A/N: I usually don't put author's notes at the start of the chapter, but I had to make an exception. A few of you wrote that you were confused as to why Hermione was going to the Department of Mysteries. I don't really blame you. I had to read the entire story over before I wrote the last chapter just to remind myself of what was going on. I've tried to do a little recap in this chapter to explain Hermione's motivation. Hope it works. Oh and by the way, I have used a few lines from the Order of the Phoenix in this chapter, just for continuity's sake. Anyway, enjoy!
00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
Hermione had a death grip around Sirius's waist as they flew over the English countryside. She hadn't wanted to fly, but Sirius had convinced her that it was the only way to get to the Ministry of Magic in decent time.
Hermione hadn't flown since the night of her accident and she could still remember the awful feeling of having her broom drop out from under her. That wasn't the only thing she could remember. Ever since she had jumped on the back of Sirius's motorbike she couldn't stop thinking about all the things that had brought her to this point.
"I'm drowning," she thought as the water filled her lungs. "This is it." She kicked hard with the little bit of strength she had left, but in the dark cold she had no idea which way was up. Her hand reached out grasping for something, anything, but there was nothing to take hold of. She grew very still and darkness swept across her mind like a veil.
"Hermione," whispered a familiar voice. Hermione laid very still letting the voice cover her like a warm blanket. "Hermione, open your eyes," commanded the voice. She obeyed slowly.
When she opened her eyes everything was out of focus. She squeezed her eyes shut again and opened them slowly. She expected someone to be standing over her, but there was no one. "Hello," she called out. "Is someone there?" As she spoke the words, the images around her that were blurred and out of focus came into view.
She was at Hogwarts lying under the tree by the lake that she had spent so many Sunday afternoon's under with Ron and Harry.
"Hello," she repeated her voice tight with fear.
"It's ok, Hermione," said another voice. "We're here. You're safe now."
Hermione turned slowly, knowing now who the voices were, but not trusting her ears. "Harry," she breathed. "Ron?"
They both smiled and dropped to their knees next to her. "I never thought I'd see either one of you again," she cried and pulled them each into a massive hug.
They held each other tight for several minutes as she cried against them. Finally, she pulled away and took a good look at her best friends. "You look so young," she said in confusion. And they did. The Ron and Harry sitting in front of her looked more like the boys she met that first day on the Hogwarts Express rather than the seventeen year old men she had left behind.
"I don't understand," she said.
"You see us this way because in your happiest memories of us, we were eleven," explained Harry.
"Where are we," she asked in awe.
"That's a bit complicated," said Ron.
"We're not really at Hogwarts, are we?"
"Well you are," said Ron. "Or to be more precise, you're in the lake."
Hermione's eyes grew wide. "Am I dead?"
Harry and Ron looked at each other.
"Am I?" she shouted.
"Calm down, Hermione," said a Harry softly. "You're not dead. We're not going to let anything happen to you. Do you understand? That's why we have to hurry."
"Why are we here together?" she asked.
"We're always together, Hermione," said Harry.
"But why here and where is here?"
"You see, Hermione," Harry began. "People travel through life in pairs and groups. They're meant to meet and meant to be together forever and when they're apart, they're incomplete. I guess in the simplest terms, you could say that we're soul mates."
"Soul mates?" she questioned.
"Yes, contrary to popular opinions, being soul mates has very little to do with romantic love."
"We belong together, just like Peter, James, Sirius, and Remus belong together," explained Ron.
"I thought it might be fate or something that brought me back to them. But I don't belong here with them, do I?" she said softly.
"No, you do," said Harry. "You were meant to go back."
"How did it happen?"
"We can't tell you," injected Ron. "We just wanted to reassure you that you're doing the right thing. No matter what happens, you have to remember that, even when things get bad."
"When things get bad? Why'd you say that? What's going to happen?
"Ron," said Harry sharply. He gave him a warning look and then turned back to Hermione. "Don't worry. You're doing fine and everything will be all right."
"How can you be so sure?"
"Because this isn't the first time something like this has happened."
"What do you mean?"
"Do you remember the Department of Mysteries?" asked Harry.
"Of course," said Hermione.
"Do you remember the room with the crystal bell jar?"
"Yes."
"In that room..."
Harry was interrupted when Hermione began coughing violently. Immediately the two boys were on their feet.
"We're out of time," said Ron tensely.
Hermione slumped forward and gasped for air. "I... can't... breath," she said haltingly.
"It's ok," said Harry soothingly, putting his hand on her cheek. "We're going to take care of you. You just have to trust us." He pushed her shoulders back. "Lie down and close your eyes."
Hermione did as she was told and reached out for Harry's hand. She held it tightly. "Will I... ever... see you again," she asked between gasps.
"Shh," he hushed her gently, pushing the hair back from her forehead. Ron moved closer and took her other hand.
Tears fell down the sides of her face. "I miss your faces," she whispered just before her eyes slid shut.
"Are you okay back there," called Sirius into the wind.
"Yes," called Hermione back. "Are we almost there?"
"Yes almost, just hang on."
Hermione tightened her grip around him in response and tried to lose herself in her memories again.
Remus and Hermione were walking around the castle grounds. Remus was doing his best to keep the conversation moving, but Hermione wasn't being very cooperative.
"Hermione," he said softly. "Are you even listening to me?"
