First I'd like to thank some of the people that reviewed: S2C: I understand about the cussin', there won't be as much of it in this installment. Alexywill22, of course it's obvious that Chris is with Leo, but is he the one who knocked up Piper? Oh and if it's ok I'm gonna use your idea. And girlmorecorr, thank you, thank you, I liked your story too !"

Okay thanks for reviewing; it's highly appreciated since this is my first ff. Anyway I think this chapter will be better (or worse) than my last one.

Disclaimer: It's on the first page, nimrod! I ain't writing it again! Screw that! Also anything on this chapter, which I could get sued for using, I don't own! Like the WB, or Jack and Bobby, KFC, um, Starbucks, Anything else I may have forgot to mention. I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING! NADA, ZIP!

Me: "Let's recap what happened in the last chapter, shall we?" (Turns to Prue.)

"Prue, sound effects, now!"

Prue: (Wining) "I don't wanna…"

Me: (Holding out fist.) "Do it…"

Prue: "Fine… Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, (Out of breath.) "Doo, do-o…"

(Start low-budget flashback.)

Leo: "Piper please don't hurt me. I am cheating on you, but it isn't with another woman." (Quickly shields his face.)

(Next)

Piper: "Okay I'll tell you, but I don't want all that crying and shit… Umm"

Leo: "Dammit woman would you hurry it up?"

Piper: "You're not Wyatt's father!" (Shields her face.)

(Next)

Elise: "Phoebe what the hell are you doing? Are you drunk?"

Phoebe: "I'm not drunk. I'm just-cleaning the TV screen. It's very dirty. We should fire the janitor." (Gets up and sits in her chair.)

Elise: "You were cleaning the TV screen, with-your-tongue?"

(End low-budget flashbacks.)

Prue: "See, this is what happens when you do a story for the WB. We only got $100 to do that flashback, and we spent 20 of it on pizza. And it wasn't even that good. They said it's illegal to put children's body parts on anything in this country."

Me: "Prue watch what you say. The executives of the WB may be watching." (Nervous, I look into the camera. You see some guy pointing a pistol at my head and hands me a piece of paper.) "Oh, ah, 'the WB is by far the best station ever. Along with all its shows, anyone who disagrees with this will be forced to apologize at gunpoint and then watch six full hours of Jack and Bobby. Then they will have to give all the executives a full…' (Reads on but doesn't say it.) "Uh uh, there's no way in hell I'm saying that!" (He pushes gun closer to my head.) "Alright, I'll say it! 'They will have to give all the executives a full on… foot massage. Thank you that is all.' (Executive walks away, but not before shooting Prue in the head. The wound heals instantly and he runs off, scared.)

Prue: "I think that's one of the guys I screwed on my first day."

Me: "How odd, me too. It's tiny, isn't it?"

Prue: Very, see I'm capable of being nice, we're getting along."

Me: "Yea, but that's only because we're both evil and hell bent on world destruction."

Prue: "True, but hey, it's something to bond over."

Me: "You're not my mom. I don't have to bond over shit with you!"

Prue: "Bitch!"

Me: "Ah, thanks for the compliment, whore!"

Prue: "Thanks! Now can we get back to the story, I'm getting kinda antsy."

Me: Fine,"

Chapter II: Oh thank God I'm not them!

(Paige is at her desk also not working, but surfing the web. Man, what is it with this family and slacking off? Anyway she's 'working' and someone walks up to her. It's the new (bi curious, I think.) girl, Leslie. She's not the best looking so Paige tries to hide.

Leslie: (In a wheezy voice.) "Hiya Paige, what's up?"

Paige: (Gets up and starts walking away and Leslie follows her.)

"Nothing, anything new with you?"

Leslie: "No, everything's pretty good, pretty good, man did you hear about the Glaze case? Whoo, is that a doozie, or what?"

Paige: "Yea, pretty weird." (Very uncomfortable, she tries to leave the copy room.)

"Listen I gotta go. It's my lunch break."

Leslie: "Alright, um, do you maybe want to do something sometime?"

