Incoherent: I see Anzu/Tea as a character that can be easily used for various situations as a positive character. I don't think that there's such thing as a really two-dimensional, shallow character in that series. Well, the Duelist Kingdom Anzu was kind of annoying… but she evolved.
And to any administrator who is reading this/has been alerted to this after I say a censored version of my thoughts: I may be a tiny portion of this site and my years here may be insignificant, since I don't have a paying account, but this is my story and these reviewers are my friends. I'll speak to them in any form of communication that I want. (That took up a good… few bytes of information, maybe.)
Sorry this took so long. I had no idea what to do as a date (which shows quite bluntly… I hate this chapter), and Ka-chan didn't really help it… there is no Texas Roadhouse in Japan… even if there was, even I am not desperate enough to go there for a date… (This restaurant is famous for having peanut shells all over the floor and does have dead animals on the walls, which I resent) Then I wrote something, hated it, erased it, and wrote what is here now. Maybe. I could have gotten pissed and rewrote that. (If I ever go on a date, I hope the guy knows where he wants to go… because I won't.)
Chapter 12
Wonder
Sunday, May 15th
I wondered exactly what it was that started the chain reaction that led to my current situation. Would I be here now if I had not gone to Kyoto with Yuugi-kun? Certainly not, I would think. I would definitely not think as I do now. Because I would not have so much of an opportunity to see this side of Kaiba-kun, I would not feel as I do now. So I guess that it was a good thing that I decided to go.
I was staring out of the window, happy that I was in my present place, but nervous at the same time. I knew that I looked like an idiot, and that was one of the last things that I wanted to do, but I could not help it. This guy could, alternatively, make me conversational or silent, safe or afraid.
I wondered where it was that he was taking me. I just did not the ability to ask until we exited the actual city and came to what was more of a country setting, I supposed.
"Kaiba-kun, where are we going?" I asked finally. Perhaps I should have asked earlier.
"We are going out," he answered cryptically. That did not answer me question.
But in his voice, though hiding as it may have been, it almost seemed light, if you will. Almost as if he was enjoying something.
I would never be able to tell what he was thinking, would I?
This guy was a mystery of mannerisms. Perhaps I should get Mokuba-kun to write me a guide to all of his actions so that I could find the underlying meanings. That would take a novel's worth of pages, it seemed.
"But, where are we going?" Since I could not psychically read his meanings, I had to ask outright. However, in reply, he just gave a hidden smile and continued driving.
Was Kaiba-kun not too young to drive, technically? Licenses were open to adults to get, but most did not because it was too much trouble. Since Kaiba-kun was not yet twenty, he was not an adult.
That reminded me: I was over a month older than Kaiba-kun. My birthday was September 2nd and his was October 25th (I was bored one night and wanted to know). That was strange, since he looked so much older than me. Wow, that was a different light in which to see him. I did not like it as much, so I tried to push it from my mind and see as him as he was then. He was a hot seventeen-year-old guy with an underage driver's license that was on a date with me.
Oh yeah, this was a date.
We were now surrounded by wood and field. I did not know such places existed so close to home. Shows how much I knew.
"How would you like to go horseback riding?" He asked suddenly, and my eyes widened.
Did I just hear him correctly? "Horses?"
We parked in front of a large building with fenced fields behind it. There were indeed horses grazing in those fields. And we had a reservation to go riding.
You know, Kaiba-kun assumed that I would want to ride horses. What if I was scared or allergic to them? What if I just did not want to ride?
But I did, and though it may have been presumptuous of him, it did not matter.
I probably looked liked a child as I ran up to the fence and stared out at the horses in the field. It was the closest that I had ever seen horses before. Was it bad that I didn't even know that people owned horses in Japan?
"Bakura-kun, come on." Kaiba-kun called to me, taking all my attention away from the horses. He could grab attention so easily.
I sprinted a bit to catch up with him. "We're really riding them?" I had never touched a horse in my life, let alone sat on one. This was a big step. And those horses were bigger than I was.
