It was around three in the morning, when Hermione was woken suddenly. She lifted herself up on her elbows and peered over into Nathaniel's crib. He was sleeping soundly. Then she turned to see Remus. He had broken out into a cold sweat and was breathing heavily.
Hermione laid her hand on his chest. "Remus," she whispered, trying to gently wake him. He batted her hand away. "Remus, wake up," she insisted. She leaned over him and shook his shoulder. "You're having a nightmare, darling."
Suddenly she found her wrist in a vice-like grip and she was on her back, her eyes wide with shock. Remus was over her, pinning her against the bed, his eyes moving wildly.
"Remus," Hermione said sharply.
He held her tight for several seconds before he registered where he was. "Oh baby, I'm sorry," he groaned, sliding off of her and burying his face in his pillow.
Hermione rolled over and put her arm around his shoulder. "Are you okay?" she asked.
"Yeah," he groaned. "I'm so sorry. Did I hurt you?"
"No," said Hermione immediately. "You just startled me." Hermione put her hands on his back and gently began to massage his shoulders. "Do you want to tell me what that nightmare was about?" she asked quietly.
"It's nothing," said Remus. He flipped over onto his back and gathered Hermione in his arms. She rested her cheek against his bare chest, registering how fast his heart was beating.
"They'll never take Nathaniel again," she said softly. She knew what was tormenting him. It was the same thing that had tormented her for the past six weeks. Most nights she got up at least seven or eight times to check on him.
Remus sighed deeply. "It's not enough that we have to protect him from Voldemort. Now we have to worry about the Ministry too."
"It won't always be like this," Hermione tried to reassure him.
"You don't know that," replied Remus.
"I…" Hermione was interrupted by a fussing sound from the crib. She popped her head up and peered over at the crib.
"Bring him here with us," said Remus.
Hermione got up and lifted Nathaniel from his crib. He was only minimally fussing. "Little faker," she said softly, before handing Nathaniel to Remus. Remus laid him on his chest and Nathaniel immediately quieted.
"He only does that with you," she said with only a little jealousy in her voice.
"He's my boy," said Remus.
"I carried him for nine months," argued Hermione.
Remus grabbed the front of her pajama top and pulled her down, back into his arms. One hand rested on Nathaniel's back and the other was stroking Hermione's hair. "Yes you did," he agreed and he kissed her on her forehead. "Now go to sleep."
Hermione cuddled closer and closed her eyes, falling asleep almost immediately.
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Two nights later Hermione was not feeling quite so peaceful. She was trying to cook dinner and feed Nathaniel all at the same time. Remus was out on a quick surveillance mission for Dumbledore and Hermione had hoped to have a nice quiet dinner for two waiting for him, but Nathaniel was not cooperating.
He was screaming bloody murder and spitting up all the milk he took into his mouth.
"Nathaniel, please," she begged. "I had the whole evening planned out. Your daddy has been out all day long. I wanted to take a shower and change and have dinner ready."
Nathaniel was deaf to his mother's plea and continued to wail. Hermione sat heavily in a chair in front of him and buried her face in her hands.
"Hermione," called a voice from the living room. Sirius leaned against the doorway to the kitchen. "What's burning?" he asked sniffing the air.
"Oh damn it," yelled Hermione, jumping up and running to the stove. She pulled the pot off the burner and turned the fire down. "Damn it," she said again. She went back to her chair and closed her eyes.
"Hermione, are you okay?" asked Sirius.
Hermione opened her eyes. "Yes," she said wearily.
Sirius raised her eyebrows. "You look awful," he commented.
Hermione glared at him. "Thanks a lot."
Sirius eyed Nathaniel. "Hey squirt. What's the matter?"
Nathaniel stared up at Sirius through tear-filled eyes. His mouth trembled and he cried pitiful heartbreaking whimpers.
"He wants Remus," sighed Hermione. "He's usually the one who gives him his evening bottle."
Sirius picked up the bottle and made a face. "Have you ever considered he's sick of the same old thing every night."
Hermione rolled her eyes. "No," she said shortly.