Paige: "Whoa, hey, I'm sorry if I have been throwing you the wrong signals. Very sorry, but as they say, I don't swing that way. I'm really sorry."

Leslie: "What are you talking about? I'm not…gay, I meant as friends."

Paige: "I would but it seems here that I'm booked solid for the whole month-I-I mean year! Oh look there's Stephen, why don't you go bug- I mean talk to him."

Leslie: (Looking disappointed, then happy.) "Alright," (She runs over to Stephen.)

Paige: (Breathes a sigh of relief and starts to leave.) "Poor Stephen," (When she gets outside she makes sure no one is around and orbs into a dark room with a bunch of dark people in it. She sits down at one of the many chairs and they hand her something.)

Prue: "What-was-that?"

Me: What do you mean?"

Prue: That! What was that? It was so boring. What's wrong with you?"

Me: Nothing's wrong with me, well I do have writer's block."

Prue: (Shaking off the horrible feeling which is boredom.) "Hmm, who's Leslie?"

Me: "Who? Oh her, she's just this annoying, ugly, fat girl that was in my class last year. She used to be my friend. Then words were exchanged, and let's just say I almost got my first restraining order. She was so scared."

Prue: "Cool, I got my first restraining order from my ex, Ashley Hamilton." (Which indecently was a guy!)

(See what I did. I mixed Prue's and Shannen's lives together. No? Well then read on.)

Me: "How many do you have now?"

Prue: "Let's put it this way, I'm not allowed into anywhere that can hold 106 people."

Me: That's bad."

Prue: "It's not so bad. I'm just not allowed in to any of the KFC's in the country."

Me: "I'm a vegetarian, but that sucks. Oh by the way, coming up I have this great surprise for you. It's an old friend come to visit."

Prue: "Is it Andy? I really do miss him. I saw him on my way to hell but he just ignored me."

Me: "Maybe, hey, who else is down there?"

Prue: "Oh people you wouldn't believe! Cher, I saw her last week, Um, the whole 49rs football team…"

Me: "I meant permanently, not there to make deals."

Prue: "Oh, in that case, nobody interesting, Osama Bin Ladan. Turns out he really did die of kidney failure."

(Phoebe walks into the mausoleum. She takes out a spell and starts reciting it.)

Phoebe: "Oh bring me Cole,

Bring me his soul,

Bring me the asshole,

Oh bring me Cole!"

(All kinds of smoke fills the room and it clears. Cole is standing next to Phoebe.)

Cole: "Phoebe you did it. That was the worst spell ever, but you did it!" (They hug and kiss and all that mushy stuff that makes me wanna throw up my bean tostada. Phoebe pulls away and slaps him.)

Cole: (Puts a hand on his face.) "Ow, why the hell did you do that!"

Phoebe: "Cuz I felt like it. And because I haven't had anyone to slap since Prue died." (Cole slaps her.)

"Ow, why did you do that!"

Cole: "Because I haven't had anyone to slap since Prue died. That and because you called me an asshole in your spell.

Phoebe: "Even?" (Cole nods and the do an unwanted high-five.)

Cole: "So do your sisters know I'm back?"

Phoebe: "No and their not gonna know. I've learned my lesson."

Cole: "Okay, then where am I supposed to stay?"

Phoebe: "Probably in my office. For now, at least until another close family member dies. Then you get their room."

Cole: "Works for me. I hope its Paige.

Phoebe: "Me too, she's so annoying. Kinda makes me miss Prue.

Cole: "She's not that annoying! How come we can't share a room?"

Phoebe: "Because I kick, and you snore, and talk. That and because my bed's too small."

(They shimmer back to Phoebe's office where stuff that will not be mentioned occurs. Let's just say that Phoebe now needs to wash the couch…and her chair…and the carpet…and her desk! Hell, she should just burn and replace everything!)

Prue: "That's nothing! When Cole and I were going at it we basically had to replace everything, including the walls!"

Me: (Clearly disgusted.) "How is that even possible!" (Thinking) man, I didn't even get through the whole paragraph yet and she's talking!

Prue: "Do you really wanna know? Cuz I got time to tel…" (I cut her off by sticking my hands out.)