"Oi, Kaiba-kun," a young man dressed in jeans and a very dirty shirt came up to us. "Right on time," he grinned, speaking with a slight Kansai accent, and then looked at me. "Hey, he's cute." I blushed profusely and the man blanched in such a way that I have seen people do when Kaiba-kun glares at them. "So!" He looked away nervously. "Has he ever ridden before?"
I shook my head. Kami-sama, those horses looked big. And they only seemed to get bigger as we got closer.
"I'll lead," Kaiba-kun said swiftly, obviously not as humored as the other person.
"Fine," he shrugged his shoulders and held out a hand to me. "I'm Sanada Itsuki. My dad owns this place, I run it."
"Bakura Ryou," I shook his hand. How did Kaiba-kun know him? They did not seem like the type who would talk, normally. Well, Kaiba-kun did not seem as if he would talk, normally. Never mind my current situation.
I was thoroughly confused as Sanada-san led us into the building, which was a stable, by the way. The smell of horses was a little strong at first, but Kaiba-kun was not phased and Sanada-san was right at home.
There was a dark brown horse about halfway down the stables. That was the one that Sanada-san took a saddle and… whatever you call that thing they put in a horses mouth over to. It watched him in slight anticipation.
The horse was taller than I was.
"Gawa-kun's our most docile gelding, perfect for beginners," Sanada-san explained. "I'll put on a light bridle and connect a leading line for you." He said that last part to Kaiba-kun, who nodded.
Sanada-kun dressed the horse quickly, first with the thing I now knew as a bridle and, after leading it out of the stall, a saddle. Gawa-kun, as I guessed the horse was called, stood there complacently. It was a cute name, I supposed. The horse's neck still looked thicker than my body, but that could have been my imagination.
"Pet him," said the deep, low voice of Kaiba-kun.
I reached my hand out slowly towards Gawa-kun's face. His head moved and I flinched a bit. But then my hand made contact with warm hair and skin. It felt… well, alive. The horse moved into my touch and started sniffing me.
"Likes you." Sanda-san stood straight up after finishing with the saddle. "Ready to go?"
I turned to Kaiba-kun. "Aren't you riding as well?"
"Someone needs to lead you so that the horse does not run off." His blue eyes connected with mine and my heart raced. "Besides, I've ridden before."
"Usually rides Denki, who's out in the paddock right now."
For some reason, I had a bit of trouble imagining Kaiba-kun riding a horse, let alone with the inferred regularity.
"Do, you know how to get up?"
I stared at the saddle. No, no I did not.
"Okay," Sanada-san squatted down next to the horse. "Put your left foot in this stirrup. Then, pull yourself up and swing your right leg over. Easy."
It may have sounded easy, but I knew that strength was not my forte. Neither was balance or coordination. Neither was luck, for that matter.
However, as to not lose face (since I am a guy, to remind you all, and do have some shred of male pride in myself, somewhere), I put my foot in the stirrup thing anyway.
As I made to pull myself up and hopefully over, I felt hands on my hips lift and turn me the correct way. I landed in the saddle with a sight thud, but at least I did not fall off and hurt myself. Gawa-kun was still calm as ever.
"T-thank you," I stuttered to Kaiba-kun, who still had a light hold on me.
"You're welcome, Bakura-kun." He was staring up at me (oh kami-sama, on this horse, I was taller than Kaiba-kun!) with some sort of look in his eyes, as if that was not what he wanted to say.
What was it that he wanted? What was he trying to say?
Was it possible that he was trying to open up to me? If so, then it must have been difficult. He seemed to not know how.
I smiled, but I still could not say that thing that I was hiding. I did not have that sort of confidence.
He almost looked, deep inside, as if he reflected that same feeling, but the Kaiba-kun that everybody knew was incredibly confident. What, besides an incident concerning his brother, could make his anxious? He had the eyes of a man who desperately wanted to say something more, but couldn't. I knew that during the past few weeks, I had that look often enough.
