Testing Your Muggle and American Skills! Chapter 1: Testing Your Muggle and American Skills!, a harry potter fanfic

Testing Your Muggle and American Skills!

By Moony

I don't own any Harry Potter things that you recognize. If you don't recognize them, they're mine, unless otherwise pointed out.

I haven't written a good humor fic for awhile, so… dun dun dun… I'm writing this one! –Moony

Chapter 1

"I'm bored."

"Shut up!"

"I'm bored."

Remus Lupin turned aside from the Defense Against the Dark Arts essay he had been writing to face his two best (and extremely annoying at times) friends – James Potter and Sirius Black. Peter Pettigrew was on holiday with his parents in France.

"So what do you suggest we do?" Remus asked.

"I dunno. Hence the statement – " Sirius started.

"I'm bored," James finished.

"Why don't you work on your homework too?" Remus asked, "So we can all shut up and get some progress on that."

"Because we're procastinators, Moony," Sirius replied.

"Yeah, I finally decided I was going to stop procastinating," James said. "But I'll do it later."

Suddenly an owl banged into the window of Remus's room.

"Whenever you guys come, there's chaos!" Remus said exasperatedly.

"We can't help it Moony. We're the Marauders. We bring chaos everywhere!" James said.

Remus rolled his eyes and went to retrieve the owl, with a copy of the Daily Prophet clutched in its talons.

"Well here's something we can do," Remus said, throwing the Daily Prophet at the two, then giving the owl a knut.

"Hey! You hit me on the head!" Sirius whined.

"Sorry, I have bad aim," Remus said smugly, walking to his desk and clearing his things. It was quite hopeless to try and write an essay when James and Sirius were over.

"Wow! That's awesome!" Sirius yelled.

"What?" Remus asked, hurrying over out of curiousity.

"That!" James said, pointing at a colorful ad.

Remus looked at it.

'Testing Your Muggle and American Skills!'

Have you ever wanted to try Muggle school? Ever wanted to go to America and be with the hip Americans?

Here is your chance! And you can win some gold while you're at it too!

It's the all new contest, hosted by Ruhtra's Muggle Artifacts!

Turn to page 14 for details!

"That's superbly awesome! I always wanted to go to America and try out Muggle school! Plus we get to win gold!" Sirius said dreamily.

James was already flipping the pages to 14.

"There it is!"

Remus read further.

The contest will send you on a trip to America, and you will participate in one Muggle school for one full semester without your wand.

Rules and Guidelines:

Wands are not permitted.

No magic is permitted, except for special medication potions.

You must have three people on your team.

Talking about magic or your magic school is prohibited.

To win, you must stay in the school for a full semester without magic, and earn the the most A's. You must make the most American Muggle friends.

The prize is five fifty galleons. An entry fee of fifty galleons is required. All contestants must be sure they want to compete.

To receive an entry form, please send a letter and we will mail you the entry form. Mail the entry form back, and you will receive your assigned school and location.

We hope you join the contest, and have fun with it!

-Ruhtra's Muggle Artifcats

"Five fifty galleons!" James said dazedly.

"Five hundred, because of the entry fee," Remus pointed out.

"Whatever," Sirius said, "Moony, get me some parchment."

"Why? You seriously want to enter?" Remus asked.

"Of course! Why not? It's not that hard, it's not even dangerous!" James said.

"But you need three people."

"We have three people pinhead. Learn to count, I'm one, Jamesie is two, and you are three," Sirius said.

"Wait a second, you want me on your team!"

"Yeah!"

"No way! I have no intention of going to America."

"Aww c'mon Moony. It'll be good for Muggle Studies!"

"Hm, let me think… NO! I'm not taking place in another one of your crazy ideas."

"But it's safe and a good experience. We can learn and get gold while we're at it. Plus have some fun!" James whined.

"Oh all right!" Remus said, throwing his hands up.

In the end, he always went along. He went to his desk and threw a piece of parchment at Sirius, who took up a quill and wrote,

Please send us an entry form for the 'Testing Your Muggle and American Skills' contest. We would like to enter.

He attached it to James' owl, and it took off.

"I'm bored again," James said, the minute it had flown off.

For a while, the three of them sat there, spacing out for a good fifteen minutes. Suddenly, another loud banging could be heard at the window.

Remus went to the window and retrieved James' owl. This time, it had another envelope in its beak.

Remus took it and opened it.

"It's the entry form," he said.

"Wow, fast service!" Sirius remarked.

Remus took it from the envelope and started to fill it out.

"Ok, one problem fellas," Remus said, getting down to the bottom.

"What?" Sirius asked.

"We need a parent to sign if we're under eighteen years of age," Remus said.

"Then get your mum to sign," James said.

"Yeah, like my mum would let us take a trip to America for a silly contest," Remus said.

"Just try!"

"How about you try?"

"She's your mum."

"But she's more likely to say yes if one of you do it."

"But she's your mum."

"So?"

"We're not that great around your mum, we don't know her weaknesses. She's your mum, and you do, so you can use her weaknesses against her!"

It was obvious Remus was going to lose – again, so he sighed and headed downstairs, knowing full well what the answer was going to be.

"Mum?" he called.

"Here dear!"

Remus walked into the kitchen, where his mother was reading.

