I went into this feeling hyper.
By hitting chapter nine, this is, officially, my longest fanfic.
TheGodFish: Don't worry, I'm writing. It just takes me a while to write anything because of short attention span. Thanks for the email, though!
Incoherent: There will be an ending, eventually. I just don't know what and when. I feel oddly spontaneous.
OKAY! Advertisement time: if you are reading this, it means that you are a fan of the coupling of Kaiba Seto and Bakura Ryou. Or, at least, I hope so. It would be great if people who are actively on the Internet would join the Seto/Ryou livejournal community, which seems kind of dead right now. You can register for a free livejournal account at the livejournal homepage and once you get into it, it's addictive. The address for the Seto/Ryou community is listed on my profile page. Join. We need life. You can post… fanfiction, fanart, icons, whatever! You can also just talk! The wonderful Relinquished, also an author on is the administrator. See, familiarity! (Damn it, I've never been good at persuasion.)
Chapter 9
Wired
Monday
I think I found out why I never started drinking very many sugary drinks. I was wired enough that morning to give Otogi-kun on coffee a run for his money.
"Bakura-kun, are you alright?" Yuugi-kun asked.
"Yeah, yeah," I nodded, my eyes drifting again to the door. I got to school early that day. I really was pathetic, I realized, but oh well.
"You haven't had coffee, have you?" Jounouchi-kun raised an eyebrow.
I shook my head, but gave no verbal reply.
"Have you started your English project?"
I nodded. Oh yeah, project. Now where was Kaiba-kun? Hey, I needed to ask him about the project, anyway. When would we meet next? After all, we did need to, did we not? It was a legal excuse to talk to him.
"What are you doing?"
"South Africa," I answered shortly and quickly.
"Have you met with Kaiba-kun outside of school?"
I nodded quickly.
I realized that I was, by nature, a lot more quiet and laid back than I was acting at the time, so of course my friends would be confused by a "me" that was so excitable. But that did not matter! Where was Kaiba-kun?
Ooh, look! There he was. I mustn't let him see me watching. I must wait until he sits down before I approach him.
I stood as he sat down and readied himself for first period. "I'll be right back, guys," I told Yuugi-tachi. I must have had an idiotic smile on my face because they looked like they thought I was crazy. Hah, maybe I was!
Why was I so euphoric? Ah, because I felt like a giggling schoolgirl, minus the skirt.
I walked straight up to his desk, something that I am sure that I would never have done before. "Kaiba-kun?" I asked. He looked up at me and I felt my body seize up a little. I was sure that I was blushing again. Did he have to have such breathtakingly blue eyes? I used to think that they were scary! "Um," I gathered my words, "when were we planning on meeting again?"
He partially turned in his seat, given him a much more open position. It was a position of familiarity. "I rescheduled most of my meetings for this week to other times. I do, however, still have a meeting this evening," damn, "so tomorrow."
"Ah, okay." I was beginning to screw up my words. "Thank you," I smiled as I turned to go back to my seat. I sat back down with a sigh. Psyching myself up to talk to him was not so hard, because I really did want to talk to him, but actually finding words was difficult. Maybe it was because I was the one starting the conversation. Perhaps, also, it was because we were in public.
But I still got to talk to him some, at least! Never mind that I sounded so terribly pathetic; they were my thoughts, after all!
I looked up and Yuugi-tachi was staring at me, each with his or her own expression. Yuugi-kun was confused. Jounouchi-kun, well, his gaze went straight to a glare in Kaiba-kun's direction. I once again wondered what their malfunction was. Anzu-chan looked as if she was trying to figure something out, and, accidentally picking up one of her manga one day, I got the odd feeling that she was a little too close to the truth for comfort. Honda-kun, though, made me feel guilty. His look told me that he knew something. He knew that I liked Kaiba-kun in the past, and now, with my recent giddy actions, could probably tell that those feelings were resurfacing.
"What?" I asked finally.
"Nothing." Yuugi-kun looked shrugged.
"You can actually talk to that jerk?" Jounouchi-kun, of course.
"Jounouchi…" Honda sighed.
"Are things going well with him?" Anzu-chan asked. I just nodded in reply.
