Chapter Three - CATHARSIS
"We've got to find him!" Harry looked at Ron and Hermione. "He might be in deep trouble."
Ron was skeptical. "I think we should leave him to You-Know-Who," he said. "Serves him right, doesn't it?"
Harry debated for a while. True, he could just forget Malfoy and never think of him again, at least until he met him again at Voldemort's side. But then he remembered the desperate look in Malfoy's eyes and the wild hope that had flickered in them when Dumbledore had offered him to change sides and join his own ranks. If the other Death Eaters hadn't appeared right then, Malfoy might have spared Dumbledore's life and followed them. Things had turned out differently, but Harry could not forget how Malfoy's hand with the wand had trembled and lowered down; could not forget how worn and lonely Malfoy had looked in the bathroom. He had seen that there was something good in Draco Malfoy, and this was enough to make it impossible for him to keep hating Malfoy and leave him to his fate.
"I think Harry's right," Hermione said. "From what Harry says, Malfoy is not at all one hundred percent convinced of what he's doing. It might well be that he only became a Death Eater because it's family tradition."
"That's baloney!" Ron contradicted. "He's a free person, isn't he? He can make his own decisions."
"I'm not so sure," said Hermione. "With Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy as parents, there's not much room for free decisions, is there? He was probably acquainted with the Dark Arts at a very early age; I reckon he knew nothing else. Of course he took over the traditional attitudes of the family. Just like you, Ron, never once considered changing sides. It runs in the family."
Ron opened his mouth, but Harry cut across him.
"So will you help me find him? Hermione? You can Locate him, can't you?"
Hermione nodded. "I only need a pendulum and a map," she said.
"I'll go get it," Harry said. He got up and went down into the kitchen, only to bump into Tonks, who had just entered the kitchen by the back door.
"Wotcher, Harry," she said cheerfully.
Ever since she and Remus had become a couple Tonks had been her former self again. Harry looked at her and smiled. He liked Tonks, not only because she was a nice person with a good sense of humor but above all because she made Remus happy. And it was important to Harry that Remus was happy. He had grown closer and closer to the werewolf over the past few weeks, probably because Remus knew best how Harry felt. Both of them had loved Sirius; both of them were only what they were thanks to Dumbledore. Their pain was equal.
"Hi, Tonks," said Harry eventually. "Do you know where I can find a pendulum? And a map?"
"Whom are you trying to Locate?" Tonks asked, but shook her head when Harry hesitated. "Sorry, none of my business. Accio pendulum!"
From a shelf behind Harry, a pendulum flew past. Tonks caught it elegantly with her left hand and gave it to Harry. "Map's over there," she said and pointed at another shelf.
"Thanks." Harry took the map and the pendulum and returned upstairs.
Hermione laid the map on the table and took the pendulum. Muttering a spell, she started to swing the pendulum back and forth. Ron and Harry watched in silence as she repeated the spell a second and a third time. Finally the pendulum glowed and thumped down on one spot of the map.
"Got him," Hermione announced. She took a closer look at the map. "London," she said. "Some place called Spinner's End."
"How on earth shall we get to London?" Ron asked, frowning.
"Well, I'm going to Apparate," said Hermione. "And you two don't have a license, but when did that ever stop you?"
"What if I leave more behind than half an eyebrow?" Ron asked fretfully. "It really matters this time..."
"I'll take you Side-Along," said Hermione.
"Alright." Ron stepped beside her. "What do I have to do?"
"Cling to me," said Hermione. "You'd best put your arms around me, that'll get you the best possible grip."
Harry frowned slightly. He had Side-Along Apparated with Dumbledore, but he remembered very clearly that he hadn't had to embrace Dumbledore... He looked at Hermione. She winked at Harry with a smirk, and Harry understood. Another female trick, it appeared. Ron blushed slightly as he put his arms around Hermione's waist and linked his fingers together.
"You ready?" asked Harry. Hermione nodded.
Harry was just about to start when someone knocked on the door.
"Blimey," muttered Harry, but then he called, "Come in!"
The door opened and Remus entered the room. He raised one eyebrow as he saw Ron and Hermione locked in a tight embrace, and the two blushed simultaneously and hastily let go of each other.
Harry cleared his throat to interrupt the embarrassing moment. Remus looked slightly disheveled, as if he had been in a great hurry.
"What's wrong, Remus?" Harry asked.
"Voldemort killed Narcissa Malfoy," Remus said. "He thought it appropriate that Draco should be punished because Severus killed Dumbledore on his behalf. He couldn't get to Lucius, so he had Draco's mother executed."
Ron grimaced. "He's got a funny way of keeping his followers under his sway," he remarked. "I wouldn't remain faithful to someone who kills my own mother."
