When they had all reached the empty common room they gathered on the
couches around the fire.
"Now what?" asked Sirius.
"We wait," said Hermione simply.
"I think that went well," said Remus.
"Yeah," agreed Hermione. "At least he didn't say no right away."
"Did you expect him to," asked Remus?
Hermione shrugged. "I don't know what I expected. I just know that I can't sit by and do nothing."
"Why didn't you tell us that you had jumped back in time before," asked Sirius?
"I don't know," said Hermione. "To be honest, I'm not really sure how much I should tell you. Dumbledore's right. It could be dangerous."
"You said you went back in time to save my life," persisted Sirius.
"Yeah, we did," replied Hermione uncomfortably.
"Maybe we should drop this," said Remus coming to her rescue.
She smiled gratefully at him.
Sirius, who was sitting on the edge of his seat, slumped back as if he didn't care one way or another, but Hermione could tell he was annoyed.
"I'm hungry," said James. "You guys want to come nick some food from the kitchen?"
"Sure," said Sirius easily.
"No thanks," said Hermione. "I'm not that hungry."
"Coming, Moony?" asked Sirius from the entranceway.
"Um, no," stuttered Remus. "Thanks anyway."
"Suit yourself," said James, disappearing. Sirius looked from Remus to Hermione before following James out.
"Aren't you hungry," Hermione asked Remus after the others had left?
"I'm ok," said Remus.
"Ok," replied Hermione. They sat quietly for several seconds before Hermione let out a chuckle.
"What," asked Remus curiously?
"It's nothing," Hermione shook her head smiling; "It's just James and Sirius."
"What about them?"
"They just remind me of Ron and Harry so much."
"Do you miss them a lot?"
Hermione nodded. "So much," she said her voice cracking.
"You talk about them more than you talk about your family."
"They are my family," said Hermione suddenly feeling defensive, but not quite sure why.
"Did you spend a lot of time with them?" asked Remus carefully.
"Almost all my time, the truth is, I've been home maybe four or five weeks total in the last two years. I spend my Christmas's and Easter's with Ron and Harry here at Hogwarts ad I've spent most of the last few summers either at the Burrow or Order headquarters. I probably see more of Ron's mum and dad than I do my own." She paused sadly. "I haven't been a very good daughter."
Remus moved closer to her. "I'm sure that's not true," he said gently.
"It's just been so hard to get home," she said feeling her throat tighten uncomfortably. "My mum and dad are great, really, but they just don't know."
"They're muggles, right?"
"Yeah," she said softly. "I suppose most muggle-borns go through the same things."
"It must be hard growing up in two different worlds," said Remus sympathetically.
"I wouldn't say it's hard," began Hermione. "Not exactly, it's just that after awhile you get so tired of lying. I guess it's more lonely than anything else. I don't know," she sighed, the frustration evident in her voice. "I feel guilty for lying to my parents about everything's that going on, but if I told the truth, they'd really worry or worse, they'd force me to come home. But when I am home I just feel guilty for being there. It's calm and quiet, no one knows that there's this whole other world among them fighting for its survival."
"You shouldn't be so hard on yourself," said Remus. "There's only so much you can do."
Hermione rested her head in one hand. "Sometimes I just get so tired."
"You look tired now," said Remus in concern. "Maybe you should go and get some rest. It'll be nice and quiet in your room.
"No," dismissed Hermione. "There's too much to do. I have to start gathering my thoughts together. I want to be ready when Dumbledore calls for the Order."
"What if he doesn't," asked Remus? "What if he waits?"
"He won't," said Hermione firmly. "He can't. Too much is at stake."
"But he might, Hermione," insisted Remus. "He's right about one thing. This could be very dangerous for you. If you're not careful, you could wipe yourself out of existence."
"If it stopped Voldemort it would be worth it," she said firmly. "Besides, I'm not really supposed to be here. For God sakes, I'm not even born yet, I doubt I'm a thought in my parents mind. Nobody would even miss me if anything like that happened."
"I would," said Remus. "I mean, we all would." He cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Hermione, I don't want anything to happen to you." They looked intently at each other.
"Remus, I...," she trailed off.
"What?" asked Remus quietly.
She ducked her head shyly. "Thank you. You know, you really haven't changed a bit or I guess I should say you won't change a bit." She laughed. "I can't seem to get my tenses right."
Remus laughed too. "So, tell me. Were you and I close?"
