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Disclaimer - I don't own any characters , song lyrics or any of that other good stuff. I simply was thinking about the future of our dear show and got this idea. It's just a drabble really , a wish even. Something I wanted Phoebe to feel , a strong feeling I so really wanted her to get.
Thank you all who have reviewed my other stories , I am still working on all of them. In time I will update them.
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All I ever wanted -
Dream Vision , October 2005 -
As I walked through the park that day , I never felt more like giving up. All the sadness , sorrow and anger built up over the years had finally gotten to me. All that was bad in my life , finally took over. I had once again trusted , in something I could never have. About a few months ago , you see , the avatar's had promised me and my sisters a future where our lives are good and we're happy. They didn't keep their promise , all my hope is gone.
I used to be happy. I used to be sweet. I was once kind and loving. Now I love no more. I have no one to love. I was never given the chance. Not for a normal relationship anyway. I longed for one , but no one listened. No one ever listens. My sister , she always said she wanted a normal life. A husband , children. I wanted it too. More than she or anyone else will have ever known.
Nothing seems to be the way it used to
Everything seems shallow
God give me truth in me
And tell me somebody's watching , over me
I cry at night sometimes. For the longing is too strong to fight. You child , are something that I have always wanted. I was born for you. To be here for you. You , baby , are something that I want more than anything. And someday , I'll have you.
I've seen you before. Twice so far. I expect to see you again soon. That is what longing does to you. I have lost my powers before , because of you. But that has not effected my love for you. Not at all. If anyone should be disappointed , it should be you. I had failed you.
I think that was when I left all belief in myself. What kind of mother would I be if I couldn't do something as simple as keeping my powers ? Many times , I had wondered if maybe you weren't really my baby. Just maybe a dream that I'd wished for. Not a vision. I found out the hard way , that not all visions are correct. I'm afraid that you baby , the sweet child from my visions are not correct either. But Dear Lord , I pray that I am wrong and that you are really mine.
That is all I'm praying
Is that someday ,
I will understand
In God's own plan
And what he's done for me
oh but maybe , someday I will believe
and I'll finally see
I'll see it all in my baby
It's all for you honey. It's all for you now. Every move I make , I think of you. What's best for you. Because I know, if this vision does come true , I must be prepared. And I must keep you safe. That promise , I will keep.
Sometimes, I may not seem responsible or grown up. But I swear to you, when you open your eyes , you will know no wiser person. I have taken it upon myself , to learn all of what I can. Because angel , you deserve to know the world. The brains behind the operation. This world is a mystery. Oh but Lord be my witness , I will help will you solve it.
"Oh sweetie. Be careful." I say sweetly to the little girl that stumbles and falls. Little one , that will never be you. I will never let you fall. Not without a fight. I would fight through heaven and hell to make sure you stand up tall. I have every piece of faith and hope in you. I will always be there. When you cry , I will be there to wipe away your tears. Every droplet , one by one.
Don't you run too fast my dear
Why don't you stop ?
Stop and listen to your tears
There all you got
I look for your father in every man I see. People here , on the outside think I'm desperate. But they just don't understand. I need you. I need you like the air that I breathe. And in needing you , I need a man. I will find you the perfect man. He will be sweet , and kind. He will be strong and brave. He will be handsome. And he will love us with the passion. I will make sure of that.
It's in you
See somebody's watching over you
That is all I'm praying
Is that someday ,
I will understand
In God's own plan
And what he's done for me
oh but maybe , someday I will believe
and I'll finally see
I'll see it all in my baby
"Excuse me miss." A man , with light blue eyes seems to beckon me with his voice. He is very handsome. "Hi , I'm Dex Lawson. And uh , I saw you here , sitting by yourself." He is brave to speak to me and kind with his gentle words. " I was sitting here by myself too , so , I uh , thought maybe we could go get some coffee together. My treat?" Fate has a way of things and I try to never forget that. Today I will not forget , For fate , plays a part of you.
Dream Vision , May 2006 -
Inside , you are so tiny. You are barely 4 months along. But yet your already apart of me. I feel you move , sometimes , If I listen closely , I can hear your heart beat. It's soft and beat's , like a song. A lullaby even. It puts me to sleep at night. It's a sweet sound. A sound I've always wanted to hear. I realize that as a person , you are not quite yet , although you've felt as though since the moment you were conceived. You have inherited your father and my spirits. Which in truth , is quite a blessing. Your father is a good man that Dex Lawson is. And as for me , I try my best. Of course , what wouldn't I try , for only you ?