"No seriously," he insisted. "Maybe he doesn't like the formula you're using."
"It's not formula," replied Hermione.
Sirius looked at her blankly.
"Its breast milk," she supplied.
"Oh," said Sirius, coloring slightly. "Well that can't be it then."
Hermione burst into tears.
Sirius got a slightly panicked look on his face and set the bottle down hastily.
"I'm sorry," cried Hermione. "It's just that I've had such a long day and Nathaniel wouldn't nap and now he won't eat. And I wanted dinner ready when Remus came home and Nathaniel to be in bed a half an hour ago so I could at least take a shower."
"So take one," interrupted Sirius, before she could ramble any further.
Hermione wiped the tears from her face.
"Go take a shower," repeated Sirius. "I'll watch Nathaniel. I've got to wait for Remus anyway."
Hermione stood and gave Sirius a peck on the cheek. "Thank you." She hurried from the room before Nathaniel's cries which had reached a fevered pitch, could change his mind.
Sirius turned his full attention on the very grumpy baby in front of him. He unbuckled him from his carrier and lifted him into his arms. He carried him over to a chair and sat down, rocking him all the while. "We need to have a talk, little man," said Sirius seriously. "Your mama looks worn out and you're not helping with all this noise."
Nathaniel stared up at Sirius, but his mouth was still working and his eyes were still weepy. "Should we try your bottle again?" asked Sirius, picking it up from the table. As soon as he put it to Nathaniel's lips, he screamed and his pudgy fist shot up and pushed the bottle away. "Okay, maybe not," sighed Sirius. He shifted Nathaniel to his other arm and jiggled him a little.
After a few minutes it became clear that he wasn't calming down. Sirius stood and began pacing around the kitchen and still Nathaniel cried.
"Hermione," called a voice from the next room. "I'm home." Remus followed the noises coming from the kitchen to find not his wife, but Sirius pacing the room with his son. "Hey," said Remus in surprise.
"Hi," replied Sirius.
"What are you doing here?" asked Remus. "Where's Hermione?"
"Taking a shower," answered Sirius. "I just stopped by to see how everyone was doing?"
"Oh," replied Remus. "Having trouble?" he grinned.
"He's been crying since I got here," replied Sirius, obviously frustrated.
"I'll take him," laughed Remus, taking Nathaniel from Sirius. He kissed Nathaniel's wet cheek and in seconds had him strapped back into his carrier, talking to him all the while. "And how was your day?" he asked Nathaniel. "That bad, huh? Well, I guess I can't complain about my day then." As he talked, he grabbed the baby bottle and shook it before leaning over Nathaniel and putting the bottle to his mouth. "I tell you I would much rather have been here with you and your beautiful mommy." Nathaniel reached up and settled his hand on the bottle just above his father's hand and then with his other hand he clutched Remus's finger. Father and son stared at each other and then slowly, to Sirius's amazement, Nathaniel began to suck.
"Wow," breathed Sirius. "That was incredible."
Remus never took his eyes off Nathaniel. "He just needs eye contact when he's being fed. It makes him feel secure."
Sirius shook his head, knowing he could never be that good of a father.
"So, are you going to tell me why you're really here?" asked Remus.
Sirius froze. "What do you mean?"
"Come on, Sirius. You're over practically every day. I know what's going on."
"Uhh," stammered Sirius. He had tried to be careful about checking in on Remus everyday. He and Hermione had discussed the arrangement further since the night at the Ministry and both had agreed that Remus would be furious if he ever found out Sirius had to check on him daily. He had tried to casually run into him when he could, but all of their schedules were complicated and lately the only time he could see Remus was after work.
"It's not that I don't appreciate what you're doing," continued Remus. "But it's not necessary."
"What do you mean?" asked Sirius cautiously.
"I know you're worried about us and you're a good friend, but I don't think the Ministry will ever try and take Nathaniel again. And as long as I spend the full moon in the Ministry lock-up they'll leave us alone."
"Oh," said Sirius quietly. He felt awful. Remus thought he was checking up on them daily out of concern. "Well to tell you the truth," he began, hating having to lie. "It's kind of boring living on my own. I like coming by and checking in with you guys."