Usually, if he felt something about someone, he would say it. But then again, those were usually negative emotions centered on his adoptive family or Yuugi-tachi.
What did he see when he looked through those eyes of his and saw me, right there, staring back at him. Could he see that I was so in love with him, but too afraid to say it? Or did he just feel like me, absolutely confused as to what the other was thinking?
He could say such pretty words, but so could writers, poets, and singers who had never felt anything for anyone. I wanted to know how he felt about me.
Apprehension was far too strong.
The sound of someone clearing their throat caused me to flinch. "I'm still here," Sanada-san reminded us with a raised eyebrow.
I blushed again, but Kaiba-kun just seemed to ignore him. "Let's go." He took the leading line and gave a small tug so that Gawa-kun followed. I felt horribly awkward, sitting up there, moving without actually moving myself. I could feel muscles shifting under me as Gawa-kun took each step.
The view was so much more different from this height. I grinned. This was cool.
And I happened to look down as Kaiba-kun looked back at me. He turned back around to see in front of him with a softer expression and I silently cursed myself for being tongue-tied by his eyes.
I imagine that we had been on that trail for about an hour and a half by the time we came back. I was not sure, since I had thought not to bring a watch with me. Shows how prepared I was for most situations.
We stopped a bit in front of the stables so that I could get off. Everyone knows that I am not surefooted, so Kaiba-kun was ready when I got my foot caught in the stirrup as I tried to dismount and fell on top of him. It was not my proudest moment.
But… he was holding me. I was in his arms. My face went very, very hot.
"Are you alright?" He asked me, and I was horribly aware of his breath on my ear. Oh, holy shit.
"Yeah," I answered weakly as he set me down and let me go. I nodded to try to give a sort of affirmation. "I'm just a bit clumsy." I was still blushing. He made me blush a lot.
I felt foreign fingers touch mine lightly. "You're different," Kaiba-kun murmured as his hand clasped tightly, "your reactions are different than most people." He must have been feeling rather self-confident to take my hand as he did. He must have already known that it would reinstate my blush, as it did, and feel a little short of breath due to a sudden fear that I was possibly accepted. It was either that, or he himself was taking a chance and acting boldly. But Kaiba-kun was not that sort of person, was he?
Standing atop the castle wall, mask thrown aside, true face of anxiety and desperation for the life that he needed bared helplessly to us all.
All or nothing.
Perhaps Kaiba-kun was the type to take that chance. He normally acted as if he thought everything out beforehand, but he could take deathly risks as well, betting all on one decision made by another person.
It was my turn to make that decision now, not Yuugi-kun's other half. How would I react to his actions?
"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"
"It's not bad," he answered. "You surprised me at first."
I did not know how to react. I liked him.
I applied pressure to his hand. I loved him.
I still could not tell him.
I knew that he felt something for me. I was not that stupid, but… if that was true, why was it so difficult to say it? I wanted to hear him say it, I guessed, so that I would receive a verbal affirmation. It would give me confidence to get that one shred of evidence that he felt something.
I wanted him, but I could not initiate worth shit.
"Hey, if you're back, bring Gawa-kun in!" Sanada-san yelled from the stables, I assumed, breaking the tension. I wanted to hug him and thank him with utmost honor. However, all of that would stay in my mind.
Kaiba-kun let go of my hand and took the reins of the horse that had not moved since we stopped. I swear we could have just told him to go back and, assuming he understood Japanese, he would. But complacency isn't bad when the creature being content weighs hundreds of pounds more than you and could, I don't know, mash your body into little meaty pieces with its hooves.
As Kaiba-kun walked away with the leading line in hand, my gaze followed until it wandered to the other horses in the pasture. There were a couple male horses over on one side—a reddish one with black on its legs, and a white one. The latter looked better kept and stood with its head raised and moving, searching, while the former was content to graze and swish flies off its sides with its tail.
