Groaning inwardly, he noticed that there was no coffee or tea on the stove. He tucked his right hand into his pant pocket, pulling out his wand. He muttered a few choice words and in a few seconds there was a pot with steaming water on the stove, ready to be made into coffee, which is just what he did.
He knew why he was awake, it was the same reason that had kept him up the night before. Rae.
He couldn't stop thinking about the talk they had had the night before, and the way he had left so abruptly. It was clear that he would be thinking about her for a while, seeing as how they had so many things in common...
The house was very quiet, killing his hope that maybe she was waking up as well. He finally dragged himself up to actually fix himself a cup of black coffee, shivering as the water from his hair dripped down his back.
Rae had only gotten about three hours of sleep the previousnight. Then, what little sleep she did have was haunted by dreams of one person in particular... Remus Lupin.
It was insane to even think that he could posibly be the one. They had only just met, for goodness sake. You did not find your life mate after a few minutes of conversation with someone. But she remembered the pull between them. There was most certainly something there.
She had showered hastily, a very cold shower to help drive away the images from her dreams, then dressed in black jeans and a white tank top before heading downstairs, still barefoot. Her dark brown hair was still a bit damp and curly from the shower, but she didn't care. She crept noiselessly through the house, not wanting to wake up any of the other occupants or that bloody woman in the painting that hung in the main hallway on the first floor.
When she got to the kitchen, she froze. Remus was already there, and he looked to be fixing himself some coffee. His hair was still wet from his own shower and she watched as a few droplets of water fell from the slightlypeppered brown locks onto the back of his shirt and he shivered a bit.
Rae bit her lip and took a few steps into the kitchen behind him, still moving without making a sound. He seemed to sense her, however, and turned around to face her as she took her third step toward him.
Remus had just finished pouring the hot steaming liquid into his mug, when he felt, rather than heard, company enter the kitchen. Taking his coffee in one hand, he turned around.
Rae stood there, looking - if possible -more beautiful than the night before, with her hair damp and curly from the obvious shower she had taken. He felt the smallest amount of relief at the fact that she seemed to be alright. He had been worried, there was no use doubting that.
"Good morning," she said to him in a whisper, smiling tiredly at him.
His own lips curled into a smile, and he moved his way closer to her.
" Are you alright...? " He asked, placing his mug on the top of the table, and giving her his full attention.
Rae looked at him a bit curiously, not quite sure the reason for his concern. Then she remembered how abruptly she had ordered him to leave her alone the previous night.
"I'm fine," she assured him as she lowered herself into one of the seats at the table. She looked up at him and nodded. "Really, I am."
Remus took a seat as well bringing his coffee to his mouth, and taking a large swallow. He was glad to hear that she was alright, but the curiousity of what she obviously wanted to share with him was stronger.
And she hadn't forgotten her promise to explain everything to him, either. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, bracing herself for the conversation she knew they need to have.
"Remus, do you remember what I said last night about needs and urges?"
He nodded, remembering perfectly well, and also remembering wondering what she was talking about. He knew about the initial urges of a werewolf, or at least ones that weren't under the control of a potion. To kill, or convert...those had been the only urges he had felt on the few occasions he neglected his potion taking.
" I do. " He said simply, motioning her to go on.
Rae wished she had a bottle of gin in front of her. She needed a nice stiff drink to help her get through this conversation in one piece. Unfortunately, the coffee he had made seemed to be the only thing available. So she opted for that.
"Consider this your first lesson in the ways of the wolf," she told him as she got up and went to make herself a cup of coffee. Usually, she would have poured enough cream and sugar in it to make it taste like melted coffee ice cream, but she opted to leave it black - partly due to her lack of sleep, and partly due to the nature of the conversation they were about to have.
Remus smirked, it was strange having someone who had been a werewolf not even half the time that he had, attempting to teach him things about his condition. He followed her with his eyes as she got up from the table and fixed herself some coffee.
She waited until she was settled back in her chair at the table before going on. "Werewolves are not that much unlike natural wolves," she stated, wrapping both of her hands around the mug she held. "They have the same instincts... the same basic urges. The most powerful of those urges are to hunt, to kill, and to mate."
Rae paused at that, looking over at him. She wondered if this conversation might be a bit too uncomfortable for him to handle. If he didn't want to continue talking about it, she was giving him an opportunity to change the subject now while he still could.
He knew this already, but didn't say a word. He still felt like there was something she knew that he didn't, and he could tell that she would tell him, and soon.
" Go on... " He said smiling at her. " I'm a big boy, I can handle it, promise. "
Rae took a long sip from her coffee, making a slightly disgusted face at the bitter taste of it, before she continued.
"Werewolves are also like natural wolves in that they mate for life, Remus."
