A/N: Hello fellow readers! Sorry for taking so long on updating! This one is a woozy! Plus, I've been reading Phantom by Susan Kay (amazing book by the way) and school starts in a week for me. In this chapter, Monsieur Firmin will be Mr. detergent and Monsieur Andre will be Mr. laundry! Awww, they go so well together! (Some people like me also keep laundry in their bathrooms! Okay, I'm probably the only one, but it's the best I can come up with!) Carlotta, as suggested by longlivetheking will be Cinna-floss! And Cinna-Floss's pet will be a Powder Puff!(by the way thank you I couldn't think of one for Carlotta!)Well enough chatter. Here you go!
Little note: When Detergent says "What would Lisa do?", to clarify that up: Lisa is a human character who uses the bathroom and is worshiped by the bathroom objects as God. (Sorry to offend people named Lisa or religious people.) She has no singing parts but she will greatly impact the ending of the Haircomb of the Bathroom! She is named after my best friend who hates this story with a passion.
Mr. Detergent- Oh my God this is really bad!
She disappeared!
I am feeling sad!
("Mystery after gala night!"
It says "Mystery of soprano's flight!")
Why'd she have to run away?
It doesn't smell that bad, she could've stayed!
How will we get our dough?
I can't believe this, it's real low
Without her, it gets quite dull
Without that curvaceous bottle…
(Mystified baffled Surete say
We are mystified they suspect foul play!
Bad news on soprano's scene
First Carlotta, now Christine
Still at least the seats get sold
Gossip's worth its weight in gold)
Shower time has gotten boring
Cinna-floss has left us too
We're bad at this job; we'll be chased by mobs!
Angry Mobs!
We'll get ourselves killed all against our wills
And I don't know what to do!
(What a way to run a business!
Spare me these unending trials!
Half your cast disappears but the crowd still cheers
Opera!
To hell with Gluck and Handel it's a scandal
That'll pack them in the aisles!)
Mr. Laundry- We are doomed!
This'll never sell!
Goodbye bathroom
(Damnable!
Will they all walk out?
This is Damnable!)
Mr. Detergent- Laundry, please don't yell
(Andre please don't shout)
We have to think
What would Lisa do?
Damn it! Think!
(It's publicity!
And the take is vast!
Free publicity!)
Mr. Laundry- She'd probably sue…
(But we have no cast…)
Mr. Detergent- Yep, she'd put us in jail
By the way, did you check your e-mail?
(But Andre have you seen the queue?
Oh, it seems you got one too)
Mr. Laundry- "Yo' laundry what is happenin'?
Listerine has rocked the house!
Cinna floss has gone!
A shame to none!
By the way
Dear Listerine knows
She wants lots of different clothes
And a very low cut blouse!"
(Dear Andre what a charming gala!
Christine enjoyed a great success!
We were hardly bereft when Carlotta left
Otherwise
The chorus was entrancing
But the dancing
Was a lamentable mess!)
Mr. Detergent- "Detergent, you are such a kidder!
Forgetting to pay my bill!
Boy, that' one's good
Funny in the hood
But really now
If I don't get my money
Things around here won't be sunny
If you will…"
(Dear Firmin just a brief reminder
My salary has not been paid
Send in care of the ghost
By return of post
P.T.O.:
No one likes a debtor
So it's better
If my orders are obeyed!)
Both: This mystery dude is evil
I wonder who it is!
(Who would have the gall to send this!
Someone with a puerile brain!)
Mr. Detergent- It's Madame Mirror!
(They are both signed O.G.)
Mr. Laundry- It couldn't be clearer!
(Who the hell is he?)
Both: Nah! No way!
It must be Listerine!
Boy, she's really mean!
Or it could be Towel
Obsessed with shiny things
Like riches and bling bling
Ding! I'm really sick of this!
(Opera Ghost!
It's really not amusing
He's abusing our position
In addition he wants money
What a funny sort of specter
To expect a large retainer
Nothing plainer
He is clearly quite insane!)
Towel: She left me!
(Where is she?)
Detergent and Laundry: Grr…the moron!
(You mean Carlotta?)
Towel: Listerine… boy she must love me!
(No I mean Ms. Daae where is she?)
Detergent and Laundry: Yeah right! That's why she ran!
(Well how should we know?)
Towel: Nah, she's in denial-
That's why she sent me this email
(I want an answer
I take it that you sent me this note)
Detergent and Laundry: It can't be her!
Or can it…
It can't be Towel…
(What's all this nonsense?
Of course not!
Don't look at us!)
