Author's Note: Hey guys! I'm finally back with another chapter of The Sweetest Sin! Sorry it's taken so long to update, but I've been studying my little butt of for finals in some of my classes. We have this long-ass research project then two five-paragraph essays that have to be like 3-4 pages long. Grr! I hate school! I can't wait until I graduate in May, but then I'll be off to college. sigh Anyways, this is a pretty long chapter and I've already started on Chapter 7 so that will probably be out by this coming weekend, roughly. A new chapter of ITPOAA will be posted soon as well, I'm almost done with that chapter and that one is going to be long too. Well, enough of my rambling, here's Chapter 6! As always, please read and review!
Disclaimer: I own nothing. One Tree Hill and its characters are property of the WB.
Rating: R, just as a warning, for content. You will see why later on.
P.S. – I AM GOING TO THE ONE TREE HILL CONCERT TOUR! YAY! Too bad Gavin won't be performing there, but I CAN'T WAIT to see Joie perform! I also can't wait to hear Tyler Hilton and Joie perform 'When the Stars Go Blue' live. The concert is gonna be ROCKIN' AWESOME! Is anybody else going?
The Sweetest SinChapter 6
Lucas sat at the picnic table beside the rivercourt, rolling the ball between his hands, staring at it with dull, lifeless eyes. They hadn't spoken in two or three months, or who knows how long. He'd lost count. His life as he knew it was over. Basketball had always been an escape for him but also helped him sort through his problems. Now even basketball did not offer the comfort or solace it used to. He had been miserable ever since he walked out of that hospital room. So miserable, that it had been affecting his schoolwork and performance on the team. He hadn't been playing up to his usual par; throwing half-assed shots, missing baskets, and forcefully passing balls to his other teammates. He'd even gotten into some fights too, but the thing that really did it for him was when he really laid into Whitey one day after missing a couple of baskets that he normally would have made with ease and style. Whitey suspended him, telling him that he needed to clean up his act and to get out the bug that had crawled up his behind. He hadn't played on the team for six weeks. His schoolwork had taken a turn for the worse too, him not really caring to attempt it and not participating in class. He had also turned into one of those bad boy party guys. He'd go to a party to get wasted and make out with other girls, sometimes they'd go up to an empty bedroom, but there was never any clothing removal or sex, just groping and kissing. Lucas felt he would be betraying Haley if he went further with any other girl.
Even though they hadn't spoken since that day in the hospital room, Haley would occasionally leave a note in his locker, saying that she needed him to watch Krissy for the night or that Krissy wanted to see him. She never offered to bring Krissy over, instead leaving him to pick the little girl up from daycare. It pained him that things had gotten so bad between them that they had to resort to being like a divorced or separated couple and sharing custody of a child that was moved between homes often. He could see that even the separation had taken a toll on Krissy too. She had become sad and quiet, not her usual cheery, perky self. When she stayed with him, he sometimes asked her how Haley was doing. She would respond in an emotionless monotone voice, saying that Haley very rarely came out of her room and played or spent time with her, that she cried at night. He got the same response every time, but he kept hoping that one day she would tell him something better.
He'd seen Haley at school in the hallways, but only got glimpses of her, because she would turn away and head down a different hallway to her classes. She always looked so tired and worn out, bags under her eyes, her eyes red from crying, clothes sometimes mismatched and wrinkled. He hated himself for what they had done, he never wanted this, their animosity, to happen and it was killing him to be far from her, not included in on her life. It was easy to avoid each other since they didn't have any classes together and because they were seniors, they got out early so they didn't have a lunch period together. Haley had quit working at the café to avoid Karen and running into Lucas. The first few weeks of her and Lucas' animosity, Karen would often try to convince her, and Lucas the same, to talk to each other and work their problems out, but Karen didn't know just how big the problem was. She didn't know that Haley had slept with her son. She still felt so guilty for what she had done.