She paused again, this time trying to collect her thoughts and put them into words and phrases that would be easily understood.
"After several years of being a werewolf... the beast starts to crave a mate. It's like the concept of soul mates. Every werewolf has one lifemate in the world - his or her match. Some never find that match, and they spend years searching while the beast slowly yet surely takes over their being and corrupts it. It's like cutting off the oxygen supply... a werewolf needs his or her mate in order to survive."
A life partner...
That was a strong usage of words, and Remus thought back to as far as he could remember. He'd never been the sort of man to go after every girl he saw, no, that had been Sirius' role when he had attended Hogwarts. All of Remus' relationships had meant something, and he had had every intension of holding the partnership, most of them had ended on the woman's terms of course. There had been a few, where she had found out the nature of his condition and had called the relationship off.
This made him wonder. All the times he had looked for the perfect woman to perhaps start something with... Had he been looking for his life partner? And not even being aware of it? But then again, wasn't that what someone was always looking for? Someone that they could finally be happy with?
She put a hand to her head as she brought up her cup of coffee and took another drink before continuing.
"The bond between an Ulfric and a Lupa is extremely strong. Some say it's stronger than blood. Once they find one another, their own strength and power grows because of the bond between them."
Strength and power...two words that could mean a great number of things, depending on the situation. He was about to think about what situations Rae was talking about when he realized she said two words that he didn't quite reconize...
" Ulfric and Lupa? " He asked, drinking from his mug.
Rae gave him an apologetic smile for having used technical terms she forgot he probably didn't know. "Ulfric and Lupa are the technical terms for the alpha male and femle of any given pack of werewolves. But, in a broader sense, the terms also mean the male and female werewolf of a mated pair."
She blushed a bit and took another long sip of her coffee before continuing.
"The way an Ulfric and a Lupa confirm their union is through the actual act of mating itself, in their human forms. My beast started craving its mate about a year ago and since then I have been auditioning potential Ulfrics. None of them has even so much as piqued my interest. But last night..."
This is what he had wanted to know more about: The life partners she had mentioned before. This was what she knew about that he didn't. As he listened to her speak, thoughts of the night before fashed before him. Those feelings hadn't been a normal accurance for him, in fact, he'd never felt them that strongly out of his wolf form before.
She sighed softly as she remembered that one moment they had shared together in her room, where his beast had seemed to feed off hers, causing his senses to increase in their strength as her did. "Remus, there was something there last night that I have never felt before," she told him quietly, shaking her head slightly.
She was implying something, and he knew what it was. He didn't dare think it, for fear that he'd be wrong, but he did speak up.
" What exactly are you suggesting? " He asked, needing to hear it out loud.
Rae took another deep breath and let it out all at once in a heavy sigh. She wasn't even sure how to explain what she had felt with him the previous night. They really didn't even know each other.
"Daniel told me that when an Ulfric and his Lupa meet for the first time, the wolf inside each of them will recognize one another."
She looked up at him and waited for him to face her so she could look him in the eye before contnuing. When he finally did meet her eyes, she felt her heart start to race again. It was like a part of her had known him her entire life and wanted him just as long.
"Your beast started to come out last night, Remus," she reminded him. "It started to come out simply because mine was reaching out as well. If you didn't leave when I asked you to..."
Rae broke the eye contact between them for a moment to close her eyes and shake her head in disbelief. She didn't know how it was possible, but she knew the urges she had felt the previous night were very strong. Stronger than they had been in a very long time. The thought that the beast within him had showed itself last night, and that he hadn't had very much control over it was a little unnerving. He remembered the look on her face as she had asked him to leave, it had been pleading, and...possibly desire. Her eyes opened again and she leaned toward him, placing her hand on the table near his but not quite touching him, in case she frightened him with what she was about to say. He waited in baited breath .
"If you didn't leave me alone last night, Remus," she found herself whispering to him, sighing again slightly. "I very well might have made myself your Lupa. And it wouldn't have been fair to you because you wouldn't have had a choice after that but to remain with me until one of us died."
" ...I'd have no choice...? " He breathed, wondering how that would have felt. To have no say in the matter.
Rae looked away from him, unable to meet his eyes. She didn't want to think about what might have happened if he hadn't left when she asked him to.
"Yes, Remus... Once an Ulfriec and his Lupa are mated, they are bound for life. Hence the term, 'life mate.' The bond between them is so strong that they can often feel what the other is feeling no matter how far apart they are. They can feel each other's joy, each other's pain... everything. It's that strong a bond, Remus."
She finally looked at him again and held his eyes a moment longer than she had before, her hand inching closer to his until they were just touching enough that she could feel the warmth of his skin radiating onto her own.
Remus took a deep breath, looking away from her for a second. This was a lot to take in, not to mention the fact that he couldn't believe that he hadn't known about all of this before now.
