Today is an historic marker for me, mainly because this is chapter 5 of a story I thought wouldn't make it past 2. So thanks alexywill22 for the review, great idea.
Disclaimer: I do not own Charmed, the image for Charmed, or anything related to Charmed. Except Cole, Cole I do own…not, ha, wait that's not funny!
Me: "Lookie here Prue, chapter 5. What do ya think?"
Grams: "She doesn't," (Prue sticks her tongue out.)
Prue: "Shut up you 70 year old whore. Eww, it's nasty even saying it." (Shudders.) "Well, so far so good, at least now I don't have Shax slapping me around."
Barbas: "Right, now you have me to slap you around." (He slaps her then laughs.)
Me: "I miss Shax, I also miss the Crypt Keeper, he was barely around for 3 paragraphs before Prue killed him so in honor of them we'll be doing a memorial soon."
Grams: "But I don't have anything to wear. This baby is growing so fast that I'm stuck in maternity clothes." (She looks at least 5 months pregnant.)
Barbas: "Oh please, you were wearing maternity clothes before you got pregnant!"
Me: "Oh dis! Wait, I have a feeling I'm forgetting something…"
Prue: "More like someone." (She points over her shoulder to Jack, who is twiddling his thumbs.) "Why didn't I kill him when I had a chance?" (Jack walks over to her.)
Jack: "Did you just say 'why didn't I do him when I had the chance?' that's what I heard."
Prue: "No, I'd sleep with Barbas before I slept with you, and I'd have to be extremely blazed and drunk to do that, what does that tell you?"
Jack: "That you're playing hard to get."
Barbas: "That or she has a drug problem."
Grams: "We all new that."
Prue: "One time Grams! One time!"(Everyone starts talking at once.)
Me: "Shut-the-fruit-up!" (Everyone gets quiet.) "I still feel like I'm forgetting something…" (I scratch my head.) "Oh right, the recap, who wants to do it?" (Cricket chirps, tumbleweed blows by, someone coughs.) "No takers? Fine I'll do it. Okay last chapter we found out that Paige was a Drag Queen although we kinda figured, right? Daryl also turned out to be one too. Didn't see that comin, ah, that's basically it story wise. We brought out Jack and Barbas. Grams got pregnant, Shax turned out too be the dad but he didn't live to see the next day because of Barbas's stupid game, and I have a strange obsession for Cole, but who doesn't? And now it's time for chapter 5."
Chapter 5: "The nameless chapter."
(Phoebe was pacing around in her room. She was literally running a hole into the ground; you could look down and see the conservatory.)
Phoebe: "If I agreed to marry Cole again then it would just be a relapse, but on the other hand I could bring back mom and Grams and maybe Prue, I sorta miss her."
(Prue: "Yes!" (I roll my eyes.))
(Someone knocks on the door Piper walks in.)
Piper: "Hey Phoebes, is your imaginary friend back, I heard you talking to yourself." (She looks around then sits on the bed.)
Phoebe: "No, strangely I haven't seen her since you got that Witch Doctor over here. Are you sure he was just here for tea?"
Piper: "Positive, now what's on your mind Phoebe?" (Thinking) Whoa, never thought I'd use Phoebe's name in a sentence like that.
Phoebe: "What if you had to make a life-altering decision and…" (Piper interrupted her.)
Piper: "You're not dyeing your hair blonde again are you?"
Phoebe: "Piper I'm serious."
Piper: "So am I."
Phoebe: (Rolls her eyes.) "No I'm not going blonde again, but I really need your help. Let's say if I did this I would have the power to bring mom and Grams back, maybe even Prue, should I do it?"
Piper: "By all means yes, if you can bring them back."
Phoebe: "But what if it means doing something bad?"
Piper: "Would it mean hurting innocents?"
Phoebe: "I'm not sure."