"Yes," she returned.
"What's the matter?" he asked.
"Nothing," she said quickly, too quickly.
He lifted her hand to his mouth and kissed the back of it. "You've been quiet like this for weeks now. I thought you were just trying to process what happened to you on Sirius's birthday, but that was nearly a month ago. I'm starting to think it's me."
"It's not you," she said trying to assure him. "It's me." Then she laughed. "That's a horrible line. It's not you, it's me."
Remus didn't laugh. "It's not you, it's me always means the exact opposite is true."
Hermione stopped and pulled Remus around to face her. "It doesn't this time." She sighed wanting to be able to talk to him about what she was feeling, but not knowing what to say or how to begin. She couldn't even explain it to herself. "I love you," she began.
"I love you too," he replied, but his response was guarded as if he was afraid of where she was going.
She smiled sadly and moved toward him. She put her arms around his waist and rested her forehead against his chest. With a sigh he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. "I talked to Sirius this morning," he said softly.
She tensed in his arms, but he held her firmly. "Do you want to tell me what happened last night?"
She sucked her teeth and with only a little effort, pulled away from him. "Nothing, Sirius is just such a pest sometimes."
"True," agreed Remus. "But he is your friend and he's worried about you."
Hermione put her hands on her hips. "Well you can tell him that I don't appreciate being interrupted when I work."
Remus raised an eyebrow at her. "I'd say tackling him was a bit of an overreaction, even for you."
"I barely touched him," she replied with a roll of the eyes.
"He's not the only one you've been touchy with lately," Remus continued. "You and Lily seem more like uncomfortable acquaintances than friends lately. And you can't even look at James in the eye anymore. The only person you can spare any patience for lately is Peter and he deserves it less than anyone."
"I have to, none of you have any patience for him," she snapped. But she immediately felt ashamed for her harsh tone. She wanted to deny his other charges, but she knew they were true. She wasn't sure when it had happened or why it had started, but she and Lily grew further apart each passing day. And she couldn't look at James because the mere sight of him reminded her of everything she wanted to forget.
"I'm just tired," she said lamely.
"And that's another thing," he continued. "Lily says you're up till all hours of the night, but there isn't a morning I don't have to pull you out of the library to come eat breakfast."
"It's the N.E.W.T.s," she said, offering up the most likely excuse.
"No, it's not," he returned. "There's something else. I wish you would talk to me," he said with a sigh.
Hermione paused, suddenly feeling every sleepless night and stray worry in her body. "I want to," she said. "But I'm afraid you'll think I've completely lost it."
He smiled. "I would never think that. You can tell me anything."
"Be careful what you wish for," she teased half heartedly.
"Hermione, you're stalling."
"Okay," she sighed. She took a deep breath before plunging ahead. "I saw something that night, the night at the lake," she said quietly. "And I haven't been able to stop thinking of it since."
"What do you mean you saw something?" he asked.
"Before you pulled me out of the lake..." she paused, feeling anxiety coursing through her body. "I think, that is I did, at least I think I did. Oh bother, I saw Harry and Ron. I spoke with them."
He took a step closer to her so that he could look in her eyes. He could see how upset and unsure she was. "Hermione," he began gently. "You nearly died that night. It probably wasn't anything but a hallucination or something like that."
She shook her head. "Don't you think I've told myself that every day for the last four weeks? I can't shake the feeling that there's more to it than that. I feel like there's something I have to do."
He looked away from her. "What?" she asked. Remus felt decidedly uncomfortable. "What?" she repeated.
"Don't you think, maybe, you're trying to find an excuse to keep busy? I mean, since Dumbledore stopped meeting with you. Why can't you just relax?"
"What are you talking about?" asked Hermione, trying to keep the edge off her voice. "I can relax. What are we doing right now, walking around the lake?" she challenged.
Remus couldn't stop the smile that flicked across his face. "I'm sorry. You're right. We're very relaxed right now." He squeezed her hand tightly. "Honey, I just want you to be happy."
"I can't be happy with all these unanswered questions. Can't you understand that?"
"It sounds like you've made some kind of decision about something and you just don't want to tell me."
Hermione looked into Remus' eyes and suddenly she realized that she had made a decision. She would never be able to rest until she had answers. She had always been this way and fighting her true nature was making her sick. She sighed deeply. "I need to go to the Department of Mysteries."
"The Department of Mysteries," he repeated. His memory flashed back to the night of the accident. He remembered holding her in his arms and hearing her mumble incoherently. She had said something about Ron and Harry and the Department of Mysteries. He wondered why he had blocked that bit out until just now. "What's in the Department of Mysteries?"
"Answers," she stated simply.
"What are the questions?" he asked in frustration, moving away from her.
She let him take a few steps away from him before she started to follow. "You have to understand," she began.
He turned back to her angrily. "Understand what? That you want to leave? That's it isn't it? That's why you've suddenly become so cold and distant. You want to go to the Department of Mysteries to see if they can send you home." She was surprised to see that there were tears in his eyes. "After we pulled you out of that lake the person you called out for was Harry. With you, it's always about him. You changed the future to save him. You're helping Dumbledore defeat Voldemort for him. You've said more than once that you would die for him. Well I think you love him and you've realized you can't be without him."
"This isn't about Harry," she interrupted.
