May 29, 2005: Why not make a whole parody on the whole Fruits Basket series? No, I'm not that crazy. Or am I? Hmm…
September 2, 2005 It used to be in script form, so ignore the "said, " " and replace them in your mind with colons. It is too much tedious work to re-edit the whole thing.
This is about Tohru's visit to Akito's house. Another parody.
Hope you read and review! Thanks, and extra thanks to reviewers.
Shigure, tohru, hatori, and yuki go to Akito's house.
Akito said, " why have you come to visit me?
Tohru (thought) said, " I can't ask him for more money directly! We already asked to borrow a ton of money for repairing the walls!
Tohru said, " I don't know.
Akito walks to Tohru.
Akito said, " So, if you don't know what you want to say, then just leave.
Tohru said, " No, I…I…well, Shigure (Shigure turns pale white) wanted to know if he could borrow some….money.
Akito said, " Shigure is right here. Why doesn't he tell me this?
Tohru said, " I don't know.
Akito said, " Well! I don't want to give you money. Take a loan from the bank.
Tohru said, " But I…we—
Akito said, " Go! I don't care…wait one moment. I need to feed my fish.
Walks to fish tank and takes can of fish pellets.
Akito said, " You would want this fish pellet don't you! Oooh! The precious fish pellet! Well, you won't be having any today you skinny, good for nothing fish! (confused why he does this? See "Valentine's Presents All Gone")
Fish starts to cry.
Akito eats the fish pellet.
Akito said, " hahahaha!
Hatori said, " Akito, don't laugh while eating! You'll choke.
Akito said, " Don't say such nonsense!
Fish jumps out of the fish tank (the cover for the tank is open) and bites Akito's arm.
Akito said, " Oww!
Akito grabs fish with his teeth and throws fish. Fish lands on Tohru's head.
Tohru said, " Ew! (trying to get fish out, but fish still alive. Fish's teeth bite onto Tohru's hair)
Tohru said, " Ahhh! It's stuck!
Akito said, " That fish isn't going to get away with this!
Akito goes to Touru and take hair and starts to pull.
Tohru said, " Ow. Ow. Ow.
Shigure and Yuki said, " We'll help! (holds onto Akito) Pull! Pull!
Tohru said, " Ow. Ow.
Akito said, " (talks to fish) You know precisely why you're here! You're here to ruin our lives! That's why I taunt you everyday!
Hatori doesn't move because he is experiencing his first stroke.
Shigure said, " Akito, if you have too much stress, you'll die.
Tohru said, " And when you die, we'll miss you taunting the fish everyday! We love to watch that!
Akito said, " you mean, you like the fish taunting? You'll actually miss me doing it?
Tohru said, " yes!
Fish dies.
Everyone lets go.
Fish falls to ground.
Akito backs away, edging closer to the bird bath.
Tohru said, " Akito, are you touched by my beautiful words?
Akito very silent.
White bird drinking water looks up, then drinks some more until…
Akito said, " I GOT YOU! YOU STUPID WHITE BIRD! HAHAHAHAHA!
Bird chirps in Akito's grasp.
Hatori experiencing heart attacks and stroke.
Bird dies and Akito throws it in the air and out the door.
Akito said, " Now, what were you saying Tohru?
Tohru said, " Never mind.
Hatori's heart attacks and stroke stops, but replaced with paralysis.
Tohru said, " Well, we'll be off.
Akito said, " Wait. I have something for you for Christmas.
Tohru said, " What are you talking –
Yuki (whispers) said, " Just take the damn present.
Tohru said, " Okay.
Akito said, " Here.
Tohru said, " Is this a bag of –
Akito said, " Goodbye! Take leave! Let me dwell in my loneliness.
Tohru said, " Oh! You're lonely? Well, why don't we share this bag of –
Akito said, " No! Just go! Open your present at home.
Tohru said, " But I know what it –
Akito said, " I SAID GOODBYE DAMN IT!
Tohru said, " Okay! Goodbye!
Hatori is out of his state of paralysis.
Hatori said, " Let's go.
(outside)
Hatori said, " What's in the bag?
Tohru said, " It's a 'present' from Akito. Apparently, it's a bag of garbage.
Hatori said, " that's what he gives everyone on Christmas. We know by now not to open it and just dump it in the garbage, where it belongs.
Kyou said, " I got a bag full of old newspapers.
Yuki said, " I got a bag full of garbage bags.
Shigure said, " Am I the only one who received a bag of dead birds?
Hatori said, " For Christmas, I would give him marijuana. Now, he's addicted. He's not dwelling in misery. He's dwelling in marijuana junk.
Kyou said, " I'm starving, Tohru. Give me leftovers or something. I don't care.
Tohru said, " Okay, Kyou. But the only leftovers are the burnt muffins from Shigure.
Ayame said, " Oh my! What a long time since I've seen you all!
Akito said, " AYAME! (aiming a cannon at him at the top of a tower that suddenly appeared.)
Ayame said, " Oh dear Lord!
Akito said, " I told you never to come here! You're not going to take my marijuana!
Ayame said, " But Akito….you look so beautiful.