Elsewhere where fields (or, were they called paddocks?) with mares and colts. The young ones ran lankily around, some seeming to not quite have their footing.
Actually, they kind of reminded me of my wonderful displays of balance.
I looked back over at Kaiba-kun, who was standing some feet off. I felt embarrassed because he was watching me with this oddly relaxed look on his face. Usually, when he looked at me (and I mean as of late), there was some sort of focus in his eyes, a type of intensity. He was just watching me, silently, and I felt myself blush again as I looked away. My heart felt like it was tightening. What did he see in me? What was he thinking, feeling? I felt so unguarded, naked, vulnerable, but not alone. No, I was not alone.
Another thing that surprised was that we had talked during that time on the trail. It was, what I realized, a casual conversation on current events that felt difficult to do around Kaiba-kun if I particularly thought about it. Usually he could make my breath hitch and I would become nervous. But no, we talked as if we were truly good friends.
But we weren't close friends. I hardly know anything about him, really, and he did not particularly know anything about me.
Why were we on a date, then? Why did he ask me out, and why did I like him? I knew almost nothing about him except for a general overview of his life after being adopted. What was he like before then?
The heart is a difficult thing to comprehend. It feels without reason, almost with insanity or by intuition.
He came towards me, Sanada-san behind him. I wondered if Kaiba-kun was tired from that walking. It didn't look like it. Then again, he wouldn't.
"Well, hope you had fun," Sanada-san said, holding out a hand to shake.
I took it. "Yes, it was thank you."
He shook Kaiba-kun's hand as well, said another goodbye, and dismissed himself to go back to the stable. We took this and went to the car slowly, close together.
"Did you enjoy that?"
I nodded. "Thank you for bringing me." I smiled. "It was the first time that I've ever seen horses in real life."
"Really?" He sounded vaguely surprised, though not really.
I affirmed my answer with another nod. "I… didn't do that much as a child."
We reached the car and got in. I used that break from conversation to check my watch. It was a little after four o' clock.
"I was thinking that we could go to an early dinner."
"That's fine with me." I was hungry. I could not tell him that because it would somehow be embarrassing, though I did not know how. I just hoped that my stomach wouldn't start growling. That would make me want to jump out of the car and in front of it to end whatever misery I may feel.
I prayed silently that we would not go anywhere fancy. I was not dressed for it, he was not dressed for it, and I sure as hell did not want to go to a place where the meal would cost about year's labor in any sort of job that I would be applicable for.
And maybe Kaiba-kun really can read minds, or kami-sama does love me, or both, since we stopped at a restaurant that, while I would normally not eat there for monetary reasons, was not so expensive that I could not imagine seeing that amount of money in one place, ever.
I wondered what the other people saw when they saw us.
Run, run, run in the little hamster wheel, with thoughts stewing and repeating over and over, each time anguishing. I always had these same indecisive thoughts, and could never do anything about them. I had to wait for him to say something. Was he anguishing inside like this as well?
You know, I wanted a hamster as a kid. However, a conglomerate of my sister's death, my parents' divorce, and my coming into possession of a certain ancient Egyptian trinket made thoughts of a family pet nonexistent. I probably would have felt sorry for the hamster and let it out of its cage, anyway, and then it would get lost somewhere and drown in the toilet, or something.
I just noticed: I have not thought about Yami Bakura in such a long time. I used to think about him every day, but now it felt as if my mind was too preoccupied to do so. The fact that I had not thought about him made me feel a little guilty—he may have done some horrible things to me, but he had some redeeming features, I supposed, and no one really deserved to be completely forgotten by the people that they affected.
And since when have I stood up for him? Well, since a few seconds ago, when I started thinking about him. Being around Kaiba-kun must have changed me that much… I am not sure how, but I am sure that his presence has changed my perspective on things as abstract as Yami Bakura.
Kaiba-kun has been occupying my mind so efficiently that I have not thought about much else. I almost wondered what he would say if I told him that.
I think that I'll keep that to myself.
