Summary: Hermione graduated from Hogwarts 2 years ago and is now twenty. War rages on and she builds barriers around her heart.
Genre: Angst/Romance Rating: Mature/Lemon Warnings: This is very OOC. If you want the characters just the way they are in the book, stop now and click on the back button. This is also AU. If you do not like it, do not read it! Now for those who want to, enjoy!
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I Don't Believe In Love
Chapter Seven: Black Sorrow
They were lying on the grass again. Same place, the courtyard. They had just returned from the beach. The wind was blowing, gently ruffling the grass and their hair. It was the same position as their first. Head above each other's shoulders. They always lay that way. Always.
"Professor?" Hermione's voice was devoid of all emotion. "May I ask a question?" It was the first time she asked a question since her school days.
"Severus." The black-haired wizard kept staring at the sky. Mulling over what he had heard on the beach.
"Severus? Where do I go now? I do not know what to do. Help me. Tom, he--"
"I heard it all." He interrupted with a detached voice. "Is it true? Your parents are under his care? I heard it." It was hard to keep a tone of accusation out of his voice. Only the tiniest hint of it was left.
"No. I would never do that to my parents. Those were dummies. I created them and charmed them to act the same way my parents would." Her voice was growing weak. She was falling asleep.
"Would you let me see what happened? What caused you pain? Who made you suffer?" He was of course asking if he could perform legillimency on her. He wanted her permission because he did not wish to mind-rape her.
"Only if you promise to keep it to yourself. No one would know about it." Her voice sounded strained. It took a lot of courage to let someone else see what she saw.
"I promise." He tore his eyes from the inky black sky, and sat up. He turned around and looked at her, admiring her courage, her strength.
She sat up too, and crawled over to him. She sat on his lap, horizontally, and he wrapped his arms around her. She held his upper arm, not pushing him away, yet not pulling him. A firm grip that told him silently to not let go. He looked at her. His eyes, searching her brown orbs. She searched back. Searched in his black eyes. Inky black, like the night sky, and that was when he found himself in her memories.
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"It's no wonder she hasn't got any friends. She's a nightmare." Ronald Weasley's voice echoed through her head. He saw her face. She was trying valiantly no to cry. It was just hurtful. He saw her shove her way from Harry.
He saw her crying in the bathroom. Tears staining her face.
He saw another memory, this one earlier. Probably nine or ten. She never had friends in the muggle world. Everyone avoided her because she was a know-it-all. She was always in the library. Books were her only friends. Cleverness, her only pride.
"No one asked your opinion, you filthy little mublood." Draco spat. She felt a stab from his words. She would never be accepted.
Her friends abandoned her in third year. All because of a broomstick. She was worth less than a broomstick.
Fourth year came. Viktor Krum asked her to the ball. Most of the female population hated her for it.
"I still cannot believe Krum asked her to the ball. Her! That ugly miserable girl. I don't know what he saw in her. She's just a mudblood anyway." A blond girl in a ponytail said with such loathing. No one saw her. It was in the library, her haven. She was leaning behind a bookshelf. She was not crying. Her face just looked miserable.
"Maybe he thought she would be a good girl. If you know what I mean." The blonde's companion wiggled her eyebrows in a suggestive manner.
"Her? Miss goody two shoes? Humph, probably practicing to be 'head girl' already." The blonde-haired person giggled. "Well, that's what her place is anyway." He finally recognized the girl to be Pansy Parkinson. He felt his anger boiling. Ready to burst from him.
Then he saw himself. "I see no difference." He suddenly felt weak. He was one of those who hurt her. "Insufferable know-it-all." He did not know. "Ordinary face." He had no idea.
He found himself in another place. He saw Krum. This must have been the summer after the fourth year. There she was, beside Krum. "So what now? How do we get in touch?"
"We? Oh no. You were just a summer distraction. A good one too by the way. You were a good shag." Krum said this as if she were just a toy. Nothing more.
He felt a pang. She had always been treated like trash.
Then graduation came. She was beaming.
Auror training was harsh. Nevertheless, she did her best anyway. "Oh her? I bet she was just able to come in as a favor to Harry Potter. You know, she always did like to boss everyone. She thinks she's so high and mighty."
The choice to be a spy was a hard one. But she wanted to prove to everyone that she could do it. She was not just Harry Potter's friend.
However, she never expected this. She became everyone's toy. Ravished by people she did not even know. They said it was spy training. People pounded in her. Used her and left her like a rag doll. "Voldemort's camp is harder than this. You have to get used to it." Alastor Moody told her after some bloke was finished with her.
When she faced Voldemort, she showed him the abuse she went through. How she felt anger in her. She showed him that she wanted to kill them all. Revenge for what they did to her.
She had great power. Voldemort treated her as if she was a precious jewel. It was true. She would have been a great asset to whichever side she decided to join. After seeing what horror she went through, it was amazing that she still managed to choose the side that caused her horror over the side that promised her joy, wealth, power, and respect.
Thoughts were closing in on him.
"No friends."
"She's ugly."
"Mudblood"
The men who used her.
"Do you desire more?"
"Would you like to have more power?"
"Won't you be my queen?"
"My woman?"
"The Dark Lady?"
"Everyone would bow down to you."
"They would glorify you."
"Respect you."
"Respect you"
"Respect."
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He tore himself away from her mind. He did not notice the wetness in his cheeks. All he saw was her crying face in front of him. Her shoulders were shaking with sobs. She hid her face as if she were ashamed. He lifted up her face. "I'm sorry. I am so sorry. I would trade places with you if I could. I am so sorry. You did not deserve it." He held her tight against him. She cried freely then, hid her face in his chest. He looked up in the sky. The inky blackness covering them. They were floating in black. Black sorrow.
He hid his face in her hair, rocking her, comforting her. 'Such a strong woman.'
"You are special. Remember that. Beauty is nothing without anything accompanying it. You are special." He said this against her hair. They continued on rocking. He kissed the tears on her cheek. He could not kiss her full on, he knew that. The potion and the spell would not allow it.
"Very special."
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Sob sob. Thanks for all who reviewed. Love u all. Next Chappie: Harry and Ron's visit. A bit of harry-severus friendship ahead. You guys will see why.
Mish Michelle: Sorry, the argument will come later. Any suggestions on what will cause it? I improved? Really? THANKS!
aniamifan1988: Yup it's creepy, not to mention disgusting.
Angelbabe385: I'm glad you think it fits. Thank you.
deadlyabyss12: lol. will do.
sexiprincess1228: rofl. Scraping your skin off might hurt. yeah 'ick' is right.
Aleatha515: Voldie would basically do anything to get her. Well except giving up the war of course. lol.
sammy2008: Here's the cause.
Happiness Fooled: Thank you.
lydia: Yeah sevvie's gonna be pretty frustrated cuz of the protection potion and spell.
jekyllhyde: Hmm...Younger huh?...That's a nice idea. May I use it?
Kitlucky13: Thanks!
Ok. I'm gonna try to finish this story before school starts. Well, I'm pretty sure I'll make it. Anyway, thanks for reading the story. Review. Please. - Darque.
P.S. Dialogues? Suggestions? Scenes you guys might want in the story?
