Broken But Not Shattered
Chapter Sixteen: Confessions
"Infatuation," Keavy said as she walked around D-Tent for the third time analyzing why she was drawn to Squid, "It had to be infatuation. Why else would this be such a big deal to me? I've never cared for anyone like this, why now, why him? I think I've changed," She stopped walking as sat in the sand behind D-Tent blinking back the tears that were stinging her eyes, "I just wanna go home," She said with a sudden realization that she had no home to go to, she had no loved one to run to, she was alone. "And maybe that's all I'll ever be is alone."
Though it was usually hot at this time of night, Keavy felt an icy cold blast within her; she shivered as the agony of being alone froze every part inside of her.
"This is my December
This is my time of the year
This is my December
This is all so clear
This is my December
This is my snow covered home
This is my December
This is me alone"
X-ray felt convicted. He was wrong. To be a reason for your friend to consider suicide was lower than dirt. Guilt sliced his heart like a knife to butter, he was wrong no matter what his past had done to him, no matter how much he hurt when he remembered Lindsey, it wasn't fair to throw Squid into something that he had no idea about.
X-ray cleared his throat, "Hey, Squid?"
"What."
"Man, I'm so sorry. I should've never pushed you to do...this."
"No, X, you were right. She is just like all the rest of 'em."
She struggled. Struggled with her past and what it had made her. Struggled with everything she had said to cut Squid down. For the first time in a long time, Keavy wasn't thinking about survival, she actually cared about someone. And the greatest question that haunted her was, why?
"And I
Just wish that
I didn't feel
Like there was
Something I missed
And I
Take back all
The things I said
To make you
Feel like that
And I
Just wish that
I didn't feel
Like there was
Something I missed
And I
Take back all the
Things I said to you"
X-ray thought. Guilt filled his mind, sweat poured from his brow as he battled with the truth. He didn't know how to explain to Squid that he was the one who had manipulated this whole situation.
Squid walked in silence next to X-ray as he entered D-Tent, which was quiet except for the occasional snore coming from Armpit. He sat himself upon his cot and tried to blink away the thoughts of Keavy from his mind.
"And I'd give it all away
Just to have somewhere
To go to
Give it all away
To have someone
To come home to"
He cried.
He didn't understand why he was so hung up on Keavy, was it love? No, it couldn't be, love doesn't hurt. Love is patient and kind. Love doesn't define anything Keavy had done to him.
She cried.
He'd never forgive her. She'd never be in his arms again.
"This is my December
These are my snow-covered trees
This is me pretending
This is all I need."
This game of toying with each other's emotions had to stop. Now.
X-ray watched the pain transform into tears in Squid's eyes. He couldn't take it anymore.
"I'll be right back, Squid."
"Whatever."
X-ray walked into the still night air outside of D-Tent. He took a step and collided with a dark form.
"Look out!"
"Look out yourself!" Came the reply.
"Mouth?"
"Yeah."
"It's X-ray. I –"
"No really? I thought it was Frodo coming to give me the ring!"
"Real smart, Mouth. Look putting our feelings aside, I have to talk to you."
"Why?"
"Just follow me, kay?"
"Yes, your highness."
"Would you just cut it out?!"
"Sorry."
Surprisingly Keavy took pace in back of X-ray, who led her into D-Tent.
"And I
Just wish that
I didn't feel
Like there was
Something I missed"
Squid watched in silence as he saw the two forms entering into D-Tent. He held his breath when he saw who was following X-ray and heading right for him.
X-ray motioned for Keavy to sit on the cot next to Squid. She obeyed.
"And I
Take back all
The things I said
To make you feel like that"
"Now before you two start your yapping, I have to say something," X-ray kept his voice in a whisper as he twiddled his thumbs, "I want to apologize to both of you."
"Why, X? You were just tryin' to warn me-"
"Let me finish, Squid. No, I wasn't trying to warn you, I was trying to use you, both of you, as puppets in my 'master plan'," He turned to look at Keavy, "I hated you so much, Mouth. I hated you for what you were and who you reminded me of."
"Who's that?"
"A girl. Look never mind about that, it's a long story. As I was saying, you reminded me of a certain person in my life a long time ago, it worried me, I didn't want Squid to end up like me. That's when I had this brilliant idea to talk to Scar, and we all know where that led," He paused and looked at Squid, "I'm so sorry, Squid."
Squid remained silent.
X-ray went on, "I saw how much pain I was putting you through, and I didn't care at all. I silently dumped my problems onto you and left you there to endure them. Then tonight, when I saw you try to kill yourself, I couldn't stand it anymore, the guilt and pain was coming back to haunt me."
Keavy's eyes grew wide as she looked at Squid, "You tried to kill yourself?!"
Squid nodded.
"Why the heck would you do a stupid thing like that?!"
"It was the only way I knew how to get rid of the pain."
The sudden realization of what Squid had just said hit Keavy like a rock. The only thing she could do was embrace Squid.
Silence followed the moments after, leaving them at home with their thoughts.
"And I
Just wish that
I didn't feel
Like there was
Something I missed
And I
Take back all the things
I said to you"
"I need to ask one thing from you both," X-ray said, breaking the silence, "All I need to ask is that you both would forgive me for what I've done. I am truly sorry."
Despite the façade he tried to uphold, X-ray couldn't stop the lone tear from dripping quietly down his cheek.
And despite all the things Keavy and Squid held against the tent leader, that night, they realized that X-ray was just a boy.
A/N: Wow, it has been too long. I'm so sorry for the wait, but school and life have been getting in my way of creativity. I really hope you've enjoyed this chapter...and alas this story is almost at its' end. I said almost... that means "Not quite there yet"