Lucas sighed and stood from the bench, tucking the basketball under his arm and making his way home. He hadn't had a visit from Krissy in two weeks; he missed his little girl. Sometimes he would stop at the daycare center at the school in between classes, in the morning, or after school got out before he left, but he feared going in there and seeing Haley. What would she do, what would she say, if she saw him? Would she run? Would she be hostile? Would she say anything at all? He sighed again as he entered his bedroom, the pictures of him and Haley throughout the years on his mirror, his wall, his desk, everywhere, were there staring back at him, haunting him. They seemed to be pointing fingers at him and glaring at him with their perfect glossy eyes, saying, "You did this. You caused this to happen. It's all your fault." He threw himself on his bed, facing the ceiling as he shut his eyes tightly and covered his face with his hands.
A few minutes later a soft knock sounded on his bedroom door. "What," he called out in irritation. He wished everyone would just leave him alone. That is, except for Haley. He wanted his Haley back, his best friend. Karen slowly entered the fast darkening room with the sun setting below the horizon behind closed curtains and saw her son lying on his bed. "Luke, you should go wash up. Dinner's almost ready," she said firmly. She had noticed that he hadn't been eating much and had lost some weight. Lucas rolled over, his back facing his mother, and replied, "I'm not hungry." "Luke, you have to eat…" Karen responded worriedly but was cut off by her son shouting, "I'm not hungry, okay? Just-just go away please." His voice got softer near the end and she could here the desperation in his voice. She sighed in defeat and stared back at him sadly as she placed her hand on the doorknob and closed the bedroom door behind her.
In the middle of the night, Lucas bolted upright in a cold sweat and panting heavily with wide eyes. He'd had that dream again. The one where he was taken back to the day he found Haley lying on the floor covered in blood, pale white, cold, and turning blue. He'd raced to her side and felt for a pulse for several long minutes, but this time there wasn't one. Haley was dead. He'd been having this dream ever since that day. Sometimes he would get it every night or one or two nights a week, but it never stayed away from his mind for long, even in his waking hours. He wiped at the tears falling from his eyes with the back of his arm and ran his hands through his hair as he inhaled a shaky, ragged breath. He stood from the bed and carefully made his way down the dark hallway to the kitchen. He made a cup of hot chocolate and held it between both hands as he sat at the table and bounced his legs absentmindedly. Lucas tried to get that image of her out of his mind, but he couldn't; it would haunt him forever. He finished off the warm drink then went back to bed and laid down as he stared up at the ceiling. He sighed again; he wouldn't be getting any sleep tonight.
At school the next morning, Lucas was at his locker when a chill ran through him like a ghost putting a cold hand around your neck. He looked to his right and there she was. She was down at the far end of the hallway, walking with her head lowered and books clutched tightly to her chest. He longed for her to look at him, to walk over and hug him. He needed to know that she was alright, needed to get that horrible image of Haley dead erased from his mind. However, that didn't happen. She passed by without acknowledging him, probably not even noticing he was there by the deep crease in her forehead, signaling she was deep in thought, in her own little world. It was because of this state that Haley accidentally ran into someone, causing her books and binders to fall to the floor, papers spewing out. "I-I'm so sorry, I wasn't looking…" she blurted out as she went to pick up her belongings. "Watch where you're going," the tall, muscular football player shouted at her then trudged past to join his buddies, who were laughing at her. Tears welled in her eyes; she felt like she was the old 'Tutor Girl' again, the nerdy, unpopular, extremely shy girl she once was, and was now becoming again.
Lucas rushed over and bent down to help her pick up her books and papers. "They're jerks, you know. Don't pay any attention to them," a soft voice said beside her and she looked up for the first time, noticing that Lucas was beside her. She let out a strangled squeak as her eyes widened then quickly gathered up the rest of her things before glaring at him and running away, "I guess I shouldn't pay any attention to you then, huh? 'Cause you're a jerk. A really, really big…jerk…" "Hales…" he started then sighed. It was useless to follow after her; she was already gone.
Later that afternoon at school during changes between classes, Haley walked down the hallway in search of Lucas. She finally spotted him by a row of lockers, talking with a familiar, flirty brunette haired cheerleader. She approached him nervously, staring down at her feet, and fiddled with her hands in apprehension. Lucas saw her nearing him and straightened from his leaning stance against the lockers. Brooke immediately stopped talking to him when she saw that his attention was directed somewhere else. "Hi," Haley said softly to him, not meeting his eyes. "Come back to beat me down more," Lucas replied in a bitter tone. She flinched at his cold tone then responded quietly, "No." "Are you here to apologize," he asked with an angry expression on his face. "No," she replied in the same whispering voice as she clutched her books tighter to her body. "Then what the hell do you want from me," he shouted, flinging his arms out in frustration. Even Brooke was surprised; she had never seen Lucas yell at Haley like that.
