This is my version of family therapy, much like TPTB version of an intervention. (Six viewing later of that episode and I laugh each time I watch that scene. And I know I'm supposed to cry.) Thanks to loracj2 for beta-ing. Why after 6 chapter did I decide I should have one, I don't know. But it's always a good idea. But it all belongs to Josh... well with a few exceptions.
"Sandy?" Kirsten turned to her husband with an expectant look. "What's going on?" She wanted to say something like, I've been gone for a couple of weeks and this family is falling apart, but she knew that wasn't fair. In fact, it was her fault if the family was falling apart. "Why aren't the boys talking?"
Sandy guiltily shrugged his shoulders. He should have made Seth and Ryan work through whatever their problem was before coming to Suriak. He hadn't thought that their little spat would spill over to their visit with Kirsten. Slumping down in his seat, he thought, if Kirsten had been home, if they were partners again, then the boys wouldn't be arguing or at least they would have settled it together as a family.
"Ryan?" Kirsten turned to him. When he didn't answer she turned to Seth. Surely Seth couldn't keep quiet. "Seth?"
Seth didn't say anything. But his mother's penetrating glare melted his resolve and despite Ryan's eyes boring holes in his back he was about to spill everything. But a young pretty nurse, with black hair cut in a short bob, and red streaked bangs, interrupted them before he could say anything.
"Mrs. Cohen? Dr. Altman is ready for you and your family."
Kirsten sighed. "Thank you. We'll be right there." She smoothed out her skirt and stood up. "We should go. But we're not done here," she warned over her shoulder.
Seth was glad that the alcohol and Suriak hadn't changed his mom too much. She was still his no nonsense mom; a force to be reckoned with. He watched his father jog a bit to catch up to Kirsten and he slipped his hand in hers, lacing their fingers together. His mom seemed to stand straighter when Sandy was next to her. Together, his parents were unstoppable. Separate... separate their entire family was fragmented like the shards of a broken glass.
They reached the therapist's office and followed a confident Kirsten inside. She looked, to Ryan, as if she owned the place. He didn't understand why the prospect of facing all the family's demons didn't frighten her. He knew it frightened him. His stomach was in knots and his knees were wobbly.
The office was decorated simply. A large dark blue area rug with an off white border covered most of the office's floor. Two leather sofas sat on the edge of the carpets, facing each other and a plush leather chair sat between them. Ryan noticed a computer hutch pushed up against the wall. Other than that, save for a few black and white pictures of Central Park, the room felt bare and intimidating.
Sandy and Kirsten sat on one of the sofas, Seth took the second. Ryan hung back as he realized he was supposed to sit with Seth. He ran his tongue over his teeth, trying to spot another chair. It couldn't be that all the families that came for counseling had exactly four people. What did they do?
"Ryan, sit," Kirsten urged. She pointed to the empty spot next to Seth.
He swallowed and took a step forward, waiting to see if Seth objected. When he didn't, he took another more assured step forward and then another until he was at the couch. He sat, relieved when Seth slid over to make more room for him. Though it was obvious he was working hard to stay on his side of the sofa. Ryan's back had barely touched the back of the sofa when Dr. Altman entered the room.
"Good afternoon, Kirsten," the doctor said. He turned to Sandy. "You must be Sandy. I'm Dr. Altman."
Sandy half-stood offering his hand to the therapist. They shook hands and Dr. Altman turned to Ryan and Seth.
"Let me see." Dr. Altman stroked his chin. "Curly dark hair. Takes after his father." He pointed to Seth. "You must be Seth. And you, with coloring that takes after Kirsten, must be Ryan."
While Seth shook hands with Dr. Altman, Ryan threw Kirsten a puzzled look. Certainly, she hadn't told her therapist that he was her son. Kirsten didn't acknowledge the look, but jutted her chin towards the doctor, indicating he was waiting to shake hands with Ryan.
"It's a pleasure to meet all of you." Dr. Altman backed up to his plush leather chair. "I know this has been a difficult time for your family and coming here must be uncomfortable for all of you. Before we start, I'd like to set up a few ground rules.
"This is a safe room. Everything said here is confidential and stays between the five of us. Also, what's said here should not be used as a way to attack each other later on. I want you to all feel you can be honest. That won't work if down the road you use what's said as a weapon. Am I clear?"
They all nodded.
"Great." His eyes scanned the room. "I thought we'd start where you left off at the intervention. Let's discuss how Kirsten's drinking has affected you. Seth, why don't you start things off?"
Seth looked down at his hands. He hadn't expected to go first. He wasn't sure what he expected. This was all so new to him. His parents had urged him to see a counselor when he had first started high school and they thought he wasn't adjusting well, but he had refused and they hadn't pushed him. His stomach lurched. What was he supposed to say? The truth. They were supposed to be honest. He picked up his eyes and let them settle on his mother.
"That's the thing. It never really affected me. Sure, I noticed some tension between you and dad, but dad told me things were okay and that you were working it out. But I never even realized you had started drinking heavily until Dad told me we were having an intervention. I was so self-absorbed by my own life, my stupid teen drama, I didn't realize anything was wrong. I'm so sorry, Mom." Seth choked out the last few words.
"Kirsten," Dr. Altman said softly. "Do you have a response for Seth?"
