Chapter Seven
I don't think I will ever forget that day.
Even as I stood in the still of the darkening skies, readying myself to head home, my mind wandered to that day.
FLASHBACK
I remembered the sound of blood leaking from the tip of hard metal.
I saw the rush of fury and the chill of excitement that built on the borders of danger as we stood on that barren landscape.
I remembered everything that happened too well.
Naruto and Sakura were doing their best to hold you back as my back turned towards you. I heard you when you yelled. Yelled angry words of fear at the empty gap between us. You raged and cried of abandonment, of memories that were somehow returning. From a locked paradigm of Chinese boxes, your memories were returning. Your memories of your proud, loving father who was always away at work. Whose back you saw more than the face and the accumulated disappointment at the void of absence in the house. What I heard was a voice that had been kept quiet for too long. Not of cheery crap. It was one of growing disappointment - of the house that was mostly empty. Of lives that were slowing paving paths differing from the other and of a quiet echo that lulled the lonely bug out more often than it has been. Genious, you were afraid that you were going to be alone. Again.
So much so that something inside you snapped.
It granted you monster strength.
It built up to a painful pressure point that you could not control.
I was swinging blades with Shark one and avoiding touches from Itachi, thanks to Kakashi. Skills-wise I have improved but it was still below them. The Shark one had strength that was unbeatable and the other, malice. Both experienced and blood thirsty. I flung Red Crescent arcs at them. It carved deep damaged to the landscaped. It amused them much that I had improved but it was fruitless against the sum of two psychos. I was getting battered as we exchanged blows. Scratches bestowed to both guys in black cloaks and bruises for me.
I remembered seeing red that was followed by a flash of bright light. Green if one squinted but mainly white.
It came with a bang.
Your angered voice cried out in pain and decimated the surroundings.
I barely survived it.
Kakashi, who had managed to pull Itachi away from me, ducked to grab the kids.
I shut my eyes to block out the light.
It had hurt to look. And by the time they opened again, the place where I lay was crater-holed and charred. The sand smoked from the intensity when you released your chakra. It had scared me to see you lying there in the aftermath. Luckily to know you had only passed out. Nothing serious happened. It was only then that I felt pain. My hand, which had automatically moved to the spot, lifted to reveal slight burns and cuts that bloodied my clothes. It would seem that even my shield wasn't enough to protect me from the impact of the cracked raw energy of uncontrollable chakra.
Itachi and Shark one couldn't be found. The notion of them being dead was doubtful. How could they have not escaped?
END OF FLASHBACK
"Rayn-san?"
"Ah yes!" I responded to Tsunade, who was busy preparing to perform the jutsu to send me home. We were standing in the midst of an open courtyard of the academy where Tsunade and Hiashi were preparing what was required. My mind had wandered to the scene a few days ago. Seriously, that was my bad. I mean, if only I had taken a bit more care in keeping an eye out for them and took Tsunade's advice to have Anbu protection. A lot of "If only-s" were going through my head.
Honestly, I really don't want to go. But as time goes, I am getting very attached to the place and its people. It's getting harder to leave. Kakashi asked me to stay. A reasonable decision but surely it can't be that simple. I mean if you are from X dimension, you just can't migrate to Y dimension, right? I believe in the equilibrium theory. There is a balanced order to the way life works. I can't stay if I'm not meant to.
"Are you sure about leaving tonight? Genious-" Tsunade said.
"I have to."
"You make it sound obligatory." Hiashi said.
"I believe that the note that you will helping to pass to her is suffice. If she's here, it's going to be harder for me to go. I'll miss the crapper but life moves on and it'll be easier if I go this way."
"Are you sure?" She asked again.
I nodded. Unsure.
And it started.
Tsunade was starting to write the words in black ink on the ground when suddenly, I got kicked. Hard. The impact was enough to send me flying a metre into the table and crashing the contents onto the floor.
"IDIOT!"
"What the hell are you doing!" I yelled at the figure that loomed over me.
"I should be asking you that! What do you think you're doing leaving me sleeping in an uncomfortable position at the hospital while you were planning to go home!" Genious yelled forcefully. Tears trickling down her face. "Why are you abandoning me? Don't you love me anymore? You didn't even want to say goodbye to me! Or anyone else!"