Piper: "Phoebes, we all know I'm not the best person in the world to get advice from, but I'm gonna tell you something that Leo told me all the time…" (She starts crying.) "F-follow y-your heart! Leo!" (She runs outta the room crying.)
Phoebe: "Poor Piper, but that still doesn't help me. Oh shit I forgot about meeting Chris tonight." (She looks up at the clock and sees that it's only 8pm, two hours till she's supposed to see him.)
Prue: "Why was Piper crying?"
Me: (Wiping tears away.) "Because she misses him. They were the perfect couple except for the fact the Leo is fruity and Piper cheated on him."
Grams: (Folds her arms.) "Oh yea, other than that they were perfect."
Barbas: "What's up with these mood swings. First you were happy, then you were angry…" (Prue cuts him off.)
Prue: "Then she was Sneezy, Dopey, and Sleepy…yea, yea we all know the Seven Dwarfs."
Me: "That's not what we were getting at dumb ass. Now can we please have our memorial service now?" (Everyone nods.) "Okay," (I clear my throat.) "Today is a day for remembrance… ah screw it, roll the clip!" (You see all that fog, like the kind in crappy flashbacks.)
Me: "What did you think CK? CK?"
CK: "CK? Who the fuck is CK?"
Me: "Well you are, you can't expect me to say Crypt Keeper every time I want your attention."
Me: "Shax, how's it goin'?"
Shax: "Those darn Charmed Ones vanquished me."
Me: "They're a pain in the ass aren't they?" (Shax nods.)
Me: "Come on, if something doesn't happen in the next 10 seconds I'm gonna get bad reviews!"
Shax: "I'll handle it." (They start fighting.)
(End clip)
Me: (Crying) "I miss them!"
Grams: (Crying) "Me too!"
Barbas: "Me three!"
Prue: (Crying) "I lost my stash!"
Jack: "Whoops, I thought it was Oregano, no wonder it tasted funny." (Everyone stops crying and is looking at Prue who is shaking with rage. You literally see her face turn bright red and steam come out of her ears.)
Me: "Whoa, cool effects." (You hear the steam start to whistle like with a teapot then suddenly Prue's head explodes. Coving all of us in, well mainly blood since she didn't have a brain.)
Grams: "Yes!"
Jack: "No, I'm sorry Prue!" (He picks up her headless body and cries. He stops and smiles.) "I'll be right back." (He walks off stage with Prue's body.)
Me: "Poor Prue, she suffered in life and death. Moment of silence please." (3 seconds later.)
Grams: "Wow, this calls for a song!
Everybody: "Ding dong the witch is dead…
Me: Which old witch?"
Barbas: "The wicked witch!"
Everybody: "Ding dong the wicked witch is dead!" (All kinds of Munchkins come out and start dancing.)
Barbas: (Stops singing) "What the hell are we doing?"
Me: (Dancing with a Munchkin.) "Dancing!"
Barbas: (Starts throwing energy balls at the Munchkins. They're screaming and trying to get away, some of them are blowing up. All's quiet.)
Grams: (Muttering) "The Munchkin Massacre of 2005."
(Suddenly lightning flashes and hits one of the chairs next to me. I jump into the next one. In the lightning appears Patty.)
Grams: "Patty?"
Me: "Patty?"
Patty: "That's right, I know that you're pregnant mother, you scank, how could you sleep with a demon? Are you trying to imitate Phoebe?"
Grams: "You're not in charge of my life. I can do whatever I want!"
Patty: "Not if it involves you getting pregnant! The Elders aren't going to allow you to take a baby 'up there', it's half demon."
Grams: "I didn't expect you to understand. You don't know what love is."
Patty: "Excuse me? I was married for 10 years, you only knew Shax for a day!"
Grams: "You don't know me!"
Me: "Okay, I'm gonna stop you two right there. This isn't Days of out Lives, thank god, so can we talk this over like normal adults?"
Barbas: "No one wants that, they want fighting, killing even!"
Patty&Grams: "Shut up!"