Hatori said, " Ayame, that won't work.
Akito said, " Die!
Shigure said, " Everyone, RUN!
Everyone runs but Ayame.
Nurse/Kana said, " We've got an intruder on our radar screen.
Akito said, " Roger that.
Nurse/Kana said, " Cannonball one, ready. FIRE!
Akito said, " Got it! (SHOOO…)
Ayame said, " Give me a hug!
Cannon ball goes straight into arms.
Ayame said, " Oh, Akito, you feel so warm! (opens eyes) Huh?
Akito said, " This mother----- won't die.
Nurse said, " We've got to plan another strategy.
Akito (smokes marijuana) said, " Yeah.
Nurse (smokes marijuana) said, " Bring out the birds.
Akito said, " I've got the normal birds, but I've got…THE HULK bird.
Nurse&Akito said, " RELEASE THE HULK!
Bird that is deformed. It's bigger than a human. One eye bigger than the other, wings that have hands at the end, and it can speak!
Bird said, " I will kill!
Ayame said, " Oh my!
Bird said, " I will kill!
Nurse said, " I thought he knew how to speak.
Akito said, " You're thinking about my parrot. Isn't that right, you idiot?
Parrot said, " Crawk! That's right, Akito. That's right, Akito.
Akito said, " You want to kill Ayame, right?
Parrot said, " That's right, Akito. That's right, Akito.
Akito said, " Now, we just watch.
Bird's eyes grow red with vain said, " Kill! Kill! (punches its two fists together) Grrr!
Ayame said, " Gulp.
Akito said, " I'll fire the tranquiziler! (shoot)
Ayame said, " I'll have to take it down mys—what!
Tranquilizer hits the bird, and bird falls down sideways.
Nurse said, " Akito!
Akito said, " Don't worry about it! We've got the HULK!
Nurse said, " But the HULK is down!
Akito said, " I've got the One-eyed worm!
Nurse said, " You mean Hatori?
Akito said, " No. I've got a one-eyed worm! Send out the worm!
Door opens.
Light shines.
Heroic music plays.
Ayame said, " I can't see! It's too bright!
A worm comes out of the open doors.
Ayame said, " I'm blind!
Akito said, " worm, attack!
Ayame said, " What worm? (squish!)
Akito said, " Worm?
Earphone the worm had said, " Worm? Worm!
Akito said, " Oh no! (starts to pray) In the name of the Father, the Son, --
Nurse said, " Oh, stop! The worm had no chance!
Ayame said, " Where am I?
Nurse said, " Ah! How'd Ayame find his way through the trap doors, the poisonous darts, the cage full of lions, up the stairs to this very room?
Ayame said, " Trap doors? Darts? Ahh! (turns around, trips over the staircase, fell in cage of darts)
Darts shoot at him.
Ayame runs blindly, and all of them miss except for one that hit is butt.
Ayame said, " Ah!
Darts (from Yugioh) said, " Ayame! You will be perfect for the Great Leviathan!
Akito said, " Shut up, Darts!
Darts gasp.
Akito said, " Go to hell! (aims a big rifle!)
Darts said, " Ah! (Runs through door that leads to room full of lions.)
ROAR!
Darts said, " Oh! This is soooo painful!
Nurse takes out dart from Ayame's butt.
Nurse said, " Does that feel better?
Ayame said, " I felt sharp pain at one point, but then all the pain is gone. I can't move my legs.
Akito said, " I think he received a dart full of paralysis.
Ayame said, " What!
Nurse said, " He means a dart full of…sharing-ness.
Ayame said, " I love to share.
Akito said, " Let's go home.
Nurse said, " We are home.
Akito said, " Sure we are…
Nurse is confused.
Akito's on crack.
Ayame is happy about the sharing-ness dart.
Darts become Tarzan and swings in the trees with a family of apes and lions, lions and hyenas….Lions and hyenas that join to become one family in this great…circle of Life.
(short afterward)
Akito said, " Why do we always hunt deer, Shigure?
Shigure said, " Think of it like this, Akito. When we die, our bodies become grass, and the antelope eat the grass. Thus, we are all in the circle of Life.
Akito said, " But we're talking about deer, not antelope.
Shigure said, " (sweatdrop) Uh…Oh look, Akito! A unicorn!
Akito said, " Ooh! Let me take a picture. (takes picture) Now, let me shoot it so that I would live eternally!
Shigure said, " gulp! Ah, (lowers Akito's gun) maybe not. We all wouldn't want that would we? Ha ha ha! Now, come bask in my masculine arms.
Akito said, " Okay.
I think the parody ended when Akito started to try and kill Ayame, but other than that, the question is…how'd you like it? Was it funny? Was it as boring as hell? And the most common one I get, was it weird? After I read it myself, I'd have to agree on that. Tell me what you think in a thing called a review… I'd appreciate your opinion.
A quote I heard from a commercial 8 millennia ago (yeah, I'm that old, muahaha!): "Thank you for coming. We appreciate your money."
Oh yes, (sorry this is so long, but) I tend to link all my stories together for some reason. Please don't mind those "see ch. of "this story". I'll end with a smile . You end with a review.