Me: "No, No! Really it's okay, I've already thrown-up once today. That's my limit."

Prue: "Really? My limit's 3."

Me: "You don't say, well that explains a lot."

Prue: "It does?"

Me: "No, I'm just trying to stall cuz I have friggen writer's block."

Prue: "Oh," (We sit in silence listening to elevator music.)

Me: This music sucks!" (To the sound guy.) "Can we get some Creed or Staind in here? Even Marilyn Manson will work!" (He puts on Sublime.)

"That works too."

Song: "I don't practice Santaria, I ain't got no crystal ball. Well I had a million dollars but I- I'd spend it all!"

Prue: Dude I love this song!"

Me: Sure you do. Just don't ever say 'dude' again. You're not cool enough to make it work."

Prue: "Your not cool enough. I'm freezing, literally. Can we turn up the heat please?"

Me: "Are you fucking damaged? It's like a brick oven in here! Of course what would you expect from the Bride of Satan?"

Prue: "Did you just call me the Bride of Chucky?"

Me: (Sarcastically) "Yes Prue, I called you the Bride-of-Chucky. You need to clean the sulfur outta your ears." (I roll my eyes.)

Prue: "I love that movie!"

Me: You love everything!"

Prue: (Pouting) "Hey who killed the jams?"

Me: "We missed the whole song? Well it doesn't matter. It's time to bring out our special guest. Prue I'm gonna give you two chances to guess who it is."

Prue: "Is it Andy?" (I shake my head.) "Okay, is it- is it- my mom?" (I shake my head.)

Me: "Why would we get your mom? She wouldn't even come when I said that Sam was coming. Even though he's not. What makes you think she would come for you? Anyway, those guesses were way off! Let's bring out our special guest… Drum roll please… (Drum roll.)…Shax!"

(Shax walks out and waves to the invisible crowd. He grins wickedly and sits next to Prue.)

Prue: "W-wh- why did you get him?" (She tries to switch chairs with me, but I sock her and she sits down, terrified.)

Me: "Shax, how's it going?"

Shax: "I've been better. Those stupid Charmed Ones vanquished me."

Me: "They're a pain in the ass, aren't they?"

Shax: (nods) "Oh c'mon Prue, say something!"

Prue: (In between sobs) "I-hate-you!"

Me: "That's all you can say? Seriously Prue, this is the guy that killed you. He threw you through a wall for god sakes. You've got to say more!"

Prue: "I'd rather not talk right now if that's okay with you."

Me: "It's not! I'm gonna get bad reviews unless something happens in the next couple seconds."

Shax: "I'll handle it." (He starts beating Prue up. Prue starts beating him up. There are some Matrix moves. Shax picks up our cameraman and throws him. Poor cameraman, he had three mouths to feed. This keeps going so I decide to continue the story already in progress.)

(Cole and Phoebe have finally finished and now they are just lying there.)

Phoebe: "Wow, you were so much better than that guy I was with last week!"

Cole: "What guy? You mean you've been sleeping around on me? You scank!"

Phoebe: "C'mon Cole, you can't expect me to stay celibate for five months! That's inhuman!"

Cole: "So just do what every other lonely girl in America does, buy a vibrator."

Phoebe: "I did but Paige stole it!"

Me: "Ok that last comment was extremely uncalled for. I'm sorry you had to hear that but Prue said that Phoebe really does have one. Eww."

Phoebe: "I do not!"

Me: "Whoa, you can hear me? But I'm just the narrator."

Cole: "Well it's not that hard. You are talking pretty loud."

Prue: (Prue and Shax have finally stopped fighting. Prue is missing her right leg and some teeth. Shax just needs a new shirt.) (All sweet and totally un-Prue-like.) "Hi Cole."

(Cole waves.)

Phoebe: "Hey watch it bitch, he's mine!"

Prue: "Then why did he sleep with me on the side?"

Phoebe: (Looking at Cole. Mad and hurt.) "You did?"

(Shax is sitting there, listening and laughing. No one sees him.)