Kirsten took a deep breath. "Seth, you have nothing to be sorry about. Nothing. I'm relieved that you didn't know and that it didn't affect you right away. I know it was a big shock to you when Dad just sprung the news, but if you had realized any sooner the hurt would have just started that much earlier. I'm glad that you were able to carry on in spite of me."
A tear rolled down Seth's cheek. "I am so sorry," he repeated. "This never would have happened if I hadn't run away last summer-"
Kirsten didn't let Seth finish. "No. You're wrong there, Seth. I have to take responsibility for my drinking. Lots of people have tension in their lives and problems and they don't all turn to alcohol. I could have turned to your father for comfort or taken more Yoga classes or maybe even some counseling, but instead I let alcohol be my comfort blanket. I'm the one who is sorry that you didn't feel like you had a home without Ryan. Obviously, I failed you as a mother."
Seth shook his head. "You might not be perfect, but you never failed me. You were always there. You always listened to me. I've seen some of the other moms in Newport and you make them look like June Cleaver."
Kirsten laughed through her tears. "Not Carol Brady?"
She took the tissue that Sandy handed her and dabbed at her face. Kirsten hadn't expected Seth to blame himself. She thought Ryan might do that, but not Seth. Knowing it would be Ryan's turn to talk next; she wondered what he might hurl at her.
Dr. Altman turned to Ryan. "Ryan would you like to share with Kirsten how her drinking has affected you?"
Ryan rolled up his eyes at the ceiling. He hadn't expected to talk at all. He didn't have to. Sandy had said he could just sit quietly in the background. But everyone's eyes were on him. He hated being the center of attention. Mentally, Ryan shook his head. What had the doctor asked? How had Kirsten's drinking affected him? Before he could stop himself the words were out of his mouth, they just weren't what he had expected to say.
"Why did you tell Dr. Altman that I looked like you? Like I was your son?"
Ryan's question ricocheted off her, like a rubber bullet bouncing off of the walls. They stabbed her right in her heart.
"Honey, Ryan. What do you mean?"
Ryan leveled his stare at her. His eyes were distant cold and dark, just like during the Oliver incident. His eyes were the same now as then, when neither she nor Sandy would listen to him or trust him; when they had made him an outsider in their family.
"I'm not your son. Why would you make it sound like you have two sons? As if you have one that looks just like his dad and the other one that's a fair-haired version of his mother?"
Kirsten closed her eyes tightly, but the tears squeezed out anyway. "Ryan, I am so sorry. I know that this is about what I said at the intervention— If I had Hermione's Time Turner I would twist it around and around so I could never utter those words."
Ryan aimed the words at Kirsten, but his eyes were searching Seth. What had he said to his mother about his reading habits? "You made it very clear that I am an outsider in your family."
Kirsten drew in a long shaky breath. She had known all along that she would have to face her words, but she hadn't known how painful it would be.
"You weren't drunk. It wasn't the booze talking."
"I know. I know. I was using my words as weapons."
"You didn't use them on Sandy or Hailey. You pleaded with Sandy, and told Hailey how you offered help without judgment during her difficult time. No weapons there."
Kirsten buried her head in her hands.
"Kirsten," Dr. Altman prompted quietly. "Ryan asked you a question."
Slowly, she picked up her head and nodded, feeling Sandy's reassuring hand on the small of her back. She would take her strength from Sandy. He was her anchor. He had always been her anchor.
"When your mom left you with us two years ago, I promised you a better life. I promised you a life that was free of self-indulgent mothers who turned to the bottle for strength and comfort. When you were facing me that afternoon, all I could see was how I'd failed you. I didn't feel like I had failed as a wife or as a sister, but I had failed you as a mother, Ryan.
"It doesn't excuse what I said. I can't take the words back or the hurt. I know that. But the words didn't come out of hate. They didn't come out of any deep-rooted hidden feelings that I didn't want you in my family. It came out of my knowledge that I didn't do what I promised."
Ryan studied the rug. He had turned the words over in his head for weeks and not once had he come up with that scenario. "How could you think that you failed me?" His words were barely audible, but they reached Kirsten's ears. "You could never fail me."
"I promised you a different life, but I just gave you the same old problems in a different wrapping."
He shook his head. "Dawn, she never really tried to get better for us. No matter how many times Trey or I asked her, she wouldn't go to rehab. The longest she ever quit drinking was the week after she kicked me out. She always chose the alcohol over us. But you – you chose your family before the alcohol. And even while you were drinking you never stopped being a mom."
"I know I don't deserve it, but will you ever be able to forgive me for what I said?"
"Let's just take it slow."
"I can do that. We can all do that, right?"
She looked from Sandy to Seth. Sandy squeezed her hand, agreeing with her in his non verbal way, but Seth didn't say anything.
"Seth?" She implored. When he still didn't answer, she shook her head in frustration. "Okay, what's going on between the two of you?" No one answered. "I'm an alcoholic," Kirsten declared. "I'm not blind." She looked at Dr. Altman. "I know this probably veers from the agenda, but my boys, who are usually best of friends, like brothers, have not said one word to each other since they arrived here."
Dr. Altman bowed his head. "Go ahead."
Kirsten slid forward, until she was sitting on the edge of the couch. She mustered every ounce of parental authority and said, "One of you is going to tell me what this is about and we're not going anywhere until the two of you work it out."