"It's always about him," he shouted angrily. "I had you in my arms and I was thanking the fates that they didn't take you from me and you called out for him."
"You're being jealous for no reason. I'm not in love with Harry and I never was. I'm in love with you."
"Then why don't you want to stay here with me?" he asked weakly.
"I never said I didn't. You're the one who thinks I want to leave you. I don't."
"Then why go to the Department of Mysteries?"
She couldn't look at him. "Because I have to, I have to know what that vision meant. Harry and Ron as good as told me to go. I know it's what I'm supposed to do. I feel it."
He looked at her and she could see only pain in his eyes and then anger. He turned and quickly strode back to the castle.
"You asked," she shouted accusingly at his back. "If I can't be honest with you, then let me know. If all you want to hear out of me is how great things are and how happy I am then just say so." She wished desperately that he had turned and continued their argument, but the fight had left him and he continued moving away from her.
Hermione could feel them descending. "We're here," Sirius said in a low voice when they had touched down.
Hermione slid from the bike once they had stopped. "How long were we in the air?"
"About three hours," said Sirius as he set his bike against the kick stand.
"Aren't you worried somebody might take your bike?" questioned Hermione. "We're in a pretty dodgy part of town."
Sirius shook his head. "It's got anti-muggle charms on it. And no witch or wizard will think it's anything more than a muggle toy."
"If they ever found out what you did to that bike in the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts office they'd have you up on charges," warned Hermione.
"Who's going to tell them?" grinned Sirius in return.
They walked in silence down the street of shabby-looking office buildings toward the old fashioned red telephone box. Hermione looked around the deserted street before entering the box. Sirius squeezed in with her. He was practically on top of her as she dialed the phone. Within seconds a cool female voice echoed through the box. "Welcome to the Ministry of Magic. Please state your name and business."
"Hermione Granger and Sirius Black." She glanced at Sirius with a questioning look on her face. Sirius shrugged. "Um, personal business in the Department of Mysteries."
"Thank you," said the cool female voice. "Visitors, please take the badge and attach it to the front of your robes."
Hermione pulled two square silver badges from the coin slot. She handed one to Sirius and pinned the other to her shirt.
The box slowly began to descend and soon they went from dusky night to pitch blackness. Hermione reached for Sirius's hand and squeezed it tightly. Before long, they reached the main entrance to the Ministry of Magic. Hermione and Sirius exited the booth and made their way down the long narrow hallway.
The Ministry was completely deserted, but Hermione hadn't expected anything else. It was almost five o'clock on a Sunday morning, with any luck she and Sirius would be able to get to the Department of Mysteries with no interference.
"This way," said Hermione quietly, leading Sirius to the lifts. They entered one and Hermione scanned the directory. The Department of Mysteries was on the ninth floor. She hit the lift button labeled nine and the doors closed in front of them.
"Department of Mysteries," said the cool female voice, but Hermione didn't exit.
"What's the matter?" asked Sirius.
Hermione was breathing heavily, staring down the long corridor. "Let's hurry," she said. "Before I change my mind." She walked quickly down the hallway to the door at the far end which swung open as they approached, just as it had years ago, or as it would years from now.
Hermione gripped Sirius's hand tightly and moved into the large circular room. "Whatever happens don't let go of my hand," she whispered. Hermione pulled out of her wand, lit it with a faint "lumos" and Sirius did the same. Then she closed the door behind her and said, "hang on."
Sirius gasped as the room began rotating around them. "It's okay," said Hermione through a strained voice. "This is normal." When the room stopped Hermione glanced at the row of doors in front of her. She moved toward one door and opened it. She walked in and Sirius followed.
"Where are we?" he asked. Hermione glanced around the room. She didn't recognize it. The furniture was simple, but hanging from the walls were countless photographs.
"I'm not sure," she replied. "I've never been in this room." Sirius walked around looking at the photographs.
"That's strange," he said. "They're not moving."
Hermione joined him. "They're muggle," she stated.
"But what are they doing here?"
"I don't know," she replied. "But it's been my experience that there's very little in the Department of Mysteries that you'd be able to figure out. Let's go." They returned to the circular hallway and closed the door behind them. Hermione marked the door with her wand just before the room began spinning again.
"Hermione," began Sirius. "Maybe we ought to split up. It could take forever to look through all these doors."
"I don't know," she began hesitatingly.
"Come on, it's going to be morning soon and we might get interrupted."
"All right," she said reluctantly. "We're looking for a room lined with a row of desks with a large crystal bell jar in the middle. Don't go in if you find it. Call me first."
"Okay," agreed Sirius. They moved to separate doors, glanced at each other and nodded.
Hermione opened the door in front of her and Sirius opened his. Without having to enter her room, Hermione knew exactly what room was ahead of her. She could see the enormous tank filled with blue green water and the objects swimming around in it. She closed the door in a hurry. "Definitely not," she said out loud. "That's one room we want nothing to do with," she said to Sirius, but when she looked he was gone. "Sirius?" Hermione moved toward the door he had been standing in front of only moments ago.
She peered through the open door calling for him. When she realized the room she was nearly in she had to grip the wall to steady herself. "Sirius," she yelled out. Below she could see the large stone archway and the black veil gently moving on a non-existent breeze. "Sirius stop."
From below she could see Sirius approaching the veil curiously. Hermione charged into the room and down the stone steps. "Stop," she yelled again. She reached him in seconds and threw herself between Sirius and the veil. "Stop," she cried.
