Don't Dwell in the Past
Take a deep breath, Jess.
In...out...in...out...in—
Aw, screw it. Its not working.
I had to go back to work today. I took yesterday off to bond with Mike and my kids. It was probably the best day in my life, actually. Well, since me and him were together - god, its hard to think I ever even liked him, let alone loved him.
I hate him. I really do, for what he did to me.
And yet...I still love him.
I mean, the way I felt - feel - about him was—
Never mind.
I don't want to bore you with my way-less-than-perfect life.
As soon as I go in the building, I went straight to my office. When I was in there, I started working on a case Krantz had assigned me weeks ago, but I jut pushed it aside. Like my love life.
I was working for about a half hour, when someone knocked on the door.
Oh, god. PLEASE don't let it be him. PLEASE.
"Come in," I called weakly.
They came in. It was only Krantz.
"Jessica, its so nice to see your shining face again," Krantz cooed.
I glared at him. "Cut the crap, Dr. Krantz. What do you want?"
"Well, Jessica, you and Mr. Wilkins have an assignment today. I'd like you two to get along today. Well, you, actually, to get along."
That got me angry. It really, really did. "God, you - you have NO idea what its been like for me, do you? You don't UNDERSTAND what I've been going through. You DON'T and its really starting to PISS M—"
I stopped short and looked at him.
"You know what? Its no use trying to get through to you. Fine, I'll do it. But don't blame me if I end up killing him. It won't be my fault."
He laughed. Not a good move on his part.
"Okay, Jessica. But I'm pretty sure Mr. Wilkins can take care of himself."
"Whatever."
"Mr. Wilkins will come by later when you two are to go. Be nice to him, Jessica," he said and then left.
Great.
Juuuust great.
I started working on my other assignment again for a little while. After about twenty minutes, I decided to call Mike.
So, I dialed the number and he picked up.
"Hello?"
"Hey, Mike," I replied. "How's it going over there?"
"Good. Your kids are great, Jess. Better than my kid acts. You should come home sometime and meet him. He can be cute too," he said and laughed.
"I'll try."
"Good. Okay, I'm sure you have work to do, so I'll talk to you when you get back, okay?"
"Yeah. Alright. See you later, Mike," I said and hung up the phone.
Right then I heard another knock at the door.
Okay, Jess, calm down. Its nothing to be worried about. Its just Rob.
Wow, that was comforting.
"Come in," I called. This time I think I sounded a little stronger.
"Hey, you ready to go?" Rob asked, as he came into my office.
I looked around and then replied, "Um, yeah. I guess."
"Good. Come on," he said and walked out the door.
I grabbed my FBI gear and followed him to the van, I presume.
We both got in the pretty white van - he was driving since I had no idea where the hell we were going. He started the van, pulled out of the parking lot and started going...wherever.
Then he took a think envelope and plopped it on my lap.
"It's the file for the case," he explained.
No, it's my dental records.
Idiot.
I skimmed through it.
"Okay, so let me get this straight," I said, after skimming through the folder/envelope thingy. "We're going to interrogate some little girl and her family because it turns out she has telekinetic abilities?"
"Something like that," he replied.
"Doesn't that seem a little, oh, I dunno...familiar to you?" I asked incredulously.
"Yup," was all he said.
And then we were quiet. I flipped back through the file for good measure. I saw the picture of the girl and noticed that she was really adorable. The file said that she was only five years old.
Bummer.
At least I developed my powers at sixteen, instead of five.
Well, my powers are less exciting than being able to move things with your mind. Now THAT I'd be able to handle. It would cool. No having to get up when you want a drink. No having to search for the remote. You don't even have to use your hands when you eat...
Ah, that must be the life.
Well, it IS a five year old.
Whatever.
"Jess?"
"Hmm?"
He was quiet for a second, so I looked at him. "What?"
"I - look, Jess, about the other day, I'm sorry for making you upset. You just don't understand what I went through to find you and I—"
I cut him off. "Rob, not now, please."
He looked startled. "Uh, okay. Then when? Because, Jess, we really need to talk."
I stared at him. "There's nothing to talk about, Wilkins. The past is behind us, okay? I've forgotten and you should too."
"But, Jess, please. We need to talk about this. Maybe not now, but sooner or later. I just...there are things you need to know. That day at the church...you didn't see everything, Jess. Okay? I didn't even KNOW the gir—"
"Don't start, Rob. Just shut up and drive."
