Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek or M*A*S*H. I certainly am not making
any money by writing this story.
Author's note: This story ignores the relationship between Seven and Chakotay in the last episode of Voyager. Also, I began writing this before Homecoming and its sequel were published.
---------
Charles had finished his shift in post-op. He would be glad when the patients would be shipped out. He didn't enjoy hours of sitting there with mounds of paperwork and poor lighting. It bored him to death. Charles could not wait to relax while listening to music. He enters the Swamp to find a stranger inside.
"Who are you?"
"Dr. Joseph Smith. I've been assigned here temporarily," The Doctor says wondering if he'll ever get used to the name Mr. Paris chose for him.
"Welcome Dr. Smith. You have my humblest apologizes for the buffoons on the other side of the tent. How long have you been sitting there?"
"About three and a half hours?"
"And you didn't wake them up?"
"From the smell of alcohol in the tent it didn't seem like a good idea."
"Yes, I suppose your right. Even in their right minds they are incorrigible."
"Why thank you, Charles," Hawkeye says from his bunk having finally woken up.
"Why my dear bunkmate your finally awake."
"Aren't you observant. And who's your friend."
The Doctor decides he should answer, "I'm Dr. Joseph Smith. I've been assigned here temporarily."
"Oh goodie, another meatball surgeon. Hey BeeJ get up."
B.J. tries putting his pillow over his head, but Hawkeye throws his pillow at him.
Tom peeks his head into the tent hoping that insane man was right. He spots the Doctor, another bald man, and two people throwing pillows at each other.
"Hey Joe, Make some friends already?"
The Doctor gives Tom an annoyed look for finding amusement in his name, "Come in Tom and meet Charles."
Tom enters and walks across the room to stand beside the Doctor.
The Doctor leans over a little and whispers, "This place is nuts."
Tom whispers back, "I just ran into a man wearing a dress."
Charles begins coughing to get everyone's attention.
"I would like to relax with a little music so why don't you two clowns show these two men around camp."
Charles sits down on his bunk and is about ready to turn on his music when Margaret and the Captain enter.
Hawkeye looks up in disbelief, "Did anyone send out invitations to a party."
Margaret looks annoyed, "Oh stuff it, Pierce."
"Margaret, I was merely trying to state the fact that there are a lot of people ending up in this tent."
Charles sighs realizing this afternoon is going to be anything, but peaceful.
Margaret notices Charles's discomfort, "Why don't we all go to the mess tent for lunch. We can acquaint our new friends with their worst nightmare.
The Voyager members look at each other and wonder what they are in store for.
Charles silently thanks Margaret as he sees B.J. and Hawkeye put on their robes. He turns on his music and ponders a way to repay Margaret for her kindness.
----------
Tuvok was wondering how the army ever stayed together. He was knee deep in files and according to Corp. O'Reilly half of them would never reach their intended destination. They would be filed again or forgotten about. He could hear O'Reilly on the phone trying to convince someone that they were suppose to get toilet paper instead of specimen cups. O'Reilly was trying to point out that they already had too many specimen cups, but it did not seem to be working. Tuvok was very fascinated by the company clerk's bartering system, but he hoped he would never have to try it himself. It required a skill he thought was only found in humans.
--------------
Back on Voyager Chakotay was sorting through reports. Every time he looked up the stack seemed to grow. He was worried about the away team, but the Captain had decided that radio silence was best. B'Elanna had stopped in earlier with a damage report. He didn't like the looks of the scans of the outer haul. He really hoped they wouldn't have to go looking for metals to patch it. The engine repair was going along smoothly. The secondary systems on the ship were slowly coming back on line. He was proud of B'Elanna's ability to organize the crew so quickly. Chakotay was content to layback and let B'Elanna have the run of the ship. He only hoped that her temper would hold.
--------------
The group of lunchatiers had sat down at a table. Margaret, Hawkeye and B.J. begin to eat while the three visitors look down at their trays in disbelief.
Tom thinking Neelix's food looked like a banquet says, "How do you guys say alive on this stuff."
B.J. laughs, "Salt, pepper, and a lot of imagination."
The Captain decides to set the example. She takes a bite, forces herself to swallow, and decides this is going to be the longest away mission ever.
Pierce laughs at the Captain's expression, "Don't worry your taste buds will go on vacation eventually."
The Doctor thinks to himself that for once he is glad that he is a hologram.
Margaret inquires, "I take it the food tastes better state side."
The Captain quickly responds being used to making stuff up by now, "Our cook was an actual chef before he was drafted."
Hawkeye smiles, "You lucky dogs."
Hunnicut lost in thought looks up and says, "Did anyone ever figure out what our "earthquake" really was?"
The Captain gets worried about the ship being further damaged until she realizes that they felt Voyager's crash.
Hawkeye answers, "Radar told me Colonel Potter was cursing the army and its secrets so I don't think it would be a good idea to mention it."
The Captain is relieved at hearing this and hopes the topic will soon be forgotten.
B.J. concerned, " I hope Radar is ok."
Hawkeye smiles, "Potter already apologized and explained to Radar he wasn't really mad at him. Radar is already back to being Radar."
The Captain wonders, "Is Radar that young boy that showed us to our tents."
Margaret answers being the only one conscience at the time, "yes."
Hunnicut adds, " Young is right. We'll introduce you to his teddy bear later."
Hawkeye laughingly adds, "And whatever you do don't drink his grape knee- high."
Tom, curious, asks, "What is grape knee-high."
Margaret laughs, "We're not sure."
B.J. and Hawkeye get up having eaten all that they can stomach. They ask the others if they want to go to the officers club for a drink. The Doctor almost makes a comment about drinking too much alcohol, but the Captain steps on his foot and accepts.
