A/N HIYA PEOPLES! This just a short fic on Ray's thoughts when he let Robbie go off. He reflects on his past hours with his son, and how troubled they were. He reflects on what drove him to let go and his thought after doing so. In this story I made Robbie sixteen, so if they were any questions here is the answer.O and also dialogue will be different because I didn't remember what they said. :( Please enjoy the story! Letting go is the first step
"Dad!"
There was smoke everywhere. The growing flames were spreading faster and faster in my direction. Panic was high, and only was only getting worse. I held tightly to my sixteen year old son and pulled him down.
"Dad you have to let me do this! I have to go!" Robbie shouted determined. His eyes shone with fear and fortitude. He struggled against my grip, but tripped. I couldn't let him go, I just couldn't. This was my son. My firstborn. The little boy I would play catch with. I looked into those strong-willed eyes and still see that same little boy. I couldn't do it.
"Robbie you're being stupid! I can't let you leave. We need to get to safety. Now!" I yelled pulling his arm down, this time too hard. I was afraid. These machines could destroy someone with one zap. Knowing my son could face that peril pained me. They were coming closer, but I didn't care. I didn't care that Rachel was alone frightened somewhere. I didn't care I was divorced. And at the moment, though afraid, I didn't care I was under attack. I only cared that my son was about to leave me forever. He pushed past me and tried to start running. I lunged and grabbed him again.
"No you can't leave!" I was desperate for him not to leave.
"I have to do this dad, let me go!" Robbie struggled my grip, and I struggled to understand why he needed leave so much. Didn't he understand he would wind up dead? I looked down at his harried eyes. This time I saw anger.
"I need to leave. I have to face this. If I don't I'll wind up like you and walk out on the important things." My son said quietly.
"But…you...I …Boston.." I was at lost for words
"I need to see this dad. My fears need to be faced. So let me go. I'll find you in Boston I promise." He struggled my grip again.
The screams were getting louder. The smoke and fear was getting thicker and I was losing my battle. He was right; I did walk out on important things. I wasn't a good father. I was being a dick like he said days earlier. I wanted to change all that. I wanted change my attitude. I wanted to hug my son and I wanted him to be safe. I knew nothing would change. I knew if I let Robbie stay with me he would eventually turn out like me. As much as he would hate it and try to avoid it, he would turn out like me. A jerk that never had time for his children. That was almost as horrible thought as me losing him. He was strong. He was independent. He was smart and had good intuition. I knew he would find us in Boston. If we made it to Boston. I tried not to think like that. I had to be strong, not only for myself. But for my children. Especially Robert.
I let go of his arm with no words spoken. We stared at each other not believing what happened. More gun shots went off, and with an anxious face, my son left to face what he needed to face.
"I love you son" I whispered under my breath. I cursed myself for not saying it aloud before. I looked down at my feet. I wanted to stand there forever and die. But one thought hit me. Rachel. Where was she? I just lost my one child I couldn't lose another.
"Rachel!" I screamed. It was one of many terrible screams. I searched frantically for my daughter. "Rachel!" I called again. This time I saw her about to dragged off by a couple.
My poor daughter. She was easily frightened of things. Being alone in this situation must have destroyed her. I ran to her and scoped her up. I looked at the woman who was still pleading with Rachel to run away looked at me warily and confused.
"She's my daughter." I shouted over the noise. They only nodded and proceeded to run far.
"We have to go." I said, stating the obvious.
"Where's Robbie?" Rachel asked searching over my shoulder looking for her beloved brother. She looked at me with tears in her eyes.
"He's gone baby. He's gone."
Rachel proceeded to sob silently as we ran searching for cover. With ever step I took I choked back tears. I risked my son's life so that he wouldn't turn out like me. That was foolish. But something told me he would be alright. Shaken up and afraid but aright. Something else told me that we would be faced with more of these decisions. And as I just found out, letting go is only the first step.