But after we both shut up, I couldn't help but dwell on it. Maybe it was a mistake. Maybe he was telling the truth. And maybe...just maybe, he still loved me.
Heh, yeah, right. Wishful thinking, Jess. Cut it out.
We stayed silent for a few more moments. Then Rob went, "It's quite a long drive, Mastriani."
I can tell, dumbass.
You know, if he could read minds, that would totally suck. But I think I'm the only one here with the unusual ability.
"Hmm," I replied. I just sat slumped in the passenger seat and looked forward.
You know, its weird. I mean, Rob knowing how to navigate NYC streets when he only just arrived here.
Whatever.
"Mastriani," he said, interrupting my thoughts.
"Hmm?" I murmured.
"Please, can we just talk? I know it's a sore subject for you, b—"
"Gee, how's you figure THAT out? Was it the way I don't want to talk about it or that every time you bring it up, I blow up at you?" I exploded.
"Jess, please, calm down," he soothed - snort. "Just—I think we both need to talk this out. I know you're confused and all with what's been happening lately, and I am too, but pl—"
"You don't know SHIT about me!" I screamed.
Okay, this isn't going so well.
"Jess, PLEASE, just st—"
"What time is it?" I said and glanced at the clock.
"You know what? I have to call my ki—uh, brother," I said, saving myself at the last minute.
I really didn't have to call them, but I'd do anything to keep myself from talking to him.
"Um, okay," he replied.
I fished my cell out of my bag and dialed my home number.
"Hello?"
"Hey," I said into the phone, "how are you?"
"Jess, you don't need to call every five seconds. We're fine."
"Okay, okay. But...I'm just a little stressed out right now." I saw Rob turn his head to look at me. "Do you think you could put one of them on?"
He replied, "Sure. Hold on a minute."
I heard the phone being fumbled and then Autumn came on.
"Mommy!" she screamed.
Okay, hopefully Rob didn't hear that. Because if he did, then he's definitely know I have kids.
"Hey, sweetie." Okay, if he didn't pick it up before, he definitely should now. "How are you?"
"I'm great, Mommy. Uncle Mike is really cool. He showed us all of these cool things on his laptop and he can COOK!" she exclaimed. "Um, you can cook, too, Mommy, but his is really good. Well, yours is good, too, but—"
I laughed, "Okay, baby, I understand. Can you put Aaron on?"
"Uh huh, one sec," she said.
Then Aaron's sweet little voice came on.
"Mom!" he exclaimed into the phone. God, this is getting...awkward. Rob keeps glancing over here. I can see it out of the corner of my eye.
"Hi, honey," I said, "are you having as much fun as Autumn?"
"YES!" he yelled.
"Okay, tone it down a bit, honey, you're hurting Mommy's ears," I said.
Oops. I should't've said that. I really shouldn't have.
"Sorry," he apologized.
"It's okay." I shifted in my seat a little. "So, what else can Uncle Mike do besides cooking and playing video games?" I joked. My sense of humor would probably get lost on my four year old, but whatever.
"Um...well, he's funny," he replied, "and he can do card tricks."
"Really?" I replied. I really didn't know about the card tricks. "That's cool—"
"We're here, Mastriani," Rob said.
I looked at him and nodded.
"Uh, I've gotta go, sweetie. I love you," I said and hung up.
I put my phone away and got out with Rob. He shut his door, as did I, and locked the van.
We were at a Victorian style house. It was very pretty, actually. And very lived in looking, even from the outside.
We walked up the front porch steps and Rob knocked on the door. A few minutes later, someone answered the door. It was a man that looked to be about in his early thirties.
"Oh, come in, please," he said when we showed them our badges.
We walked in after him and he led us to the living room, where he told us to sit and went to get some drinks.
By drinks, I hope he meant, like, water or lemonade or something. I didn't like the thought of him getting us drunk.
Ugh.
The guy's wife and daughter came in a few minutes later. The wife - Karen - was average height, average weight, with curly dark brown hair and stunning green eyes. The daughter, Jennifer - or Jen, as she insisted being called - was a beautiful little girl with her father's hair and eyes - light brown hair and hazel-ish eyes. She had her mother's face, though.
We talked with them for a little while about Jen's abilities and what she has done in the past. As we were discussing things, I couldn't help but notice that Karen was checking Rob out. No, seriously. When Rob wasn't looking, she's eye him up and down. And for some reason, it made me furious.