"Can you hear them?" he asked. His voice sounded far away and his eyes were transfixed on the veil.
"Damn it, Sirius. Stay away from it." Hermione had her arms around his waist and was pushing him back up the stairs.
"Hermione wait," he said peering over her shoulder. "I just want to get a look at it."
"No," she shouted at him. "Come on, we're getting out of here. I should have never let you come here." She forced Sirius back up the stairs and through the door. She slammed the door shut and marked it. Then she slid to the floor against the wall.
"Hermione?" Sirius questioned, but Hermione couldn't hear him. All she could hear were echoes from her past and an icy chill fell over her body.
"Maybe this was a mistake," she whispered.
"What was that thing?" he asked, his voice full of awe.
Hermione looked up at Sirius, anger blazing in her eyes. "I told you not to go into any room. Why are you always so damn impulsive? Why can't you ever just do what you're asked?"
"Hey," protested Sirius. "Don't scream at me. I'm not your child." They stared angrily at each other. After a few minutes Sirius extended his hand to help her up, but Hermione smacked it away and stood on her own.
"From now on," she began coldly. "You're to do what I say. Everything I say. You have absolutely no idea what kind of dangerous things are in this place." Hermione pushed past Sirius and approached another door. Sirius stared at her wondering if he would ever understand her. They tried door after door until there was only one left.
"This had better be it, Hermione, because we're out of options," said Sirius. Hermione hesitated for only a moment before throwing the door open.
"This is it," whispered Hermione, stepping into the room. Sirius quickly followed her. Unlike all the other rooms, this room was occupied.
00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
Remus groaned in his sleep and rolled over, stretching his arm across the bed. He met nothing but the empty mattress. He opened his eyes slowly and scanned the room, but couldn't see Hermione anywhere.
Remus looked over at the clock on the night stand. It read 6:45. He stretched and got out of bed. She was probably in the bathroom or something, he reasoned to himself. 'I'm surprised she didn't wake me and force me out of her room,' he thought with a smile playing across his face.
Remus exited her room quietly and went to his room. He dressed quickly. Hermione had been so out of sorts the night before and he was eager to cheer her up. He wanted to take her for another walk and finish the conversation that Sirius had inadvertently interrupted the day before.
Remus was never one to be impulsive, but spending the day with her yesterday had made him realize something, he was really and truly in love with her. He wanted to spend everyday with her. That was why he was going to ask her to move in with him when they graduated.
The smile never left Remus's face as he combed his hair and finished dressing. He emerged from his room and went to the kitchen where his parent's were sitting quietly. "Morning," he said happily. They glanced at one another. "Where's Hermione," he asked. "I thought she would have come out by now."
"She said she left you a note," said Mrs. Lupin softly.
"What?" questioned Remus. "What note? What are you talking about?"
"Remus, sit down," said his father.
Remus didn't like the looks in his parent's eyes. "What's going on? Where's Hermione?" Remus moved backwards and hurried to Hermione's room. "Hermione," he called out. She wasn't there. He was about to leave the room when he noticed a piece of parchment lying on the floor near the bed. He picked it up and read it over quickly, then raced from the room.
Remus hurried back to his parent's. "Did anyone see her leave?" he demanded.
"I'm so sorry, Remus," said his mother softly. "She left very early this morning."
"When?" asked Remus in anguish.
"Around two this morning."
"Two," he shouted. "Why didn't you wake me?"
His mother looked at his father. "Son," said his father calmly. "Your mother saw her leaving this morning with your friend Sirius."
Remus turned and ran back to his room. He grabbed his wand and stuffed it into his back pocket.
"Remus, what are you doing?" His parents had come to his room to check on him.
"I'm going to go get her," he said simply.
"Remus, don't let her hurt you again," begged his mother. "I know you think you're in love, but you're young. You don't know what love is yet. She's not for you."
"Mother, stop it," said Remus loudly. "Stop treating me like I'm a child."
"Don't raise your voice at your mother," admonished his father.
"Remus, I just don't want you to get hurt," continued his mother.
"You don't want me to live," Remus accused his mother. "You want me to stay tucked away at school and home, safe and sound."
"That's right. I want you safe. You're not like other children, Remus. You're special. We have to protect you."
"No, you don't," he shouted back. "I don't need protecting. I need to be able to live my life the way I want to live it, with whoever I want to live it with."
"You're too young to be making those kinds of decisions. Your father and I know what's best for you. All we want is for you to be happy, as happy as you can be."
"You don't want me to be happy. You want me to be dependant on you. Well, I'm happy when I'm with her, happier than I ever was alone. My life is better because Hermione's in it."
"Better," spat his mother. "Since she's come into your life everyone has discovered what you really are. How is that better?"
"You just want me to be alone," accused Remus. "You're afraid of her, that's why you let her leave. You're afraid she'll take your place."
Daphne Lupin had her hand over her mouth and tears were shining in her eyes. "Remus, that's enough," shouted his father angrily. "You will not speak to your mother like that."
Remus shook his head. "You can't possibly understand all she's sacrificed for us. If you knew..." he trailed off. "All she wanted was for the two of you to like her. She worried herself sick over it." Remus stared at his parents angrily.
