Disclaimer: Not mine
Chapter Three: Avoidance
Minerva suddenly tensed. She wasn't ready to talk about this. Though considering what she had just accused her husband of, she felt she owed him some sort of an explanation. She tried to think of something she could say that would pacify him, but nothing came to mind.
Albus was studying his wife. She looked pale, and was shaking slightly. The sight broke his heart. He reached out to take hold of her hand. Minerva jumped up and took several shaky steps back.
"It's okay, Albus. I just over-reacted. I'm fine."
"Minerva?"
"I'm fine." she repeated, her voice growing louder.
"All right. Minerva, you do know you can talk to me, don't you. I realize you may not be ready, but I will be more than willing to listen when you are."
Minerva stared at her husband. How had he known exactly what she needed to hear? Hearing him say the words outloud, the reassurance that he wasn't leaving, was just the push she needed.
"I, um, I thought you were leaving me because of what happened. Because of...: Here Minerva trailed off. She just couldn't say it. She glanced at her husband to make sure he had understood what she was trying to say. Albus didn't appear confused, only immensly sad.
"You must know that was not your fault. There was nothing you could have done to prevent it. I would certainly never leave you because of it."
Minerva didn't say anything. She simply stood there. Two lonely tears leaked from her eyes. Albus went to wipe them away, but again she withdrew from him.
"Minerva."
"You should get to breakfast. The staff will be wondering where their employer is."
"They can wait."
"No. You have only just become headmaster. You don't want to get off on the wrong foot. You should go."
"Very well, if you insist."
"I do."
"Will you accompany me?"
"I'm not hungry. I think I will just stay here and rest."
"You must try to eat something. I will have one of the house elves bring a tray."
"That's not necessary. If I get hungry I can summon one."
"Are you sure."
"Yes." Minerva shouted. She was quickly growing irritated by his coddling.
"Very well. I shall come check on you before lunch." Albus then turned and walked out the door.
Minerva crawled back into bed and fell into a restless sleep.
Poppy met Albus in the Entrance Hall. She was absolutely frantic, and had to take several deep breaths before she could speak.
"Professor, I still haven't found her." Her voice was very high and she seemed near the verge of tears.
It was then that Albus realized he had forgotten to floo Poppy last night and let her know that Minerva had been located. He felt terrible.
"So she's okay." asked Poppy, after Albus had told her she was in her chambers. He also apologized profusely for his failure to notify her sooner.
"Yes, she is as well as she can be expected, given the circumstances."
"There is still a potion she needs to take, and she must take it soon for it to be effective."
"Is there something physically wrong with her, Poppy?"
"She has some slight bruising and she may be a bit sore, but that is not what the potion is for. It is to prevent her from becoming pregnant."
Albus looked alarmed. "How quickly does she need to take it?"
"She has a few hours still. Since I now know where she is, I can take it to her after breakfast. Can I ask you a somewhat personal question?"
"Of course."
"How does she seem to be doing emotionally?"
"Not very well, I am afraid. I don't believe she slept well last night, and she has been very temperamental this morning. She also will not let me get close enough to touch her at all."
"I have the names of several counselors at St. Mungo's if you feel that is something that needs to be looked into."
"I think it might be too soon to make that decision. I will keep it in mind, however."
After breakfast, Poppy headed down to Minerva's quarters. She knocked on the door, but there was no answer. Finally, she summoned a house elf to go and check on the young woman.
After a few minutes, Minerva arrived at the door to her chambers. She ushered Poppy in, while the house elf departed.
"What can I do for you, Poppy?"
"You need to take this." Poppy answered as she produced a vial filled with a thick, brown potion.
"What is it?"
"It is an emergency contraception potion. You need to take it quickly in order for it to still work properly."
Minerva uncorked it and drank it in one gulp.
"Are there any other potions you need, Minerva? I can give you something to calm you or help you sleep."
"No, thank you. I'm fine."
"If you change your mind you know where to find me."
"Thank you, Poppy."
Minerva decided after the mediwitch left that she really needed another shower. She stayed under the hot spray for an hour, lost in thought. She idly wondered if she could get a time turner. If so, she might be able to change what had happened. She might be able to get her life back. This seemed highly unlikely, though. The use of time turners was heavily regulated by the Ministry. Even if she did get one, there would be no guarantee that it would change anything. She might even end up making things worse.
By the time she was dried and dressed, Albus was arriving to walk her to the Great Hall for lunch.
"Are you ready for lunch, my dear?"
"I don't think I am going to lunch today. I have work to get caught up on. I'm still not very hungry."
"You can not make yourself sick like this. You must eat something, even if it is not much."
"I'll have a house elf-"
"That's what you said for breakfast. Did you call for one, or did you simply ignore the meal?"
Minerva looked down guiltily.
"If you do not wish to eat in the Great Hall with everyone, we can eat here."
"You need to go. The staff might need you."
"You need me as well. Whatever they may require can wait until after lunch."
Minerva was known for her stubborness, but her husband was capable of being equally stubborn. She finally relented and he had an elf bring up a tray from the kitchen. The two sat and ate at a table in Minerva's sitting room. At least, Albus ate; Minerva nibbled at her food for awhile.