"I don't know that I'd say close. You were a lot older than me, but I did admire you a lot. You were one of my favorite professors. I don't know," said Hermione leaning back on the couch. "You really didn't seem to want to let anyone get too close to you. You kept to yourself mostly, although, you did spend a lot of time with Harry."
Remus shrugged. "It's kind of hard knowing who you can trust," he said defensively.
Hermione reached out and touched his shoulder. "I don't think you're like that now, with me. You trust me."
Remus's eyes were settled where Hermione's hand lay.
"Remus?"
"Huh," he said jerking his head up.
"You do trust me, don't you?" Suddenly Hermione wasn't sure if she was prepared to hear the answer to that question."
"Yeah, yeah I trust you," he said softly.
She smiled in relief. "I'm glad."
Her hand fell slowly from his shoulder down his arm. Remus turned his hand over and took hold of her hand. They sat quietly together, holding hands and smiling shyly at each other.
"I'm really glad you're here, Hermione," he said after awhile.
They were interrupted when the portrait swung open admitting James and Sirius.
"We're back," sang James, who was carrying a plump brown bag and a bottle of pumpkin juice. Hermione and Remus started and Remus got off the couch.
Sirius looked between Hermione and Remus. "Are we interrupting anything," he asked coolly. Hermione shot him a look and Remus turned away uncomfortably.
"I think I'm going to go to the library," Remus mumbled, getting up. He cleared his throat. "Do you want to come with me, Hermione, to study?"
"Ok," she said quickly, getting up and following Remus out.
"What about your books," Sirius yelled after them, but Remus and Hermione had already left. He crossed his arms and turned moodily around only to be confronted by James's smirking face.
"What," asked Sirius crossly?
"Nothing," said James, raising his hands. "I didn't say a thing."
Sirius crossed the room and threw himself on the couch. "So," he began, trying to sound casual. "What do you think they were talking about?"
"I don't know," said James, tossing the bag of food at Sirius.
Sirius wasn't paying attention and the bag hit him in the middle of his chest and fell into his lap.
"Hey, watch it."
"Sorry," said James, not sounding a bit sorry. "I'm bored," he said after awhile. "Do you want to go to the Quidditch Pitch?"
Sirius didn't answer.
"Oy, Padfoot."
"What," asked Sirius annoyed?
"Do you want to go to the Quidditch Pitch," repeated James like he was talking to a rather slow six-year-old.
"Oh, yeah sure," agreed Sirius getting up.
The boys left the Gryffindor common room and made their way out of the castle. They were outside and taking the shortcut by the lake, when both James and Sirius were surprised to see Remus and Hermione.
They were sitting by the lake very close to each other. Remus was leaning in and talking quietly to Hermione, who was laughing softly. Then to James and Sirius's shock, Remus reached up and touched Hermione's face gently.
James immediately felt like they were invading their privacy and tried to pull Sirius back, but he resisted. Sirius walked with deliberation toward the pair.
"Hey, you two," said Sirius casually. Remus and Hermione started and looked up at Sirius. "Got a bit side tracked from the library, huh?"
"You could say that," said Remus, smiling at Hermione.
Hermione looked apprehensively at each of the three boys in turn.
"Where are you guys headed?" asked Remus standing up. He reached down and took hold of Hermione's hands and pulled her to her feet.
"Quidditch Pitch," answered Sirius. "Why don't you guys come with us? We're going flying."
"Do you want to, Hermione?" asked Remus.
"I don't fly, actually. I mean, I haven't, not since my first year.
"You don't fly," said Sirius incredulously.
"We'll teach you," said James, coming forward.
"No," protested Hermione.
"Oh come on," said James excitedly. "It's the best."
"No, really, I'm just not comfortable on a broom. Why don't you guys go and I'll watch."
"Are you sure?" asked Remus.
"Of course," said Hermione smiling brightly. They trudged over to the Quidditch field and the boys went to get their brooms out of the locker room. Hermione settled herself in the stands and watched as the boys flew around passing a Quaffle between the three of them. They all flew well, but Hermione couldn't help noticing just how well James flew. There was no question where Harry got his talent from.
"Hermione," said Professor Dumbledore, approaching her from the side.
"Professor," she said getting up.
"Please, sit down Hermione. May I join?"
"Yes, of course," she slid over unnecessarily, seeing as she was the only one in the stand.
Dumbledore settled himself next to her and the two watched the boys fly for awhile or rather Hermione watched the boys and Dumbledore watched Hermione.
All three boys flew rather aggressively and Hermione couldn't help gasping a few times when she was certain the boys were heading straight for collisions with each other.