Me: "Alright as much as I'd like to see Prue get the shit kicked out of her, again! this is getting to be too much!" (I pull out some glittery crap that erases your memory and sprinkle some on Cole and Phoebe.) "Okay, you two just finished doing the dirty. You are gonna forget this conversation and go on talking about Phoebe cheating. You can't see or hear Prue or me…now!" (I snap my fingers and Cole and Phoebe look at each other strangely.)

Phoebe: "What were we talking about?"

Cole: "How you got horny while I was gone. It's okay I forgive you. If there were any decent looking girls in purgatory I would've done the same."

Phoebe: "How come we haven't put our clothes back on? We're on a dirty leather couch. My ass is starting to stick."

Cole: "Mine too,"

(They get up and the leather sticks then comes off.)

Phoebe: "That's better. Now let's get dressed and I'm taking us out to coffee."

(So they get dressed and do their thing. Meanwhile Leo is talking to that voice.)

Leo: "I think I still love Piper. I just don't think she can accept me like this." (Looks down at himself and he's wearing leopard skin pattern and a pink scarf around his neck.)

Voice: "Well it's too late now. What's down is done I always say."

Leo: I've never heard you say that before."

Voice: (Sighs) "It's a figure of speech. Like; 'Don't cry over spilled milk' or, 'Turn around, bend over and take it like a man.'

Leo: "That's not a figure of speech." (Some dark figure walks up behind him.)

Voice: "I know it was a command." (More X-rated shit happens. And it's really nasty too. I would go into detail but I wanna keep this story on the table.)

Prue: "Wow that's hot!"

Me: (Disgusted.) "That's sick! It's guy-on-guy! No one likes guy-on-guy. Except maybe gay guys! (I throw up again!)

Prue: "Hey watch it! These are new boots!"

Me: "You asked for it. Oh god that was terrible. Holy crap is that part of my stomach!"

Prue: "Hey you think anyone's realized that Leo is screwing…" (I cover her mouth.)

Me: "Probably, but for the slower-minded readers, no."

Prue: "Well they probably already know who got Piper knocked up."

Me: "Wrong, they think they know. And I think that what they think and what you think are totally wrong from what's right. Got it?"

Prue: (Prue's head starts going all Exorcists, she stops.) "Don't ever confuse me like that again."

Me: "I knew that would work! Hey where's Shax?"

Prue: "I shoved a pill that I found I the floor down his throat."

Me: "Oh you didn't! I needed that pill to stop the rabid monkey that lives under the floorboards. Was it blue and red?"

Prue: "No it was red and white. What was that one for?"

Me: "I dunno. But go figure you could take out the Source's right hand man with a pill."

Prue: "I wish I had known that before he killed me!"

(Piper is sitting watching the news when Paige walks in.)

Paige: (Sits down next to Piper.) "Hey sweetie, what's up?"

Piper: (Still watching TV.) "Oh you know the usual, got up, had some breakfast, played with Wyatt, found out my husband is gay, read the paper…"

Paige: "Wait, Stop, back up, it's Hammer time." (She starts doing some stupid MC Hammer dance. Piper throws the remote at her.) "Oh right, now what's this about Leo crossing over to the backside?"

(Prue and me laugh at that.)

Piper: "I dunno but apparently we both like romantic movies, and long walks on the beach, and bubble baths, oh and did I mention cocks?"

Paige: "Oh Piper, no, that was just uncalled for… Umm mm."

(Piper gives her the Freddy Krueger- glance.)

Paige: "Sorry, well did you tell him about Wyatt?"

Piper: "You bet your long neck I did. You were right, now should I start kissing your ass now or later?"

Paige: "Later would be better. I just had a bean burrito for lunch. But I didn't wanna be right honey. Although that would explain why he wouldn't do me."

(Piper gives her another glance.)

Paige: "I'm just sayin, besides if it makes you feel any better you're probablythe one who turned him gay."

Piper: "How does that make me feel better!" (She starts to cry.)

Paige: "Here we go with the water works. Hey how about I call Phoebe? After all you really don't like me anyway."

Piper: (Crying a little.) "I like you Paige. I just wish you wouldn't try so hard to be like Prue. I really don't want another on of her hanging around the house."

