2. Attack by Roy
"Niisan, can we please get a cat?"
"No."
"Please?"
"No."
"Why not?!"
"N-what?"
"WHY NOT?!"
"Because, I hate cats. And we travel so much, we couldn't take care of one. It would die in a week," Edward Elric patiently explained.
"But I'll take care of it."
"NO."
Three days later:
Roy rubbed his hands with glee. He had finally come up with the perfect plan to anger and/or humiliatehis youngest officer. After hearing Ed's statement about hating cats, he had come up with the perfect solution. He cackled manically and put the final touches to the array he was creating.
His plan was perfect. It was revenge against what Ed had done to him a week ago…
Flashback:
Roy was walking through the office as usual, carrying his cup of coffee in one had, Ed's report in the other. He was reviewing how Ed managed to single-handedly demolished an entire town in the space of a few minutes.
"Oooh, looking good Mustang!" yelled someone.
" 'I like miniskirts'," sniggered someone else.
"Will you come into my dorm tonight?" called out a woman from someone else's department.
Roy looked confused. He had no idea what was going on. And why were people quoting his boxers?…
He sweatdropped as realization hit him.
Then he looked down.
His pants had disappeared.
And he was walking through the hall in nothing but his boxers.
The entire hall was echoing with laughter now. And in the background, he could see Ed grinning manically and pointing to him.
End Flashback
Roy laughed happily and activated the array.
In another part of the building…
Ed was walking along to Roy's office because Hawkeye had commissioned him into bringing the Colonel his afternoon coffee. Ed had no idea why Roy needed coffee in the afternoon, but he did. And so he was bringing it to him. Personally, he welcomed the chance to snub his superior officer after last week's episode.
Something crackled overhead. Ed looked up in time to see a large, fat, enormous something martilize above his head. Then the something dropped onto his head, forcing the rest of his body to comply in a visit to the floor.
"WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?!" screamed Ed. He pushed off (or tried to) the grey lump on top of him. It turned it's head, and shock hit him.
There was a giant cat sitting on him. And that wasn't all. Another crackle noise, and a second giant cat(orange this time) landed on top of the grey one. It was hard to breathe. More crackling…another cat(black!) exploded onto the orange one.
Now he definitely couldn't breathe.
More crackling…white with black spots.
More crackling…and this time it's a tabby!
He needed air desperately now…but the cats wouldn't(couldn't?)get off of him! What to do, what to do…franticly, he clapped his hands as another crackling sound was heard; the cats disappeared, including the one that was now falling out of the sky. He jumped up, and took off running, with crackling above his head, but Ed dodged all the cats coming down. He paused for a moment, opened the door to the office where Hughes worked, and dashed inside.
"Hughes, HELP!" he cried. "GIANT CATS ARE FALLING FROM THE SKY! HELP- gha…"
Hughes stared at the giant cat that had appeared from nowhere(apparently) and landed on Ed. "Wow," he said, impressed. "How'd you get giant cats chasing you around out of the sky?"
Three more cats had crash-landed onto Ed by this time, and he was as purple as a grape-flavored tootsie roll pop. This time his arms were pinioned to his sides, so he couldn't clap at all.
"Get…the…colonel…" he gasped out.
"But why?" Hughes protested. He pulled out a camera. "You look so cute when you're all purple like that! Let me take a picture of you!"
"Gha," was all Ed could say.
"Okay, okay," Hughes said irritably. "What've I ever done to you?" And he left with that parting response.
Roy's office:
"Giant cats are falling on him?" Roy asked interestedly, with wide-eyed innocence.
"Yep," Hughes said grumpily. "He wouldn't even let me take a picture when he turned all purple."
"He turned purple?" Roy asked delightedly.
"Uh-huh. Then he told me to come get you."
Roy sighed happily. "It looks like my work was a success," he said contentedly. He grabbed the paper with the cat-martilization array on it and walked to Hughes's office whistling all the way.
Where Ed is suffering from the lack of air:
Ed now resembled a fish. He was opening and closing his mouth constantly and looked cross-eyed. Roy paused for a minute staring at his handiwork. He grabbed the camera Hughes had taken out in hopes of getting lasting memories and took several pictures for a couple of seconds, enjoying the fact that he could have these for blackmail later on.
"Get…me…out…of here," mouthed Ed.
Roy sniggered, and drew another array on the back of the other one, a smirk plastering itself on his face. He held the array up to Ed's face and said smugly, "I'll activate it if you say that I am, and always will be, better than you. Oh, and that you're a little tiny fish. Come on, say it!"
Ed hesitated. Another cat landed on the ever-growing population of the pile we'll call "Giant Cat City". He nodded franticly. Roy smirked again, then touched the array. The cats vanished.
Ed rolled on his back and gasped in air to reinflate his crushed lungs. After about a minute, he got up and started to leave.
"Wait a minute," Mustang called lazily. "I believe you need to say a couple of things…"
"Not in a million years," snarled Ed.
Roy sighed with exaggerated sadness. He flipped the paper over and activated the cat-martilization array. A cat slammed into Ed.
"ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! YOU WIN!" he yelled. Roy reactivated the vanishing array.
He pulled out a recorder, and poised his index finger on the record button. "Say it," he said. He pressed the record button.
"Roy Mustang is…ugh, I have to say it?"
Roy's hand reached in the direction of the array that had caused Ed so much pain.
"Okay!" he yelped. "Roy Mustang is, and always will be, better than me! And I'm a tiny little fish!"
Ed raced out the door, and ran down the hall.
Two days later:
Ed was just walking into the mess hall, when it happened. A voice boomed out, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you what you've all been waiting for! The one…the only…Edward Elric!" A huge picture of Ed lying under a pile of cats was unrolled in the front of the mess hall. Ed's recorded voice was played. "Roy Mustang is, and always will be, better than me! And I'm a tiny little fish!"
Roy Mustang walked up to the picture and bowed. He grinned hugely. "I hope you have all enjoyed the fruits of my labor," he drawled smugly to the packed mess hall. "And, may I give thanks to our own dear Edward Elric for providing us with such entertainment?"
The entire mess hall roared with laughter. Ed turned beet red and sweatdropped.
"I'll get him," he said to himself through clenched teeth. "I'll get him all right…"
a/n: sorry for the long wait! School started again, and I have algebra homework…groans I promise that Ed will get his revenge. And Havoc will get Breda's Doom trained, too! Please review?