For Jason:
A/N: This is a fic for my friend Jason. And Imust say, I had the greatest time writing this one. I took forever, but it was fun.
The Stick-shift Massacre
Summary: During Driver's Ed the instructor's automatic car is sent to the shop resulting in the GW boys to drive stick in order to pass and receive their license.
The sun was shining as school let out. The voices of happy children rang threw the halls as they came flooding out of the government building which has held them hostage for many hours. Oh, the pain of being bored in school. The five gundam pilots met up at their usual place in front of the gym so they could walk to their Driver's Ed class. They are at that age where they want to drive. Well… Duo was excited, Wufei thought driving was for the weak, strong people walked, Heero and Trowa didn't really care, and Quatre… he would feels more comfortable with someone else driving. So, in correction, they're at the age where they start learning how to drive.
They arrived at the small driver's school that sat at a corner not far from their school. They entered the small building at took their places at the table they shared. Conversation continued on about the big test today, their driving tests! Today was do or die. They must pass, or be (as Wufei put it) stuck in a criminal of a class with a fool (while glaring at Duo… wonder why?). But they've practiced… well some… to the best of their abilities… and the some were quite confident. And the… uh… one that's not confident, lets just say… he's not taking it too well.
Duo's breathing was rapid, and his eyes refused to focus on anything. "Today… today I'm going to fail, and then I'll have to take this class alone. No friends. Nobody to help me. I'm gonna be a loser. I'm gonna be in solitary confinement. Then I'll lose my ability to talk because I forgot how. All of you would've moved on and married. Then I'm gonna die alone with 37 cats, 12 dogs, 9 mice, 10 stuff animal snakes because the real ones scare me, and 1 really sick obsessed fangirl that'll write stories about me dying with 37 cats, 12 dogs, 9 mi…"
"We get it Maxwell!" stated an annoyed Wufei. "First, even the thought of you losing your ability to talk sounds really sweet to the ears, and it seems quite possible you'd be able to forget something that important, we seriously doubt you'd be quiet long enough to forget. Even if you don't have anybody to talk to, you'd probably start arguing with yourself on who could go crazy first. Second, not our fault you didn't practice driving. Even though you were the only one of us that did, since you were the only one in the class that still hasn't grasp the idea of driving on the right side of the road."
Before Duo could retaliate, Quatre slipped his comment. "You're the only one that still needs to be told where to stick the key and turn."
Duo was bright red when the driving instructor walked into the room. "Good afternoon everyone. As you know, today is your driving test, but unfortunately, thanks to Mr. Yuy trying to self-destruct the car for the test, we can't use it, for at least 6 months, or we're able to find the frame for the car. So we have two options, one… we continue this class for another 6 months. Or…"
"SIX MONTHS OF THIS CLASS WITH THEM!" yelled the entire class while turning towards the five gundam pilots. Then one whispers, "well, Quatre isn't so bad. Just as long as we keep him away from that laptop Heero has with that wing zero system thing." The class nodded and agreed as the instructor lifted his hands for silence. If you want to know what they don't like about them… well… Duo's a danger to himself and everyone around him, Heero, just self-destructed a car, Wufei always fights with Duo, and is kinda rude to the girls in the class, and Trowa would be alright with them too if he didn't bring his pet lion into class one day. And that wouldn't be too bad also if Tommy and Billy didn't disappear.
"That's why I believe all of you would be happy with the second option. I went and borrowed my friend's car, and I thought we could just take the test in that car. But there's a problem, it's a stick shift." Murmurs went around the room. "Ssh… I know none of you have practiced with a stick shift, but I'm positive all of you'll be able to past this test. Except you Mr. Maxwell, I'll be seeing you for another two months next week."
"What? Why doesn't anybody believe that I can pass this test?" asked Duo, frustrated.
"Maybe because you still attempt to do your boast of driving with your eyes closed, and your hands tied behind your back."
"I swear, I can do it."
"How can you turn the car with no hands?"
"Well… if you had a car…" The instructor had stream shooting out of his ears. "My teeth are perfectly fine. I've filed them sharp enough to grip the steering wheel."
