Thank you to Sheryl, beachtree, ally, Lauren, Jen, Obscure Virgin, Sunny, Kylie and Pumpkin Muffin for all your reviews! They make my inbox very happy.
I love Chrismukkah! Kelly Rowan is awesome, she did such a great job in this episode. I hope you like this chapter, it's a little longer than the others because I had some ideas that I just wanted to roll with. It turned out to be fairly Kirsten-centred, but there's still plenty of Kandy in there. Enjoy!
The Chrismukkah That Almost Wasn'tRyan tapped gently on the closet door.
"Go away," Kirsten's harsh voice returned.
Undeterred, he continued, "It's Ryan."
Kirsten's tone softened. "I don't really feel like talking to anyone right now."
"Alright. I know, uh, I was hoping we could talk about Lindsey."
There was a pause before Kirsten spoke. "Is she ok?"
"No. Well not right now," Ryan answered. "But I guess it depends."
Kirsten sighed. "Depends on what?"
"On whether or not she figures out that she's part of a family that's pretty good at letting in new members," Ryan said slowly. He waited; he could hear rustling behind the door.
Finally Kirsten opened the door. Her face was red from crying. "Good line."
"Thanks."
"Just don't tell Sandy I came out for you, ok?" Kirsten asked him.
Ryan glanced sideways, looking uncomfortable. Kirsten followed his eyes and found Sandy stood watching and listening to the scene in front of him.
"Yeah, 'cause he wouldn't want to hear that," he said, softly. The truth was, he was glad that Ryan had been able to talk Kirsten out of the closet; he would have been grateful to anyone who could have done that.
"You wanna meet your sister?" Sandy asked Kirsten.
"I don't know if I'm ready to start referring to her as that," Kirsten said, "but Lindsey seems like a really great girl."
Her face crumpled as she tried to stop the tears from falling again.
"She is," Ryan said softly.
Kirsten smiled sadly and looked up at her husband again. She was still mad at him for keeping this from her, but right now she needed his comfort more.
Sandy took a tentative step forward. Kirsten moved towards her husband and fell into his open arms. She buried her head in his shirt as he wrapped his arms around her. She could feel the tears starting to well up again and she began to sob into his shirt.
Downstairs the telephone started to ring and Ryan slipped away, with a silent nod of thanks from Sandy. Sandy kept hold of Kirsten, rubbing his hands over her back as she shook against him.
"I'm sorry I couldn't tell you," he whispered into her ear. He felt her nod against his shoulder. Sandy didn't move until he felt her calm down.
"It's going to be ok," Sandy reassured her.
"How is it going to be ok? I hate him," Kirsten said, sighing heavily. "I just keep thinking about my Mom. He always said that he loved her more than anything else in the world and I believed him. She believed him. But he lied, and he cheated. Do you think she knew? Do you think she had any idea what he'd done?"
Kirsten looked up at Sandy, her eyes pleading for an answer.
"Oh, honey, I don't know," Sandy sighed.
"Promise me, you'll never lie to me? No secrets. Whatever it is, I'd rather know," Kirsten begged.
"Kirsten…"
"Promise me," Kirsten interrupted firmly.
Sandy sighed. "I promise."
He cupped her face and gently placed a kiss on her forehead, before pulling back and looking her in the eyes. "But there's never going to be anything to know. Because there's never going to be any secrets. Ok?"
"Ok."
Sandy pulled her into his body again, enveloping her in a hug. "I love you," he said, placing a kiss on her head.
A knock on the door interrupted them. They turned together, Sandy keeping his arms wrapped tightly around Kirsten so that she stayed against his chest. Ryan's head appeared around the door.
"Hey. Sorry. That was Summer. They're waiting for us at Lindsey's house…if you want?" Ryan said.
Sandy looked at Kirsten, who took a deep breath and nodded.
"Ok."