"They fly well," observed Dumbledore.
"I suppose," said Hermione biting her bottom lip nervously. "It just makes me nervous."
"So you don't fly yourself then," asked Dumbledore?
"Not if I can help it."
"You didn't strike me as a person who was afraid of anything," said Dumbledore.
"Yeah, well, we all have something, right?" Hermione looked away from the boys to Dumbledore. "In my third year, I saw my best friend fall fifty feet off a broom. He was nearly killed. I've never been quite comfortable watching people fly since." She laughed, "of course, nearly being killed didn't stop him from getting right back on another broom. He's just a bit fearless."
"You speak about your friends with a great deal of passion, yet you seem so attached to your new ones. I wonder if you would choose to go home if you could."
Hermione looked sharply at Dumbledore. "Why? Can I?"
A look of regret passed over Dumbledore's face. "No, I'm sorry dear. I didn't mean to imply..."
"Forget it," said Hermione quickly. "I think I've just about made peace with the fact that I'm staying here. In fact, I can see that there's going to be a point in the very near future when I'm not going to want to go back even if I do have the choice," the words fell from her lips without her realizing she was saying them. She wondered when it had happened.
Dumbledore regarded her. "You've been here nearly four months now. When did it start to feel like home?"
Hermione looked back into the sky at the boys. Remus swept near to her and waved. She smiled and waved back. "Today," she answered.
Dumbledore looked up in the direction of Hermione's gaze. "Mr. Lupin is very special."
Hermione blushed. "They all are."
"Hermione," said Dumbledore seriously. "Have you considered that getting so emotionally attached to the boys may be clouding your judgment?"
"I know it is," she said honestly. "Believe me Professor, I tried to play by the rules, I really did. I know the laws against tampering with time, but sir," she turned and looked Dumbledore in the eyes. "Why should we play by the rules if no one else does? The older I get and the more I see, the more I realize that there are no rules in life, just boundaries and limitations we place on ourselves."
"Yes," agreed Dumbledore. "But it is those limitations that distinguish us from them."
She considered his words and had no argument.
"I was sitting in my office considering what we talked about earlier and I realized I had many questions for you," said Dumbledore.
"You can ask me any question you like," offered Hermione.
"I appreciate that," he said smiling. "What I am most curious to know is the exact nature of your relationship with James, Sirius, and Remus in the future."
Hermione thought it was an odd question to begin with, but answered without reservation. "James is my best friend's father, but he died... dies when Harry is a baby. I'd never met him before I came here. Sirius is Harry's godfather. I can't honestly say that I had a relationship with him, we were only connected through Harry."
"Were?"
"Sirius was killed by a Death Eater almost two years ago from my point of view."
"And Remus," Dumbledore prompted.
Hermione smiled. "Remus used to be my professor."
"I see," said Dumbledore. "Hermione why are you so adamant about doing this? You're slowly eradicating the world you know. By the little you've done already, I fear you've already changed it beyond recognition."
"I realize that," she said. "But I can't watch them die. I really would do anything to save them all, even if it meant sacrificing myself."
"If I'm being honest with you, Hermione, it worries me how willing you seem to be to die protecting them."
"I suppose that once you're willing to do it for one person, it becomes easier to be willing to do it for others."
"And who were you first willing to do it for?"
She smiled sadly, "the first people who was willing to do it for me." She closed her eyes, lost in her memories. "Ron thought I was an insufferable know-it-all, I'm not sure what Harry thought, but when I needed them they were there. I still wonder sometimes if we would have been friends if it weren't for that damn troll." She opened her eyes to see Dumbledore staring at her and blushed. "Sorry," she mumbled.
Dumbledore smiled and accepted the answer without further questioning.
"Don't get me wrong," she said, feeling the need to explain herself. "I don't want to die. I've just lived with the possibility so long, that if does happen, I want it to mean something." She paused. "I don't think that's wrong," she said uncertainly.
"No, it's not wrong to want your life to have meaning."
"I'm a little selfish too," admitted Hermione. "I'm tired of fighting. I want this over."
She returned to watching the boys fly. "Oh, watch it," she whispered more to herself than anyone else as Remus swerved between James and Sirius. It didn't escape Dumbledore's notice how her eyes followed Remus as he looped and dove over the Quidditch field.
"Besides," she smiled. "I really do love them. It didn't take any effort at all. Do you think that's wrong, to be so attached to all of them?"