Tears welled in her eyes at his yelling at her; she hated it when he yelled at her. She sucked in a deep breath and sniffled as she wiped her nose. "I um… I need to talk to you," she responded, tugging on his shirt sleeve then glanced at Brooke, "alone." He nodded and followed her into an empty classroom. His expression softened at her red cheeks and watery eyes; he hated making her cry. He wanted to caress her cheek with his hand and wipe away all the tears he had caused. "What is it Hales," he asked, shoving his hands in his pockets to restrain the urge to touch her, "Is something wrong with Kris? Do you need me to watch her tonight?" "No," she said quietly again. "Then what do you need to talk to me about, Hales," he inquired confusedly, yet concernedly. A spark lit within him. Was it possible that she wanted to reconcile and be friends again?
Haley crossed her arms over her chest responding in a small whisper, "I um, I'm pregnant. I found out yesterday…" Lucas stopped breathing and his heart stopped beating. His eyes bulged wide as he froze and stiffened up like a board. Never had he thought that this would come out of her mouth. He tried to say something, but he couldn't. It was like he was paralyzed with shock. Haley stood there uncomfortably for a few minutes, waiting for a response, but none came. So she turned and quietly slipped out of the classroom.
The rest of school went by in a daze for Lucas; he didn't even remember going to his classes. As soon as school was out he raced home and slammed his bedroom door behind him. Thankfully, his mother was at the café so he could be alone in peace to brood. Just like yesterday, he laid on his back on the bed, staring at the tiles on his ceiling. Two words kept running through his head, trying to sink in, but he still couldn't believe it. 'pregnant…baby…pregnant…baby…' He was going to be a father at eighteen. A million thought were running through his mind and he was desperately trying to process it all. Well technically, he already was a father to Krissy, but this was his own child he was talking about here. His face brightened at a thought. Maybe this baby would bring them back together, but even more than before. Maybe they could be a couple, a real family. He smiled at the image he had painted in his head of them together; all four of them, Haley, himself, Krissy, and their baby. He smiled wider as he closed his eyes and let the wonderful image envelope him in warmth and happiness until he finally fell asleep. He would worry about everything else tomorrow.
The next day was Saturday so there was no school. After much thinking, Lucas decided that he needed to see Haley, to talk to her about everything that was going on. So he drove over to Haley's house and slowly walked up the front steps to her house. After a few minutes of hesitation, Lucas knocked softly on Haley's door, his mind racing with thoughts. The door opened slowly and Haley appeared halfway behind it, her eyes red and puffy from tears. "Hi," she said softly as she looked down, away from his piercing blue eyes. "Hales…" he began then paused for a moment, "we need to talk about this." She nodded silently and opened the door further to let him in. She sat on the couch and he settled into an armchair opposite her. He knew that if he sat next to her, he'd want to hold her and kiss her, comfort her, but he also knew that she didn't want that right now; she would just push him away if he tried. He found himself staring at her stomach and drifting off into a world where he and Haley were together and they had their baby; they were happy. Haley noticed Lucas' staring at her stomach and pulled her knees close to her chest, wrapping her arms around her legs. He looked away, knowing she had caught him.
He heard a pounding of little feet and for a moment he envisioned the future where a little toddler, a boy with blonde hair and blue eyes, or a girl with auburn hair and brown eyes, would come running into the room and he would scoop them up. "Daddy," Krissy called out excitedly as she reached him and held up her arms. He reveled in the name for a second because now it held so much more truth; he would be a father in six months and he would have his own child to take care of. "Hey sweetie," he kissed her cheek. He was about to say more, but Haley interrupted him, "Kris, go to your room." "But Daddy is here-" the little girl protested but she was cut off by Haley as well. "Kristina Summer James, go to your room NOW," Haley yelled as she pointed towards the hallway. Krissy looked at her for a moment with fat tears welling in her eyes before she ran sobbing from the room.