Harry watched Remus closely. "You think we should go looking for Malfoy, don't you, Remus?" he said silently. "You think this might be a good time for us to convince him to change sides."
Remus offered a weary smile. "Exactly, Harry," he said. "Up to now, Voldemort's cruelty has not directly reached Draco, but now, with his own mother killed... This might be the moment for him to make a decision."
"I don't see why we should even bother," Ron said. "Draco never seemed particularly courageous to me, and he's not exactly what you would call a powerful ally. So what's the point in sending us out to get him at all?"
"First and foremost, Ron, it's never pointless to save someone from himself, be it an enemy or not," Remus said earnestly. "And while Draco himself may not be a powerful ally, the very fact that we managed to make him change sides will annoy Voldemort beyond measure. He is very sure of Draco's allegiance, otherwise he would make greater efforts to keep him at his side. Just imagine how angry he will be when he finds out that one of his most faithful followers has turned from him! He may do something he'll regret later, and this might be our chance."
Hermione's eyes lit up. "Brilliant, Remus," she whispered. "This is what the Muggles call 'psychological warfare,' I guess." She turned to Harry and Ron. "Off we go," she said.
"I'm coming with you," said Remus. "I have a bad feeling. We'd better hurry up, or we might be too late."
"Too late for what?" Harry asked.
Remus just shook his head. "Destination, Deliberation, Determination," he said warningly, but with a sparkle in his warm eyes.
Ron went back to Hermione, and the four of them Disapparated.
xxx
He cannot think clearly. His vision is blurred by tears; his mind is darkness now. He feels nothing as he points the tip of his wand at his left wrist. He does not speak the incantation yet; he remains motionless with his wand hovering an inch above the pulsating vein he is going to slit open. He knows no further. His life is lying shattered at his feet; his revered master shows no mercy and his mother is dead. His allies, the fellow Death Eaters, are shunning him, and his friends do not dare stay in touch. He is at the bottom of his life, and while he is debating the rightfulness of his allegiance to the Dark Lord, he cannot muster the courage to break away. There is no way out, and who is going to miss him, anyway? He feels as if the weight of the world is resting on his shoulders. Something has gone terribly wrong.
For a moment, Potter's face appears once again before his mind's eye - green eyes wide in shock and regret. Bitterly, Draco realizes that Potter is stronger than he is. The ability to forgive the enemy has never been very well developed in the Malfoy family.
Draco looks down on his wrist once again. He hears a clatter downstairs in the room, but he does not pay any attention to it. Although he knows that no one is home at the moment, he has other things on his mind than the possibility of a burglar entering the house. There is not much to steal, anyway.
He focuses again on the spell he is about to speak, memorizing the words very carefully. If he says it wrong, he might end up injured or crippled, but not dead. And he knows very well that he will not try again. It's now or never.
He opens his mouth to speak, but then he freezes right to the spot. He hears voices downstairs, and if he didn't know better, he would swear it's Potter. But that's impossible, he tells himself. Still he pauses, holds his head still and tries to overhear what is being said downstairs.
"…somewhere here…" he hears the Granger girl say, and, "…got to find him before…" (Potter) and, "…not too late…" (he knows this voice, too, but cannot place it.)
What – or rather, who – are they talking about? Draco wonders. They cannot possibly hope to find the Dark Lord here. Are they looking for Snape? Or Wormtail?
"Malfoy?" someone calls out downstairs, and Draco jumps. Did he hear that right?
"Draco Malfoy?" That is the other voice, which he can now identify as that of Remus Lupin, the werewolf. This time, he cannot be mistaken. They are looking for him. Here. But why? Do they want to take out their revenge?
Draco turns away hastily and concentrates again on his wand, his wrist, and the spell that is going to end the miserable life he is now leading. His fingers are shaking. Any moment the door might open and they will find him. He wants to be dead by then.
He presses his eyes shut and speaks the spell. He hears a hiss, feels a searing pain on his wrist and the warm dripping of his own blood. But something's wrong…
Draco opens his eyes and sees that his spell has missed the vein. It has merely scratched his skin and a small but steady flow of blood trickles out of the wound..
Something inside Draco is breaking, and he bursts into tears. He aims his wand at the wound and is about to speak the spell again when the door is opened and someone enters the room.
"Draco?"
It is Harry Potter, and Draco sees the surprised expression on his face cave in when he notices the blood and Draco's wand pointing at his wrist.
Draco turns and looks at Harry. He does not care that his face is streaked with tears and that all his desperation lies open to the enemy.
"Hello, Potter," he says and struggles to keep a spiteful tone in his voice. "You don't have to make your hands dirty killing me. I'm doing it myself. See?"