Toward the end of the meal, Albus began speaking.
"We are going to have to rearrange our quarters slightly. I believe the castle can be coerced into allowing my new rooms to meet with the chambers we share. It will require a couple of advanced spells, but should not be too dfficult."
Minerva suddenly panicked again. She hadn't actually thought about their sleeping arrangements since she had stayed in her own room last night. She just didn't feel comfortable with the idea of sleeping next to a man. Even if the man was her noble and well-intentioned husband.
"Minerva?" Albus had noticed her silence, and it was starting to worry him. She looked so distraught, and he had simply been speaking of their living arrangements.
"Minerva?" he asked again. "What is it, my dear?"
"I was actually thinking of remaining in my quarters for the time being. That way, you will have time to adjust to your new role at the school without me getting in the way."
Albus was stunned. He had no idea what to say. His wife stood and walked back into her bedroom, closing the door behind her.
The headmaster decided to make a trip to the hospital wing. He was now highly confused, and a little annoyed. He knew that whatever was going on was not the fault of his wife. In order to reach her, he had to understand more of what she was going through.
He explained the situation to Poppy, and then listened intently to what she had to say.
"Minerva is feeling a lot right now. She is confused, scared, and sad. She is most likely feeling violated, and could even be feeling guilty. The fact she thought you were leaving her certainly points to guilt."
"Guilt over what? I have already told her there was nothing she could have down to prevent what happened."
Poppy hesitated. She knew what she was going to say would not be comforting for the new headmaster. She was even mildly uncomfortable talking about it with him.
"She may feel like she has cheated on you."
"What?"
"Oftentimes, women who are raped feel like they have cheated on their husbands, even though they know they did not consciously want it. It's a psychological thing. If they cheated on their loved one, then it was something they did. Not something that was done to them. It gives them power over what happened, but leaves feelings of guilt behind. It also begins to distort the rape, and confuse the victim even more.
"That sounds very overwhelming."
"It is. May I be candid, headmaster?"
"Of course."
"I know you want to help her, but you will never possibly be able to understand what it is like for a woman to go through this. All you can really do is be patient and wait for her to talk to you. It could be quite some time before that happens though. It will be harder for Minerva, as she is always so in charge. It won't be easy for her to admit that she had no control over what happened to her. Has she acknowledged any of what happened?"
"No. She has avoided everything."
"She hasn't accepted it yet. Once she does, then she can talk to you. However, I am going to speak with her myself later this afternoon. She has to know that she can't change her lifestyle to accommodate the feelings she is having right now. If she does that, she will never begin to heal. I'm going to give you the names of those counselors I mentioned earlier."
Poppy did indeed go back to Minerva's quarters later that day. Minerva was not in her chambers, though. Poppy eventually located her in her office, trying to catch up on paperwork for the upcoming school year.
"Could I have a second, Minerva?"
'"Yes, but please be brief. I am already a bit behind."
"I talked to Professor Dumbledore this afternoon. He is very concerned about you."
"He needn't be."
"Shutting him out would be a mistake, Minerva. He isn't going to be pushy; he just wants to help. Please don't alienate him. I know that sharing a bed with him may seem difficult, but halting your marriage will cause irreparable damage to it. At least trust him enough to know he would never hurt you, or touch you if you are not ready."
"I- oh, Poppy. I don't know what I'm doing. I've felt so disconnected to everything the last two days." Minerva said, starting to cry.
"I know." said the mediwitch soothingly. "Take time to think about what I said. He loves you. Don't turn from him when you need him most."
Minerva ended up going for a walk around the lake again. She stayed outside so long that she missed dinner. Indeed, it was dark when she finally returned to the castle.
Albus had been highly concerned when he could not find his wife in any of their quarters or her office. He entered the Great Hall, hoping she would be there, but she was again absent. Poppy saw him scan the table with a disappointed look on his face. She hurried over to him to find out what was wrong.
When he told her that Minerva was missing, she suggested it was a good sign. She assumed it meant that Minerva had taken time out to think, and try to come to terms with a couple of things.
Albus was in the couple's quarters when Minerva found him. She walked over and sat next to her husband on the couch. He sat quietly, waiting for her to make the first move.
"I'm sorry, Albus."
"You have no reason to apologize."
"Yes, I do. I shouldn't have tried to push you away. I am so confused right now."
"I understand."
"I don't think you do. I'm not entirely sure I do. I know I still love you. Poppy was right. Trying to distance myself from you would be a mistake. I just don't want to be a burden to you right now. There is so much you must adjust to."
"You have never been a burden to me, nor will you ever be. Our lives are changing drastically. I want us to be able to support each other."
"I also want that."
"I love you, my dear Minerva."
"I love you too, Albus."
A/N: I know some of you are getting tired of waiting for the fluff. Unfortunately, it will still be a chapter or two before that happens. To accommodate all of you, I have written a one-shot prequel to this. Heartache and Healing: The Prequel (original title, huh?) should be up today. Thanks to all those who reviewed! Please keep it up:) I love you guys.