But...I couldn't be mad. He wasn't mine anymore. He really was never mine in the first place.
"But you don't really understand what we've gone through with this. We've moved quite a lot with this and all and its horrible. People chasing us just to use my daughter for her ability. You just don't UNDERSTAND!" the father - Pete - exclaimed.
I looked at Rob and he gave me that smile. The one that I hadn't seen on him since...well, since we were together.
He turned his attention back to Pete and Karen. "Actually, Mr. Shepherd, we do know what it's like. Well, Agent Mastriani does at least," he said and nodded his head toward me.
The wife looked at me and said, softly, "You do?"
I smiled, despite the fact that she was checking out my ex-boyfriend - god, Jess, SHUT UP!
"Yes, I do. When I was sixteen, I developed a very odd ability. I hated it at the time because of all the attention it attracted. I had the FBI chasing me all the time because they believed I still had the ability, even though I said I didn't. I lied, of course, to get out of it. But things...happened—" I saw Rob flinch beside me. "—and I joined up with the FBI, to help people. It was the right thing to do, after all. It just took me some time to actually see that."
"Wow," Karen said.
I smiled again, and said, "Mmhmm."
"Well, if you don't mind me asking, what, exactly, is your ability? And how did you get it?" the wife asked.
I looked at Rob again. I gave him a what-should-I-do? look.
He just said, "Go ahead."
I rolled my eyes at him. Then I returned my attention back to the people in front of me. "I got struck by lightning when I was sixteen."
"OH!" the wife exclaimed. "Oh, my god. That must have been horrible!"
"Um, well, I guess. I didn't really feel it. I mean, it made me feel all fuzzy and stuff, but it didn't hurt. It just felt...weird, is all."
The wife nodded and asked, "Right. Right. So what is your ability."
I knew even though Rob said I could, that I shouldn't tell.
"I'm sorry ma'am, but that is confidential information. I would tell you if I could. I have already told you more than enough," I reasoned and apologized again.
Then the husband goes, "Wait. You-you're Lightning Girl, aren't you?"
I sighed. "Um, no, you must have me confused with someone else."
"No," he pressed on. "No, you look like her and you got struck by lightning. And you can find missing people, right?"
"Sir, this isn't really necessary. But if it makes you happy, then, yes. I am." Then I glanced down at my watch.
"Oh, my, look at the time, Rob. We should go. Our supervisor would like us back on time," I said - lying, of course - and got up.
I saw Rob give me a weird look out of the corner of my eye.
"Our supervisor will give you a call. Thank you for your time," Rob said and followed me out to the van.
"Jess," Rob said. I stopped in my tracks, turning around to look at him.
"What?"
He walked closer to me to the point where he was about a centimeter away. I was frozen to the spot. I couldn't move.
"You're so beautiful," he murmured. And, before I knew it, he swooped down and captured my lips with his own.
I could lie to you and say it felt gross and disgusting and revolting and vile and all of those other nasty adjectives. And I could say that I didn't kiss him back.
But then, of course, I would be lying.
I DID enjoy it. And I DID kiss him back.
I may have regretted it. Sure. But it felt...nice.
Really nice.
But then, after reality sunk in, and I realized what I was doing, I pushed him away. All the warmth that I was feeling suddenly disappeared.
He looked down at me. "Jess—"
I sighed. "Rob, just—don't, okay? I don't know what got into me. I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize," he said sternly and hopped in the driver's seat.
I got in the passenger's side, closed the door, and buckled myself up.
"You know, that little girl, Jen, reminds me a LOT of you, Jess," he said, as we were at a red light.
"Really?" I said, trying to act not interested.
"Yes."
And the conversation stopped there.
Then my cell started vibrating in my pocket. "Excuse me," I said to Rob and flipped open my phone.
"Mastriani."
"Jess!" Kara squealed. Oh god...
"Hmm?"
"You're with him, aren't you?" she inquired.
I rolled my eyes, even though she couldn't see them. "Yeah. Wait. What happened with the other day?"
"Oh. Um, well. He's really hot, Jess. And nice and stuff. And, you know, he could've changed since those five years. I mean, GOD, if he spent five years looking for you, Jess...he's gotta at least like you. Maybe even love you..." she trailed off. Oh, god, she can't do this right now... "Just give him a second chance, Jess. Or at least let him explain..."
"Right," I said. God, WHY? "Did Krantz put you up to this?" I accused.