"She ran off in the middle of the night with your friend," said his mother with a tremor in her voice. "I don't think she was too worried about what we would think about her."
"You never even gave her a chance," said Remus in disgust. "I'm going to go get her and then we're going back to Hogwarts." Then, with a pop, Remus disapparated.
00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
Hermione had a death grip around Sirius's waist as they flew over the English countryside. She hadn't wanted to fly, but Sirius had convinced her that it was the only way to get to the Ministry of Magic in decent time.
Hermione hadn't flown since the night of her accident and she could still remember the awful feeling of having her broom drop out from under her. That wasn't the only thing she could remember. Ever since she had jumped on the back of Sirius's motorbike she couldn't stop thinking about all the things that had brought her to this point.
"I'm drowning," she thought as the water filled her lungs. "This is it." She kicked hard with the little bit of strength she had left, but in the dark cold she had no idea which way was up. Her hand reached out grasping for something, anything, but there was nothing to take hold of. She grew very still and darkness swept across her mind like a veil.
"Hermione," whispered a familiar voice. Hermione laid very still letting the voice cover her like a warm blanket. "Hermione, open your eyes," commanded the voice. She obeyed slowly.
When she opened her eyes everything was out of focus. She squeezed her eyes shut again and opened them slowly. She expected someone to be standing over her, but there was no one. "Hello," she called out. "Is someone there?" As she spoke the words, the images around her that were blurred and out of focus came into view.
She was at Hogwarts lying under the tree by the lake that she had spent so many Sunday afternoon's under with Ron and Harry.
"Hello," she repeated her voice tight with fear.
"It's ok, Hermione," said another voice. "We're here. You're safe now."
Hermione turned slowly, knowing now who the voices were, but not trusting her ears. "Harry," she breathed. "Ron?"
They both smiled and dropped to their knees next to her. "I never thought I'd see either one of you again," she cried and pulled them each into a massive hug.
They held each other tight for several minutes as she cried against them. Finally, she pulled away and took a good look at her best friends. "You look so young," she said in confusion. And they did. The Ron and Harry sitting in front of her looked more like the boys she met that first day on the Hogwarts Express rather than the seventeen year old men she had left behind.
"I don't understand," she said.
"You see us this way because in your happiest memories of us, we were eleven," explained Harry.
"Where are we," she asked in awe.
"That's a bit complicated," said Ron.
"We're not really at Hogwarts, are we?"
"Well you are," said Ron. "Or to be more precise, you're in the lake."
Hermione's eyes grew wide. "Am I dead?"
Harry and Ron looked at each other.
"Am I?" she shouted.
"Calm down, Hermione," said a Harry softly. "You're not dead. We're not going to let anything happen to you. Do you understand? That's why we have to hurry."
"Why are we here together?" she asked.
"We're always together, Hermione," said Harry.
"But why here and where is here?"
"You see, Hermione," Harry began. "People travel through life in pairs and groups. They're meant to meet and meant to be together forever and when they're apart, they're incomplete. I guess in the simplest terms, you could say that we're soul mates."
"Soul mates?" she questioned.
"Yes, contrary to popular opinions, being soul mates has very little to do with romantic love."
"We belong together, just like Peter, James, Sirius, and Remus belong together," explained Ron.
"I thought it might be fate or something that brought me back to them. But I don't belong here with them, do I?" she said softly.
"No, you do," said Harry. "You were meant to go back."
"How did it happen?"
"We can't tell you," injected Ron. "We just wanted to reassure you that you're doing the right thing. No matter what happens, you have to remember that, even when things get bad."
"When things get bad? Why'd you say that? What's going to happen?
"Ron," said Harry sharply. He gave him a warning look and then turned back to Hermione. "Don't worry. You're doing fine and everything will be all right."
"How can you be so sure?"
"Because this isn't the first time something like this has happened."
"What do you mean?"
"Do you remember the Department of Mysteries?" asked Harry.
"Of course," said Hermione.
"Do you remember the room with the crystal bell jar?"
"Yes."
"In that room..."
Harry was interrupted when Hermione began coughing violently. Immediately the two boys were on their feet.
"We're out of time," said Ron tensely.
Hermione slumped forward and gasped for air. "I... can't... breath," she said haltingly.
"It's ok," said Harry soothingly, putting his hand on her cheek. "We're going to take care of you. You just have to trust us." He pushed her shoulders back. "Lie down and close your eyes."
Hermione did as she was told and reached out for Harry's hand. She held it tightly. "Will I... ever... see you again," she asked between gasps.
"Shh," he hushed her gently, pushing the hair back from her forehead. Ron moved closer and took her other hand.
Tears fell down the sides of her face. "I miss your faces," she whispered just before her eyes slid shut.
"Are you okay back there," called Sirius into the wind.
"Yes," called Hermione back. "Are we almost there?"
"Yes almost, just hang on."
Hermione tightened her grip around him in response and tried to lose herself in her memories again.
Remus and Hermione were walking around the castle grounds. Remus was doing his best to keep the conversation moving, but Hermione wasn't being very cooperative.
"Hermione," he said softly. "Are you even listening to me?"
"Yes," she returned.
"What's the matter?" he asked.
"Nothing," she said quickly, too quickly.
He lifted her hand to his mouth and kissed the back of it. "You've been quiet like this for weeks now. I thought you were just trying to process what happened to you on Sirius's birthday, but that was nearly a month ago. I'm starting to think it's me."
