Summary: Season Five. After 'the Body'. Buffy deals with her mother's death in a more familiar way.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I own less than nothing. However, I do own an iPod with Bright Eyes "Lua", the song used. But, alas, I don't own the song either.

A/N: Previously posted, with some disgustingly small revisions. I think its better this way. If you can read while that song is playing in the background, it's quite neat… Whatever. Read, enjoy, review. Oh, please, REVIEW!

"I know that it is freezing but I think we have to walk


I keep waving at the taxis; they keep turning their lights off"

She walked down the foggy street, unusually dense for this time of year. It was scarcely past midday, yet Buffy was surrounded by grey. Memories of a time less complicated filled her mind and she couldn't stop the few tears that fell from her eyes.

"But Julie knows a party at some actor's west side loft


Supplies are endless in the evening; by the morning they'll be gone."

She pulled her brown trench coat close to her small frame. Her mother was gone. Buffy knew it shouldn't have been real, but it was. She trudged up the stairs she dreaded, the ones leading to her own home.


"When everything gets lonely I can be my own best friend


I get a coffee and the paper; have my own conversations"

Her comfort network was strained. Anya and Xander were too wrapped up in each other to notice her pain and, as much as she wanted to be around, Willow had her own life, too. Buffy dared not enter the house, the shell of a broken home. She moved to the closest window and imagined what it would be like to be an outsider looking in at her shattered life.

"With the sidewalk and the pigeons and my window reflection


The mask I polish in the evening, by the morning looks like shit."

She was tired of pretending. Her life wasn't the same anymore. She turned the key in the lock and let the door swing open. Buffy opened her mouth to call for her mother. When she realized the futility of the act, more tears came to her red-rimmed eyes. Buffy stumbled to the stairs. She put her head in her hands and wept. Not two-dimensional sobs, heaving sobs of someone past their breaking point. She stayed there, quietly, afraid to move.

"I know you have a heavy heart; I can feel it when we kiss


So many men much stronger than me have thrown their backs out trying to lift it"

Buffy finally understood what it meant. To be a slayer. Alone, always alone. No one really stayed around. Hell, the one thing she could depend on was departure. Her dad, Angel, Riley and now her mother. The words from years ago floated back…"She alone..." Always alone… it was her destiny.

"But me I'm not gamble you can count on me to split


The love I sell you in the evening, by the morning won't exist."

Buffy rose, ascending the stairs to the next level, never looking to the door she dare not open. No one had stepped in there since The Day. It didn't even exist. Carefully, as to not disturb the silence of the house, she pushed into her room. Looking in front of the mirror, she was shocked.

"You're looking skinny like a model with your eyes all painted black


You just keep going to the bathroom always say you'll be right back"

Facing her was the skeleton of a once lively girl. Her cheeks were hollow and pale, her eyes a shocking shade of red. Buffy surveyed the room. Cheery photos and stuffed animals glared from all angles. Her fingers deftly reached for the button on her radio and the haunting music filled her ears.

"Well it takes one to know one, kid, I think you've got it bad


But what's so easy in the evening, by the morning is such a drag."

Buffy opened her closet and pushed the vibrant colors to the side. She reached behind to pull out a long forgotten ally, her suitcase. The soft fabric was cold under her touch, lacking the same feel of only three years ago.



"I've got a flask inside my pocket we can share it on the train


If you promise to stay conscious I will try and do the same"

She didn't notice what she grabbed, reaching blindly into her closet with her eyes wide open. All she needed was clothing. Nothing special, just something to wear for as long as need be. Trembling melodies floated around Buffy while she stuffed the material into her bag.

"We might die from medication, but we sure killed all the pain


But what was normal in the evening, by the morning seems insane."

That was what Buffy wished for, something to kill the pain. The longing consumed her, but it was the emptiness that scared her most. She felt superficial, but not really much else.

"And I'm not sure what the trouble was that started all of this


The reasons have run away but the feeling never did"

'I can.' she thought. 'What the trouble was? Being a Slayer. Translated from ancient times, I think it means "She who is monumentally doomed".' Buffy pulled furiously on the zipper, trying to shut the case.


"It's not something I would recommend, but it is one way to live


Cause what is simple in the moonlight, by the morning never is"

Buffy picked the small holder off her bed. She cast one last look at her past life. Something caught her eye. One picture she would take. It had been taken on a long forgotten trip to her aunt's cottage. One year before she had been called. Buffy had her arm slung around Dawn's slender neck and Joyce and Hank were smiling beside their children. Beautiful sunlight shone alongside expanses of blue sky.

Placing the picture in her coat pocket, Buffy turned. Her descention down the steps was slow, she savored the image of joyful times in the house. She reached the bottom too fast, but it was too late to turn back. Tears fell violently from her eyes and Buffy paused. Her shaking hand reached for the knob and turned. She wasn't sure of what was to come, yet this was what she needed. Buffy stepped outside, into a new world. The last lyrics of the song hung behind her as she sighed and shut the door.


"It was so simple in the moonlight, now it's so complicated.


It was so simple in the moonlight, so simple in the moonlight"

FIN