His last word is choked on sobs, and Draco looks away again. He prepares his wand one last time and takes a breath to speak the spell.
xxx
"No!" Harry screamed when he saw what Draco was about to do. He dropped his wand, jumped forward and hit Draco's wand with the back of his hand. Draco lost his grip and his wand fell to the floor and rolled away, out of reach.
Draco screamed, tears streaming down his cheeks. He tried to hit Harry, but Harry sidestepped him. Draco turned around and reached for his wand, but Harry took him by the arm and held him back.
"Don't, Draco!" he shouted.
Draco struggled against his grip. "Let me go, Potter!" he sobbed, his words barely understandable. "It's all over, it's over…"
"Nothing's over, Draco," Harry said soothingly. "We came here to find you."
"Let me go!" Draco cried harder and harder, but Harry felt his resistance weaken. If only the others were here, he thought. He could use some help to calm Draco down, who was still struggling against his grip, but his efforts were weakening as his whole body was shaken by a desperation too big for Harry to imagine.
Harry did not let go of Draco's arm when he dropped to his knees beside him, pulling Draco down with him. Draco tumbled against him and Harry grabbed him around the middle in a clumsy embrace. He felt something inside Draco give in as his former archenemy leaned his head against Harry's chest.
"We're gonna help you," Harry murmured, awkwardly patting Draco's shoulder. "You're no longer alone, you hear? Come with us and everything will be alright. We're going to avenge your mother's murder." He kept saying things like that, all the while holding the boy whom he had once hated more than anyone else.
Hermione, Ron and Remus entered the room a few minutes later. While Ron still looked skeptical, Hermione and Remus rushed to Harry's side.
"Draco," Remus said softly, touching his shoulder.
Draco looked up, his eyes red and swollen from the crying. A shadow fell on his face when he recognized Remus and Hermione, and Harry looked at Remus. They had to do something quickly before the moment was getting awkward.
Remus nodded silently; he had understood what Harry had wanted to tell him. He reached into the pocket of his cloak and pulled out a small phial with a light blue liquid in it. "Drink this," he said and smiled encouragingly at Draco. "It'll make you feel better. And then we should make haste to get out of here. I don't want to bump into Severus."
Draco winced at the name. "I can't come with you," he said. His voice sounded choked and hoarse. "They'll find me. They'll kill me. I've got to stay here."
"Don't be silly," Hermione said resolutely. "You can't possibly consider remaining on Voldemort's side after all that he's done to you. There is nothing here for you now, is there?"
"My mother would have wanted me to," Draco said.
"Your mother's mind has been twisted by his dark magic," Remus said quietly. "She wouldn't have wanted you to suffer, don't you think?"
Draco did not answer, but he took the phial from Remus and downed the liquid that was inside. Instantly, he looked better. Color returned to his pale complexion and he straightened.
"If I leave, he'll be furious," Draco said. "He'll be after you lot. He'll kill you, too."
"That's not exactly news to us," Harry said with a hint of cynicism. "By now I think he should know that killing us is not as easy as he thought."
"You two can discuss that later," Hermione interrupted. "We should really get out of here. Come on, Draco."
She extended one hand, and after a moment, Draco took it and let her help him get up. He and Hermione looked at each other for a moment, and it occurred to Harry that in this instant they buried the hatchet. There was no need for an apology from either side.
Harry and Hermione both turned to Ron, who finally pulled himself together and joined them.
"Let's get you out of here," he said to Draco. It sounded a little stiffly, but Harry knew that this had been a great step for Ron.
"Yes," he said. "Come on, Draco, we're going to Disapparate."
"I… I don't think I…" Draco blushed. "I don't have a license."
"Neither do I," said Ron. "Hermione's taking me Side-Along; you just go with Harry or Remus."
"Lean on me," said Remus and took Draco gently by the arm. "You don't have to do anything. Just hold still and try to concentrate. It's easier for me if you add a little determination." He smiled.
Ron frowned and looked at Hermione. "I thought you had to cling to the person you're Apparating with?"
Harry grinned and quickly looked away. It seemed as if Hermione's little trick had been uncovered. Hermione just shrugged coolly and cast Ron a glance that was definitely coy. Ron looked confused and preferred not to pursue the matter any further.
"Alright, we're going back," said Remus. "Are you ready?"
Ron reached out for Hermione's arm. "It's your fault if half of me will be left behind," he hissed.
"Shut up," Hermione said, mockingly patting his hand. "I'll see to it that you'll return in one piece."
"We're ready, Remus," said Harry loudly.
Remus nodded and Disapparated without further comment. Ron and Hermione followed a second later.
Harry took some moments to look around in the shabby room. He shuddered. Little wonder that Draco had fallen into a deep depression. The room was dreary and stark, and Harry felt no desire to spend any more time here. He concentrated on the Burrow and Disapparated.