Me: "You know what? Fine, you guys fight, whatever, kill each other, don't… I don't care anymore; no one listens to me anymore! And to think, I made us matching 'I heart Holly' shirts." (I take my jacket off and it says 'I heart Holly' on the front, and 'She is God' on the back.) (There ejuerreo23, call me an imposter, you little bitch…)
Patty: "Ooh, can I have one?"
Me: "Alyssa, Rose, Holly, or Shannen?"
Patty: "All four," (I hand her them.)
Grams: "Can I have a Holly and Alyssa?" (I hand her them.)
Barbas: "Hey, where'd Jack run off to?" (Jack walks in, smiling, I bet you think you know what he did, don't you. Sick pervs!)
Jack: "She's alive! She's alive!" (Prue walks in with stitches all around her neck.)
Prue: "Mommy!" (She runs up and hugs her. Patty pulls away and slaps her.)
Patty: "Prue, what did I tell you about those tattoos?" (Referring to her neck.)
Prue: Mom, it's not a tattoo, it's what's holding my neck on. Jack saved me."
Jack: "I also put part of my brain in her head so she loves me, right sweetie?"
Prue: "Not on your life."
Me: "Is it just me or should we be working on the story?"
Patty: "You're doing a story?"
Prue: "Yea, and it's not half bad, let's watch."
(Phoebe looked at her watch, 2 till ten. She sat on the curb out side the Manor and waited for Chris. Three minutes later Chris orbed next to her.)
Phoebe: "You're late."
Chris: "By one minute, so sue me."
Phoebe: "Could we hurry this along? I have business to attend to."
Chris: "Okay, you wanted to know why I was so wrapped up in trying to protect Wyatt?" (Phoebe nodded.) "Well it's because…" (Chris was about to give her a reason, and it was a good reason, I swear, but Piper came flying out the front door with a frying pan.)
Piper: "Chris, you Fruit-of-the-Loom little bitch!"
Chris: (Pretending to be stupid.) "What did I do!" (She hits him on the head with the pan. It makes a hollow sound. Hint hint.)
Piper: "Don't play stupid with me, you screwed up my husband. Pun intended. Now you're gonna pay!"
Chris: (Rubbing his head.) "Ow, the pan wasn't enough for ya!"
Phoebe: "Piper can this wait, please?"
Piper: "No! It's his fault Leo's the way he is!"
Chris: "No it's not! He was with another dude before me."
Piper and Phoebe: "What!"
Chris: "Yea his name was somethin like… (Scratches his head. He realizes that was stupid cuz he had a bruise there.) " Randy Treadeu or something."
Piper: "Andy? Leo slept with ANDY!"
Prue: "Whoa! Hell no!"
Patty: (Starts to laugh.) "I knew he was open to the idea of you being a witch. The only problem was that you weren't a guy!"
Prue: (Starts to cry a little, then stops.) "Nicole, you get Andy over here NOW!"
(Prue looks really mad. Jack looks really jealous, Patty looks really happy, Penny looks really fat, Barbas fell asleep sometime back, and I'm just rollin with it.)
Me: "Fine, Ah, Andy I summon…thee." (Mumbling) "How sad," (Andy appears, he's clearly confused.)
Andy: "What am I doing here? Better question, where is here?"
Me: "Ah you're at some old missile base in New Mexico, we couldn't afford to rent a studio, and Prue wants to talk to you."
Andy: "Oh crap," (Sees a very angry Prue.) "Ah , Prue, hi, fancy seeing you here huh?"
Prue: "Andy what was the real reason you didn't want to be with me?"
Andy: "I-I wanted a normal non-magic family and you were, well magic."
Prue: "Uh uuh, try again."
Andy: (Getting really nervous.) "Uh… commitment issues?"
Me: "Ooh, wrong answer."
Andy: "I don't know, what would you like me to say?"
Prue: "That you're gay!"