"No, it's never wrong to love someone. Understand, Hermione that it isn't only you that I'm concerned about. I worry about what will happen to the boys if I changed my plans. I suppose I feel a little protective of all the boys, but especially Remus. He's been through a lot."
"You have no idea," said Hermione softly. She smiled again as Remus made another pass just over her.
"Hermione, I've decided that while I won't allow any of you to take part in anything serious before you graduate, it would be foolish of me not to use your knowledge of the future in our favor."
Hermione whipped around and stared at Dumbledore with wide eyes. "Really!"
"Yes," he smiled sadly, "although I do so with a great deal of trepidation. Hermione you may be the only other person who knows what a tenuous situation we're in right now."
"Yes, I do, but I know we can do this." Her heart was racing with adrenaline. "I can tell you anything you want, where the Death Eaters are going to strike, who they are. There are some here now, at Hogwarts."
"I know you're eager, but I must remind you, that we cannot use your knowledge directly against the Death Eaters."
"But you just said..."
"Hermione," interrupted Dumbledore. "What I mean is that your testimony against the Death Eaters will be worthless to anyone but me. I cannot risk exposing your true identity to anyone in our world. If people knew where you came from, your life would be in terrible danger."
"I'm not afraid," protested Hermione.
"You've already proven that, but if Voldemort was aware of the knowledge you possess, he would most certainly do anything in his power to get at it. Do you understand what I'm saying Hermione? Voldemort stops at nothing to get what he wants. He destroys what he wants and kills whoever stands in his way."
"Of all people, you don't need to tell me that," she said slowly. "But if we can't expose the Death Eaters, what good is what I know?"
"There's plenty we can still do behind the scenes. We'll watch who we have to and be ready before they strike."
Hermione relaxed in her seat. "I don't know how to thank you, sir."
"You don't have to. I think it is I who should thank you." Dumbledore stood. "We'll talk about details tomorrow morning. Don't stay out too late, it'll be dark soon."
"We won't. Good night, sir."
"Good night, Hermione."
The boys flew for only fifteen more minutes before touching down. They tramped over to Hermione, sweaty and out of breath.
"Ready to go?" she asked.
"Definitely," said Sirius shivering in the night air. They all turned and walked back to the castle.
"Dumbledore came to see me while you were flying," said Hermione.
All three boys immediately stopped and Hermione laughed, but continued walking. They ran to catch up with her.
"What did he say?" asked James.
"He said that he'll use the information I know," she sighed happily.
"Does that mean we're in the Order?" asked Sirius excitedly.
"No," said Hermione. "He says we can't do anything serious until we're out of school, but at least Dumbledore will be doing something. He said that we would talk in the morning."
They reached Gryffindor tower and stood silently in the common room. "I guess we should all get some sleep. It's been a long day." She turned and went upstairs to her own room.
"Night," called the three boys, before heading for the showers.
"This is amazing," said Sirius.
"Yeah," agreed James. "It doesn't feel real to me yet."
"Just wait until we have to start dodging curses," said Remus bitterly. "Then it will feel real."
"What's the matter with you, Moony?" asked James.
"The two of you are treating this like its some grand adventure and meanwhile Hermione's the one putting her head in the noose."
"Hey," said Sirius. "We don't think it's a game."
"Yeah well, have either of you stopped to think how much danger Hermione's putting herself in?"
"She's a big girl, Moony. She knows what she's doing," replied Sirius.
"I wish I could be as cavalier as you are," said Remus. "But I happen to really care about her."
Sirius glanced at James with a raised eyebrow.
"You can keep your insinuations to yourself, Padfoot," said Remus.
"I wasn't insinuating anything, Moony."
"Whatever," said Remus turning away.
"Remus," said Sirius. "Can I ask you a question?"
Remus sighed. "Yeah, go ahead."
He cleared his throat. "What exactly is going on between you and Hermione?"
"The same thing that's going on between the two of you," said Remus. "Absolutely nothing," he said, but under his breath so neither James or Sirius heard. "I'm going to take a shower," he said before disappearing.
James whistled. "Man, he's got it bad."
"I'm going to take a shower too," said Sirius sullenly, ignoring James.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed, dyrim, Hearts, Reene, LinNicole, Rebel Witch7, Raclswt, Laura, solar, Dixi, tash6, Spaced Out Space Cadet, Butterbeeraholic (Both? I'm sure our girl could handle them both, but I'm not sure I'm up to writing it, sigh...), Mrs. N. Snape, Horus (by the way, no it's not that episode. If I told it would give it away, he he he.), unicorngrl415, Rane2920072, and Li-chan. You're all the best.