>>>>>
It wasn't hard to find Lindsey's house – it stood out from all the houses around it. Summer and Marissa had already strung up lights over the front of the house; a decorated Christmas tree stood in the middle of the front garden; giant candy canes greeted them at the path; a sledge was propped up on the roof; and the girls were in the process of blowing up a large snowman.
"Oh my God," Sandy chuckled. It was quite a spectacle. They could see eyes peeking out from behind the curtains of the houses across the street.
"Wow, girls, it looks…great!" Kirsten tried to sound enthusiastic.
"It was Summer's idea," Marissa said.
Kirsten smiled fondly at Summer, who shrugged shyly. "I thought a little Chrismukkah cheer might help."
"You know what else might help? Eggnog. I think I'm going to go make some," Marissa suddenly announced, disappearing inside the house.
"Well, I definitely feel like I'm vibrating at a higher frequency than I was," Kirsten said, winking at Summer.
Summer laughed. "Totally!"
"Vibrating at a higher frequency?" Sandy questioned.
Kirsten and Summer shared a knowing look and laughed, while Sandy shrugged helplessly.
The front door opened and Renee appeared, looking apprehensively towards Kirsten. Sandy noticed that Kirsten had tensed up, her lips pursed. She took a sharp intake of breath as Renee approached them.
"Thanks for coming," Renee said nervously. "I know it'll mean a lot to Lindsey."
Kirsten nodded.
'Lindsey; this was all about Lindsey,' Kirsten reminded herself. She didn't really know what to think about Renee. The woman had had an affair with her father, knowing he was married. She'd had his child and they had kept her a secret for sixteen years. Most of Kirsten's anger was directed towards her Caleb, but there was a part of her that felt contempt for this woman.
"I'm sorry," Renee offered, trying to ease the tension.
Kirsten simply nodded her head again.
"Uh, they're coming," Ryan suddenly announced.
Kirsten immediately looked for Sandy, who appeared next to her. She inhaled deeply, suddenly scared. She tried to shake off her nerves, realising that Lindsey would be feeling just as bad as she was. They stood, waiting in the middle of the garden. Renee was slightly behind them, while Ryan and Summer retreated backwards to the porch.
Lindsey and Seth walked up to the house and Kirsten was pleased to see them talking, apparently at ease with each other. As they reached the house, someone turned the lights on. The house was lit up brightly. Lindsey stopped at the end of the path, her eyes sweeping over the house and decorations, before finally resting on Kirsten.
Kirsten paused, turning towards Sandy. She felt his hand run over her back, giving her encouragement, and slowly she walked forwards.
"Hi," she said softly. "I'm Kirsten."
"Hi," Lindsey's high-pitched voice replied, tears threatening to fall again.
Seth walked passed them and Kirsten looked towards her son, smiling gratefully at him. She looked back towards Lindsey, who was looking slightly over-awed by everything.
"Welcome," Kirsten offered helplessly.
Lindsey let out a small laugh at how crazy it all seemed. Kirsten took a step forwards and gathered Lindsey in her arms, hugging her tightly. Lindsey accepted the embrace.
"This is really weird," she laughed.
"Oh, it's our family," Kirsten said. She held her tightly for a few moments, before letting her go. As they walked up to the house together, she wrapped an arm around Lindsey's shoulders. With her other hand, Kirsten grabbed Sandy's hand as they passed him.
Kirsten watched as Lindsey sat down next to Ryan on the step. Sandy slipped his arm around her waist and pulled her towards him, kissing her temple.
"Are you ok?" he asked quietly. He had watched her with Lindsey; seen her accept that Lindsey was her sister. He knew it hadn't been an easy thing for Kirsten to do – she had loved her mother so much and, to Kirsten, Lindsey was the evidence that things hadn't been as perfect as she had always thought. But he had watched her put those feelings aside to make Lindsey feel better, and his heart reached out to her. He hated to see her upset and crying; he hated that he couldn't protect her from this.
Kirsten nodded. "Yeah, I think so."
Summer and Marissa appeared, offering yamaclauses and eggnog.
"Oh wow, what are these?" Kirsten asked, taking the little hats from Summer and twisting them around in her hands.