Andy: "You want me to say that I'm gay?"
Prue: "I don't want you to be, but you slept with Leo."
Andy: "Huh? Oh that! No we were both really drunk. I'm talking 'not being able to see Shannen Doherty's lazy eye' drunk!"
Patty: "Yea you'd have to be pretty drunk not to see that."
Andy: "Anyway, I thought he was you and he thought I was Piper."
Prue: "Oh,"
Andy: (mumbling) "I can't believe she bought that!"
Jack: "You are too gay! You have no idea what you gave up!"
Me: "You don't even know."
"Enough! People came to read a story and that's hat they're gonna get."
(Piper and Phoebe and Chris are sitting on the curb.)
Piper: "So you love him huh?"
Chris: "Yea, he has a way of making you love him."
Piper: "Yep, well I hope you two are happy together."
Phoebe: "That's it. What about how you were saying that you were going to shove bottle rockets up his ass and throw him in a lobster tank, then hand him upside down by his toes?"
Piper: "I thought about it, and I realized that Leo was clearly meant to be with Chris."
Chris: "I'm so glad you are okay with it."
Phoebe: "I'm not! And I still don't know why you are so caught up in trying to protect Wyatt!"
(Chris and Piper exchange a sideways glance.)
Phoebe: "Omigod is Chris…"
Piper: "No!"
Chris: "Okay this isn't easy for me to say, but Wyatt is… my half brother."
Phoebe: "What!"
Prue: "What!"
Grams: "Shut up!"
Chris: "Yea, we have the same dad."
Phoebe: "Well then who is the father?"
Piper: "Gideon."
Phoebe: "What? We didn't even know Gideon when you had Wyatt!"
Piper: "Wrong, you didn't know Gideon; I met him at an AA meeting."
Phoebe: "But you don't have a drinking problem!"
Piper: "Not anymore, but yea I met him there and we hit it off and the next thing I know I'm pregnant."
Chris: "That's disgusting."
Phoebe: "Yea it is… Well now that I know I have to go deal with some other stuff. Wait, Chris you said you weren't my nephew."
Chris: "I just wanted to see if you'd sleep with me. Technically you're not my aunt."
Phoebe: "Right, okay I have to go then." (Walks off into the night.)
Piper: "How long do you think it'll take her to realize she needs her car?"
Chris: "I say 2 ½ blocks."
Piper: "1,"
Prue: "Is that it?"
Me: "For now, I'm too tired, besides people do shorter chapters where nothing happens."
Patty: "She has a point."
Barbs: "Hey who's this guy?" (Referring to Andy.)
Grams: "Prue's ex,"
Barbas: "Fun, bet you're happy bout that huh Jack?"
Jack: (Sarcastically,) "Thrilled." (Suddenly Gram's water breaks, and she's conveniently standing next to Jack and Prue.)
Prue: "Oh god!"
Patty: "That was a fast pregnancy."
Barbas: "I think I just discovered my greatest fear!"
Me: "What, standing in baby juice?"
Barbas: "No, I'm about to witness a grandmother gives birth."
Jack: "I see why you'd be afraid of that."
(Grams is screaming all kinds… we'll just skip past the dirty work…(Fastforward.)
(Grams is holding her baby, everybody's crowded around her.)
Me: "Wow, it's amazing how a tiny baby can bring people together." (Everyone's all smiling.)
Jack: "Yea just don't start breastfeeding it while I'm in here." (Prue slaps him.)
Prue: "That goes double for me." (Everyone nods.)
Andy: "So, is it a boy or a girl?"
Grams: "It's a…"
Okay I'm gonna stop there- sorry people I'm really tired and I'm working on four other stories, please tell me whether or not the baby should be a boy or girl- names help 2! So now review and I'm gonna go to sleep…. Ya know what I've had stuck in my head for the past week? Bender (Futurama) saying "Bite my shiny metal ass!" it just won't go away! REVIEW !