THE HAIRCOMB OF THE BATHROOM (The Phantom of the Opera)
Listerine: Eww, it smells down here!
What crap is this?
Is that a cockroach?
It smells of piss…
(In sleep he sang to me
In dreams he came
That voice which calls to me
And speaks my name)
And though I think I'm
Going insane
The Haircomb of the bathroom lives
Down the drain
(And do I dream again
For now I find
The Phantom of the Opera is here
Inside my mind)
Haircomb: I read teen magazines
I know of style
I'll share my fashions tips
They're worth your while
(Sing once again with me
Our strange duet
My power over you
Grows stronger yet)
But if you don't pipe down
I'll beat you with a cane
'Cuz the Haircomb of the Bathroom lives
Down your drain
(And though you turn from me
To glance behind
The Phantom of the Opera is there
Inside your mind)
Listerine: Are midriffs still "da bomb?"
Or am I too late?
Does leather make me look fat?
(Those who have seen your face
Draw back in fear
I am the mask you wear)
Haircomb: You should lose weight.
(It's me they hear)
Both: And though your voice is causing
My ears pain
The Haircomb of the Bathroom lives
Down the drain!
(My spirit and my voice
In one combined
The Phantom of the Opera is there
Inside my mind)
Cockroaches: Voila, The Haircomb of the Bathroom
La la, The Haircomb of the Bathroom
Haircomb: Short shorts are just plain weird!
Clogs are out!
Don't wear horizontal stripes
(In all your fantasies
You always knew
That man and mystery)
Listerine: They'll make me look stout!
(Were both in you)
Both: Let's throw our ugly clothes
Into acid rain!
The Haircomb of the Bathroom lives
Down the drain!
(And in this labyrinth
Where night is blind
The Phantom of the Opera is there
Inside your mind)
Haircomb: Sing, my little mouthwash!
Listerine: La la la…etc.
Haircomb: I have dragged you
Down to this grimy toilet
Where I hide all my magazines
My magazines…
You have come here
For really no reason at all
But whatever, I'll teach you my ways
You look wicked sweet, thanks to my magazines…
And "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy"…