My sister never told me what it was like to be a mother. Somehow I didn't think it would be cordial to ask. Being a mother , is not something you can explain. I know that now. I know that it's a feeling you get. It's that warm smile that plays your heart. Sometimes I don't remember any other feeling than that of being mommy. That natural glow , that emotional happiness. I have you to thank. You have given me a new title , a new job , a new reason for living.
God , I can't wait to be with you. To actually have you here , on this earth , in my arms. I will give you so much love. So much. I will show you the world honey. Everything that I never had. Everything you will ever need. Just ask , and it's yours.
I want to see you smile and the glow that radiates from it. Your sweet face. You have your father's eyes. Two perfect rain drops inhabited by the green sea. I've seen them before. You'll have my nose. The perfect arch , the perfect bridge. Your father's perfect brows. Oh , and your little ears. You , my baby , will be the perfect child. Everything about you. Will be beautiful and True. Because , that's who you are.
No moment
Will be more true
Then the moment
I look at you
Dream Vision , October 2006 -
"Oh my sweet baby." I carefully kiss your porcelain colored cheeks for the first time. One kiss on each. You are just asperfect as Ithought you'd be. But of course I never doubted. I look atyou , I see somuch wisdom. So much faith and hope. I see innocenceand love. Precious in every way. My precious angel. How sweet you already are.
The way you move and coo , I have to hold you tighter so I don't let you fall. I will never let anything hurt you. You've been sobrave today. My baby. My little girl. I've wanted you , more than anything in my entire life. I was made for thisI've had many roles in my life time. Being sister , Being wife , being the big shot worker. But my new role , is best of all. I am Mommy. And for the rest of my life , That's who I'll always be.
You are very special. You will never be normal , I see that now. Sometimes , you may think this as a burden , by in reality , it's not. I myself am very special , although no better or no less than anyone else. Me and you have more in common than just looks and a passage through bondage being both Mother and child. We also share the gift of magic. And that my baby , is why we are special.
Your father is not quite like us in the magical sense. He is human. I think that is sometimes forthe better. I have many secrets in my past , you will know them all someday , when your older of course. Like I have said and promised many times before , you will know all secrets of the world. I will find a way to show you them all.
Dex Lawson , your daddy. He , I am positive will be the father I promised you. He has a good heart. He is kind and gentle , just like I told you he would be. He is the best among all others. I swore to you no less. He serves the side of good. The side of which me and you live for.
We haven't chosen your name yet. There are so many to choose from. Besides , you must have the perfect name. It should fit , I mean being perfect. The perfect person , deserves the perfect name. I have thought long and hard over this. We , your father and I , have thought of several , but only once have I heard the right one. Melinda , Prudence , Patricia , Grace , Astrid , Penelope , Pear even. But none of those fit you. Paris , Pansy. No. I did more searching. And in truth , it didn't even come to me until you came out from my womb. As soon as I saw your face , I knew.
You are creative , and blessed with the gift of art. Of words. I can only describe you , your name with one word. Poet. Poet Grace Halliwell - Lawson. You have been named. It's a good one. Nice strong name. It matches you very well. Your Aunties will like it too. To your Daddy , your name brings joy to him.
Welcome little one. "You are wise , you are well , and you my baby , are loved." I cry gently. You child , is all I ever wanted.
It's in you
See somebody's watching over you
And that was all I'd prayed for
was that someday
You would understand
In god's own plan
And what he does for you
Oh my baby
Someday you will breath
And you'll finally see
It's all in you , baby
Reality ,October 2005
I wake with a start. For now I know that you are truly my own. My blessing , my gift , my joy , my Poet. You are real and I see not just in your eyes but in my own , that life will be okay. That I will make it. I will survive. And not just for you , but for me too.
Happiness is not as far as I once thought. You can find it in your work , in your passion , in your family. In my case , though , I find it in the heart of my little girl. It's a sweet feeling. It flows through your veins. It's addictive at times, but still , the best feeling in the world.
I can live now. I can breath and it will not hurt. There is someone out there for me. He , like you blessed one , is very special. I know he is real too. I once feared that there was no man , only the moon. But then I saw past the stars , took a closer look , and I saw him , smiling back at me. He's there.
Love lives here , here in my heart , my body , my soul. It's always welcomed. My life is amazing. It took a good jolt to see that , however when I did it was beautiful. The bad things are now merely a blur. They have been tucked away , locked in a box , then I've thrown away the key. I am not afraid anymore. Never will I be again.
I am a Woman , I am witch , I am strong , I am powerful. I am sweet , I am kind , I am blessed. And I am a Mother. I , am Phoebe Halliwell.
Fin !
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