Author's note: This story ignores the relationship between Seven and Chakotay in the last episode of Voyager. Also, I began writing this before Homecoming and its sequel were published.
---------
Charles had finished his shift in post-op. He would be glad when the patients would be shipped out. He didn't enjoy hours of sitting there with mounds of paperwork and poor lighting. It bored him to death. Charles could not wait to relax while listening to music. He enters the Swamp to find a stranger inside.
"Who are you?"
"Dr. Joseph Smith. I've been assigned here temporarily," The Doctor says wondering if he'll ever get used to the name Mr. Paris chose for him.
"Welcome Dr. Smith. You have my humblest apologizes for the buffoons on the other side of the tent. How long have you been sitting there?"
"About three and a half hours?"
"And you didn't wake them up?"
"From the smell of alcohol in the tent it didn't seem like a good idea."
"Yes, I suppose your right. Even in their right minds they are incorrigible."
"Why thank you, Charles," Hawkeye says from his bunk having finally woken up.
"Why my dear bunkmate your finally awake."
"Aren't you observant. And who's your friend."
The Doctor decides he should answer, "I'm Dr. Joseph Smith. I've been assigned here temporarily."
"Oh goodie, another meatball surgeon. Hey BeeJ get up."
B.J. tries putting his pillow over his head, but Hawkeye throws his pillow at him.
Tom peeks his head into the tent hoping that insane man was right. He spots the Doctor, another bald man, and two people throwing pillows at each other.
"Hey Joe, Make some friends already?"
The Doctor gives Tom an annoyed look for finding amusement in his name, "Come in Tom and meet Charles."
Tom enters and walks across the room to stand beside the Doctor.
The Doctor leans over a little and whispers, "This place is nuts."
Tom whispers back, "I just ran into a man wearing a dress."
Charles begins coughing to get everyone's attention.
"I would like to relax with a little music so why don't you two clowns show these two men around camp."
Charles sits down on his bunk and is about ready to turn on his music when Margaret and the Captain enter.
Hawkeye looks up in disbelief, "Did anyone send out invitations to a party."
Margaret looks annoyed, "Oh stuff it, Pierce."
"Margaret, I was merely trying to state the fact that there are a lot of people ending up in this tent."
Charles sighs realizing this afternoon is going to be anything, but peaceful.
Margaret notices Charles's discomfort, "Why don't we all go to the mess tent for lunch. We can acquaint our new friends with their worst nightmare.
The Voyager members look at each other and wonder what they are in store for.
Charles silently thanks Margaret as he sees B.J. and Hawkeye put on their robes. He turns on his music and ponders a way to repay Margaret for her kindness.
----------
Tuvok was wondering how the army ever stayed together. He was knee deep in files and according to Corp. O'Reilly half of them would never reach their intended destination. They would be filed again or forgotten about. He could hear O'Reilly on the phone trying to convince someone that they were suppose to get toilet paper instead of specimen cups. O'Reilly was trying to point out that they already had too many specimen cups, but it did not seem to be working. Tuvok was very fascinated by the company clerk's bartering system, but he hoped he would never have to try it himself. It required a skill he thought was only found in humans.
--------------
Back on Voyager Chakotay was sorting through reports. Every time he looked up the stack seemed to grow. He was worried about the away team, but the Captain had decided that radio silence was best. B'Elanna had stopped in earlier with a damage report. He didn't like the looks of the scans of the outer haul. He really hoped they wouldn't have to go looking for metals to patch it. The engine repair was going along smoothly. The secondary systems on the ship were slowly coming back on line. He was proud of B'Elanna's ability to organize the crew so quickly. Chakotay was content to layback and let B'Elanna have the run of the ship. He only hoped that her temper would hold.
--------------
The group of lunchatiers had sat down at a table. Margaret, Hawkeye and B.J. begin to eat while the three visitors look down at their trays in disbelief.
Tom thinking Neelix's food looked like a banquet says, "How do you guys say alive on this stuff."
B.J. laughs, "Salt, pepper, and a lot of imagination."
The Captain decides to set the example. She takes a bite, forces herself to swallow, and decides this is going to be the longest away mission ever.
Pierce laughs at the Captain's expression, "Don't worry your taste buds will go on vacation eventually."
The Doctor thinks to himself that for once he is glad that he is a hologram.
Margaret inquires, "I take it the food tastes better state side."
The Captain quickly responds being used to making stuff up by now, "Our cook was an actual chef before he was drafted."
Hawkeye smiles, "You lucky dogs."
Hunnicut lost in thought looks up and says, "Did anyone ever figure out what our "earthquake" really was?"
The Captain gets worried about the ship being further damaged until she realizes that they felt Voyager's crash.
Hawkeye answers, "Radar told me Colonel Potter was cursing the army and its secrets so I don't think it would be a good idea to mention it."
The Captain is relieved at hearing this and hopes the topic will soon be forgotten.
B.J. concerned, " I hope Radar is ok."
Hawkeye smiles, "Potter already apologized and explained to Radar he wasn't really mad at him. Radar is already back to being Radar."
The Captain wonders, "Is Radar that young boy that showed us to our tents."
Margaret answers being the only one conscience at the time, "yes."
Hunnicut adds, " Young is right. We'll introduce you to his teddy bear later."
Hawkeye laughingly adds, "And whatever you do don't drink his grape knee- high."
Tom, curious, asks, "What is grape knee-high."
Margaret laughs, "We're not sure."
B.J. and Hawkeye get up having eaten all that they can stomach. They ask the others if they want to go to the officers club for a drink. The Doctor almost makes a comment about drinking too much alcohol, but the Captain steps on his foot and accepts.