"Now what?" asked Sirius.
"We wait," said Hermione simply.
"I think that went well," said Remus.
"Yeah," agreed Hermione. "At least he didn't say no right away."
"Did you expect him to," asked Remus?
Hermione shrugged. "I don't know what I expected. I just know that I can't sit by and do nothing."
"Why didn't you tell us that you had jumped back in time before," asked Sirius?
"I don't know," said Hermione. "To be honest, I'm not really sure how much I should tell you. Dumbledore's right. It could be dangerous."
"You said you went back in time to save my life," persisted Sirius.
"Yeah, we did," replied Hermione uncomfortably.
"Maybe we should drop this," said Remus coming to her rescue.
She smiled gratefully at him.
Sirius, who was sitting on the edge of his seat, slumped back as if he didn't care one way or another, but Hermione could tell he was annoyed.
"I'm hungry," said James. "You guys want to come nick some food from the kitchen?"
"Sure," said Sirius easily.
"No thanks," said Hermione. "I'm not that hungry."
"Coming, Moony?" asked Sirius from the entranceway.
"Um, no," stuttered Remus. "Thanks anyway."
"Suit yourself," said James, disappearing. Sirius looked from Remus to Hermione before following James out.
"Aren't you hungry," Hermione asked Remus after the others had left?
"I'm ok," said Remus.
"Ok," replied Hermione. They sat quietly for several seconds before Hermione let out a chuckle.
"What," asked Remus curiously?
"It's nothing," Hermione shook her head smiling; "It's just James and Sirius."
"What about them?"
"They just remind me of Ron and Harry so much."
"Do you miss them a lot?"
Hermione nodded. "So much," she said her voice cracking.
"You talk about them more than you talk about your family."
"They are my family," said Hermione suddenly feeling defensive, but not quite sure why.
"Did you spend a lot of time with them?" asked Remus carefully.
"Almost all my time, the truth is, I've been home maybe four or five weeks total in the last two years. I spend my Christmas's and Easter's with Ron and Harry here at Hogwarts ad I've spent most of the last few summers either at the Burrow or Order headquarters. I probably see more of Ron's mum and dad than I do my own." She paused sadly. "I haven't been a very good daughter."
Remus moved closer to her. "I'm sure that's not true," he said gently.
"It's just been so hard to get home," she said feeling her throat tighten uncomfortably. "My mum and dad are great, really, but they just don't know."
"They're muggles, right?"
"Yeah," she said softly. "I suppose most muggle-borns go through the same things."
"It must be hard growing up in two different worlds," said Remus sympathetically.
"I wouldn't say it's hard," began Hermione. "Not exactly, it's just that after awhile you get so tired of lying. I guess it's more lonely than anything else. I don't know," she sighed, the frustration evident in her voice. "I feel guilty for lying to my parents about everything's that going on, but if I told the truth, they'd really worry or worse, they'd force me to come home. But when I am home I just feel guilty for being there. It's calm and quiet, no one knows that there's this whole other world among them fighting for its survival."
"You shouldn't be so hard on yourself," said Remus. "There's only so much you can do."
Hermione rested her head in one hand. "Sometimes I just get so tired."
"You look tired now," said Remus in concern. "Maybe you should go and get some rest. It'll be nice and quiet in your room.
"No," dismissed Hermione. "There's too much to do. I have to start gathering my thoughts together. I want to be ready when Dumbledore calls for the Order."
"What if he doesn't," asked Remus? "What if he waits?"
"He won't," said Hermione firmly. "He can't. Too much is at stake."
"But he might, Hermione," insisted Remus. "He's right about one thing. This could be very dangerous for you. If you're not careful, you could wipe yourself out of existence."
"If it stopped Voldemort it would be worth it," she said firmly. "Besides, I'm not really supposed to be here. For God sakes, I'm not even born yet, I doubt I'm a thought in my parents mind. Nobody would even miss me if anything like that happened."
"I would," said Remus. "I mean, we all would." He cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Hermione, I don't want anything to happen to you." They looked intently at each other.
"Remus, I...," she trailed off.
"What?" asked Remus quietly.
She ducked her head shyly. "Thank you. You know, you really haven't changed a bit or I guess I should say you won't change a bit." She laughed. "I can't seem to get my tenses right."
Remus laughed too. "So, tell me. Were you and I close?"
"I don't know that I'd say close. You were a lot older than me, but I did admire you a lot. You were one of my favorite professors. I don't know," said Hermione leaning back on the couch. "You really didn't seem to want to let anyone get too close to you. You kept to yourself mostly, although, you did spend a lot of time with Harry."