"Haley…" Lucas protested. "Don't," she said, putting a hand up and looking away from him. He got up and sat on the coffee table in front of her and gently took both of her hands in his. He pulled her forward a little so that her feet rested on the floor and their knees nearly touched. He slowly rubbed his thumbs over the back of her hands as he held them, "Haley, I want you to know that I'll be here for you, no matter what. You know I will. I will be here for you through everything…" He brought a hand up to softly caress her cheek, "I love you, and I already love this baby…" She abruptly pulled her hands away from his and moved away from him, curling into a corner of the couch. "Luke, I'm not ready to have this baby. I'm only seventeen… and I have Kris to think about… I can't raise her and a baby too…" "I'll help you, we're in this together. We have been ever since Kris was born…" He tried to take her hands again but she pulled away once more.
"I'm not ready to have this baby, Lucas," she stated again. He stood up angrily and started yelling, "So that's it then, huh? You're not even giving me a choice! You're going to go and get an abortion and kill our child just like that? Have you really even thought it through? I mean, you only found out two days ago for god sakes! I-I can't handle this, I'm out of here!" He began to leave when he heard the pounding of little feet again, "Daddy, wait! I wanna come with you! Please! Please, let me come with you!" She looked up at him with her sad, tear-filled brown eyes and he scooped her up, grabbing the small backpack she had with her. He sent one last glare to Haley before he walked out the door, cradling the crying girl in his arms.
The next day, Lucas had calmed down a little bit and thought about how Haley might be feeling and what she had gone through raising Kris the last three years. He finally understood where she was coming from, but he still wanted the baby.
His mom had the day off from the café and Deb was overseeing everything, so Lucas went to the living room where she was currently watching television. "Hey Mom? Can you watch Kris for a while? I need to talk to Haley about something and I can't have her around," Lucas explained. He hated keeping things from his mom, especially something this big, but he was afraid of how she would react and decided it would be better to tell her when he and Haley had talked things out and were certain about what they wanted to do. "Sure, where is she," Karen asked. "She's sleeping in my room for now, but when she wakes up, give her a little snack to eat; carrots, fruit, crackers, or something. I'll be back later. Tell her I love her and that I will be back soon when she wakes up." "I will," Karen responded as she patted him on the back.
Lucas entered Haley's house and ascended the stairs to her bedroom, where he knocked on the door before continuing on in. He found the room empty, but he saw a note lying on her bed. He rushed over and picked it up, reading through it worriedly.
Dear Luke,
You were right; I hadn't thought things through. When I said that I wasn't ready to have the baby, I meant I was planning on putting it up for adoption. But after you left last night, I really thought about what you said and I decided that I couldn't go through the pregnancy and then give the baby up. So you are getting what you want; I'm having an abortion. Oh, and tell Kris that I'm sorry I yelled at her.
Haley
Lucas felt himself go weak in the knees as he collapsed to the floor in tears. "It's not what I want…" he whispered. He sobbed for several minutes before he decided that he would find her and tell her that he didn't want her to have an abortion. He knew that there was only one place in Tree Hill that you could get an abortion and that was at the Planned Parenthood clinic. How ironic was that? Most teenage pregnancies were unplanned and those deciding to have an abortion wouldn't experience parenthood anyway, at least until they were older, more mature, and financially stable. He only hoped that she was still there and had not yet gone through with it.
He raced to his destination in the truck as fast as he could, the whole time going nearly fifteen to twenty miles over the speed limit. As soon as he pulled into a space at the clinic he slammed on the brakes and put it into park, bringing the truck to a screeching halt and causing the it to lurch forward from the abrupt stop. He quickly jumped out of the cab and rushed into the clinic, wildly searching the waiting room for Haley. With no sign of her, he went up to the front desk and asked frantically, his eyes wide with fright and panting heavily, "Is Haley James here?" "I'm sorry sir, but all our patients are confidential," the secretary said. "Please ma'am. I need to know if she's here. Haley James is my girlfriend and she's supposed to be getting an abortion… Please, I need to see her…" he begged and pleaded with her, a desperate, pained, and lost look in his eyes. She gazed at him with sympathetic eyes for a moment, seeing that his hope was dying just a little more every second he couldn't see her. She sighed resignedly, "Okay, wait here and I'll see if she's in one of the exam rooms. Don't tell anyone that I did this; I could get fired from my job." "I won't," Lucas replied honestly before the woman left.