"Mr. Maxwell… I'm sure you'd be able to pass if you actually used the brakes. Now, to start with the tests, Ashley Anderson. (Okay… I know we don't care about the rest of the students, so lets go straight to…) Trowa Barton." Trowa stood from his seat, and took a deep breath. He'll be the first of the gundam pilots to try to drive the most dreaded… STICK SHIFT. He said good bye to his friends at the table as if you was going to meet his maker, then left through the door from which the entered a while ago. "Okay Mr. Barton, let's start your exam. Walk around the vehicle, then enter." Trowa did everything as his instructor told him. Once inside the car, his heart began to race as he looked down at the stick.
Trowa started the car while muttering damn Heero, under his breath. He continued to listen to his instructor as they drove out of the parking lot and down the street. He switched gears the best he could, although we was always tempted to shove one of his daggers deep into the stick, or just take the easy route and use high explosives and just get rid of the vehicle altogether, but he held back his desires and struggled through the half hour drive in what he liked to call the… "Suicide Induced Machine." For anyone weak in spirit, would be induced to commit suicide. "Alright Mr. Barton." Cheered the instructor as Trowa attempted to park the car, but ended up taking two whole parking spaces. "Uh… that was okay. Now please put the dynamite back into you pocket, turn the car off, and return back to your seat." As Trowa again, did what he was told, the instructor started muttering under his breath, any other person would be freaked about his student pulling out dynamite while driving, but not me…noooo… I had to have the students where they pull enough stunts like these that I got used to it.
They walked back into the building, and Trowa took his seat with the other gundam pilots, and told them of the horrible experienced in the worst vehicle in the world. "There's no way that, that was a normal stick shift car. That must have been made just for the torture of young adults trying to get their driver's license." As they continued on about the car, the instructor came to the next pilot. "Uh… all students that value their lives please come to the far wall behind me, and Duo Maxwell, please get ready for the drive." Students jumped out of their seat and rushed over to the wall, including the other pilots.
"Hey! I'm not that bad." Whined Duo.
"True." Said the instructor. "Your worse. But I'm required by law to give you a chance, even if it's pointless. Go out and perform the walk around while I observe you from the safety of the other side of this door okay?" Duo nodded, and ran rapidly around the car about 5 times, with pebbles shooting from under his feet, targeting the door the instructor was behind. When finished, the instructor slowly made his way away from the door. "Alright… Mr. M-Max-Maxwell. Let's get in the car and…WAIT! OPEN THE DOOR… DON'T TRY GOING THROUGH THE CLOSED WINDOW!" Duo sighed and entered the car through an open door, but swore he would exit through the window, opened or closed. "Now… do you remember where the key goes?"
"Do I pass if I do?"
"No."
"Good, cause I don't." The instructor sighed, and pointed to the ignition. Duo looked over at the instructor with a puzzled look, and he just gave Duo a turning gesture, and Duo knew he had to turn the key. "I'm gonna pass. I'm gonna pass." Chanted Duo, as he did everything the instructor told him to do. "So how long am I gonna be driving this piece of junk for?"
"It's not a piece of junk. It's an antique."
"Fine. How long am I gonna drive this piece of "antique"?"
"For five more minutes."
"Five minutes? But I've only been driving for two! Trowa drove for around a half an hour."
"I know. But you've already managed to finish half of the driving course."
"Of course. Everyone around here's going like 30 mph. But if you go 85 mph, you can get to where going faster."
"You do know that the speed limit is 30 mph right?"
"Speed limit? What's that?" The instructor had the look of pure terror on his face, but managed to keep his eyes open for the remainder of the driving test. When Duo took the sharp turn into the parking lot, the instructor shouted for Duo to stop, and to take his seat back inside the building. Duo happily rolled down his window and exited the car.
Duo stepped back into the building, and everybody was shocked to see him back within six minutes. That's record time, even for Duo. Usually it took him ten minutes. "Well… that was fun." Duo sat down, and told of his adventure in the "Antique." Everybody listened intently, because Duo's experiences were usually the funniest. Go figure. Everyone was amazed that Duo so far was the only person to enjoy the driving test.
The instructor continued down the list, and everybody was telling about they test. And by the stories, it seems that nobody's going to pass. Few more students went, then it was… "Quatre Winner. You're up." Quatre stood up, and nodded to the other pilots for his goodbye. Heero stood up, and placed something within Quatre's jacket pocket.
