Thank you to Mickey, Sunny, JenJenxx, Kazzie, Jen, Lauren, beachtree, don't think about it, Sarah, Anna, storymom, Shellie, Emz, Cynthia, Kirsten's Joy, Mariana and SoCalGirl3 for all the reviews you left. I appreciate them all so much.

I've sucked at dealing with Kirsten/Carter up until now because, to be honest, I've been avoiding it! I hope this chapter makes up for it. I am now going to find myself a serious Kandy fix.

The Rager

Kirsten sat at the top of the kitchen table, an almost-empty glass of wine cradled in her hand. She could see the back of Seth's head from where he sat on the sofa, distracting himself with the playstation. His curls were wet from the shower she had made him take when he had arrived home, cold from jumping into the pool to pull out Jess. Ryan had finally stopped pacing and he now sat despondently in one of the chairs as he waited for more news on his brother. She had no words of comfort for them right now, her mind too muddled from the mix of emotions and alcohol that intoxicated her. So instead they sat in silence, the air thick with anxiety.

As promised, Sandy had called Kirsten earlier from the police station, but with little news. They were just about to interview Trey and he didn't know how long it would take, leaving the rest of them waiting impatiently at home.

Kirsten traced her fingertip along the rim of the glass, catching her reflection. She stared at herself for a moment, before reaching for the wine and filling the glass again, hiding her face. She brought the glass to her lips, inhaling the aroma that rose, before taking a drink. She felt the cool liquid run through her body and it eased the tension she felt. She closed her eyes and sighed, exhausted from the evening's events. It wasn't the trouble with Trey – she trusted Sandy to fix that. She had pretty much left him to deal with Trey since he had arrived, too distracted with the magazine to notice what was going on in her own house. No, it wasn't Trey.

It was Carter.

She took another mouthful of wine as Carter's face imprinted itself in her mind, hoping the alcohol would wash it away. It wasn't that she didn't like Carter – it was the opposite. She liked him too much; more than a wife and mother should. She enjoyed his company and she liked the way he made her laugh. She liked the way she felt when she was around him. He made her feel alive. Over the past year, she had felt herself shrinking. She wasn't the same woman that she had been before, the year's events had taken their toll. But Carter hadn't been around to witness them. He hadn't seen her break down over the loss of her sons last summer; he hadn't seen her throw a vase at her father's head when she'd learnt about his affair seventeen years earlier; he hadn't seen her crack when Sandy had abandoned her for his ex-girlfriend.

With Carter, she could be someone else – whoever she wanted to be. With Carter, she was free from everything that had threatened to bring her down. With Carter, there were no awkward silences as they learnt how to be around each other again. With Carter, she didn't have to try so hard.

He was fast becoming part of her life beyond the office. Their conversations were no longer limited to Newport Living or Julie's latest idea; their time together was no longer spent always pouring over photographs and articles.

He was friends with her husband. Kirsten didn't like the thought of Sandy and Carter being friends, she found the concept strange. Her husband and…who? What was Carter to her now? He was her friend. Her friend. Was she really jealous of sharing him with other people?

Sandy's suggestion of setting Carter up with Erin had been met with a lukewarm response, but he hadn't noticed. She had denied the awkwardness to Carter, but inside she felt it. She hated the way that they looked at each other and flirted with each other. She had hated the way the sparks had flown between them over dinner. She had played the gracious host, of course, but inside it was burning her.

She had even interfered, telling Erin about his ex-wife in a feeble attempt to scare her off. It had appeared to work too and she couldn't help but feel satisfaction. She didn't want someone else grabbing Carter's attention.

Watching them together had made her feel sick with jealousy; and the jealousy had made her feel sick with guilt. Because she knew she shouldn't have these feelings.

But she did.

And there seemed to be nothing that she could do about it.

She finished the glass of wine and reached for the bottle, pausing when she heard the sound of the front door and the soft thud of footsteps through the house. Ryan was up and out of his seat, firing questions at Sandy the second he set foot in the kitchen. Sandy answered them with the information he had: Trey had been kept in custody overnight and Sandy would go back the next morning; he would most likely be charged with dealing drugs and it was going to mean serious trouble.

'More trouble than Sandy could get him out of,' Kirsten guessed by the look of defeat on his face. She could see his exhaustion.

She pushed away the bottle of wine and stood up, only noticing now how much she had had to drink as she swayed slightly on her feet. Her hands reached for the table and she steadied herself. No-one noticed.

"Listen, guys, there's nothing else we can do tonight. Why don't you try and get some sleep, and we'll figure out a plan tomorrow," Kirsten suggested.

Her voice carried with its usual authoritative note. Ryan nodded, thanking Sandy before making his way to the poolhouse. Seth shuffled out of the kitchen towards the stairs. Sandy smiled appreciatively, walking over to embrace her. She felt her body tense up as he slid his arm around her back and kissed her temple, feeling guilty for having all these thoughts while he had been out, protecting their family once again.

"You look tired, you should get some sleep," Kirsten said softly.

"You don't look so great yourself, are you ok?" Sandy asked, lifting her chin up to face him.

Kirsten pulled away from him, feeling her face flush. "I'm fine. Just tired," she lied.

"Well, I'm gonna go and take a shower," Sandy said. "I'll meet you in bed?"

Kirsten nodded, avoiding eye contact with him as she pretended to gaze over the kitchen. "Yeah. I'll just clean up here first."

Sandy nodded and left her alone in the kitchen. Kirsten reached for the bottle of wine and poured the last few drops into her glass. She stared at it for a moment, the light shining off the crystal and catching her eye, before drinking it in one mouthful. It numbed her thoughts and she was grateful.

She walked over to the sink to clean the glass, dropping the empty bottle into the bin as she passed it. She moved wearily through the kitchen and down the corridor that led to her bedroom, hoping that sleep would come quickly and hoping that she had enough alcohol inside her to quash her dreams. She didn't want to see the images of her life flash before her as she tried to sleep.

Tonight, she wanted to feel nothing.