"Yamaclauses. Lindsey made them," Summer answered.
"Holy Moses, they're beautiful," Sandy enthused, taking two cups of eggnog from Marissa's tray.
Kirsten laughed, attaching one to his head before putting the second on herself.
"Alright, who's ready to hear the Chrismukkah hymn," Seth suddenly announced, standing up on one of the steps. "It's penned to Death Cab's, A Lack of Colour."
Summer laughed. "What, no-one knows what that song is, Cohen."
"Sethela carrying a tune, now that would be a Chrismukkah miracle," Sandy joked.
"Fine, I'll do it in my own tune," Seth said, unperturbed by their teasing.
Sandy held up his cup of eggnog and everyone copied, toasting to a happy Chrismukkah.
"Come on, sing sing sing sing," Sandy encouraged.
"Alright," Seth said. "Moses and Jesus…"
"Yeah!" Sandy cheered.
"…they both have beards…"
Kirsten shook her head and laughed. Seth carried on singing, in his own little world, while Kirsten walked over to Lindsey and Ryan, sitting on the step next to them.
"I hope you know what you've let yourself in for," Kirsten said to Lindsey.
"He clearly doesn't get his singing voice from Sandy," Ryan laughed.
"Hey!" Kirsten cried indignantly, before pausing, shrugging her shoulders and nodding in agreement.
"Thank you…for all this," Lindsey said. "For coming."
Kirsten nodded. "Maybe, after the holidays, you and me can…I don't know, grab a coffee? Talk?" she asked cautiously.
"Yeah, I'd like that," Lindsey smiled.
Over Lindsey's shoulder, Kirsten saw Ryan smile. From above them, Seth's singing had finally finished and he was graciously taking his bow.
"Ok, now for the big finale," Marissa announced, her voice full of excitement.
"There's more?" Lindsey asked.
Summer and Marissa disappeared around the side of the house, giggling.
"One…two…three!"
Suddenly the air was full of white flakes as fake snow started to shoot out over them.
"Come on!" Summer cried, as she and Marissa ran under the snow.
Seth followed, while Ryan pulled Lindsey up from the steps and dragged her behind him. They were all laughing and Sandy revelled in the sound. Maybe this Chrismukkah wasn't completely ruined. He looked over at Kirsten, who was still sat on the steps, smiling at the kids running and twirling around in the snow. He sat down next to her, wrapping his arm around her. Kirsten rested her head on his shoulder.
"Happy Chrismukkah," Sandy said softly.
Kirsten raised her head and smiled. "Happy Chrismukkah."
Sandy looked upwards and Kirsten followed his eyes, noticing the mistletoe that hung over them. They both looked towards the kids, who were too preoccupied with the snow to notice them, before turning back towards each other. They leant into each other and kissed. Sandy wrapped both his arms around her, holding her tightly.
They only broke apart when a soft snowball suddenly hit them.
"Hey!" Kirsten cried.
"Cut it out, guys," Seth complained, looking disgusted at his parent's very public display of affection.
Summer thumped him across his chest. "Get over it, Cohen. It's cute."
Seth rolled his eyes and turned towards Lindsey. "I hope you know what you've let yourself in for."
Ryan used to opportunity to creep up behind Seth and cover him with snow. Seth forgot about his parents and declared war on Ryan, chasing him around the garden. Sandy shook his head in amusement and pulled Kirsten close to him again.
"You know, I think Chrismukkah is my favourite holiday," Sandy suddenly declared.
Kirsten grunted, clearly not agreeing with him.
"Really," Sandy argued. "Something crazy always happens at Chrismukkah, it's a Cohen tradition."
He couldn't see Kirsten roll her eyes. This year had gone past crazy and into the realms of heartbreakingly traumatic.