We were seated at a table like normal people, no celebrity treatment or whatnot. The waiter did look at me kind of funny, but that may have been another case of gender confusion. I got that a lot.
"Would you like something to drink?"
"Iced tea, sweet," Kaiba-kun said quickly and efficiently. My brain would not work. "He'll have the same," he filled in for me. I blushed profusely I in embarrassment.
"Sorry," I apologized, staring at the white table cloth as if it was an interesting piece of artwork. Maybe I could count the individual threads and the moment would be gone.
"For what?" Nope, it was still there.
"For," I paused, "not being decisive. For being a potential embarrassment."
He paused. There were a lot of these, it seemed. "You're cute."
I felt my body go rigid as my head jerked up to face him. My eyes were wide and I think my mouth was open a bit. But Kaiba-kun… Kaiba-kun kept a straight face, as if it was perfectly natural for him to call me cute in a public place. He even shrugged casually and answered, "You are." Locked into those blue eyes, staring, only the two of us in the world…
I twitched visibly when a glass of tea was set in front of me. The same waiter gave me a look of 'what the hell'. "Ah, thank you," I mumbled quickly, noting to myself that perhaps restaurants were not me thing.
"Are you ready to order?"
"No, give us a few minutes."
"Okay," and off the waiter went. I had to thank him for snapping me out of that, though. I'd still be staring, otherwise, and that would also be awkward. Well, I felt awkward as it was right now, but… yeah.
Kaiba-kun just opened his menu and looked over it nonchalantly. I decided to attempt the same. The meals were written in other languages, but the Japanese translations were off to the side. What the hell kind of restaurant was this, again?
I debated between salad and something with chicken in it. I was not too big on the heavier meats, but chicken was alright, I supposed.
Though a salad sounded nice. And it was more sophisticated. Yeah, salad. If nothing else, I could splurge when I got home. Ooh, why not chicken and salad? They had that.
The waiter came again and we ordered. Kaiba-kun ordered something containing beef in it. I think it was French, but I could never be sure. Languages were not my forte, as everyone should know. And if they don't, shame on them; where have they been for the past couple of weeks?
Then again, it almost seemed as if time had no real meaning. I had to remind myself of the date almost every class period. There were just increments of time when I could and could not see him. I was merely pathetic in that way.
I took a tentative sip of the cold tea and found it to my liking—sweet, but not saturated with sugar.
"How have you been?"
I started a bit when he asked. It was a normal question from a positively abnormal person. "Fine, I suppose. A lot of my time has been filled with schoolwork," and you, but I cannot tell you that.
He nodded. Of course, he had the same classes as me, so the same homework. "Work also is a bit of a hassle. No one can seem to make any sort of small decision without asking me first." Well, I guess that they want to make sure that they do it right, lest you kill them or fire them or whatever. But to me, Kaiba-kun didn't seem that mean anymore. I mean, I knew that he could be, but he seemed gentler than that, now.
We talked a little more (okay, actually, a while more) before the food came. I still had no idea what Kaiba-kun was eating, but I contemplated as I picked at me salad. I liked salad, okay? And cream puffs, but nobody, least of all the young man sitting across from me, needed to know that.
I started when a phone rang. Kaiba-kun reached into his pocket and pulled out a cell phone. "Excuse me," he whispered to me as he answered. "Mokuba?"
I could hear Mokuba-kun on the other end. That was the weird thing. It sounded very distant, but fairly clear. "Nii-sama, I had a dream where I was a ninja possessed by a fox demon."
There was a bit of silence for Kaiba-kun, accompanied by a look that I think was disbelief. "But you're okay?"
"Yeah," he affirmed. "Where are you? I woke up from my nap and you were gone. Are you at work?"
"No," he said quietly in a bit of an annoyed voice, "I am on a date, as I told you that I would be today." I blushed.
There was silence, and then a distant, "oh yeah."
Kaiba-kun looked vaguely amused.