Remus shrugged. "It's kind of hard knowing who you can trust," he said defensively.
Hermione reached out and touched his shoulder. "I don't think you're like that now, with me. You trust me."
Remus's eyes were settled where Hermione's hand lay.
"Remus?"
"Huh," he said jerking his head up.
"You do trust me, don't you?" Suddenly Hermione wasn't sure if she was prepared to hear the answer to that question."
"Yeah, yeah I trust you," he said softly.
She smiled in relief. "I'm glad."
Her hand fell slowly from his shoulder down his arm. Remus turned his hand over and took hold of her hand. They sat quietly together, holding hands and smiling shyly at each other.
"I'm really glad you're here, Hermione," he said after awhile.
They were interrupted when the portrait swung open admitting James and Sirius.
"We're back," sang James, who was carrying a plump brown bag and a bottle of pumpkin juice. Hermione and Remus started and Remus got off the couch.
Sirius looked between Hermione and Remus. "Are we interrupting anything," he asked coolly. Hermione shot him a look and Remus turned away uncomfortably.
"I think I'm going to go to the library," Remus mumbled, getting up. He cleared his throat. "Do you want to come with me, Hermione, to study?"
"Ok," she said quickly, getting up and following Remus out.
"What about your books," Sirius yelled after them, but Remus and Hermione had already left. He crossed his arms and turned moodily around only to be confronted by James's smirking face.
"What," asked Sirius crossly?
"Nothing," said James, raising his hands. "I didn't say a thing."
Sirius crossed the room and threw himself on the couch. "So," he began, trying to sound casual. "What do you think they were talking about?"
"I don't know," said James, tossing the bag of food at Sirius.
Sirius wasn't paying attention and the bag hit him in the middle of his chest and fell into his lap.
"Hey, watch it."
"Sorry," said James, not sounding a bit sorry. "I'm bored," he said after awhile. "Do you want to go to the Quidditch Pitch?"
Sirius didn't answer.
"Oy, Padfoot."
"What," asked Sirius annoyed?
"Do you want to go to the Quidditch Pitch," repeated James like he was talking to a rather slow six-year-old.
"Oh, yeah sure," agreed Sirius getting up.
The boys left the Gryffindor common room and made their way out of the castle. They were outside and taking the shortcut by the lake, when both James and Sirius were surprised to see Remus and Hermione.
They were sitting by the lake very close to each other. Remus was leaning in and talking quietly to Hermione, who was laughing softly. Then to James and Sirius's shock, Remus reached up and touched Hermione's face gently.
James immediately felt like they were invading their privacy and tried to pull Sirius back, but he resisted. Sirius walked with deliberation toward the pair.
"Hey, you two," said Sirius casually. Remus and Hermione started and looked up at Sirius. "Got a bit side tracked from the library, huh?"
"You could say that," said Remus, smiling at Hermione.
Hermione looked apprehensively at each of the three boys in turn.
"Where are you guys headed?" asked Remus standing up. He reached down and took hold of Hermione's hands and pulled her to her feet.
"Quidditch Pitch," answered Sirius. "Why don't you guys come with us? We're going flying."
"Do you want to, Hermione?" asked Remus.
"I don't fly, actually. I mean, I haven't, not since my first year.
"You don't fly," said Sirius incredulously.
"We'll teach you," said James, coming forward.
"No," protested Hermione.
"Oh come on," said James excitedly. "It's the best."
"No, really, I'm just not comfortable on a broom. Why don't you guys go and I'll watch."
"Are you sure?" asked Remus.
"Of course," said Hermione smiling brightly. They trudged over to the Quidditch field and the boys went to get their brooms out of the locker room. Hermione settled herself in the stands and watched as the boys flew around passing a Quaffle between the three of them. They all flew well, but Hermione couldn't help noticing just how well James flew. There was no question where Harry got his talent from.
"Hermione," said Professor Dumbledore, approaching her from the side.
"Professor," she said getting up.
"Please, sit down Hermione. May I join?"
"Yes, of course," she slid over unnecessarily, seeing as she was the only one in the stand.
Dumbledore settled himself next to her and the two watched the boys fly for awhile or rather Hermione watched the boys and Dumbledore watched Hermione.
All three boys flew rather aggressively and Hermione couldn't help gasping a few times when she was certain the boys were heading straight for collisions with each other.
"They fly well," observed Dumbledore.
