7. Creepy fangirls and their letters.

"Hey Ed," Hawkeye said. Ed would regret ever hearing those words(he still hasn't recovered, partly because he is still in their clutches, doing who knows what). So would the rest of the office. Especially Roy(well, maybe not).

"Yeah?"

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

"Uh…no," Ed said.

Hawkeye pulled this giant bag out of nowhere. "You do now!" she cackled evilly, and dumped the contents over his head. A stream of letters fell out and into a huge pile that completely buried him. Along with the letters came a score of screaming girls, and a few (shockingly)boys.

"AHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Ed. "Who are- no, that's not right- What are these people? Why are they screaming? And why, why! I ask you! WHY ARE THESE DAMN IDIOTS TRYING TO PULL OFF ALL MY CLOTHES!"

"They're fangirls and fanboys, apparently!" Hawkeye said amusedly. "They want to marry you! Isn't that sweet?"

"NO!" shrieked Ed. He clapped his hands together, and all the fans slammed into the far wall. "You'll never take me alive!" With that, he ran into the office furthest from the screaming, maniacal, rabid fans.

Now, this office was a special office. Partly because it had its own special(but secret, since the military rules strictly forbid it)liquor bar, three very large couches for ahem special reasons, three giant fans for when it was hot, a refrigerator filled with good food, and also because the occupant also has a lot of rabid fangirls(and boys). And I think that you all can now guess who this occupant is. Of course, Ed despises him. And the occupant takes an extraordinary liking to tormenting Ed(but who doesn't?).

The famous Lieutenant Colonel Roy Mustang sat, legs propped up on his desk, steepling his fingers. "Why Edward," he said in a smooth voice as Ed crashed through his door. "What brings you to my humble(not really)abode? You don't-"

Ed ran straight to the Colonel. He grabbed Roy by his collar, spun him around, and hid behind him, quaking in terror. "Fangirls," he babbled incessantly. "And fanboys-All out there-save me-SCARY-Hawkeye cracked-cackling manically-how could she- STAY AWAY FROM ME, YOU FREAKY CREEPS!"

There was a note of silence following this statement, then Ed cringed at the sound of several people sobbing heartbrokenly.

"My Edo-kun doesn't like me!"

"Edo-cutie, how could you do this to me?"

"Help, HELP!"

"I NEED YOU ED!"

"But I love you!"

"EVIL FANGIRLS!"

There was a loud banging on the door. It opened, and Hughes, Al, Farman, Fury, Havoc, Breda, the Fuhrer, Envy, Scar, two dogs, Winry, and the giant wrench from chapter 5 ran inside. They slammed the door after them, then collapsed on the carpet.

"There are evil people out there!" cried Al.

"They took all of my cigarettes," moaned Havoc.

"My camera!" Hughes sobbed.

"They took all my wrenches!" shrieked Winry. "They will pay!"

"Dogs," whimpered Breda for atop a filing cabinet.

"Disgusting," retched Scar.

"Who were they?" questioned the rather pale Fuhrer.

"They're even crazier than you guys," Envy commented.

"SCARY!" Ed shrieked, still behind Roy. "They are SCARY!"

"I think we figured that out," Farman said sarcastically.

"WE WANT ED! WE WANT ED!" yelled the fangirls and fanboys outside the door.

The entire cast stared at the door. "At least they know what they want," Roy said dryly. "They want Ed, and it looks like they're not going to go unless they get him."

The entire crew looked at each other, and nodded. "Do we have to do this?" queried Al. "He is my brother."

As if to answer his question, the door creaked, cracked, splintered, then buckled. The chanting became louder.

"Never mind," Al said cheerfully. "I get the picture."

Roy and Havoc grabbed Ed and dragged him to the door.

"No, NO!" cried Ed. "Don't do it, DON'T DO IT! NO! PLEASE!"

Havoc kicked the door open, and he and Roy threw Ed out to the rabid fangirls and fanboys. Then they slammed the door behind him. "Sayanora!" Roy saidin delight.

A few muffled screams came from behind the door, then there was silence. Fury cautiously opened the door, to find a room empty, but for the very evilly grinning First Lieutenant.

"Where'd they go?" asked Envy.

"Oh, they all have super fangirl and fanboy powers. They disappeared," was Riza's evil reply.

In the super-evil lair of the fangirls and fanboys:

"We have returned triumphant!" proclaimed the leader of the Ed-hunt.

"Excellent," boomed the Fanleader. "For your success in leading the hunt, I grant you the first night alone with Ed."

Dun dun duuun………

A/n- I know it's been a long time since I posted….things are hectic at my house. I have violin lessons, art lessons, Algebra 1 homework, and I was at the mock-trial championship with my dad….Redwood won!cheers My dad's the principal there.

I also had a little writer's block….Oh, I got the idea for this chappie after reading "Dear Ed" by That Anime Girl. And if you don't like the one-sided m/m, one of my favorite writers is gay….and I love his fanfics, they are the best!