Remus looked up and met Sirius's eyes. "You're always welcome," he smiled. "I just want you to know that you don't have to worry."
"Okay," said Sirius. "Thanks."
"Honey, you're home," said Hermione brightly as she entered the kitchen.
"Hi," smiled Remus. He stood up and greeted his wife with a kiss.
She held him close. "Hi," she said back.
"How was your day?" asked Remus.
"Much better now," she replied.
"Good," said Remus, kissing her again before reluctantly letting her go.
Hermione looked at Nathaniel who was now contently looking up at his parents. "You would stop crying once your daddy got home," she laughed.
"I fed him," said Remus. He went to the carrier and unbuckled Nathaniel. "And now we're going to have a bath and then we're going to bed." He lifted him into his arms. "Say goodnight to Uncle Sirius," said Remus. Then he paused. "Will you stay for dinner?" he asked.
Sirius shook his head. "No thanks. I'm actually heading over to James and Lily's."
"Oh okay. Say hi to them for us," said Remus before leaving with Nathaniel.
Hermione shook her head with a smile.
"What?" asked Sirius.
"He's just so good with him," she sighed.
"He does seem to have the hang of fatherhood," commented Sirius.
"I'm never going to be that good."
"What are you talking about," exclaimed Sirius. "You're a great mother."
"I'm a good parent," corrected Hermione. "Remus is the great one."
"You're overly critical of yourself," observed Sirius. "You always have been. An O was never good enough for you."
Hermione shook her head. "You don't understand," she said quietly. "Remus can't wait to change his nappies. He takes an absolute delight in everything Nathaniel does. He seems to have been born to be his daddy. And don't get me wrong. I felt that way too at first, but ever since the incident at the Ministry, I don't know, I feel different."
"Different how?" asked Sirius.
Hermione bit her bottom lip. "I didn't expect my life to turn out this way." Sirius stared at her, not knowing how to respond. "I'm a horrible mother," she moaned.
Sirius came close and put his hand on her shoulder. "No you're not," he assured her.
"I just feel like there's something more, something, just something. And I know I have to do something about it."
"You should talk to Remus about this," said Sirius.
Hermione looked up. Suddenly she realized what her mouth had just betrayed. She laughed lightly. "God, I must be really tired. Don't pay any attention to me. I'm just running off at the mouth."
Sirius studied her face for several moments. He could see she felt vulnerable under his stare, so he didn't make any further comments. "I guess I'll get going then."
"Okay," said Hermione, not bothering to ask him to stay. "We'll see you tomorrow."
"Tomorrow," agreed Sirius and with a smile he disapparated.
Hermione stood up and went to try and fix the ruined dinner. After a while, Remus rejoined her in the kitchen.
"Is he asleep?" she asked.
"Yeah, he went right to sleep," replied Remus. "Did he get a nap today?"
"No," replied Hermione.
"He needs his nap, Hermione," said Remus. "That's why he was so cranky."
"I know that," said Hermione shortly. "But what can I do if he won't sleep."
"You have to patient," he said as he gathered plates, cups, and silverware.
"I'm doing the best I can," snapped Hermione.
Remus turned and stared at his wife's back. "I know that," he said. He came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her shoulder. She stiffened in his arms. Then shrugged him off and brought dinner to the table.
Remus followed her and sat down. "Long day?" he asked.
Hermione sighed. "Why don't you tell me about your day?"
"Nothing special happened."
"Dumbledore had you watching Walden MacNair," commented Hermione.
Remus nodded. "But nothing happened."
Hermione put the food on their plates and sat down. "It's been a while since I've been on a mission for the Order," she said. "I'm thinking about asking Dumbledore to send me back out there."
Remus put his fork down loudly. "What?"
"It's been months," shrugged Hermione.
"You have a baby," said Remus.
"So do you," answered Hermione.
"We can't both be out there," he said.
"I agree," said Hermione.
Remus sat back and stared at her. "What's going on? Why all this sudden interest in getting back out there?"