"I suppose," said Hermione biting her bottom lip nervously. "It just makes me nervous."
"So you don't fly yourself then," asked Dumbledore?
"Not if I can help it."
"You didn't strike me as a person who was afraid of anything," said Dumbledore.
"Yeah, well, we all have something, right?" Hermione looked away from the boys to Dumbledore. "In my third year, I saw my best friend fall fifty feet off a broom. He was nearly killed. I've never been quite comfortable watching people fly since." She laughed, "of course, nearly being killed didn't stop him from getting right back on another broom. He's just a bit fearless."
"You speak about your friends with a great deal of passion, yet you seem so attached to your new ones. I wonder if you would choose to go home if you could."
Hermione looked sharply at Dumbledore. "Why? Can I?"
A look of regret passed over Dumbledore's face. "No, I'm sorry dear. I didn't mean to imply..."
"Forget it," said Hermione quickly. "I think I've just about made peace with the fact that I'm staying here. In fact, I can see that there's going to be a point in the very near future when I'm not going to want to go back even if I do have the choice," the words fell from her lips without her realizing she was saying them. She wondered when it had happened.
Dumbledore regarded her. "You've been here nearly four months now. When did it start to feel like home?"
Hermione looked back into the sky at the boys. Remus swept near to her and waved. She smiled and waved back. "Today," she answered.
Dumbledore looked up in the direction of Hermione's gaze. "Mr. Lupin is very special."
Hermione blushed. "They all are."
"Hermione," said Dumbledore seriously. "Have you considered that getting so emotionally attached to the boys may be clouding your judgment?"
"I know it is," she said honestly. "Believe me Professor, I tried to play by the rules, I really did. I know the laws against tampering with time, but sir," she turned and looked Dumbledore in the eyes. "Why should we play by the rules if no one else does? The older I get and the more I see, the more I realize that there are no rules in life, just boundaries and limitations we place on ourselves."
"Yes," agreed Dumbledore. "But it is those limitations that distinguish us from them."
She considered his words and had no argument.
"I was sitting in my office considering what we talked about earlier and I realized I had many questions for you," said Dumbledore.
"You can ask me any question you like," offered Hermione.
"I appreciate that," he said smiling. "What I am most curious to know is the exact nature of your relationship with James, Sirius, and Remus in the future."
Hermione thought it was an odd question to begin with, but answered without reservation. "James is my best friend's father, but he died... dies when Harry is a baby. I'd never met him before I came here. Sirius is Harry's godfather. I can't honestly say that I had a relationship with him, we were only connected through Harry."
"Were?"
"Sirius was killed by a Death Eater almost two years ago from my point of view."
"And Remus," Dumbledore prompted.
Hermione smiled. "Remus used to be my professor."
"I see," said Dumbledore. "Hermione why are you so adamant about doing this? You're slowly eradicating the world you know. By the little you've done already, I fear you've already changed it beyond recognition."
"I realize that," she said. "But I can't watch them die. I really would do anything to save them all, even if it meant sacrificing myself."
"If I'm being honest with you, Hermione, it worries me how willing you seem to be to die protecting them."
"I suppose that once you're willing to do it for one person, it becomes easier to be willing to do it for others."
"And who were you first willing to do it for?"
She smiled sadly, "the first people who was willing to do it for me." She closed her eyes, lost in her memories. "Ron thought I was an insufferable know-it-all, I'm not sure what Harry thought, but when I needed them they were there. I still wonder sometimes if we would have been friends if it weren't for that damn troll." She opened her eyes to see Dumbledore staring at her and blushed. "Sorry," she mumbled.
Dumbledore smiled and accepted the answer without further questioning.
"Don't get me wrong," she said, feeling the need to explain herself. "I don't want to die. I've just lived with the possibility so long, that if does happen, I want it to mean something." She paused. "I don't think that's wrong," she said uncertainly.
"No, it's not wrong to want your life to have meaning."
"I'm a little selfish too," admitted Hermione. "I'm tired of fighting. I want this over."
She returned to watching the boys fly. "Oh, watch it," she whispered more to herself than anyone else as Remus swerved between James and Sirius. It didn't escape Dumbledore's notice how her eyes followed Remus as he looped and dove over the Quidditch field.
"Besides," she smiled. "I really do love them. It didn't take any effort at all. Do you think that's wrong, to be so attached to all of them?"
"No, it's never wrong to love someone. Understand, Hermione that it isn't only you that I'm concerned about. I worry about what will happen to the boys if I changed my plans. I suppose I feel a little protective of all the boys, but especially Remus. He's been through a lot."