Paige: "Well I thought you wanted me to be like Prue. Thank god I don't have to be. I'm sorry your husband's gay." (She starts crying.)

Piper: Me too!" (She starts crying again.)

Prue: Man, I thought Piper was the one who actually liked me!"

Me: "Well clearly not. I guess raising them wasn't enough for them."

Prue: Geez I guess so."

Me: "Okay this conversation is getting nowhere. Go wake up Shax."

Prue: "He'll hurt me again."

Me: "Well boo hoo, suck it up. He can't kill you, you're already dead."

Prue: "Thanks for reminding me." (She walks up to Shax, who is lying on the floor. She is still missing her leg. She pokes Shax with a long stick that was conveniently next to him. He wakes up and hits Prue.)

Shax: "That bitch, drugged me!"

Me: "Well how was she supposed to know you could be drugged?"

Prue: (Sits down painfully. All kinds of blood comes out of her leg.) "Yea, it's not my fault!"

Me: "You know, you should really get that checked." (I point to her leg.) "Can we get a medic out here!" (Some short bald guy we'll call, George, walks out.)

George: "Actually, the medic's on his lunch break."

Me: "You've got to be kidding." (George walks away.)

(Leo is sitting at the edge of the bed. You see that shadow guy again.)

Voice: (Sounding hurt.) "You said her name near the end."

Leo: "I told you I still love her."

Voice: "Well you never said it until now. You used to say my name. How do you feel about me?"

Leo: "You know I love you too."

Voice: "Well you're going to have to choose. Me or her?"

Leo: (Very long pause.) "I need more time." (He orbs out.)

Prue: "Ah was that a Kleenex moment or what?"

Me: "Or what is right. What was that? Did I write it?"

Prue: "How do you not remember? You just wrote it like 12 seconds ago."

Me: I know, I've been on this sugar rush all day. You know, shaky hands, all hyper, I'm freezing. That's what happens when you have two medium ice coffees from Starbucks in an hour and forty-four minutes. It sucks."

Prue: "I know the feeling all too well. That's why I Irish up my coffee. If I'm going to be hyper I might as well do it while I'm tipsy."

Me: "Well I don't want that luxury cuz unlike you, I actually wanna keep my liver. At least until I die and they have to scrape it off the road cuz I drove too fast and didn't see the deer."

Prue: "Are you okay? You're starting to scare me."

Me: "What part of the phrase 'extreme sugar rush' don't you understand?" (Singing) 'Prue crapped corn and I don't care. Piper crapped corn and I don't care. Phoebe crapped corn and I don't care! Paige just tripped on it!"

(Okay I know it's 'cracked' but I don't care!)

Prue: (Looking at me strangely.) "You're crazy."

Me: "Quite possibly, but that's not the point of focus now."

Prue: "Such big words for a small girl. But I know a bigger one. Hippo-pot, ugh, hippogotamas, ugh dammit, hippo!"

Shax: "Well I know the biggest word of them all. Supercalifragileisticexbealadotious!"

Prue: "Isn't that from 'Mary Poppins'?"

Me: "Yea and so is this. (Singing) 'Just a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down. In the most delightful way!"

Prue: "Or my version, (Singing) 'Just a spoonful of Exlax makes everything come out, in the most delightful way!"

Shax: "That was funny!" (Slaps Prue on the back and her eyeballs pop out.)

Me: "Oh god! What did you do!"

Prue: "Oh it burns! You fucking idiot!"

Shax: "Guess I don't know my own strength."

Me: (I'm trying to stick Prue's eyes back in.) "End of chapter! End of chapter!"

Okay that is the slow end to chap II. Sorry folks, I gots sthe writer's block! That was supposed to sound French but it looks like I was having a seizure when I wrote it… Next chapter's gonna have Oompa Loompa's in it! I love them! Okay R&R or Die! Kidding, Kidding! (Or am I?) Anyway be kind this is my first FF but my 2nd chap… I know I got a little nastier this time around but it was funny… SEX SELLS!

Ha, I should tell that to Leslie, she wouldn't get any customers though. How sad… R&R Bitches!