Category: Angst, AU

Pairings: 1x2, 3x4

Rating: R (?)

Disclaimer: Standard. You know them all by now so I won't bore you with a repeat.

Notes: This takes place in a world of my own making, where things can and are twisted into strange things. So what doesn't seem possible is. There are M/M relationships in this fic (I'm very much a 1x2/3x4 fan.) so if boys being together (and I do mean together) bothers you don't read.

Additional note: Just in case you haven't noticed, my e-mail address has changed. It is now DuoHiro@comcast.net.

New Beginnings Part Two

By SilverLady

Duo sat up with a gasp, clamping his hand to his mouth to stifle the scream that rose in his throat.

Sobbing softly, he rocked back and forth. Again. It had happened again. Nightmares that had seemed to have taken up permanent residence in his dreams had come again that night. Why? Why do I have to keep reliving it over and over? Why can't I get over it?

They had started a few weeks ago and had become relentless in their return. If it wasn't dreams of a small child blaming him for not being allowed to live; it was of Ken, turning his back with hatred for what Duo had done or of Heero, his eyes blazing with anger as he yelled at him for stealing his son away and denying him the chance to watch Ken grow up.

Even now he was afraid. Afraid of what Ken would do if he found out that Heero was his father. Afraid that Heero would tire of waiting for him to say something and tell Ken himself. Duo sensed that the two were becoming fast friends and though a part of him was glad that the two were getting along another part of him dreaded it. What would happen if Ken found out the secret he had been keeping from him?

The ache over the loss of the baby and the fear of the possible loss of Ken was slowing wearing him down. It was getting to the point where he could neither eat nor sleep. He jumped at the slightest noise and would start crying at the drop of a hat. He knew the others were worried, a fact that amazed him considering the short amount of time he had known them; but he simply couldn't bring himself to open up and talk to anyone about his fears.

Rising shakily to his feet, he made his way over to the window seat. Curling up in it, he pressed his cheek to the cool glass and started blankly out into the yard. At times like this he like to stare out the window and imagine the scenes he had witnessed out this window before the fever had stolen his sight. His favorite was from a night shortly after he and Ken had moved in. It had snowed during the day, but the weather had cleared by night fall and the moon had glowed brightly over the yard. It had been so serene and so mysterious that Duo had sat and stared for hours, finally falling asleep there.

The remembered view often gave him peace, but tonight it wasn't working. His mind was rolling with the turmoil inside him, not allowing him the peace he desperately needed.

Oh god, what am I going to do? I know, intellectually, that there was nothing I could have done to prevent David's death, but my heart doesn't feel that way. It aches so much for losing him. I know that some feel it was for the best, that a child conceived in such violence was not a good thing, but he was my son and I love him.

And I'm so scared that Ken will hate me for taking him away from his father. That he will want to go with Heero when they leave. I can't bear to lose him. It would kill me. But how can he not be angry at me. I denied him the chance to know his father at all and now that he is here I have kept them apart by not telling him.

Yet I think it's Heero's anger that I fear the most. I stole his child away without him ever knowing. Even though I felt I was doing the right thing, did I? Would it have been better to stay and try to salvage at least a little of the relationship for the sake of our child? Would it have been so awful to have had him a least part of the time? It really wouldn't have been much different than before.

A long shuddering sigh ran through him. He really didn't know what to do next.

Just then he heard the faint sound of his door being opened. Schooling his face to not show the turmoil he felt he turned. "Who's there?" he asked softly.

"Daddy?" Ken's small whisper drifted over to him.

Duo was instantly on his feet and moving towards the door. "What wrong?"

"I couldn't sleep. Can I stay with you tonight?"

Gathering his son close to him, he guided the boy towards his bed. "Of course you can. You know that."

"Kay."

Duo heard a slight squeak as Ken clambered up into the bed. Getting into the bed himself, he leaned back against the headboard. Within moments he found his arms full of wiggling little boy.

"What's wrong? Did you have a bad dream?"

Ken sighed contentedly as he settled into his father's arms. "No."

"Then what?"

"I was worried about you. I thought you might be lonely. I know you miss the baby."

Duo smiled as he nuzzled his son's hair. "Thank you for being worried. I'll be all right."

"But you still have bad dreams."

Duo was at a loss for words. How had his son know about the nightmares?

"But I won't let them scare you no more. I'll stay with you."