If Rae was implying what he thought she was, then she was giving him the option to becoming her Ulfric, and vise versa. It was all slightly over welming, and as he looked back at her, he closed the gap between their hands, taking hers in his own lightly. The simple gesture made her blood rush and her heart race. She cursed herself for how easily he seemed to be affecting her. The longing returned, but this time she new it would be there and she was better able to keep it under control.
"That's why I made you leave last night. Choosing your Lupa should be your decision. It's not something you should take lightly, either."
" Well...I'm glad you asked me to leave... " He admited, looking at her greatfully. " You're right...it's a big decision... "
Rae turned her head and looked at him, lacing her fingers through his as she reached up with her free hand to brush some of the damp hair back from his face. Her eyes fell closed for a moment and she licked her lips as she opened them again.
"Remus, when I said things were going to get intense while I was teaching you about the beast, I meant that... well... things are going to become... very..."
She was panting as she talked. Dammit, she was panting. She needed to get a handle on things, on herself.
He tightened his grip on her hand as he struggled with the statement...he had a strange feeling that he knew what was coming, and why it was hard for her to say. She was breathing heavily, and it was obviously the same thing that had been about to happen the night before, but she seemed to be controling it
"Things are going to become a bit intense on a sexual level," she blurted out all at once. "There's going to be a lot of sexual tension between us at some points, especially once you begin to really embrace the wolf that lives inside you."
He stopped the smile that had threatened to show itself at her last statement. Not that anything she was saying was amusing, it was just such a blunt idea. That the beast inside the both of them would highten their sexual levels...and create sexual tension between the two of them. He would have admitted the fact that he probably wouldn't need the help of the wolf within him to feel the tension that existed when it came to Rae, but her actions stopped him from doing so.
She had moved her hand from side of his face, sliding her fingers to his lips. The simple action had an incredible response from deep within him. He let out a breath, and almost forgot to inhale as she left them there, then, just as suddenly as they had touched them, her fingers left his lips and he watched as she tilted her head down. Her face was covered in her damp hair, making it impossible to see her face.
Her eyes fell on his lips and a small sigh escaped her throat. She wanted to kiss him. Just one kiss... What would it hurt?.
"I'm sorry, Remus... I don't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. It's just hard for me, you know. Being here, so close to you."
" I know the feeling... " He muttered, mostly to himself, but then realised that he had in fact said it loud enough for her to hear.
Rae's head snapped back up and she looked at him through her curtain of dark, damp hair. He knew the feeling? Then did that mean he wanted to...
" I mean, don't be sorry about anything. There's no reason to be. " He finished lamely, feeling what he knew was a blush creep up his neck, something he hadn't done since his years at Hogwarts
Rae smiled at him as she reached up and pushed her hair back out of her face, then slid closer to him until she was sitting on the very edge of her chair.
"Has anyone ever told you how incredibly adorable you are when you blush?" she asked him in a quiet, breathless voice. "Not that you're not adorable when you aren't blushing. It just makes you all that much more adorable."
As he finally gained control of his rather embarassing act of blushing. He shook his head, letting out a quiet laugh.
" No, I can't say that they have... " He muttered, fighting the blush that was threating to come back. All of his instincts told him to kiss her, and Merlin's beard did he want to...so what was stopping him?
She reached up and she stroked the side of his face with the back of her hand then let it travel lower, down his neck. Her hand turned over when she reached his chest, her fingers trailing down the line of buttons on the front of his shirt.
"Remus," she said his name with a hint of longing in the tone of her voice. She spoke his name, and he shuddered unvoluntarily. She bit her bottom lip nervously and looked up into his eyes as her hand continued to linger on his chest.
"When was the last time you were properly kissed?" she asked him. She really wanted to ask a more... intimate qustion, but she kept it to herself in favor of something much safer and more innocent. Kissing was fine. Kissing didn't get you hurt.
Rae somehow always mangaged to ruffle Remus' feathers, and always in ways that he never would have guessed or expected. Her question was innocent enough, and wasn't too personal, so although he was again feeling rather embbarrassed, there was nothing left to do but answer her.
" Well, as I'm sure you can imagine, the first thing a woman wants to do to a werewolf... isn't kissing him. " He admitted.
Rae smiled at him as she leaned forward, putting her face within inches of his.
"You didn't answer my question," she whispered. Her eyes fell closed and she leaned slightly to the side, placing her head on his shoulder to nuzzle his neck, her lips barely brushing against the pulse beating just beneath his skin. He fought with all his strength not to lose control of himself. He knew he hadn't answered her fully, because part of him didn't want to. It had been a far too long since the last time he had truly kissed a woman...