"Do you remember the first Chrismukkah we spent here?" Sandy continued. "Seth was obsessed with playing with Captain Oats underneath the tree because he said it was like being in a forest. He knew he wasn't allowed to so whenever he heard us coming, he'd hide behind it until we'd gone; only one time he got stuck and knocked the entire tree over and it fell into the fire. The neighbours really knew we'd arrived when there were fire trucks outside!"
Kirsten smiled. "I remember. Seth spent the next six months wanting to be a fireman."
"And there was the year that we bought Seth a kitten…"
"Oh, don't," Kirsten interrupted, trying to stop him finishing the story.
"…and you ran the poor thing over the next day."
"I didn't see it! How was I supposed to know it was sleeping under the wheel? It wasn't even supposed to be out of the house," Kirsten defended.
Sandy laughed and Kirsten punched him lightly on his arm.
"I didn't think Seth was ever going to forgive me," Kirsten said ruefully.
"But he did. See, crazy things always happen at Chrismukkah, but we get through it; we'll get through this. It will be ok," Sandy promised.
Kirsten nodded, still unconvinced. They sat quietly for a while and Kirsten rested her head on his shoulder again, closing her eyes as she listened to the happy screams coming from the front garden.
"Sandy?"
"Yes, baby?"
"Can we go home?"
"Sure."
They got up and paused, both wondering how they were going to make it to the car without being caught in the crossfire. Sandy was the first one brave enough to move forwards.
"Seth? Ryan?"
Everyone ignored him, snowballs flying at each other and screams filling the air.
"Boys?"
They carried on playing in the snow, deaf to Sandy's calls.
"HEY!"
All five suddenly stopped and turned to look at Sandy, snowballs poised in their hands.
"I'm taking your mother home, can you boys get home ok?"
Seth looked towards Ryan, who nodded his head so slightly that most people wouldn't have noticed. Seth did; and so did Kirsten.
"Uh, sure, dad," Seth answered innocently.
"I'll drive them home, Mr Cohen," Summer offered, trying not to laugh as she caught Seth's eye.
Summer, in turn, looked towards Marissa; Ryan and Lindsey shared a smile.
From a distance, Kirsten grinned as she saw what they were plotting. She took a step backwards up the step for protection.
Sandy turned around to reach for his wife, blissfully unaware of what was about to happen. Within moments, following a shout of "Now!" from Seth, Sandy was bombarded with snowballs, one after the other. He lifted his arms to cover his head, doubling over to protect himself from the flying snowballs. He ran up to the porch, grabbing Kirsten and putting her in front of him.
"Hey!" Kirsten cried. She struggled from his grip, giggling, but he was too strong for her. She looked towards Seth and Ryan, who were looking mischievously towards her.
"Don't even think about it," she warned.
Seth tilted his head in contemplation, before looking towards Ryan and shaking his head. "Dude, it's not worth it. I've seen the damage she can do."
Kirsten felt a pang of guilt wash over her as she heard Seth's words. She had lost it with her father earlier, going so far as to throw a vase at his head, unaware that Seth was watching until it was too late. She faked a smile and started to walk down the steps, pulling Sandy with her. He cowered behind her, still wary of the snowballs that the boys held in their hands.
"Goodnight boys. Don't be home too late, ok?" Kirsten said. "Goodnight girls."
They all replied with goodbyes except Lindsey, who stood shyly in the background. Kirsten offered her a friendly smile and was pleased when it was returned. There was plenty of time to fix the pain her father had inflicted on that girl…her sister.
Sister.
Kirsten suddenly remembered Hailey.
That was going to be an interesting conversation.
>>>>>
Kirsten woke up late the next morning to find herself alone in bed. She frowned; Sandy never went surfing the day after Chrismukkah. Rubbing her eyes, she glanced over at the clock. It read 10.17am. She sat up and raised her arms above her head, stretching out her body. She swung her legs out of bed and hoisted herself up onto her feet, grabbing her robe and making her way downstairs. As she wandered through the house she heard three familiar voices.
She reached the doorway to the kitchen and stood unnoticed, watching her family. Sandy was occupied schmearing bagels; Ryan was cooking eggs; and Seth was sat at the table surrounded by wrapping paper and ribbons, adding the finishing touches to the presents he was wrapping. Seth was the first to notice her.