He impatiently tapped his foot while he waited for her return and she finally did a few minutes later. "I'm sorry sir, but you're too late. Miss James has already left." Lucas nearly collapsed again, and he would have if he hadn't been holding onto the counter of the front desk in a death-grip. "Thank you," he hoarsely whispered in reply before leaving the clinic. Lucas stumbled outside, gasping for air as giant sobs overtook his body. He tripped over the curb and fell to his knees on the street, rain beginning to pour down in torrential waterfalls. He clutched his head and rocked back and forth, crying for the loss of the son or daughter he would never know and the fact that he hadn't gotten there in time to save the life of his child.
A car honked at him then swerved out of the way, the driver shouting at him as he drove by, "Hey get out of the road you ass hole!" Lucas slowly dragged himself to his feet and walked over to the truck and got in. He sat there for several minutes as he watched the rain flow down his windshield and thought that the weather was exactly how he felt. He slowly began to drive home when he started to be overcome by rage. Rage by Haley killing their child, rage at himself for yelling at her and causing her to come to that horrible decision.
He pressed on the gas pedal harder and did something he had sworn he would never do after witnessing Peyton doing it and hearing that her mother had died nearly the same way; he raced through the red lights. What did he care? His life was over anyway. He couldn't be with Haley now, not after what she had done. When she had told him that she was pregnant, he had imagined a million happy moments of them together with their child, and with Krissy. Krissy. In his anger and despair, he had forgotten about the little girl.
Lucas slowed down considerably and stopped when the lights changed to red. He was still sobbing by the time he reached his house and soaked to the bone, his eyes and nose raw and red from crying. Lucas swayed weakly as he stumbled into the house through the kitchen door and headed to his room. Karen had been in the kitchen when he entered and concernedly followed him. She found her son lying face down on his bed, clutching one of his pillows as he continued to emit loud wails and whimpers.
Krissy darted by her and jumped up on the bed. "Daddy! You're back," she shouted, then noticed that he was crying, "Daddy, what's wrong?" Lucas only began to sob harder at the name she called him then opened his arms for her to enter, saying in a soft, choked up voice, "Come here baby." He hugged her tight to his chest for several minutes, never opening his eyes as he softly kissed the girl's forehead then all over her face.
Karen walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge, "Krissy, I need to talk to Luke for a little bit. Can you go watch television in the living room please?" The little girl nodded and obediently left. "Luke, what's wrong honey? Did you have a fight with Haley?" Lucas nodded with his head still buried in the pillow then turned his head to face her. "Mom…" he began with a shaky voice. He knew it was time to tell her and he wouldn't be able to keep it from her forever; the pain was just too much to bear all by himself. "Mom, Haley's p-pregnant with my child… but-but she got an abortion… and it's all my fault. She said she wasn't ready to have the baby and I thought she meant abortion and we got into a fight… and then I left with Kris… Last night I thought about how she must be feeling and what she went through raising Kris, and I could see where she was coming from. Then today I went over to her place to talk to her; she wasn't there but I found a note… and in it she said that I was getting what I wanted; she was having an abortion… but she couldn't have been farther from the truth, Mom. God, I wanted that baby so much… I know we're only eighteen, but we would have been prepared for the baby, I mean, we've taken care of Kris together since she was born… The baby wasn't even born yet and already I loved it… it's all my fault… if I hadn't gotten in a fight with her… I killed my own child, Mom, I killed my baby…"
Karen gathered her sobbing son in her arms and softly caressed the back of his head, running her hands through his hair, "Oh Luke…" She was at a loss of words to say to comfort her son as she was still in shock herself. "Mom, could you please leave me alone for awhile," he requested as he laid down again and turned his back to her. "Sure sweetie," she said quietly then retreated from the room.
As soon as she closed his door behind her, she leaned heavily against the wall and sank down to the floor, beginning to cry herself. She cried for what Lucas had gone through; the loss of a child would never leave him, and she cried for the loss of her grandchild, of which she hadn't known existed until a few moments ago.
