door at about thee forty-five that afternoon. Following her was a taller boy, who politely took off his shoes before running in. The girl seemed to notice this and took off her shoes, placing them at the door. She then blinked and stared at me before adjusting her glasses. I had just gotten out of my bath and had a towel on my head. I judged her to be about fourteen and her brother, I assumed, sixteen.
"Ah, Courtney, Conner!" Namakura-san came in and hugged her grandchildren. Those were American names. Kami-sama knows I couldn't pronounce correctly them if I tried. American names sounded funny. Then again, they probably think our names sound funny.
"Is this one of the duelists? " The boy asked something in English. I didn't know which name was his because I don't know American names. It's very confusing to me.
"No, he's one of the guests." Namakura-san answered. The girl paused for a few seconds before translating for her brother. Family reunions must be very, very odd.
"Konnichiwa." She bowed. "Boku wa Courtney da." Ah, she must be learning, because not only was she very informal, but also using one of the ways of saying 'I' that is usually considered male. "Yoroshiku, hajimemashite."
"My name is Bakura Ryou, hajimemashite." I bowed back. I spoke slower than I usually would, because I assume that it may be difficult for her to keep up with a normal flow of language.
"This is my brother, Conner." She pointed at her brother. "He can't speak Japanese well." I kind of noticed that earlier. "He's thirteen."
What the hell? The boy was as tall as me! Must be his father… he's American, right? Does that mean that the girl is my age? She's about Yuugi-kun's height!
"Oh?" Jounouchi-kun came up. "These the grandkids?"
I nodded. "Un."
Insert introductions here.
Namakura-san introduced her grandchildren to everyone. I found it amusing that Courtney-san was a little shorter than Yuugi-kun. Yuugi-kun seemed to find it a relief.
Did you know that Mokuba-kun knows English? Very fluently? He tried to strike up a conversation with Conner-san in Japanese, but then realized that the poor boy was staring at him in a confused way. He then started the conversation in English, and I was left sitting there, now the confused one.
"You seem surprised." Kaiba-kun came up behind me, scaring me to the point that my heart was screwing up. Kami-sama, he knows how to sneak up on people! "Mokuba and I both know English very well."
"It's just rare for someone his age." I tried to explain myself. He was staring at me with his blue eyes. I felt a shiver up my spine that was only half from fear. That, in turn, made me a little more scared.
"Circumstance," he said simply.
I nodded. Yeah, yeah, circumstance is the reason for everything. The reason I am here is under the circumstance that Anzu-chan could not come. Circumstance.
I wondered briefly what Kaiba-kun saw when he spoke to me. I mean, I know that he saw a white-haired boy clumsily finding words, but what did he see when it came to how he felt? Did he see an annoying white-haired boy who really just needed to be silent? That's how I felt.
"What made you want to come?"
The question startled me, as could be seen from the slight jerk of my body and eyes widening a bit. "Well, Anzu-chan couldn't come, so Yuugi-kun invited me." I knew that wasn't what he was looking for, so his silence bade me on. Have you ever noticed that when someone stares at you, you begin to explain every little thing in hopes of getting them to stop? This is especially true for intense stares—though I've just noticed that Kaiba-kun was not staring at me intensely, just as one would in normal conversation, such as an exchange between Yuugi-kun and myself. "I felt like getting out, I suppose. The tournament seemed interesting and I hoped to take a trip where no one ended up dead." I shrugged. "And it's not like I have anyone to go home to."
That was true. I had no one to go home to. Amane (2) died and tou-san got me the Ring and my parents divorced and I isolated myself so that no one would get hurt anymore. The Ring and its inhabitant were gone as well. I had no one to go home to.
I was alone.
Translations
ne: this particle is usually added onto the end of a phrase or comment when you expect agreement. thinks of an example "Kyou wa ii tenki desu, ne?" "Today has nice weather, right?" Or, "It's nice weather today, isn't it?"
Hajimemashite: "Nice to meet you", basically. More explanations later.
Yoroshiku dozo: "Please be kind to me" is more of a direct translation. More explanations to come.
Ohayou: Good Morning. Gozaimasu can be added on for formality.
Itadakimasu: Um… no real translation, but along the lines of "thank you for this meal" and to be used only before eating.
Hai: Yes. More formal than "un."
Nii-sama: Short for onii-sama, one way of saying "brother" that notes great respect. Also used are onii-san, onii-chan, aniki for older brothers, and otouto for younger ones. I believe Seto refers to Mokuba as otouto.
Goshisousama: According to various notes I've taken, this is like the after-meal version of itadakimasu.
Daijoubu ka: "Daijoubu" indicates health. Adding "ka" on the end indicates a question. So it translates to "are you healthy?" Daijoubu ja nai would be "I'm not healthy" because "ja nai" is a negative. Or, instead of healthy, it is often translated to "alright." The word "Ogenki" or "genki," for short, can be used the same way, I believe, even if genki translates to energy.
Konnichiwa, boku wa (name) da: Informal way of saying "Hi, my name is (insert name here). Don't use this upon meeting someone.
(1) On introductions: It's traditional to say to someone you first meet, "Hajimemashite" and "Yoroshiku dozo" or "Yoroshiku," depending on their seniority. It's just considered polite, even if it may seem strange at first. Dozo is added for respect and manners. Please, impress anyone you present yourself to! You only get to say "Yoroshiku" once, so make it count!
Oh, and the reason it may be considered out of context for Ryou and Namakura-san: they've technically met already, though haven't introduced themselves formally yet. I guess it may be in context… I don't know. I'm not a native speaker, nor an actual in-school student of the language.
Please do not use what I teach you as a supplement to actual learning of the language. I make a lot of mistakes. If you note one, please tell me, so I can reference it and change it if necessary.
(2) Amane is Ryou's dead little sister. At least I think that's her name. It starts with an 'a' and ends with an 'e'. Ryou had a sad past. It made me sad. My throat hurts 'cause I think I'm getting both Mom and Dad's two different illnesses. But I can't miss school, lest I miss my exemptions from Finals. It's my senior year, I am not taking all my Finals, damn it!
Nm, another note: Psychosomatic illnesses are real. People who believe they have something will start showing symptoms, even though they don't have it. I don't quite know if what happened to Ryou would really be considered psychosomatic, but I just based it off of what happens to me before I randomly pass out.
It's the day after prom. I'm dead tired. The emperor (AKA, the prettiest guy in the entire school) was made prom king. He had this awesome outfit. I'm tired. I would skip school tomorrow, but… I have a reading check in English and the make up essay makes it all not worth it.
Thank you readers/reviewers! It makes me warm and fuzzy… like a virus. Like how we described the Seto/Ryou virus.