"Remus, I need to feel useful," said Hermione. "After all this time, if you don't know that about me…"
"Of course I know that about you," he said. He stood and slid his chair over so that he was sitting right next to Hermione. "I know everything about you. I know you better than I know myself." He raised his hand and brushed a lock of her hair from her face. "I just assumed that taking care of Nathaniel was a useful thing to do."
Hermione turned her face away. "Of course it is. Forget it, I'm just tired."
"Well I'll be home tomorrow," said Remus. "I'll make sure you get to sleep in."
Hermione looked back at Remus and smiled slightly. "Okay," she said.
"Okay," he repeated and leaned over and kissed her. "I love you so much, darling," he whispered and he kissed her again.
Hermione closed her eyes, giving herself over to the feel of his mouth on hers and his arms around her body.
"I love you," he repeated.
"Me too," she said quietly. "Me too."
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The next day Hermione left Nathaniel at home with Remus while she ran some errands. She was just leaving the grocery store when a figure dressed completely in black stepped in front of her. She gasped and took a quick step back. She looked up to see Severus Snape blocking her path.
He was dressed like a muggle and his medium length black hair was swinging in his face.
"You scared me to death," she started, but his eyes warned her to stay quiet. With the smallest nod of his head, he indicated she should follow him.
Looking around as carefully as she could to make sure no one saw them, she followed him into a darkened alley.
"What are you doing here?" she asked once they were alone.
"I had to see you," he answered. "I need a favor."
"You shouldn't be meeting me," said Hermione, glancing around to make sure they were still alone. "Voldemort may be having me watched or even you."
Snape sneered at her. "Are you losing your nerve? This is a dangerous game you've been playing. Can't you stomach it anymore?"
"What do you want?" glared Hermione.
"Not here," said Snape, grabbing her arm and pulling her further into the alley. "We need someplace more private. Let's go to your place."
"No, we can't," said Hermione quickly.
"Why not?" asked Snape impatiently.
"Remus and I agreed we wouldn't expose Nathaniel to all of this."
"Nathaniel?" questioned Snape.
"Our son," supplied Hermione.
"That's right," said Snape slowly. "You were ready to pop out a kid last time I saw you." Snape thought for a minute. "Well I can't think of any other place that's secure. It'll have to be your place," he finished and then with a pop he apparated.
"Damn it," Hermione swore before apparating back home. "Severus, you can't be here," she snapped when she arrived home.
Severus frowned and crossed his arms over his chest. "Don't you think you're overreacting a bit?"
"Hermione, are you back?" called Remus.
Hermione's eyes went wide with panic.
"We have to do some laundry," he called out, his voice approaching. "Nathaniel just spit up on my last clean shirt." Remus was holding Nathaniel propped up against his shoulder and wiping away a giant deposit of baby spit-up with his free hand. He pulled up short as he entered the room and saw Snape standing beside his wife.
He clenched his jaw. "Hermione," he began angrily.
"Oh unclench, Lupin," drawled Snape.
"Get out of my house," said Remus.
"I have business with your wife," returned Snape.
"Hermione, what's he talking about?" asked Remus.
Hermione rubbed her temples, feeling a headache coming on. "I have no idea, but I'm willing to find out."
"I'm going to put our son down for a nap," said Remus icily. "And then I'm coming back." He turned and left the room.
"You might as well sit down," said Hermione.
"Your hospitality is overwhelming," said Snape sarcastically.
"Just sit," replied Hermione. He did and Hermione joined him.
"Your son looks like you," said Snape after a few moments of silence.
"Everyone says he looks like Remus," said Hermione with a smile.
Snape shrugged and didn't say another word until Remus came back.
"Tell us what you want and then get out," said Remus as soon as he entered the room.
"Not much for small talk, are you Lupin?" sneered Snape.
"Severus, just tell me what's going on. Are you in trouble?" asked Hermione. "Have they found out about you?"
"No," said Snape. "The thing is, there's someone else that I think might want out."
"Someone else who you think might want out?" repeated Hermione.
"A friend of mine," continued Snape. "He's been expressing some concern."
Hermione looked doubtful.