The teacher came in and everyone sat in their seats. I was left staring at the pretty wall, thinking about South Africa, civil disobedience, and, ultimately, how handsome Kaiba-kun was when he smiled.
"Bakura-kun, are you alright?"
It was gym class. I had no idea why they were still making us take gym at our ages, but that was the school system for you. The sport was basketball, something that I knew from past discussions that the guys liked and girls (most of all, Anzu-chan) hated.
It was a free play day, so I took the opportunity to sit and watch. Kaiba-kun was nowhere to be seen. As I noticed before, he did participate in gym, and he was quite good at whatever sport was placed before him. He looked cool when he played basketball or soccer or baseball… anything.
But now he wasn't here, so I got to watch Jounouchi-kun and Honda-kun tease Yuugi-kun about his height again. The latter was none too appreciative, of course.
I turned to Anzu-chan. "Yeah, I'm alright. It's not hot enough yet to start bothering me." I disliked gym. Aside from certain past incidents with a gym teacher concerning my hair and the fact that I am not athletic, I had a tendency to be heat susceptible, probably because I was pale. It worked somehow.
"I didn't mean about the heat," she corrected me. "I meant working with Kaiba-kun. I know you two got into a fight over Golden Week, so I was worried."
I shook my head. "That's no longer a concern."
She paused. "You seemed so happy when you were talking to him in homeroom."
I froze. "Did I?" Ah crap. "I didn't think there was anything special about the conversation, did you?" How many people were turning out to be psychic, or at least far more empathetic than I wanted them to be? She knew; she had to know.
"Not in the subject matter, no." There was an awkward silence. "Does he know that you like him?"
Pin-pon. You win the prize.
Why did I even try to hide it anymore? I mean, was I really that obvious? Sure, maybe I was school-girlishly giddy in homeroom, but that was one instance! For all anyone knew, I could have gotten my hands on drugs or alcohol.
She seemed to interpret my clenched-mouth, reddened-face silence. "You're not too obvious. Yuugi-kun doesn't know and Jounouchi-kun hasn't even guessed, but then again," she laughed, "Jounouchi-kun does have a tendency to not notice these things."
Yeah, that was true.
"None of the girls have mentioned it in their gossip. But Honda-kun knows something, doesn't he?"
"A bit." Not everything.
"I thought so. He was a little more concerned than he normally would have been. So," sudden change of tone, "does he know?"
"Does who know what?"
"Kaiba-kun! Who did you think we were talking about?"
Well, we were just discussing Honda-kun. Girls had the amazing ability to skip form subject to subject instantly, and even more miraculous was the ability of other females to know exactly what the new subject was. It seemed like a mental network, or possibly a psychic chat room. That would be odd.
I shook my head.
"You should tell him."
"No!" I blushed a little. "I don't want to ruin what sort of relationship we have, especially not during this English project. I was lucky enough to get partnered with someone who knows English."
"Yeah," she gave an annoyed sigh, "my partner doesn't remember a bit of English. I don't know how she's going to do well on her exit exams."
"I'm sorry."
"That's fine. So, when are you two meeting again?"
"Tomorrow. He said that he cleared his work schedule for the rest of the week, or something like that." No evening meetings. I guessed that he could still have them during school, like he sometimes did.
"Wow, that's not like Kaiba-kun one bit. He cleared his schedule to spend more time with you."
I almost fell over at the implications. "Well, our English grade does depend on it. I don't think it has anything to do with me at all."
She giggled. "Who knows what goes through that head of his? As far as I can tell, he's terrible at knowing how other people feel and good at purposely pissing people off. He's hard to figure—good luck with that."
"What?"
She just smiled.
"So," I bit my lower lip lightly, "how could you tell?" I really needed to fix whatever was blaring out like a neon light.
"It's easy if you know what to look for."
"And what is it that you look for?"
"Nuh-uh," she shook her index finger at me, "ancient fangirl secret."
I sighed. "I hate you all." I did not really mean it. I loved my friends in their own ways. I just would not mind a hint or a shove in the right direction every now and then.
Giddiness has receded.
"But what really got me, though," Anzu-chan continued, "was that Kaiba-kun stopped giving off his creepy vibes when you were with him."
