THE HAIRCOMB OF THE BATHROOM (The Phantom of the Opera)

Listerine: Eww, it smells down here!

What crap is this?

Is that a cockroach?

It smells of piss…

(In sleep he sang to me

In dreams he came

That voice which calls to me

And speaks my name)

And though I think I'm

Going insane

The Haircomb of the bathroom lives

Down the drain

(And do I dream again

For now I find

The Phantom of the Opera is here

Inside my mind)

Haircomb: I read teen magazines

I know of style

I'll share my fashions tips

They're worth your while

(Sing once again with me

Our strange duet

My power over you

Grows stronger yet)

But if you don't pipe down

I'll beat you with a cane

'Cuz the Haircomb of the Bathroom lives

Down your drain

(And though you turn from me

To glance behind

The Phantom of the Opera is there

Inside your mind)

Listerine: Are midriffs still "da bomb?"

Or am I too late?

Does leather make me look fat?

(Those who have seen your face

Draw back in fear

I am the mask you wear)

Haircomb: You should lose weight.

(It's me they hear)

Both: And though your voice is causing

My ears pain

The Haircomb of the Bathroom lives

Down the drain!

(My spirit and my voice

In one combined

The Phantom of the Opera is there

Inside my mind)

Cockroaches: Voila, The Haircomb of the Bathroom

La la, The Haircomb of the Bathroom

Haircomb: Short shorts are just plain weird!

Clogs are out!

Don't wear horizontal stripes

(In all your fantasies

You always knew

That man and mystery)

Listerine: They'll make me look stout!

(Were both in you)

Both: Let's throw our ugly clothes

Into acid rain!

The Haircomb of the Bathroom lives

Down the drain!

(And in this labyrinth

Where night is blind

The Phantom of the Opera is there

Inside your mind)

Haircomb: Sing, my little mouthwash!

Listerine: La la la…etc.

Haircomb: I have dragged you

Down to this grimy toilet

Where I hide all my magazines

My magazines…

You have come here

For really no reason at all

But whatever, I'll teach you my ways

You look wicked sweet, thanks to my magazines…

And "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy"…