"It's not you," she said trying to assure him. "It's me." Then she laughed. "That's a horrible line. It's not you, it's me."
Remus didn't laugh. "It's not you, it's me always means the exact opposite is true."
Hermione stopped and pulled Remus around to face her. "It doesn't this time." She sighed wanting to be able to talk to him about what she was feeling, but not knowing what to say or how to begin. She couldn't even explain it to herself. "I love you," she began.
"I love you too," he replied, but his response was guarded as if he was afraid of where she was going.
She smiled sadly and moved toward him. She put her arms around his waist and rested her forehead against his chest. With a sigh he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. "I talked to Sirius this morning," he said softly.
She tensed in his arms, but he held her firmly. "Do you want to tell me what happened last night?"
She sucked her teeth and with only a little effort, pulled away from him. "Nothing, Sirius is just such a pest sometimes."
"True," agreed Remus. "But he is your friend and he's worried about you."
Hermione put her hands on her hips. "Well you can tell him that I don't appreciate being interrupted when I work."
Remus raised an eyebrow at her. "I'd say tackling him was a bit of an overreaction, even for you."
"I barely touched him," she replied with a roll of the eyes.
"He's not the only one you've been touchy with lately," Remus continued. "You and Lily seem more like uncomfortable acquaintances than friends lately. And you can't even look at James in the eye anymore. The only person you can spare any patience for lately is Peter and he deserves it less than anyone."
"I have to, none of you have any patience for him," she snapped. But she immediately felt ashamed for her harsh tone. She wanted to deny his other charges, but she knew they were true. She wasn't sure when it had happened or why it had started, but she and Lily grew further apart each passing day. And she couldn't look at James because the mere sight of him reminded her of everything she wanted to forget.
"I'm just tired," she said lamely.
"And that's another thing," he continued. "Lily says you're up till all hours of the night, but there isn't a morning I don't have to pull you out of the library to come eat breakfast."
"It's the N.E.W.T.s," she said, offering up the most likely excuse.
"No, it's not," he returned. "There's something else. I wish you would talk to me," he said with a sigh.
Hermione paused, suddenly feeling every sleepless night and stray worry in her body. "I want to," she said. "But I'm afraid you'll think I've completely lost it."
He smiled. "I would never think that. You can tell me anything."
"Be careful what you wish for," she teased half heartedly.
"Hermione, you're stalling."
"Okay," she sighed. She took a deep breath before plunging ahead. "I saw something that night, the night at the lake," she said quietly. "And I haven't been able to stop thinking of it since."
"What do you mean you saw something?" he asked.
"Before you pulled me out of the lake..." she paused, feeling anxiety coursing through her body. "I think, that is I did, at least I think I did. Oh bother, I saw Harry and Ron. I spoke with them."
He took a step closer to her so that he could look in her eyes. He could see how upset and unsure she was. "Hermione," he began gently. "You nearly died that night. It probably wasn't anything but a hallucination or something like that."
She shook her head. "Don't you think I've told myself that every day for the last four weeks? I can't shake the feeling that there's more to it than that. I feel like there's something I have to do."
He looked away from her. "What?" she asked. Remus felt decidedly uncomfortable. "What?" she repeated.
"Don't you think, maybe, you're trying to find an excuse to keep busy? I mean, since Dumbledore stopped meeting with you. Why can't you just relax?"
"What are you talking about?" asked Hermione, trying to keep the edge off her voice. "I can relax. What are we doing right now, walking around the lake?" she challenged.
Remus couldn't stop the smile that flicked across his face. "I'm sorry. You're right. We're very relaxed right now." He squeezed her hand tightly. "Honey, I just want you to be happy."
"I can't be happy with all these unanswered questions. Can't you understand that?"
"It sounds like you've made some kind of decision about something and you just don't want to tell me."
Hermione looked into Remus' eyes and suddenly she realized that she had made a decision. She would never be able to rest until she had answers. She had always been this way and fighting her true nature was making her sick. She sighed deeply. "I need to go to the Department of Mysteries."
"The Department of Mysteries," he repeated. His memory flashed back to the night of the accident. He remembered holding her in his arms and hearing her mumble incoherently. She had said something about Ron and Harry and the Department of Mysteries. He wondered why he had blocked that bit out until just now. "What's in the Department of Mysteries?"
"Answers," she stated simply.
"What are the questions?" he asked in frustration, moving away from her.
She let him take a few steps away from him before she started to follow. "You have to understand," she began.
He turned back to her angrily. "Understand what? That you want to leave? That's it isn't it? That's why you've suddenly become so cold and distant. You want to go to the Department of Mysteries to see if they can send you home." She was surprised to see that there were tears in his eyes. "After we pulled you out of that lake the person you called out for was Harry. With you, it's always about him. You changed the future to save him. You're helping Dumbledore defeat Voldemort for him. You've said more than once that you would die for him. Well I think you love him and you've realized you can't be without him."
"This isn't about Harry," she interrupted.
"It's always about him," he shouted angrily. "I had you in my arms and I was thanking the fates that they didn't take you from me and you called out for him."
"You're being jealous for no reason. I'm not in love with Harry and I never was. I'm in love with you."
"Then why don't you want to stay here with me?" he asked weakly.
