Broken But Not Shattered

Chapter Fifteen: Hero

"Lindsey!" X-ray screamed in his sleep. He jolted up from his cot and sat there breathing heavily. He looked around D-Tent to see if he had woken any of his guys up. They were all fast asleep, Armpit snored loudly, Magnet was sprawled out on his cot, Zigzag mumbled something in Klingon, and Caveman and Zero were peacefully sleeping.

X-ray sat there frozen, waiting for his heart to slow down. It had been months since he dreamed about Lindsey, the only person he really cared for prior to his conviction. He blinked back the tears that were forcing their way out and swallowed the lump that formed in his dry throat. Memories flooded into his mind, he shook his head in determination to keep them from coming, he shut his eyes as his body shook and sweat poured from his face. The world seemed to spinning into oblivion. X-ray couldn't take this feeling anymore; he swaggered out of D-Tent into the lukewarm air of Green Lake. Taking a deep breath he walked uneasily toward the lake and tried to put his mind at ease.

Keavy found it difficult to sleep on the floor of B-Tent; she had made up her stubborn mind to go back to the tent that she was assigned to. She had crept into B-Tent after every one of the guys were asleep. There was no use giving Scar the satisfaction of seeing her crawl in there like a wounded puppy. But then again there was nowhere else she could go in this forsaken camp. After what had happened between her and Squid there was no way she would go back and try to prove herself to him, if he didn't want to accept her apologies than so be it.

Squid looked at the rope that lay there in his hands, contemplating if this was the quickest way of ending his misery. His life seemed more like a soap opera than anything else. He didn't even know why he was making a big deal over Keavy in the first place. Come to think of it, he barely knew Keavy 'Mouth' Torrelli. When did he ever get the chance to get past the surface, beyond her façade? The answer was never. Sure they talked, he knew her father was in the Mafia, and they even shared a few kisses, but he really didn't know anything outside of that. Why had this girl turned him upside-down and inside out? Squid shook his head dismissing the confusing questions from his mind. Nothing mattered now; he was going to get away from Green Lake, the heat, manipulative X-ray, his haunting past, and Keavy. He was going to leave this cruel, dark world forever.

(When this began)

I had nothing to say

And I get lost in the nothingness inside of me

(I was confused)

And I let it all out to find

That I'm not the only person with these things in mind

(Inside of me)

But all the vacancy the words revealed

Is the only real thing that I've got left to feel

(Nothing to lose)

Just stuck, hollow and alone

And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

Chilling memories entered X-ray's mind. His past had found its way home once again, leaving him in a whirlwind of confusion.

Flashback

Rex strolled down 141st Ave with a smile on his face; this was the day he would ask her. He knew what her answer would be, but there were still butterflies in his stomach.

"Okay, just breathe and act cool," he reassured himself when he reached her door. He pulled on the brass doorknocker that was shaped like a horse and braced himself for the worst.

The door opened and Lindsey Collander stood there, her kind face smiling, "Rex, what brings you here?"

He grinned at the sound of her musical voice, "Well, I was wondering if you…" He stopped and a look of worry replaced the smile.

"Um, Rex, what were you saying?"

He took a deep breath, "Do you want to go with me to Homecoming?"

"You walked all the way here just to ask me that?"

Rex's smile faded, "Uh, I….well, yes."

"Of course I will. Why didn't you just ask me at school?"

"I dunno. I guess I just wanted to ask you in private."

Lindsey's hazel eyes twinkled, "Well you scored there, that was really…" She searched for the right word, "Really romantic of you."

He smiled and took her milky, white hand, "I have to go, mom will kill me if I miss dinner again. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Okay."

He turned to leave but Lindsey held him back, "Wait," She planted a kiss on his cheek, and then ran inside.

Everyday until Homecoming Rex and Lindsey were a pair. Their affections grew stronger for each other as they spent more time together. People began to talk; rumors spread and prejudice blossomed in that small Texas high school. A white girl and black boy never went out, it just wasn't heard of in the small town of Talley, people stood with their own kind.

Rex was bound to prove everyone wrong, color didn't matter, he held his head high and acted like he hadn't a care in the world. But Lindsey on the other hand, was easily influenced by the talk of the town. She conformed to her friend's ways instead of following her heart. Eventually she called the whole thing off between her and Rex. She became proud, selfish, and a gossip. The once sweet natured Lindsey, was now just like the rest of the clones at his school. She looked down on him because on his color, and now Rex's world was torn apart. Never again would he allow himself or anyone close to care for someone, and suffer the pain and prejudice of this thing called love.

End Of Flashback

For a moment X-ray became human, he let all the emotions, that were locked up inside of him go free. It was as if the world had paused just so he could shed a tear, but then it resumed, leading him back to reality.

"This is stupid, why the heck am I crying like an idiot?! She was just some good for nothing who killed me inside, just like Keavy's doin' to Squid," He stopped talking, losing his words to the wind.

Squid hung the rope from the basketball hoop; it seemed like the only logical place he could hang himself. He had to do it, fast. His past was coming back and ripping his soul to shreds.