"Having fun dear?"

"Yes Mum."

"Good."

Remus stood there for a few minutes, then decided to plunge in.

"Mum, we were reading the Daily Prophet…"

"Yes?"

"And there was this contest…"

"Yes?"

"And…" Remus paused for a moment, "We – I mean – Sirius and James want to enter. And so they want me to enter too. So I agreed."

"Sounds wonderful dear, what kind of contest is it?"

"Er… it's this contest where they try to uh… enhance your Muggle studies… they send you to America and place you in a Muggle school for a semester… and you have to uh… earn all A's and make a lot of uh… American Muggle friends…" Remus said, turning redder by the minute. She was definitely going to say no.

"Well! That sounds quite interesting! It's not so dangerous in America after all, and it is good Muggle studies. It will be fun too… why not?"

Remus's eyes seemed to have popped right from their sockets.

"Really! You mean it?"

"Of course. When are you leaving?"

"Uh… we don't know yet, but when we do, we'll let you know."

"Fantastic sweetie."

"Oh yeah, you need to sign here that you give us permission…"

Remus pointed to the line where a parent was supposed to sign, and his mother scrawled her signature across it.

Remus headed up the stairs and burst into the room.

"Did she say yes?" Sirius asked immediately.

Remus nodded.

"Awesome! C'mon, let's send it!"

James put it in his owl's beak again, and it flew off.

"Well, that's awesome. We ought to read up on Muggle schooling though, just so we can win this thingy," James said.

"But I never took Muggle Studies!" Sirius whined.

"I did. I thought it would impress Lily…" James said, his voice trailing up, and his eyes going hazy.

"Right…" Sirius said, rolling his eyes, "Everything for Miss Evans… get your textbook you lover boy!"

James snapped out and went to retrieve it, at the same time, yet, another crash resounded from the window.

"Why do they keep doing that?" Remus asked, exasperatedly, as he went to retrieve James' owl again.

This time there were three owls carrying a very large box, and one of them had an envelope in its beak.

Remus seized the envelope.

Dear Mr. Lupin, Mr. Black, and Mr. Potter,

We have received your entry form. Your assigned school will be in West Palm Beach, Florida. Your school is called 'Bak Middle School of the Arts'. Enclosed in this package is an assortment of Muggle clothes to wear, as well as school supplies for your school.

Becaue your school is a magnet school, we must explain to you what it is like. It is an arts school. Each person in this school has a special major in the arts. There are strings majors, which consist of violins, cellos, violas, guitars, and the assortment. There are vocal majors, who sing. There are keyboard majors who play keyboard. There are dance majors, who dance. There are also Theatre majors who do acting, as well as visual majors who draw and paint, etc. There are band majors too, who play band instruments, which include trumpet, flute, trombone, clarinet, drums, saxophone, etc. Lastly, there are communications majors who do TV, radio, speeches, and writing.

You three have been assigned a major. If you wish to change your major, you may contact us again. Be sure you are qualified for this major and can do it well. Your assigned majors will all be communications.

Please be at platform 9 ¾ at theKings Cross Station on June 15th, at 9:00 am sharp.

Thank you for participating! We are pleasured to see young wizards hoping to learn more about foreign countries and Muggles.

Sincerely,

Rhutra's Muggle Artifacts

"An arts school? Who would want to go to an arts school?" Sirius asked.

"Well the people who go there obviously do," Remus replied.

"Well at least we're not assigned to be like vocal majors or something. I don't think any of us can sing…" James said.

"Right, let's look at the Muggle stuff!"

They took out the the tissue paper to withdraw an assortment of strange items.

"What the heck is this?" Sirius asked, picking up a yellow stick with a pink rubbery thing at the end.

"It's called a pencil. They write with them at Muggle school," Remus said.

"I thought they wrote with pens!" James said.

"They do, but at school they use pencils."

"Right- what about this thing?"

This time he held up a small thing with a metal blade and a little opening.

"It's a pencil sharpner. The tip of the pencils wear down, so you have to sharpen them."

There were textbooks titled, Math, Eastern Hemisphere, Earth Science, Literature, and English, along with folders and binders.

"Whoa, Muggles carry a lot of stuff with them… how do they carry all these books! Dang they're heavy!" James exclaimed, trying to lift them.

"What's this thingy?"

Sirius was holding up an odd-looking bauble that had a dial with spun.

"I think that's a combination lock."

"What do you need that for?"

"For lockers I guess… to keep all your books between classes so you don't have to carry it around."

"Silly! How do you unlock them? There's no key!"

"You have to turn the right combination!"

"What's that?"

"It's on the sticker on the back pinhead," Remus replied, picking up one of the locks and attempting to unlock this.

"Hey, I just noticed something…" James said.

"What?" Remus asked.

"Why are we going to the train station? You can't take a train from Britain to America…"

"Well they're running it, I suppose they can make magical tracks on water…" Sirius said.

"Yeah, let's not worry about that stuff now," Remus said, now pulling out a pair of blue jeans and a t-shirt.

"Right, let's just stick all this stuff in our bags and then do something else."

"Sure," Remus said, shrugging. There wasn't much fascination in it anyway.

They stowed everything away, and James decided to go and play Quidditch, which everyone agreed on, since there was nothing better to do anyway.