The coach blew the whistle for us to go get changed. Anzu-chan ran off to the girls' locker room before I could gain enough mind to inquire anything, just recall a flash of memory of Kaiba-kun sitting before me in his desk, comfortable in posture.
"So what did you two talk about?" Yuugi-kun asked while we were changing.
"English project," I slipped my shoes on. "It seems that she has a partner that she doesn't like."
"Oh yeah, she told me about that."
The group rejoined and we walked to English together. It was almost time to go home and probably take a nap. I stopped to get some water before going into class. It felt good after the heat. Sighing to myself, I followed behind Yuugi-tachi when I finished.
"Bakura-kun," wow, I was popular today, "do you have any plans after school today?"
I turned to Kawakami-sensei. The bell to begin last period had not yet begun and most students were still milling around outside of the class. "I don't today, no."
"Do you want to go get tea again? I like talking to you."
I nodded. "Okay. That would be nice. But I'm paying for myself this time."
He smiled. "That's fine."
I found it really funny that the night before, I was almost mentally begging for him to ask for my company once again so that I could tell him everything. Was he psychic, or was this merely coincidence? Or did I just look so different from Saturday that something obviously must have happened on Sunday, and therefore, he must inquire?
I sat in my seat with a mental sigh. Looking around, I saw that both Yuugi-tachi and Kaiba-kun were in their desks already. Kaiba-kun was reading a book, of course. It was not the book that we had been reading, but another. But it was in English, so I did not feel like even trying to decipher it. My brain was not working on that level. Yeah, it was almost naptime.
But at least my partner knew English. I lucked out definitely on that. It was only a bonus that he was good looking and was nice, somewhere in there.
Still, it was a thick book. Did he not have anything better to do in school?
I guess Kawakami-sensei noticed his reading and came to look at it. This made Yuugi-tachi notice, of course. For some reason, a student's eye always follows the teacher.
"'Paradise Lost'?" Kawakami-sensei asked in nearly unaccented English. He and Kaiba-kun started holding a conversation in English, both with very little problem. The whole class was staring now.
"Oi, Bakura-kun!" Someone called to me. "Kaiba-kun's your partner for the project, right?"
"Lucky!"
I blushed a little and turned back around in my desk.
The bell rang and the desks quickly filled up. I sat with my eyes gazing out the window. I did not usually do that, but it just felt as if that was the only thing that I could do. My life was slipping in so many different directions ever since it became normal. Well, was this really normal? Normal was being alone, or at least, it used to be. Was this paradox of emotion and human relations really considered normal? The halves of my brain were arguing with each other—is that not considered insanity, or is it mere decision making?
According to psychology, there are three parts of human thoughts. The 'id' represented basic desire and raw need. The 'superego' was based on emotion and what was right or wrong. The 'ego' was a balance of the two, trying to stop the others from quarreling by coming up with a solution to satisfy need, but not trespass morals.
I wanted to tell Kaiba-kun that I liked him.
I felt that I should distance myself from him after this.
My compromise center said to stay friends and possibly skirt around the subject of liking if it came up, but not to let him under my skin, in case a negative ending should occur.
Now I wanted to know why the hell I thought psychology was an interesting hobby.
"Bakura-kun," Kawakami-sensei called me towards the end of class, "can you read from line four-hundred and twenty-three?"
I was thankful that he told me the line, at least. Otherwise, I would have been lost. I stared down at the book that was open before me with the long poem covering an expanse of pages. We had been reading the last excerpt of the poem all class period. I began to speak in accented English.
"'I sat upon the shore fishing, with the arid plain behind me. Shall I at least set my lands in order? London Bridge is falling down falling down falling down'. " Kami-sama, that was a mouthful!
"Good, Bakura-kun, you may sit down now."
I did so in great relief. Ah, that was a little difficult. And I realized that my English understanding must really have been horrible, because I understood close to nothing of what I just said.
"Okay class," Kawakami-sensei continued, "do not mind if you cannot understand the next few lines. Eliot had a tendency to throw lines in from other languages throughout this poem, though mostly in the sections that we skipped." He paused. "Kaiba-kun, care to give it a shot?"
Kaiba-kun stood, looking displeased. He was probably regretting whatever conversation that he and sensei had earlier. But now the whole class was staring at him. I, however, had no doubt that he probably knew every language in the world.