I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real

I wanna let go of the pain I've held so long

(Erase all the pain till it's gone)

I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm close to something real

I wanna find something I've wanted all along

Somewhere I belong

Squid didn't belong anywhere, he was an outcast, a delinquent. No one cared for him, he'd been abused verbally and physically ever since he was a child. Maybe that's why he and Keavy befriended to each other, because she could relate to what he'd been through. But then again, she considered him a nobody also, she called him a worthless dog. He hated himself.

And I've got nothing to say

I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face

(I was confused)

Looking everywhere only to find

That it's not the way I had imagined it all in my mind

(So what am I)

What do I have but negativity

'Cause I can't justify the way, everyone is looking at me

(Nothing to lose)

Nothing to gain, hollow and alone

And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own

He threw the rope over the rim of the hoop, but it just fell back down again. He tried a second time, it worked. Squid tied a slipknot to the midsection of the rope, and wiggled it, checking if it would do its job. He wanted this to be as quick as possible.

"I hope this makes you see the kind of pain you caused me," He said aloud, picturing all the people in his life that had slowly tortured him. There was his father, who had abandoned him, his mother who had abused him, the cops who had laughed when they caught him stealing, the Warden, Mr. Sir, Pendanski, this forsaken camp, X-ray, and the icing on the cake, Keavy. He realized this she wasn't what had caused this, but she was the one who had finished it.

I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real

I wanna let go of the pain I've held so long

(Erase all the pain till it's gone)

I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm close to something real

I wanna find something I've wanted all along

Somewhere I belong

I will never know myself until I do this on my own

And I will never feel anything else, until my wounds are healed

I will never be anything till I break away from me

I will break away, I'll find myself today

Squid slipped the rope around his neck and stood on the crate, closing his eyes to make it all go away.

X-ray slipped out from behind the shadows, "Squid! Don't do it!"

Squid looked at his friend, shook his head, then stepped off the crate. X-ray ran as fast as his legs could carry him to the dangling body of Squid. He grabbed his friend's legs and lifted him up with one hand, with the other he loosened the rope.

Squid gasped and sputtered, then finally regained his breathing. He stood there on his own two feet and looked upon X-ray, "Why'd you do it?"

X-ray ignored the question, "Man, you're crazy! What the heck were you thinking?! Sure, this place is hell on earth, but it can't be that bad."

"You have no idea what kind of stuff I've been going through, you just sit there and act like you're the king of the world. You ruined my life!"

"No one ruined your life but yourself, Squid."

"Let me tell you something, X, I've been under so much crud from you and everyone here. All I wanted was some peace."

"By killing yourself?!"

"If that was the only way to get it, then yes."

Silence sat itself between the two boys. Squid fiddled with the rope, wondering whether he should try again or not, and X-ray realized the part he played in this drama. He shuddered at the thought of being one of the reasons that caused Squid to try and kill himself.

I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real

I wanna let go of the pain I've held so long

(Erase all the pain till it's gone)

I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I'm close to something real

I wanna find something I've wanted all along

Somewhere I belong

The revelation came to X-ray that he wasn't the only one here with a dark past and a truckload of emotions. He wasn't the only one who had been hurt numerous times before. Life didn't revolve around him, his problems didn't matter anymore when his friend's life dangled before him.

"Squid?"

"What?"

"Let's get you back to D-Tent, alright?"

"Why? So you can rub this in my face, so you can make me look like the fool I really am?"

"No. I-"

"Or maybe you want to brag about saving my life. No, that can't be it. You probably just want the satisfaction of seeing me fall flat on my face!"

"No, I just want you to go and be at peace with yourself."

Squid snorted, "Don't be ridiculous, X, I know you better than that. You probably have some sly trick up your sleeve. What are you gonna do, huh? You gonna tell Keavy and have her call me worthless again?"

Sweat poured from X-ray's brow, "No!," he yelled, "I just want you to get some sleep." He grabbed Squid's arm, "C'mon."

Squid followed X-ray just as he'd done so many times before, but there was something different about this time, something had changed in the hardened X-ray, he just couldn't put his finger on it.

Keavy sat up from the floor of B-Tent. She struggled with images of Squid's hurting face. She didn't even know why she felt the way she did about him, they barely knew each other. They never had the chance to sit down and talk like normal teenagers. She knew nothing of Squid, except that he'd gone through almost the same thing as she had with her parents. Other than that, she didn't even know why he'd come to Green Lake in the first place, or what his real name was.

It was time that she learned what Squid was all about, she needed to become his friend, and she would do it, right now.

A/N: Okay since the last chapter was short I decided to make it up with this. I know, I know, I keep on using songs for each chapter, but this one by Linkin Park inspired me, it reminded me so much of what Squid and X-ray were going through. Speaking of Squid and X, you can find out more about their lives before CGL in my fic, "Enigma", I'll be adding their chapters soon, so keep a look out. Now what are you doing still reading this?! REVIEW!!