Duo swallowed heavily, trying to clear the lump in his throat. "Thank you."

Ken was quiet for several minutes, idly playing with his hands. "Daddy," he finally whispered.

"Yes," Duo replied sleepily. Sitting here holding Ken was calming his frayed nerves and, for the first time in weeks, relaxing him enough that he was actually tired.

"How come you don't like Heero?"

Duo was instantly wide awake again. "What makes you say that?"

"You never talk to him and you always have something else to do when he comes into the room. It makes him sad."

Duo blinked. "Sad?" Heero Yuy sad? I didn't think that was possible.

"Yeah."

"Why do say that?"

"Cause he looks sad when you leave. He watches you all the time and he has this really sad look in his eyes. Like he's lost something that he misses a lot."

"He watches me?"

"All the time. And he always looks for you first thing when he comes into a room. I think he likes you. Why don't you like him?"

Duo sighed. He knew this was the time he had been dreading. He could brush it aside, but it wouldn't solve anything and it would just come back later. Might as well get it over with.

"I… I knew Heero a long time ago."

"You did?"

"Yes."

"How long ago? Before I was born?"

"Yes. I met him in the park in the city where I lived."

"Did you like him then?"

"Not at first. But later, I did."

"A lot?"

"Yes."

"Did he know my father?"

 Duo closed his eyes and swallowed heavily. "He is your father," he whispered.

Ken was quiet for a long moment. "Heero is my other daddy?"

"Yes."

Ken stared at Duo for long minutes, remembering the stories that he had told him. "But why don't you like him now?"

Duo sighed. "That's the problem. I still do. Very much. And it hurts. I'm afraid he doesn't understand why I left."

"Because of me?"

"No. Not entirely."

"Did he know about me at all?"

"No. I didn't tell him. It would have made things….. more complicated."

"But he knows now."

"Yes. I told him right before I…. lost the baby."

"Oh." Ken was quiet for a moment. "Okay."

Duo blinked. "Okay?"

"Yeah, I just was wondering why you didn't want to stay in the same room."

"You're…. not mad at me."

Ken looked up as his father. "You didn't what you had to, right? That's what you always told me. But now Heero's back and I think he wants to be friends with you again. I wouldn't mind. I like him. I'm glad he's my other daddy." Ken cuddled up against Duo. "Night, Daddy. I love you." With a soft sigh, he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep.

Duo could only sit there in shock. How could Ken be so calmly accepting? Where were the angry words and the tears that had haunted his dreams? Surely things couldn't be this easy.

I guess I am never going to understand my son.

Finally, he drifted off to sleep. And there were no nightmares to wrench his world apart.

*****

The next morning Duo was in the kitchen early, fixing breakfast. He awoken feeling more relaxed than he had in some time. And, more importantly, he had woke up feeling hungry.

"You're up early this morning," a voice stated calmly behind him.

Duo smiled slightly. "Was actually hungry this morning and figured you were probably tired of your own cooking so I thought I'd make breakfast."

Wufei snorted as he made his way over to the table. "Is my cooking that bad?"

"No. It's just…."

"Passable?" another voice asked.

Wufei glared at Trowa as he walked into the room, followed by a sleepy looking Quatre.

"And you are so much better?"

Trowa smiled. "No." He looked at Duo. "I'm glad you are feeling better this morning."

Quatre blinked sleepily. "Food?" he asked in a fuzzy voice.

Duo laughed then, the first real laugh in a long time. "In a minute."

"Kay." Quatre made his way over to the table and sat down.

Trowa shook his head, but followed.

Just as Duo was placing a large plate of pancakes on the table, Ken bounced into the room. "Daddy! Why didn't you get me up?"

"I thought you would like to sleep in this morning?"

Ken huffed as he sat down in his favorite chair. "I could have helped you."

Duo reached out and ruffled his hair. "I know."

Ken batted his father's hand away. "Daddy! Don't mess up my hair."

"Sorry." Duo tried to look contrite, but failed miserably.

"Just don't do it again."

The others laughed as they began to eat the food Duo placed before them.

They were all so busy eating that they didn't notice that Heero had finally made his way downstairs to join them, grumbling under his breath about the lack of help.

Ken looked up as Heero entered the room. "Morning, Heero Daddy," he chirped happily.

Absolute silence fell on the room as every turned to stare at the little boy.

"Heero ….. Daddy," Wufei choked out.