He cleared his throat. "'Poi s'ascose nel foco che gli affina; quando fiam uti chelidon – O swallow swallow; Le Prince d'Aquitaine a la tour aboile; these fragments I have shored against my ruins; why then Ile fit you. Hieronymo's mad againe. Datta. Dayadhvam. Damyata. Shantih shantih shantih'."
There was silence in the room. If any other student had accomplished that, even with Kaiba-kun's slight accent (seems he did not know whatever language that was as well as English), there would have been half-hearted applause, at least. However, I wondered just how many were surprised, deep inside, that he could do that.
I realized that Kaiba-kun was still so much of a mystery to me. He knew so many things that I would never know in my lifetime.
And there were so many things about him that I wanted to know.
"Thank you, Kaiba-kun. You may sit down, now."
He did so, face showing no emotion. I wanted to know what he was feeling. I was curious.
The bell rang and the students rose quickly, snapped out of what reverie they had. I joined with Yuugi-tachi.
"So Kaiba-kun knows English and French?" Anzu-chan wondered.
"That's what that was?" Honda-kun asked.
"I thought that it was a whole bunch of gibberish." Thank you to Jounouchi-kun for that wonderful insight.
"I'll be back after I get my things," I told Kawakami-sensei as we passed. He just smiled back.
I went to my shoe locker and switched my school shoes for my normal ones. I also took the workbooks that I stashed in there, rather than carry them all day, and put them in my bag for homework.
"Hey, I'll see you guys tomorrow," I waved goodbye to Yuugi-tachi and went back into the school. Kawakami-sensei was just locking his room as I made it back.
"Let's go," he grinned impishly. I had to smile as well.
We got into the car and I right away asked a question that had been bugging me. "What did you and Kaiba-kun talk about earlier?"
"Why are you so interested?" He gave me a teasing smirk.
"No reason," I turned away so that he would not see my blush. "I was just curious, since it was all in English."
"Well, I asked if he was very good at English, which he proved very well. I asked if he liked that book, since I read it during college. He said that he did, though it was a difficult read. I asked if he read Dante Alighieri's Divine Comedy, to which he answered that he did not. I recommended it and asked if he read world literature often. He answered that he read a lot of things from Europe, and after a little more prodding, he said that he often did so in their original languages, though with a dictionary on hand." He gave a thoughtful frown. "You see, Kaiba-kun always answers shortly and straight to the point, unless the point is about his personal life, and then he answers shortly, but dances around the subject. I spent years and years learning to prod at stoic people, but it's a valuable art."
I giggled. I wondered if this was what it felt like to have an older brother. He was giving me lessons based on his own life experience, which I supposed that a father or older sibling would do, but seeing as my father was never around and I had no older siblings, this was what I had to learn from.
It really was sad to think that the only prominent adult figure in my life I only saw every few months. No wonder I grew up so screwed up.
"Sensei, why are you really acting so nice to me?"
He sighed, not taking his eyes off the road, even while we were at a stoplight. "When I came out to my family, they did accept that I was gay, but we became distanced. It never verbally happened, but we just fell apart. I had a younger brother that was eight years younger than me—about your age. He was twelve when I stopped talking to my family, so I never got to be there to help him grow up. I don't mean to call you a replacement, though. I really do like talking to you. I guess I just feel bad because I never got to play the big brother. And since you seem like you need someone older to talk to, I decided to take the chance. I knew from your previous essays that you were a good kid, so what the hell, why not?"
"It's okay," I answered, "I really don't have anyone in my life to talk to."
"Friends?"
"Close, but not experienced enough in life for me to ask advice of." I felt bad saying that, but I probably was the one of Yuugi-tachi that lived through the most experiences. I mean, sure Jounouchi-kun went through a divorce and had a drunken father, but still. I had divorced parents, a dead sister, and I was never able to have friends before high school.
Oh my God, I really am screwed up.
"Parents?"
I shook my head. "Divorced, Mom never wants to see me again, and Dad's away all the time. I live alone."
He frowned. "Damn. No wonder you and Kaiba-kun attract one another."
"What?"
He parked the car in front of the café, but did not answer.
"Sensei?" Why would he not answer?