"The Hokage was supposed to pass you the note after I left. In any case-"
"I hate it! I hate it when people don't say goodbye. I hate it when people take everything into their own hands and decide for everyone else what's better for everyone! I hate it when people think it's for the best! It's not! It's not the best when your only constant in a foreign place just plans to leave without a proper farewell. It's- it's not fair that you decide everything for me!"
I was stunned. I never knew that she felt that way.
"Papa used to leave the house for work without saying goodbye. Even when they sent me through the void of smoke, he still never said goodbye. Instead, he covered my eyes and murmured weird things to seal my memories. He never once said goodbye ever to me."
So that was why she insisted on everyone saying goodbyes over the phone or when they left the house. I had always wondered at the obsessive compulsive need for all of us to greet when we were home and notice the entire house when we were leaving.
"Am I really so unlovable that everyone wants to leave me?"
I got up from the floor, dusting my pants as I rose up to my full height.
"No. It's precisely because you are so loved that we do things the way they do. Some people are born expressionists. Others are not."
She looked at me as I continued.
"Precisely it's because you're loved that your father did things the way he did. Loving someone is never needing to say you're sorry or any goodbyes. That's because no matter what happens, all the love will never leave you."
"But! You were about to leave forever!"
Ouch. That word smarts. "Forever. Yeah, but I thought you knew me by now that I am not good at such things. Besides, I thought you were pissed with me."
"Yeah! Of course I was! You were deciding to allow yourself to be killed! You were deciding everything for me!"
I smiled. "My bad. I'm sorry."
And she grabbed in a bear-like hug that hurt. But for this once, I didn't mind.
"Da jie...please stay...a little longer? Just a little longer?"
I pulled her away from me. "If I do, it only gets harder for both of us to move on."
"But it's scary to lose the last thing I am familiar with!"
I tried to smile. Damn the tears were coming. "You will never lose everything as long as you hold them in your heart. Ruby, Cali and I will always be with you. All the love is for you to keep." She sniffed harder and held on harder. I was suffocating.
"It will be all right. Iruka will take care of you and so will everyone else here."
"But I haven't said my goodbyes to Cali and Ruby yet? I haven't tendered my resignation at work, closed my bank account and cancelled my health insurance and-"
And she went on and on. It would seem that she was hell bent on me not leaving tonight. Sigh. So as a form of apologies, I treated the Hokage and Hiashi for some drinks. To which, the whole group (including some jounins who were hiding in a corner) adjoined to the Hyuuga estate.
There, the people chatted and the tea and sake poured. Genious kept one arm on Iruka and me on an invisible ball bearing and chains. She absolutely did not tolerate me leaving her side one inch. It was quite a torture really. I attempted once to walk over to Hiashi for a chat until I was given the evil eye from the corner of her face, to which I sat back down quickly and drank tea quietly.
Scary stuff.
My eyes in the midst of boredom, caught onto Kakashi who was busy playing a game with Gai. It would seem that the loser has to run around the village 500 rounds on his hands. And it seemed to be that Gai was losing. That guy is a sad case. Seriously, sometimes you have to feel sorry for the guy.
And I smiled. He has been a good friend for all the time that we have been here. A masked pervert but still, a person of good character for the most part.
Genious noticed and leaned over to me.
"Da jie, can I ask you something honestly?"
"Ah. Go ahead."
"Ok. Are you really stupid or are you really that much a blockhead when comes to guys?"
I felt my right eyebrow rose up automatically.
"What are you talking about?"
"Do you really not notice the amount of attention that Kakashi pays to you?"
I laughed.
"So you think that he has something for me? Are you nuts? How much have you drunk?"
"I'm serious! I have been observing him for a while now and-"
I continued to laugh. This conspiracy theorist tends to think too much. Man, she has too much time up her sleeve.
"Da Jie!" And she began to pout.
"Ha-ha. All right. You can continue the story."
"I really think you don't spend enough time to find some happiness. You know, life moves on. Erich has been gone for some time now. Don't you think you should have gotten over it?"