"Well," his voice sped up, "I'll go do my homework now, tell Bakura-kun I said hi, bye!" Then there was the sound of the other phone disconnecting. Kaiba-kun closed his cell phone and put it back in his pocket, shaking his head slightly. "Mokuba says hi."
I nodded. "I heard."
"I'm sorry for the interruption."
"That's okay," I shook my head. "He was worried about you. Waking from a dream about ninja, but worried." That was odd. Ninja. Ninja possessed by a fox demon. I wondered where he got that stuff from.
Time passed at a comfortable rate. We talked, I laughed, he smiled. He had a beautiful smile.
We were slowly, clingingly, painfully entwining ourselves with one another. I could hardly imagine being without him, now. I was becoming horribly dependent, I thought. If he were to suddenly pull away now, I would crumble and perish, I knew. But I needed someone to depend on—that was a luxury that was a rarity in my life. Now that someone seemed to invite me in… I had to accept and embrace it fully. I was desperate for the warmth, I supposed. I could only hope that he did not decide to drop me suddenly.
I really was pathetic.
But then Kaiba-kun would smile at me, and I wouldn't feel bad anymore. I would feel that I had worth. Was this alternation of warmth and desperation really, truly love? Realistically, how could it be anything other than the wishing of the desperate heart of a girlish teenage boy? But it felt like more.
Run little hamster, run.
I don't know how long we were in the restaurant, but it was getting dark. I knew that it was time for me to go home. I felt like that fairytale of Cinderella, dressed and primped by her fairy godmother (does that mean Anzu-chan?) to go to the ball and meet the prince. But Seto knew who I was and where to find me. We saw each other everyday. I had no glass slipper, which was probably a good thing, since glass never came across to me as comfortable on the feet.
But this Cinderella had to go home, because he and the prince both had school the next day, and Cinderella needed sleep or he hated people in the mornings.
But he also didn't want to leave his prince. The prince left him in a wondering daze that made the world seem a completely different color.
"I… had a really nice time today, Kaiba-kun." I said as he pulled up to my apartment complex and I started getting out. I was still in a bit of a daze.
"Seto."
"Hm?" I blinked and looked up at him, never mind that I swear that the seatbelt was still trying to eat me.
"If you like, you can call me Seto."
"Seto," I blushed and adverted my eyes. I had never really thought to call him that before. "I-I suppose that you can call me Ryou, if you want."
"Ryou," he answered in his deep, low voice. There was no addition to that, no reason for him to say my name, he just did it.
"So, um," I started freaking out mentally, "I'll see you at school tomorrow." Do it, do it, do it, "Uh…" I actually managed to not kill myself when I dived back into the car and placed a soft kiss on the side of his mouth. It was warm. I pulled back quickly and stood upright again. "Goodnight, Seto." And with that, I ran to my apartment building, heart racing and that one word ringing like a bell in my heart and mind:
Seto.
It had a nice sound to it.
Preparing for my first semester of college has been hell. I want to kill it all. There's still administrative things to do after the year's started.
-Giggle- Antique Bakery's U.S. release (other countries as well, maybe?) comes with a scratch-and-sniff dust jacket. If you scratch one of the strawberries on the cover, it smells like strawberry. That amuses me to no end. Now I know why it was in a plastic wrap. And it's by Yoshinaga Fumi, my current favorite mangaka. Yay!
-Blanches as Love Mode fans stare- Yes, I kind of took the horse part from Love Mode. I was desperate, damn it! And Ryou seems like the type to like horses.
-Blanches as Naruto fans stare- Yes, I made a Naruto reference. Naruto and Mokuba are both played by Takeuchi Junko—I couldn't pass it up. And Kama-chan from Rurouni Kenshin. -loves-
Slowly getting into the rhythm of things. Houston work-hour traffic sucks, and I have the gayest algebra teacher ever. But he's so 'I want to hug him' cute! My birthday's coming up. I'll be eighteen. One week. Ooh, creepy.