"Mom! Happy Chrismukkah!" Seth said.
Sandy and Ryan both looked up from what they were doing.
"Hey!"
"Morning!"
Kirsten eyed them suspiciously, wary of their enthusiasm.
"What's going on?"
Seth got up from the table and walked towards his mom. "Well, since Chrismukkah didn't exactly turn out the way we planned…"
Kirsten rolled her eyes. That was the understatement of the century.
"…we have declared today the Official Post-Chrismukkah Pick-Me-Up."
"The what?"
"The Official Post-Chrismukkah Pick-Me-Up," Seth repeated. "Here, sit down."
Seth pushed his mother towards one of the stools at the island and Kirsten obediently sat down.
"We've got the whole day planned," Seth continued. "First, breakfast. Then Dad's going to take you to the video store and you can choose any film you want. Anything your heart desires and we promise to watch it."
Sandy coughed and Seth rolled his eyes.
"And I promise that I won't complain or making sarcastic comments through it," Seth recited.
Kirsten raised her eyebrows. It took enough cajoling to get Seth to accept Sandy's choice of film, but he never let Kirsten choose. Seth nodded, understanding her surprise and feeling proud at his personal growth.
"Coffee?" Sandy asked, putting a mug down in front of her.
Kirsten looked up at him and their eyes met. He silently asked her if she was ok with their plans and she nodded her agreement. Seth moved from her side and returned a moment later with the presents in his hands. One was a large box and the other was small and round. He put them down on the island.
"What are these?" Kirsten asked.
"Presents," Seth announced. "Jesus and Moses dropped them off for you this morning, special delivery. You have to open them now."
The three men smiled as they saw excitement spread across Kirsten's face. She was like a child when it came to Chrismukkah and birthdays.
"Which one do I open first?"
"The big one," Seth said, pushing it towards her, eager for her to open it.
Kirsten tore the wrapping off as quickly as possible and opened the box. She smiled when she saw what was inside. It was a small crystal vase. She pulled it out of its box and saw that it had shades of blue and purple running through it.
"Oh, guys, it's beautiful," Kirsten gushed.
"Well, lets hope it meets a kinder fate than the last one," Seth joked.
Sandy frowned at Seth and silence fell for a moment until Ryan spoke.
"Open the small one."
Kirsten looked up at him and smiled gratefully, reaching for the second present. She stripped it of the shiny paper and found a stress ball inside. Kirsten laughed, squeezing it tightly between her fingers.
"We figured you could use something to take your stress out on," Ryan said softly.
"And, you know, creative visualisation is a wonderful coping mechanism," Sandy offered.
Kirsten laughed again and nodded. It was definitely going to be useful.
"Thanks guys," she said softly.
Sandy, Seth and Ryan all looked pleased with themselves.
"So, Chef Ryan, how long until breakfast? I'm starving," Seth said, wandering over to the stove and picking up a spatula.
"Hey, don't even think about touching anything," Ryan scolded.
Kirsten shook her head, amused, as she listened to the two boys squabble. Sandy moved closer and planted a kiss on her head.
"How are you feeling today?" he asked.
Kirsten shrugged, struggling to find the words and Sandy didn't push her any further. When breakfast was eventually ready they ate together, the air filled with Seth's ramblings. Kirsten was quiet, occasionally joining in with the conversation but choosing to stay silent when possible, and they accepted it without question. Sandy could see her mind working as she processed everything that had happened. She made her excuses when they had finished eating and retreated back to the bedroom.
Sandy found her sat on the edge of the bed, tears running down her cheeks. In her hands was a picture of her parents. Sandy sat down next to her. Kirsten wiped away the tears from her cheeks and spoke between her sobs.
"Why did he do it? I don't understand. Weren't we enough for him?"
"Oh, Kirsten, honey. It had nothing to do with you or Hailey or even your mom. It was all about Caleb."