"I never said I didn't. You're the one who thinks I want to leave you. I don't."
"Then why go to the Department of Mysteries?"
She couldn't look at him. "Because I have to, I have to know what that vision meant. Harry and Ron as good as told me to go. I know it's what I'm supposed to do. I feel it."
He looked at her and she could see only pain in his eyes and then anger. He turned and quickly strode back to the castle.
"You asked," she shouted accusingly at his back. "If I can't be honest with you, then let me know. If all you want to hear out of me is how great things are and how happy I am then just say so." She wished desperately that he had turned and continued their argument, but the fight had left him and he continued moving away from her.
Hermione could feel them descending. "We're here," Sirius said in a low voice when they had touched down.
Hermione slid from the bike once they had stopped. "How long were we in the air?"
"About three hours," said Sirius as he set his bike against the kick stand.
"Aren't you worried somebody might take your bike?" questioned Hermione. "We're in a pretty dodgy part of town."
Sirius shook his head. "It's got anti-muggle charms on it. And no witch or wizard will think it's anything more than a muggle toy."
"If they ever found out what you did to that bike in the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts office they'd have you up on charges," warned Hermione.
"Who's going to tell them?" grinned Sirius in return.
They walked in silence down the street of shabby-looking office buildings toward the old fashioned red telephone box. Hermione looked around the deserted street before entering the box. Sirius squeezed in with her. He was practically on top of her as she dialed the phone. Within seconds a cool female voice echoed through the box. "Welcome to the Ministry of Magic. Please state your name and business."
"Hermione Granger and Sirius Black." She glanced at Sirius with a questioning look on her face. Sirius shrugged. "Um, personal business in the Department of Mysteries."
"Thank you," said the cool female voice. "Visitors, please take the badge and attach it to the front of your robes."
Hermione pulled two square silver badges from the coin slot. She handed one to Sirius and pinned the other to her shirt.
The box slowly began to descend and soon they went from dusky night to pitch blackness. Hermione reached for Sirius's hand and squeezed it tightly. Before long, they reached the main entrance to the Ministry of Magic. Hermione and Sirius exited the booth and made their way down the long narrow hallway.
The Ministry was completely deserted, but Hermione hadn't expected anything else. It was almost five o'clock on a Sunday morning, with any luck she and Sirius would be able to get to the Department of Mysteries with no interference.
"This way," said Hermione quietly, leading Sirius to the lifts. They entered one and Hermione scanned the directory. The Department of Mysteries was on the ninth floor. She hit the lift button labeled nine and the doors closed in front of them.
"Department of Mysteries," said the cool female voice, but Hermione didn't exit.
"What's the matter?" asked Sirius.
Hermione was breathing heavily, staring down the long corridor. "Let's hurry," she said. "Before I change my mind." She walked quickly down the hallway to the door at the far end which swung open as they approached, just as it had years ago, or as it would years from now.
Hermione gripped Sirius's hand tightly and moved into the large circular room. "Whatever happens don't let go of my hand," she whispered. Hermione pulled out of her wand, lit it with a faint "lumos" and Sirius did the same. Then she closed the door behind her and said, "hang on."
Sirius gasped as the room began rotating around them. "It's okay," said Hermione through a strained voice. "This is normal." When the room stopped Hermione glanced at the row of doors in front of her. She moved toward one door and opened it. She walked in and Sirius followed.
"Where are we?" he asked. Hermione glanced around the room. She didn't recognize it. The furniture was simple, but hanging from the walls were countless photographs.
"I'm not sure," she replied. "I've never been in this room." Sirius walked around looking at the photographs.
"That's strange," he said. "They're not moving."
Hermione joined him. "They're muggle," she stated.
"But what are they doing here?"
"I don't know," she replied. "But it's been my experience that there's very little in the Department of Mysteries that you'd be able to figure out. Let's go." They returned to the circular hallway and closed the door behind them. Hermione marked the door with her wand just before the room began spinning again.
"Hermione," began Sirius. "Maybe we ought to split up. It could take forever to look through all these doors."
"I don't know," she began hesitatingly.
"Come on, it's going to be morning soon and we might get interrupted."
"All right," she said reluctantly. "We're looking for a room lined with a row of desks with a large crystal bell jar in the middle. Don't go in if you find it. Call me first."
"Okay," agreed Sirius. They moved to separate doors, glanced at each other and nodded.
Hermione opened the door in front of her and Sirius opened his. Without having to enter her room, Hermione knew exactly what room was ahead of her. She could see the enormous tank filled with blue green water and the objects swimming around in it. She closed the door in a hurry. "Definitely not," she said out loud. "That's one room we want nothing to do with," she said to Sirius, but when she looked he was gone. "Sirius?" Hermione moved toward the door he had been standing in front of only moments ago.
She peered through the open door calling for him. When she realized the room she was nearly in she had to grip the wall to steady herself. "Sirius," she yelled out. Below she could see the large stone archway and the black veil gently moving on a non-existent breeze. "Sirius stop."
From below she could see Sirius approaching the veil curiously. Hermione charged into the room and down the stone steps. "Stop," she yelled again. She reached him in seconds and threw herself between Sirius and the veil. "Stop," she cried.
"Can you hear them?" he asked. His voice sounded far away and his eyes were transfixed on the veil.