"You have no idea," said Hermione softly. She smiled again as Remus made another pass just over her.
"Hermione, I've decided that while I won't allow any of you to take part in anything serious before you graduate, it would be foolish of me not to use your knowledge of the future in our favor."
Hermione whipped around and stared at Dumbledore with wide eyes. "Really!"
"Yes," he smiled sadly, "although I do so with a great deal of trepidation. Hermione you may be the only other person who knows what a tenuous situation we're in right now."
"Yes, I do, but I know we can do this." Her heart was racing with adrenaline. "I can tell you anything you want, where the Death Eaters are going to strike, who they are. There are some here now, at Hogwarts."
"I know you're eager, but I must remind you, that we cannot use your knowledge directly against the Death Eaters."
"But you just said..."
"Hermione," interrupted Dumbledore. "What I mean is that your testimony against the Death Eaters will be worthless to anyone but me. I cannot risk exposing your true identity to anyone in our world. If people knew where you came from, your life would be in terrible danger."
"I'm not afraid," protested Hermione.
"You've already proven that, but if Voldemort was aware of the knowledge you possess, he would most certainly do anything in his power to get at it. Do you understand what I'm saying Hermione? Voldemort stops at nothing to get what he wants. He destroys what he wants and kills whoever stands in his way."
"Of all people, you don't need to tell me that," she said slowly. "But if we can't expose the Death Eaters, what good is what I know?"
"There's plenty we can still do behind the scenes. We'll watch who we have to and be ready before they strike."
Hermione relaxed in her seat. "I don't know how to thank you, sir."
"You don't have to. I think it is I who should thank you." Dumbledore stood. "We'll talk about details tomorrow morning. Don't stay out too late, it'll be dark soon."
"We won't. Good night, sir."
"Good night, Hermione."
The boys flew for only fifteen more minutes before touching down. They tramped over to Hermione, sweaty and out of breath.
"Ready to go?" she asked.
"Definitely," said Sirius shivering in the night air. They all turned and walked back to the castle.
"Dumbledore came to see me while you were flying," said Hermione.
All three boys immediately stopped and Hermione laughed, but continued walking. They ran to catch up with her.
"What did he say?" asked James.
"He said that he'll use the information I know," she sighed happily.
"Does that mean we're in the Order?" asked Sirius excitedly.
"No," said Hermione. "He says we can't do anything serious until we're out of school, but at least Dumbledore will be doing something. He said that we would talk in the morning."
They reached Gryffindor tower and stood silently in the common room. "I guess we should all get some sleep. It's been a long day." She turned and went upstairs to her own room.
"Night," called the three boys, before heading for the showers.
"This is amazing," said Sirius.
"Yeah," agreed James. "It doesn't feel real to me yet."
"Just wait until we have to start dodging curses," said Remus bitterly. "Then it will feel real."
"What's the matter with you, Moony?" asked James.
"The two of you are treating this like its some grand adventure and meanwhile Hermione's the one putting her head in the noose."
"Hey," said Sirius. "We don't think it's a game."
"Yeah well, have either of you stopped to think how much danger Hermione's putting herself in?"
"She's a big girl, Moony. She knows what she's doing," replied Sirius.
"I wish I could be as cavalier as you are," said Remus. "But I happen to really care about her."
Sirius glanced at James with a raised eyebrow.
"You can keep your insinuations to yourself, Padfoot," said Remus.
"I wasn't insinuating anything, Moony."
"Whatever," said Remus turning away.
"Remus," said Sirius. "Can I ask you a question?"
Remus sighed. "Yeah, go ahead."
He cleared his throat. "What exactly is going on between you and Hermione?"
"The same thing that's going on between the two of you," said Remus. "Absolutely nothing," he said, but under his breath so neither James or Sirius heard. "I'm going to take a shower," he said before disappearing.
James whistled. "Man, he's got it bad."
"I'm going to take a shower too," said Sirius sullenly, ignoring James.
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A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed, dyrim, Hearts, Reene, LinNicole, Rebel Witch7, Raclswt, Laura, solar, Dixi, tash6, Spaced Out Space Cadet, Butterbeeraholic (Both? I'm sure our girl could handle them both, but I'm not sure I'm up to writing it, sigh...), Mrs. N. Snape, Horus (by the way, no it's not that episode. If I told it would give it away, he he he.), unicorngrl415, Rane2920072, and Li-chan. You're all the best.