Sandy struggled to hold his tongue. He had never been a fan of Caleb's and seeing what he had done to his wife made his hatred even stronger. Sandy wrapped his arms around her. Her body shook against his.
"I don't understand," Kirsten said again.
"Me neither, baby, me neither," Sandy soothed. He held her until she stopped crying.
"I'm sorry," Kirsten apologised.
"You have nothing to be sorry for," Sandy said. "If you don't feel up to today, I can tell the boys…"
"No," Kirsten interrupted. "I think spending the day, just the four of us, is exactly what I need."
"Are you sure?" Sandy asked.
Kirsten nodded. "Yeah."
Sandy cupped her face and kissed her forehead. Kirsten lifted her face and found his lips with her own.
"I love you," Kirsten said.
"I love you too," Sandy grinned. He kissed her again, gently. "Why don't you have a shower and get dressed. I'll wait for you downstairs."
Kirsten nodded. She looked down again at the photograph she held, before putting it upside down on the bed. She resolved not to think about what her father had done for the rest of the day and just enjoy being with her family. She showered and dressed quickly. On her way downstairs, she took a detour via Seth's bedroom. She found him sprawled across his bed reading a comic book.
"Hey, can I come in?" she asked.
"Sure," Seth said, sitting up.
Kirsten sat next to him. "I'm sorry about yesterday…if I scared you. I kinda lost my head for a while."
"It's ok," Seth placated.
Kirsten shook her head. "No, it's not. I wish you hadn't seen that."
"Seen what?" Seth feigned innocence.
Kirsten smiled and reached her hand up to smooth down his hair. Seth immediately ruffled it again.
"Are you really ok, mom?" Seth asked. Kirsten could hear the worry etched in his voice.
"Yeah. Or, I will be," she answered.
Seth impulsively hugged her and Kirsten wrapped her arms around her son. "Thanks," she whispered.
Kirsten left Seth's room, feeling slightly better. She made her way downstairs and was greeted by Sandy.
"I was thinking of sending out a search party for you," he joked. "How are you doing?"
"Better," Kirsten answered.
"Good," Sandy said, kissing her forehead lightly. "Ready to go?"
Kirsten looked through to the kitchen and saw Ryan still tidying up the mess from breakfast. "I'll meet you out by the car."
Sandy nodded and watched her walk through to the kitchen, before obediently going out to the car.
Ryan looked up when he heard Kirsten come into the kitchen and he smiled one of his rare smiles. "Heading out?"
"Yeah," Kirsten nodded. She paused, searching for the words. "I just wanted to say thanks. For yesterday, talking me out the closet. I was a bit of mess."
Ryan shrugged. "I didn't do anything."
"You did. You, uh…you did," Kirsten said simply.
She turned to leave.
"For what it's worth? I think Lindsey's lucky to have you in her life," Ryan's words stopped her.
Kirsten turned back towards him and Ryan saw tears glistening in her eyes. "For what it's worth, I think Lindsey's lucky to have you as a friend," Kirsten offered back.
Ryan smiled bashfully. Kirsten walked over to him and hugged him briefly, and she was pleased when she felt him reciprocate. She left him and walked out to the car. Sandy opened her door as she approached him.
"Your carriage, my lady," he offered.
Kirsten paused before she got in. "Sandy? Do you think, maybe tomorrow, we could go to cemetery and see my mom?"
"Yeah. We can do whatever you want to do," Sandy said.
Kirsten wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him squarely on the lips. "Thank you."
"For what?" Sandy asked, grinning.
"For everything; for being here. I don't think I would know what to do if I didn't have you."
"Well that's something you're never going to have to worry about," Sandy said, leaving a kiss on her smiling cheek.
Kirsten turned and started to get in the car, while Sandy walked around to his side.
"So, any ideas what movie you want to watch?"
"I don't know. Something funny."
"Don't rush into any decisions. The selection of a movie is something of an art…"
>>>>>
No kittens were hurt in the writing of this chapter.