"Belthazor," demanded the judge when they had gone to his chambers, "you had better have a damn good reason for the statement you made out there. If you don't I'm going to find you in contempt and hit you with sanctions. And as you know those can be quite unpleasant."
"What the hell do you mean we're incompetent?" demanded Piper.
"Please, Ms. Halliwell, I'll handle this," said the judge, folding his arms across his chest. "Well, Belthazor? You'd better make this good."
"Simply what I said," said Cole. "The advocates for the defense are not competent to represent the defendant."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Phoebe asked.
"Phoebe, Piper," said Cole, "it's not as bad as it sounds. It's just legal terminology. Something you would understand better if you were licensed attorneys."
"What are you talking about?" Proctor asked.
"None of the sisters are licensed to practice law," said Cole. "Either here or in the mortal realm. In fact, none of them even has any legal training. Which means they are not competent to try this case. A fact the judge is aware is grounds for immediate appeal of any decision he makes."
"You're right about that," said the judge. He turned to the sisters. "Well? Is it true? None of you are licensed attorneys?"
"We didn't know we had to be," said Piper. "We were simply told that Dan had requested us and that we more or less had no choice but to defend him."
"Which also includes that you be licensed by the Other World Bar before you can represent someone," said the judge. "Now, there are no requirements that you have any type of formal legal training to be certified by the bar. But you are required to be request certification which is appears you haven't done."
"Why didn't you say something about this before?" Proctor demanded of Cole. "You should have brought it up when you requested to be substituted as the attorney of record. As an officer of the court..."
"I wasn't an officer of the court at that point," said Cole. "Luscious, you're aware that unless I'm actively involved in a case I am not an officer of the court, unlike the human system of jurisprudence. Until the judge appointed me assistant counsel I was just another member of the spectators' gallery. With no obligation whatsoever to divulge anything I knew."
"He's got you there, Luscious," said the judge.
"And since none of the sisters are competent to practice law," continued Cole, "or are certified to do so, Your Honor has no choice but to remove them as the attorney's of record. If you don't, the defendant can move for an immediate appeal, which you know he'll be granted."
"Right again," said the judge. "And as assistant counsel for the defense, if I remove the attorney's of record, by law you have to assume that position."
"I do believe you're right," said Cole, smiling at Proctor.
"That's why you had yourself appointed assistant attorney," said Proctor. "You knew as soon as you brought this to the judges' attention he could appoint anyone he wants to be advocate for the defense. You deliberately withheld the information until you were appointed assistant attorney so that he would have no choice but to substitute you as the attorney of record."
"I seem to have been found out," said Cole, smiling again at Proctor.
"Your Honor," said Proctor, "you can't be seriously considering this? You see what he's doing as well as I do. He couldn't get you to substitute him outright so he's trying to do an end run around the law."
"And done an admirable job of it, too," said the judge. "Everything he's done has been within the law. And you know my hands are tied. I don't have a choice. I have to remove the Charmed Ones as the attorneys of record and substitute Belthazor in their place. I must say, Belthazor, I am impressed."
"Thank you, Your Honor," said Cole.
"Gloat all you want," said Proctor. "When this case is finished let's see how well you like it when I charge these three with practicing law without a license. Saying they didn't know is not a defense and you know it. And I'm going to go for the max."
"In which case you'd better indict yourself and the judge as well," said Cole.
"What do you mean?" asked Proctor.
"The judge appointed them as advocates for the defense," said Cole. "And you agreed to it. Which, under the law, would make you both co-conspirators to the charges. And as you said, saying you didn't know they weren't licensed to practice law won't be a defense for either of you.
"I'm pretty sure they won't be too hard on the judge. After all, it is the prosecutions responsibility to check the credentials of any visiting attorneys. Something you obviously neglected to do before this case began."
"Luscious," said the judge, "under the circumstances, I think we'd better just chalk this one up to experience. It seems Belthazor is as crafty as I've heard."
"Okay," said Proctor angrily. "I won't press charges on them. But I don't like it one bit."
"We'd better get back out there," said the judge. "Everyone will be wondering what we're up to in here."
"Self-preservation is such a great motivator," Cole whispered to Piper, smiling.
Once they had reassembled back in the courtroom, the judge turned to the court stenographer.
"Let the record reflect," the judge said, "that co-counsels for the defense are hereby removed as the attorneys of record. I'll submit the reasoning for the removal later. Let the record also reflect that Belthazor, the assistant counsel for the defense, is now the attorney of record in this case. Mr. Proctor, you may continue with your case."
"Thank you, Your Honor," said Proctor. "The prosecution calls the Vengeance Demon, Iltaka."
A young woman came into the courtroom and took a seat in the witness stand. She looked like any other young woman one might see on the street on any given day.
"Iltaka," said Proctor. "Will you tell the court about the incident in question."
"Well," said the demon, "I happened across this little girl who was fighting with her father. I heard her say she hated him and wished he were dead. I could tell she was really angry with him. So I did what I've done for nearly eight hundred years. I granted her wish."
"Isn't this a little outside the normal scope of your duties?" asked Proctor.
"Maybe a little," said Iltaka. "But she is a female. And she was scorned, of sorts, by a man. I just did what I was created for. To punish men for the way they treat women. As I said, I've been doing it for eight hundred years."
"Would it be fair," asked Proctor, "to characterize the situation as being extreme but still within the purview of your responsibilities?"
"Sure," said Iltaka. "My responsibility is to grant the wishes of females to punish men who mistreat them. Now, this is usually interpreted to mean a woman who's been mistreated by her husband, boyfriend, lover, or whatever. But it says females who have been unjustly mistreated by a man. It might be stretching it a bit, but still within my rights."
"And how did your superiors feel about what you did?" Proctor asked.
"Well," said Iltaka, "they said pretty much the same thing you did. That it seemed to be pushing it a bit. But they agreed I was well within my rights to do it."
"So you weren't punished for what you did?" asked Proctor. "In fact, you might characterize your superiors actions as condoning what you did."
"Yes, that would be accurate," said Iltaka.
"Thank you," said Proctor. "No further question."
"Belthazor," said the judge looking at Cole. "You may cross-examine."
"I have no questions of this witness at this time, Your Honor," said Cole. "But I reserve the right to recall the witness at a later time."
"The witness is excused," said the judge.
"What's going on?" Dan whispered to Piper. "First, you tell me my life is in the hands of this demon. And now he just sits there while that she-demon buries me."
"Relax," said Piper. "I'm sure Cole knows what he's doing."
Cole just smiled at them. Piper was not as confident as she sounded to Dan.