"Come on, Bakura-kun!" He led me inside, ignoring my glares to the back of his head. Ah, he was getting on my nerves, laughing and giving subtle clues to something that I did not know.
I almost ran into him as he paused.
"Eh? Sensei?"
He had a smirk on his face. I followed his gaze to a black-haired man that was sitting at a table. He was wearing sunglasses and just staring off somewhere. "Ah, Kira's here."
It did not help my confusing when the man looked up at sensei, smiled, got up, and approached. Sensei walked towards him as well and they met in the middle with an embrace.
Oh, that's who it is. I thought to myself, realizing that the man had to be sensei's boyfriend. At least, I hoped, since they were hugging.
"Kotaichi, what are you doing here?"
"I just finished work and decided to have tea with a student." Kawakami-sensei indicated me to the man. "Kira, this is Bakura Ryou-kun. Bakura-kun, this is Tanaka Kira."
"Yoroshiku douzo," I bowed. "Hajimemashite."
"Yoroshiku," he gave a semi-bow.
"Well, should we get a table?"
"Ah, I have to go," Tanaka-san said apologetically, "I was supposed to be back at work five minutes ago."
"Idiot."
"I love you, too." He gave him a kiss on the cheek. "I'll be home in time for dinner. Later, Kota."
The two of us sat at the table that Tanaka-san was sitting at when we arrived. I felt awkward, very awkward, as if I should not have seen that.
"He's a bit of an idiot," sensei explained, "but affectionate. He works at the magazine publisher down the street." He had a soft smile to his face and his eyes were seeming to glow with happiness. I was almost jealous of his happiness. "So," he said suddenly, "drinks. Tea, again?"
"I told you that I would pay on my own."
"But I have a job. Wait here, okay?" He stood up and walked off before I could get another word in. I pouted a bit before my thoughts wandered again.
I wondered if Kaiba-kun and I could ever be like that. It was far too difficult to imagine. For one, Kaiba-kun had a tendency not to show emotion in public, let alone affection. For another, Kaiba-kun and I had no official relationship. Whatever we were, it just felt temporary. Sure, in the moment of things, it felt right, but looking at it from this outward view, I wondered how long it could last.
How long did he mean for any connection between us to last?
Kawakami-sensei sat a cup down in front of my face. I could tell from the first instant that it was not tea. I looked up at him with a puzzled expression.
"It's mocha. Try it, but watch it, it's hot."
I stared at the condensed liquid, trying to figure exactly what it was. I had never had anything even related to coffee before and now here some was, sitting before me. Otogi-kun told me that coffee was a gift from God, but sometimes, I had a hard time believing him.
I took a small sip and felt my head reel. It felt so weird! It was not so much the heat, but the flavor.
"It's a white chocolate mocha."
It made me shudder, but in a good way. The aftertaste wasn't bad, either.
I took another sip. Damn it, this was good.
"And right before my eyes, I think I just created another coffee addict."
I shook my head. "No, no, it's not that." I paused. "What did you mean, earlier?"
"By what?"
"When you said that Kaiba-kun and I attract each other." I mean, hell yes, I was attracted to him, but what did my history have to do with it? And why was it 'each other'? Had sensei and Anzu-chan been talking in the psychic chat room with Honda-kun and Courtney-san? That would be terrifying, especially if Kaiba-kun joined in that conversation—no, let us not think of that.
Or was I just being so incredibly stupid that I was missing something?
I did not want to think what that would mean if I was missing something, some key evidence as to what sort of relationship Kaiba-kun and I had. That would be horribly ironic, especially if this evidence was being flaunted in the open and neither of us knew.
Was there some possibility that Kaiba-kun and I could get together and be happy? No, I highly doubted it. We were just too different.
And yet, the same sort of childhood experiences fueled our beings.
"Well, it's obvious that Kaiba-kun is comfortable around you." What makes you think that? "You both have a sense of loneliness about you, and since I am fairly sure that both of you are human, that means that, really, neither of you want to be lonely. However, the personalities also have to be compatible. When I approached him to speak to him today, he gave off this creepy vibe that made me want to go sit at my desk, read, and pretend that I did not exist, and that kind of thing usually doesn't bother me." He frowned in a childish way. "Kaiba-kun likes you more than he likes me."