Towel: It can't? Are you sure?
(She's not with you then?)
Laundry: Or can it…
(Of course not!)
Detergent: We're not so sure…
(We're in the dark)
Towel: Just read my email!
(Monsieur don't argue)
Isn't this your email?
(Isn't this the letter you wrote?)
Detergent: (looking on laptop screen)
Hold on! You're connection's as slow as a snail!
(And what is it that we're meant to have wrote? Written…)
Laundry: Here we go…
"I stole your hot chick!
She's mine so hands off, dog!
She's staying under the hood y'all."
(Do not fear for Miss Daae
The Angel of Music has her under his wing
Make no attempt to see her again)
Towel: Gasp if Listerine didn't write it, and you didn't write it, and Cinna-floss didn't write it and Leg didn't write it and Madame Mirror didn't write it and and Smelly Bouquet didn't write it, and I didn't write it in my sleep, who did?
(If you didn't write it, who did?)
Cinna-Floss- Oh God!
(Where is he?)
Detergent and Laundry- Oh great, not you too!
(Ah, welcome back!)
Cinna-Floss- My poor powder puff!
(Your precious patron where is he?)
Towel- What happened?
(What is it now?)
Cinna-Floss- Someone shaved a note on her butt!
(I have your letter-a letter I would rather resent)
Detergent and Laundry- Was it you Towel?
(And did you send it?)
Towel- I don't think so…
(Of course not!)
Detergent and Laundry- yeah, too smart
(As if he would!)
Cinna-Floss- For real?
(You didn't send it?)
Towel- I don't think so…
(Of course not!)
Detergent and Laundry- This is confuzzling…
(What's going on…)
Cinna-Floss- They're sick! This really shows a lot!
(You dare to tell me that this is not the letter you sent!)
Towel- And they're probably very hot…
(And what is it that I've meant to have sent?)
All stare at the message on the butt
Towel- "You're no longer the cleanest one in the bathroom
Listerine is a lot more refreshing for the mouth
And she's a much better flavor!"
(Your days at the Opera Populaire are numbered…
Christine Daae will be singing on your behalf tonight
Be prepared for a great misfortune should you attempt to take her place)
Detergent and Laundry- Cinna-Floss is far more tasty!
Listerine is nothing next to you!
She may be nice, but you smell of spice!
(Far too many notes for my taste
And most of them about Christine!
All we've heard since we came is Miss Daae's name!)
Mme Mirror- Listerine has come back to us!
(Miss Daae has returned…)
Detergent - She's been the center of my lust!
(I trust her midnight oil is well and truly burned)
Laundry- Yes, I want to spank her…
(Where precisely is she now?)
Mme Mirror- Monsieur! Please!
(I thought at best she'd go home)
Leg- She's in her sink…
(She needed rest)
Towel- I'm coming Listerine!
(May I see her!)
Mme Mirror- No! You're staying right here!
(No monsieur she will see no one)
Cinna-Floss- Will she clean? Will she clean?
(Will she sing? Will she sing?)
Mme Mirror- Here, I have an email…
(Here I have an email)
All- Move over! I'm reading!
(Let me see it!)
Detergent- Move!
(Please!)
"Dudes and Dudettes, I've now sent you various emails and shaved butt messages…telling you that I'm not happy. And when I'm not happy, accidents happen…I'll give you one last chance…maybe…yes…no…okay yes!"
(Gentleman I have now sent you notes of the most amiable nature…detailing how my theatre is to be run…you have not followed my instructions…I shall give you one last chance!)
Haircomb- Listerine has now come back to you
And I really want her career to grow…
In the new production of "Hygiene's fun!"
Cinna-floss will play some insignificant role,
And Listerine will be the star of the show!
Listerine refreshes your breath with every sip!
Cinna-Floss can't do that
And Listerine has much bigger hips!
(Christine Daae has returned to you!
And I am anxious her career should progress
In the new production of "Il Muto"
You will therefore cast Carlotta as the Page Boy
And put miss Daae in the role of countess
The role that Miss Daae plays calls for charm and appeal
The role of the page boy is silent
Which my casting in a word Ideal!)
I shall watch the cleaning at the top of the shower
If anyone sits there coughcoughTOWELcoughcough
Something not particularly good will happen!
(I shall watch the performance from my normal seat in box five which will be
kept empty for me
Should these demands be ignored
A disaster beyond your imagination will occur…)
Detergent- And just so you know, this is H.C. Peace out!
(I remain gentleman your obedient servant O.G.)
Cinna-Floss- screams so loud that Madame Mirror cracks