It was then that I stopped laughing.
I took a deep breath and smiled.
"Life moves on but I think that you're thinking too much." And I got up.
"Da jie-"
I halted her. "I just need to use the bathroom. I'll be back, all right?"
And I head out of the crowded place to the garden that was just outside. A lovely place which, I hear is maintained by Hinata herself.
The tranquil surroundings helped to ease the unavoidable touch of sadness that came alongside the memories of Erich.
I still miss him to this day.
For a crapper, Genious was exceptionally perceptive when it came to this flaw of mine. Life moves on but somehow I have not learnt to manage the loss of Erich, my first love and my best friend.
I inhaled the cool air that settled within the Hyuuga compound. I needed to settle my emotions before I can go back into the crowded place.
I will never forget the day the news came back.
It was pouring outside when they handed over to me the slip of paper and dog tag that indicated that he was never coming back. My hero from the orphanage and the bum that dragged me into the ranks was not coming back to greet us with that boyish grin of his.
At age 17, I didn't take it well. I didn't deal with it. I just pushed on and pretended that everything was all right.
At 22 years now, I still haven't quite dealt with it well. I still pretended that everything was all right. But it was all a farce. I still haven't gotten over him.
I am still holding onto a past I can't see anymore.
I am a sad case, aren't I?
An idiot that cannot forget the one person who thought me more than the tomboy I am. The person who made me grew out my hair and taught me to laugh at just about everything.
Oh yeah. I'm an idiot all right.
And I laughed with tears gathering a little in my eyes.
"Rayn-san?"
A voice quietly gathered on my right.
Looking away to the left, I quickly wiped the traces away before turning to face Kakashi.
"Hmm? Is Genious looking for me yet? Shush! Don't say that I'm here!"
He placed a hand on my shoulder.
"Relax. I'm not here to report you. Besides, she's too busy playing games with Gai inside."
I breathed a sigh of relief.
"Why were you crying?"
"Who? Me? I wasn't crying. Some dirt got in my eye, that's all."
Ooh! That was so lame! What kind of excuse was that!
He considered but didn't pursue it. I was grateful for that.
"Thanks."
He looked at me, puzzled.
"For everything you've done. I realised that I have not exactly thanked you proper for saving my bum on certain occasions."
He smiled. Of course, no one can see it from beneath the mask. It was reflected in his eyes.
"You're welcomed. Besides, I couldn't let you go that soon."
Then I froze for a split second and tried to cover it up.
"Ha-ha! Nah, of course you can't because I still owe you lunch from the last bet isn't it?"
He looked me in the eye.
He wasn't buying the joke.
"Why? Even though you know that I was planning to head home." I said, not daring to look at him straight on in the eye.
"It feels right to have you here. It wouldn't be right if you weren't around anymore. You don't have to be born here to belong here."
Sigh. Why is it he is saying the very thing I want to hear most?
"I like, no I love Konoha but deep down, I know that I still want to return to that place. Even though it's a place of gloom and darkened hopes, it is still my home. And I know that deep inside, I will have to go back sooner or later. I can't change history-"
"You just need to change your heart to open up to new things." He said. "The past is behind and you shouldn't keep wondering back to it."
I couldn't reply.
My wit has failed me.
Why does it feel that he can read me?
Why is it that my sense of logical reasoning sound so childish compared to his threads of emotions?
"Shall we head back?"
He stood offering a hand. Smiling, I deliberately stood up on my own. I was afraid to take that hand. I'm afraid of what will happen if I took that hand.
Is it so wrong to hold my stance of wanting to go back to my world?
Am I wrong?
Why does it feel as if I'm making yet another mistake?
Why am I so bothered by his words?
Why is there this sense of guilt that never seems to leave me?
Author's Note:
Hey everyone!
Thanks for putting up with the delay and hope that you guys enjoyed this. Thanks so much for your reviews! You guys are the best! The exams are coming up so hope that you guys will forgive if I can't do an update that soon, I'll try but no promises all right?
Cheers!
Arte
Special thanks:
Dragon Man 180
KumoKunoichi – cookie?
Hurrahhurrah
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