"Why do you think that?" I was just confused. Kyoto was coming back to me, and how scared I was. How angry I was, as well.
"He watches you, you know."
Wait a second. "What?"
"Sometimes he watches you. Like in the middle of my lectures. I don't think that even he knows that he does it, though. This started a little before you guys went to Kyoto. It made me immensely curious as to why Kaiba-kun showed any interest in anyone, especially after you came back from the same trip with a busted lip." Oh yeah, that was still healing. "On a slight tangent, how has your project been going?"
"We've outlined it and may have a working thesis statement."
"That's good," he nodded, "and probably further than Jounouchi-kun's gotten."
I laughed. I did not doubt that one bit.
"So I guess that it's good that I," he stopped abruptly.
"Hm? It's a good thing that you, what?" I was having some sort of suspicion. Had we not ever talked like this, I would not have had the gall to have the said suspicions, but now, if what I thought was true, it would not surprise me.
"Um," he grinned nervously, "I fixed the ladder game so that you and Kaiba-kun would be partnered."
What? "You what?" How could you fix a ladder game? I had a hard enough time understanding how it worked! And how would you do that to me?
"I was curious!
"Sensei, you…!"
"But, Bakura-kun…" he widened his eyes in fake pity-seeking, "I thought that it would have a positive effect on both of your social lives, and as a teacher, I must do anything and everything in my power to help my students. Plus, I was right. It has done you good. Don't complain. I'm older than you. You should respect your elders."
You don't act like it sometimes.
I picked up my coffee, which had been since cooling, and drank it down.
"Oi, Bakura-kun, I don't think you're quite supposed to do that."
Wow… my brain felt funny. I set the cup down and stared at Kawakami-sensei with what I later imagined was a dumb look on my face. Coffee. Wow. Caffeine. Like.
"Okay, I think it's time for us to get you home."
I nodded. I was not used to having any discernible amount of caffeine, and now it was being pumped into my system. It was… like how some people described a drug trip. I felt wired. Like this morning! Wow!
By the time we got to my apartment complex, I was noticing every little noise. I was trying not to let it show, but sensei was staring at me with worry.
"Maybe I should have left you with tea."
I shook my head. "No, no, it's okay. That mocha thing was good. Yeah." I unbuckled my seatbelt and got out. "See you tomorrow, sensei!" Ooh, yeah, I get to go to Kaiba-kun's house tomorrow. Score!
My fingers were twitchy. It was weird.
Was my apartment always so quiet? It was strange. Were the walls always so white? Maybe I should go to Yuugi-kun's place and tell him about coffee. Was this how Otogi-kun acted? Oh God, caffeine had a weird effect on me.
So… Kaiba-kun. What about Kaiba-kun? I had a project with him. He was hot. He had a pretty smile. He acted all mean and stuff, but was nice on the inside. He was a skeptic. Summary of his personality, right there!
I felt like telling him how I felt about him. I had to exercise actual control so that I would not pick up the phone and dial. Did I even have his number? There was some strange, foolish confidence about me.
Damn you, sensei. You and your wonderfully addictive white chocolate mocha.
Aiya, what was wrong with me?
None of the literature mentioned in this has any real meaning to the story. Even the Civil Disobedience thing came just because it was a short story/long essay, and then I remembered the project we did and saw opportunity. The thing they read aloud was the Wasteland by T.S. Eliot. "Paradise Lost" by Milton is just what I happen to be reading over the summer.
Would anyone be horribly surprised if Seto knew at least some French? I wouldn't be. But then again, I worship him, so maybe it's just me.
And yeah, Tanaka Kira's name is based on another one of the four hitokiri. If I knew the kanji to the hitokiri's name, I could use different kanji for my character, but I'm not doing that again. I have two other people, but ah well.
White chocolate mocha—the first thing coffee-related that I ever drank a few months ago in an ice-skating rink. It was a get-together with a whole bunch of orchestra kids and the pretty band nerd/prom king that shows up everywhere. I like white chocolate mocha. It's good. And how Ryou was acting was how I acted. (Ah, I can't believe Ka-chan and I actually acted like that…) It's how I'm acting as I type this. Except I've only had iced tea, which is notorious for making me hyperactive. Yay! Happy Chibi dance!