"Right, we're supposed to believe a Death Eater wants out," said Remus.
Snape glared at him. "More than that, I think he'd be willing to turn spy."
"Who?" asked Hermione.
"It's an old friend of mine," said Snape elusively.
"Why does this old friend want out?" asked Remus. "I thought you guys joined for life. You have a secret handshake and everything, don't you?"
"Remus," warned Hermione. She turned to Snape. "Who is it?"
"Lucius Malfoy," said Snape.
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A/N: Hi! I tried to answer everyone. If your exact question isn't here, the answer might be here in some form or another. Possible spoiler alert.
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Question 1: Will Lily and James still die? Maybe
Question 2: Is Hermione ever going to go home? The decision will come in the next to last chapter of the story. Despite what Hermione says, she will still have to choose whether to stay or go and it won't be an easy decision.
Question 3: Is Nathaniel the one? Nathaniel Lupin and The Sorcerer's Stone. I don't know, it doesn't quite have the same ring to it. But, who says that Voldemort will live this time.
Question 4: What will happen to Nathaniel IF Hermione goes back? He'll grow up without his mother.
Question 5: Is Nathaniel going to die? Oops, can't answer that one.
Question 6: When will the door reappear? Sorry, another question I can't answer. It would give away everything.
Question 7: What is Hermione's mission and will she accomplish it? You don't really want to know that, do you?
Question 8: Does Dumbledore really know what Hermione's supposed to be doing? The future Dumbledore does, the past Dumbledore does not.
Question 9: Why did Dumbledore send her back in time? The answer lies in OOTP. Guilt.
Question 10: What are Remus's parent's real feelings about Hermione now? Mr. Lupin is pretty easy going and just wants his son happy. Mrs. Lupin knows Hermione is lying about something, but she adores her son and now her grandson and is willing to give Remus the benefit of the doubt in his choice of a wife. By the way, everyone was much too hard on Mrs. Lupin in their reviews. She has every right to be suspicious of people when it comes to her son. Hermione understood.
Question 11: Will the story continue in Harry, Ron, and younger Hermione's time frame? If it does it will be in sequel, not this story.
Question 12: When will the story end? The story was never supposed to be this long. I had it completely mapped out, but it sort of took on a life of its own. There were a few subplots that I lost control of like the whole Sirius being in love with Hermione thing. For some reason I couldn't get away from the chemistry between the two of them. I added Laura, but then I had to get rid of her because she wasn't really working out. The story will last about another year in their timeline. I can't promise how many chapters that will be. I might do another time jump somewhere. Think of this as Act 4 in a 5 act play.
Question 13: Will Hermione save the Potter's only to have their fate fall on her, Remus, and Nathaniel? Maybe.
Question 14: Am I an H/Hr Shipper? Have I ever written a Hermione/Harry fic. Yes. It's called The Way To A Hero.
Question 15: Before Hermione came back in time was she in love with either Ron or Harry? No. Remus is her first and only love. And in case you're wondering she is his. Part of my inspiration for this story was Lynn Kurland's wonderful novel A Dance Through Time. In it, Jamie (the hero) tells Elizabeth (the heroine) "Perhaps we chose each other long ago, but time somehow erred. Now it has wrought the impossible to bring us together.
Question 16: Will the future Harry and Ron come to the past? No.
Question 17: Did Hermione really change time? Yes.
Question 18: Will the future Harry and Ron make another appearance? Maybe one last time, but probably not.
Question 19: Is Sirius over Hermione? He thinks he is.
Question 20: Is Hermione going to get a chance to 'encounter' her past, which is now her future? I'm not quite sure how to answer this. She won't ever be formally introduced to her former self. The paradoxes that would result are entirely too complicated for me to handle.
Question 21: Will Decree 47 ever be repealed? I haven't decided yet.
Question 22: If Lily and James don't die, and Harry grows up with his parents, then isn't it possible that young Hermione will never go into the past? Remember, it was Dumbledore who sent her back in the first place without her consent.
Question 23: Will Draco be in the story? Hmm. That's an interesting question.
Question 24: Are there two Hermione's now? Yes.