"What? NO. No, of course not. God, I would never do that, Jess. You gotta understand that. I would NEVER do that. Not to you." She sounded sincere enough. And hurt, too.
"Okay, okay..."
"So, you'll give him a second chance?" she asked. She sounded really happy about this.
"I don't—maybe. I'll think about it. Just don't bug me anymore about it, okay?"
"Yes, FINE," she said. "Hey, before I forget. What are you doing tonight?"
Uh oh. "Um, sorry, Kara. I want to spend some time with my brother before he leaves."
"Brother? Ooh. Can I meet him?" she asked.
I laughed. "He's married, Kara."
"Oh." I heard a crash over the phone. "Shit. Sorry, Jess, I gotta go."
"Okay...bye."
"Bye." I hung up and slumped back in the seat. I pulled the lever on the side of the seat, so it would go back. It reclined and I laid back.
"So...you have kids."
Oh, god. I almost forgot he was there for a minute.
I glanced at him.
He looked cute behind the wheel.
Oh GOD. Where did THAT come from?
"Um, yeah. I do."
Oh, god. I hope he doesn't figure out who the father is. Meaning, I hope he doesn't figure out that he is the father of my children.
"So are you...with anyone? Married?" he asked. Oops. Yeah. I could see where he was coming from, considering he just kissed me and all. It was a nice kiss...
Oh, god, SHUT UP.
"Nope. Just me and them."
"Them?"
"Uh, yeah, I had twins." And they are both yours, too.
Ha. Yeah, imagine if I actually said that? I think we'd be in an accident right now.
"Oh. How old are they?" he queried.
"Four," I replied simply.
"Oh."
Then I said, "Uh huh."
Wow, we really can hold up a conversation.
Not.
He turned off the ignition, pulled the keys out, and got out of the van.
God, I didn't even realize we were back.
I got out too, and followed Rob into the building - after I grabbed my stuff, of course.
Rob turned around for a minute. "We have to go give the information the Krantz first, before you can go back to your office."
Then he smirked and turned back around.
Smirked? Why did he smirk?
Oh. He knew I was going to hide away in my office.
Lovely.
So we took the elevator up to the fifth floor, to Krantz's office.
We went in and discussed what went on and everything.
Then Krantz turned to me and asked, "Where are your children, Jessica?"
"My brother is here for a few days and he's watching them," I said.
"Good. Good. Is he well? Your brother, I mean," he questioned.
"Yeah, he's good. He's married; has a kid. You know, the whole shebang."
He nodded his head. "That's great to hear."
"Hmm," I agreed.
He noticed my lack of enthusiasm. "You can leave, Jessica."
THANK YOU, LORD!
I left the office and decided to go to Kara's office.
I knocked on her door. "Come in!" she called.
I did so and when she saw me, she practically jumped on me.
"So, did you think about it?" she pestered.
I rolled my eyes. "I thought you said you'd lay off of it?"
"I know, Jess. But the thing is, I talked to him yesterday. I brought you up and...well, he seemed hurt by it and all. I just think maybe the guy deserves a second chance, Jess. Or at least let him explain himself," she said. She sat back down in her chair and looked at me. She gave me that look. The one where it seems that she is absolutely right and you have to do what she says.
I shook my head. "Fine. I'll...I will let him explain, okay? But I'm not jumping into a relationship with him again, Kara," I said defiantly.
"Okay, okay. Just talk to him. Invite him over for dinner or something so you two can talk," she said.
I narrowed my eyes at her. "I don't know about you, but in my book, that's called a date."
She laughed. "So? Its about time you got some action, Jess. You're so tense all of the time. Let him loosen you up," she said and laughed again.
"KARA!"
"It's true, though, Jess. You haven't had sex in, what, five years? You definitely need a night of fun. If you want, I'll take your kids off your hands for you," she offered.
I yelled at her. "Kara! I am NOT sleeping with him, okay? I will NOT ever again. I did once and look how I ended up?" I said, spreading my arms out to emphasize my point.
"Fine, fine. Whatever. I have work to do, so I'll see you later," she said, as if dismissing me. "But, Jess, invite him over so you two can talk. You don't have to count it as a date."
I left. But before leaving, I said, "Whatever."
Okay, so everything seems to be pointing to him.
Maybe I should give him a second chance or at least a chance to explain himself.
I'll go for the latter.
Disclaimer: All of the characters you recognize belong to Meg Cabot, the ultimate writer of our time. All of the other characters you don't recognize, and the plot, belong to me.