"Huh? What's this Heero?" As Quatre put his hand in his pocket to find out, Heero stopped him.
"Just in case you won't be able to take it." Quatre gave Heero a last quick glance and rushed outside because the instructor was rushing him.
Quatre did his walk around perfectly. Of course he did, he spent hours alone on the walk around. It had to be perfect. The instructor congratulated him on the unusually perfection, and motioned for him to enter the vehicle. Quatre entered, took a very deep breathe and started the car. He tried very hard to follow everything the instructor said, but a fourth through the course, he couldn't take the stick shift any longer and pulled the object from Heero out of his pocket. It was a small cell phone, Quatre quickly opened it to call 911, but before he could even dial the one, the phone connected to an usual system. It connected to the WING ZERO SYSTEM. Quatre looked down in shock. "Don't take your eyes off the road!" yelled the instructor, but he quickly crashed to his door in hope for safety when he saw Quatre's face. He knew the face very well, and knew it was going to be a wing zero nightmare.
The rest of the test went by in a big blur for the instructor, but fortunately for him, it was only because he was in constant fear through the whole thing. Wing zero Quatre was perfect through the whole exam. He didn't need the instructions to get through it, and so far, was the only one to get the car into a parking space. Quatre snapped back to normal, as soon as he exited the car, and retook his seat within the class. Everybody awaited for Quatre to inspire them with his story which would mostly be the most well done of them all, but Quatre just looked at the class and apologized. "Sorry, but uh… I don't exactly remembered what happened?"
As the entire class lost all color from their face, with fear of thoughts that could've happened within the car, the instructor began calling the next name of the next tester… (fast forwarding) Chang Wufei. Wufei stood up in a snap and saluted the instructor. "Sir! I'm ready to pass this test with the best of my abilities, sir!"
"Carry on, Chang. Let's go, and do the walk around." Wufei did the walk around, and then entered the vehicle. He started the car, and followed the instructors words to the brink of perfection, but that didn't help him at all. The car kept losing control, because even though he was following the instructor's words, he kept looking at the gear shift. He couldn't remember which gears were which and kept taking his eyes off the road for extended periods of time. "Damn this infernal contraption. Who would create such a torturous in justice for the world!" thought Wufei. When completed, and exited from the car. Wufei pulled a sword out of thin air (because he's mad cool like that), and swung down in hope to terminate the vehicle for good. But the instructor acted fast and pulled out his sword (he's not all mad cool like Wufei, he had his in the backseat which he pulled out before exiting the car) and blocked Wufei thrust. "Chang. I know that was difficult for you, but please go and retake your seat with the class.
Wufei gave the instructor a 'hmph' and entered the building with murder in his eyes. Everybody knew when Wufei looked like that… don't bother. Well, all except one.
"So! How was it for you Woofie!" asked an overly excited Duo. Wufei grabbed him by the collar, but was quickly pulled apart by the other three pilots.
"Does that answer your question?" Asked Wufei.
"Yup. You're gonna be staying with me for another class!" Wufei thought of this, and prayed that it was not true.
The instructor finally reached the final name. "Heero Yuy, it's your turn."
Heero stood up, and walked outside. He did the walk around, and entered the vehicle. He tried to his best that to drive, but like everyone else he had problems. But this is Heero we're talking about. After the third read light they reached (which was quite a ways away… congrats Heero), he couldn't take it anymore. "I've failed this mission."
The instructor recognized this speech. "No you didn't. You still have a little bit left to go. You can make it."
"Yes I did. Now I must end this." Heero pulled out a remote. As the instructor was running out of the car, he couldn't help but wonder when Heero put the bomb in. And the car went BOOM! And like every other self-destruction time, Heero lived.
Heero and the instructor entered the classroom again, and were tailing smoke behind their slightly charred bodies. Heero took his seat. And the instructor stood once again in front of the class. "Okay, to figure out who passed the class and who didn't would usually take a long time, but I have to go to the hospital for an emergency operation. So everybody passes…" the entire class starts cheering, but sent worried looks to Duo, because he now officially has it permit. "… except Duo Maxwell and Chang Wufei. Good night. Duo and Chang. I'll see you at my next class."