"Damn it, Sirius. Stay away from it." Hermione had her arms around his waist and was pushing him back up the stairs.
"Hermione wait," he said peering over her shoulder. "I just want to get a look at it."
"No," she shouted at him. "Come on, we're getting out of here. I should have never let you come here." She forced Sirius back up the stairs and through the door. She slammed the door shut and marked it. Then she slid to the floor against the wall.
"Hermione?" Sirius questioned, but Hermione couldn't hear him. All she could hear were echoes from her past and an icy chill fell over her body.
"Maybe this was a mistake," she whispered.
"What was that thing?" he asked, his voice full of awe.
Hermione looked up at Sirius, anger blazing in her eyes. "I told you not to go into any room. Why are you always so damn impulsive? Why can't you ever just do what you're asked?"
"Hey," protested Sirius. "Don't scream at me. I'm not your child." They stared angrily at each other. After a few minutes Sirius extended his hand to help her up, but Hermione smacked it away and stood on her own.
"From now on," she began coldly. "You're to do what I say. Everything I say. You have absolutely no idea what kind of dangerous things are in this place." Hermione pushed past Sirius and approached another door. Sirius stared at her wondering if he would ever understand her. They tried door after door until there was only one left.
"This had better be it, Hermione, because we're out of options," said Sirius. Hermione hesitated for only a moment before throwing the door open.
"This is it," whispered Hermione, stepping into the room. Sirius quickly followed her. Unlike all the other rooms, this room was occupied.
00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
Remus groaned in his sleep and rolled over, stretching his arm across the bed. He met nothing but the empty mattress. He opened his eyes slowly and scanned the room, but couldn't see Hermione anywhere.
Remus looked over at the clock on the night stand. It read 6:45. He stretched and got out of bed. She was probably in the bathroom or something, he reasoned to himself. 'I'm surprised she didn't wake me and force me out of her room,' he thought with a smile playing across his face.
Remus exited her room quietly and went to his room. He dressed quickly. Hermione had been so out of sorts the night before and he was eager to cheer her up. He wanted to take her for another walk and finish the conversation that Sirius had inadvertently interrupted the day before.
Remus was never one to be impulsive, but spending the day with her yesterday had made him realize something, he was really and truly in love with her. He wanted to spend everyday with her. That was why he was going to ask her to move in with him when they graduated.
The smile never left Remus's face as he combed his hair and finished dressing. He emerged from his room and went to the kitchen where his parent's were sitting quietly. "Morning," he said happily. They glanced at one another. "Where's Hermione," he asked. "I thought she would have come out by now."
"She said she left you a note," said Mrs. Lupin softly.
"What?" questioned Remus. "What note? What are you talking about?"
"Remus, sit down," said his father.
Remus didn't like the looks in his parent's eyes. "What's going on? Where's Hermione?" Remus moved backwards and hurried to Hermione's room. "Hermione," he called out. She wasn't there. He was about to leave the room when he noticed a piece of parchment lying on the floor near the bed. He picked it up and read it over quickly, then raced from the room.
Remus hurried back to his parent's. "Did anyone see her leave?" he demanded.
"I'm so sorry, Remus," said his mother softly. "She left very early this morning."
"When?" asked Remus in anguish.
"Around two this morning."
"Two," he shouted. "Why didn't you wake me?"
His mother looked at his father. "Son," said his father calmly. "Your mother saw her leaving this morning with your friend Sirius."
Remus turned and ran back to his room. He grabbed his wand and stuffed it into his back pocket.
"Remus, what are you doing?" His parents had come to his room to check on him.
"I'm going to go get her," he said simply.
"Remus, don't let her hurt you again," begged his mother. "I know you think you're in love, but you're young. You don't know what love is yet. She's not for you."
"Mother, stop it," said Remus loudly. "Stop treating me like I'm a child."
"Don't raise your voice at your mother," admonished his father.
"Remus, I just don't want you to get hurt," continued his mother.
"You don't want me to live," Remus accused his mother. "You want me to stay tucked away at school and home, safe and sound."
"That's right. I want you safe. You're not like other children, Remus. You're special. We have to protect you."
"No, you don't," he shouted back. "I don't need protecting. I need to be able to live my life the way I want to live it, with whoever I want to live it with."
"You're too young to be making those kinds of decisions. Your father and I know what's best for you. All we want is for you to be happy, as happy as you can be."
"You don't want me to be happy. You want me to be dependant on you. Well, I'm happy when I'm with her, happier than I ever was alone. My life is better because Hermione's in it."
"Better," spat his mother. "Since she's come into your life everyone has discovered what you really are. How is that better?"
"You just want me to be alone," accused Remus. "You're afraid of her, that's why you let her leave. You're afraid she'll take your place."
Daphne Lupin had her hand over her mouth and tears were shining in her eyes. "Remus, that's enough," shouted his father angrily. "You will not speak to your mother like that."
Remus shook his head. "You can't possibly understand all she's sacrificed for us. If you knew..." he trailed off. "All she wanted was for the two of you to like her. She worried herself sick over it." Remus stared at his parents angrily.
"She ran off in the middle of the night with your friend," said his mother with a tremor in her voice. "I don't think she was too worried about what we would think about her."
"You never even gave her a chance," said Remus in disgust. "I'm going to go get her and then we're going back to Hogwarts." Then, with a pop, Remus disapparated.