"How long has it been, Remus?" she asked again as she pulled away just enough to move her head into an upright position once more. Her eyes fluttered open momentarily and she smiled as she looked at him before letting her eyelids fall closed again.
" Years... " He whispered, bringing his hand to her back. He was loosing control... he could feel it. His breath quickened as he felt her grasping the front if his shirt.
"Tell me to stop, and I will," she said even quieter still, in a very intimate tone of voice, as she brought her lips to his. She brushed her lips over his own in a light kiss - just enough to make the barest amount of contact but not enough to be called a real kiss.
He had barely had the time to react to her lips on top of his own, but from the feeling the quick kiss caused from its short time span...he knew that this is what he wanted.
"Remus," she said his name again in that intimate whisper, the hand on his chest curling up to grip the front of his shirt as she waited for him to do something. She expected he would probably pull away, butshe hoped to whatever god there was that he didn't.
The hand that he had placed on her back, pressed her closer to him and, surprising even himself, he leaned in, pressing his lips firmly onto hers, feeling incredibly alive.
Rae smiled as he kissed her and she returned the kiss, her hands burrying themselves in his hair as her lips grasped hungrily at his. She groaned softly in the back of her throat as she caught his bottom lip between her teeth, nipping at it gently before sucking on it a bit.
"Remus," she whispered his name again as their lips momentarily parted. The single word was full of everything she felt - the longing, the desire, the need... It was only lust, she knew. But it felt too right, somehow.
He felt almost foolish at the effect it had on him when she whispered his name again. But there had been something about the way she had said it, and he felt that the effect was wanted.
She brought her mouth back to his and kissed him again, this time daring to delve deeper into his mouth. He kissed her back, feeling the years of neglected urges of not only his wolf half, but him as a man as well. The minute their tongues met it was like someone had poured hot, molten lava into her bloodstream. The kiss took on a frenzied quality that left her completely breathless even as she continued to kiss him. His hand wandered the rest of her back, finally resting on the back of her slender neck. He said nothing, as they continued to kiss, but his mind was literally racing. There was something much more than lust going on here...
After several minutes they finally parted, leaving both of them gasping for breath. Rae stayed close to him, their foreheads touching as her eyes remained closed and she concentrated on calming the incessant hammering of her heart. They both pulled away from each other and stared into each other's eyes. He looked for a sign of doubt, or even discomfort, but didn't see any. She didn't know what to say to him. She wanted to apologize for the way she had kissed him, but she didn't feel any shame in it. It had felt far too good to her to warrant an apology, in her opinion. She just hoped it had been that way for him, too.
She didn't say anything, but continused to stare at him, as if expecting him to say something.
" What is it? " He asked breathlesly, taking a lock of her curly brown hair and feeling the moisture rubbing off onto his fingers.
She shivered a bit as he touched her hair. It was only a lock of hair between his fingers, but it sent a jolt of electricity through her body. There were so many things she wanted to say that she couldn't settle on any one of them, because half of them didn't make any sense.
Instinct wanted her to tell him she needed him. Reason wanted her to say she was sorry for being so forward. And some completely irrational part of her brain wanted to tell him she loved him for some reason that was far beyond her comprehension.
You do not love him, she reminded herself. You only just met him. You can't possibly love him. Besides, love is for fools who wind up with their hearts broken and their lives shattered to pieces.
She was quiet for a long while, giving Remus too much time to think to himself. What did the silence mean? His brain was telling him that it obviously meant that she needed to think about what had just happened, because they had just met... and this wasn't something you did with someone you had just met the previous day. But that part of him, the same one that had pushed him that last little inch to kiss her, was saying that she felt something for him, and that if he didn't see it, then he was fool.
Rae took a deep breath and sighed a bit before answering his question. "I was just thinking how incredibly nice that was. It was just so... intense and passionate, and yet still tender and... loving."
There was that damn word again. Or at least some form of it, anyway. Loving. She cursed herself even as she said it. He was bound to think her crazy now. There went any chance she might have had at him even thinking about him clamining her for his Lupa.
Loving, that was word that he was pretty sure they hadn't brought up yet. He asked himself if it was true. Was it posible to love someone that you had only just met? He knew the answer. Yes, you could...but is that what he was feeling? It had been so long since he had needed to question his feelings for a woman to this extent, and he asn't sure what to make of it.
" Yes, " He said quietly. " It was... " There, that wasn't really saying the 'L' word. It bought him some time, allowing him to think. He knew that there was something there, between the two of them, and that whatever it was it was strong... and they both felt it. But what it was... He couldn't say.
Those three words gave her more courage to put herself and her heart on the line than anything else anyone had ever said to her in the past sixteen years. Usually she kept her emotions extremely guarded, but with him she didn't feel a need to keep her usual defensive walls around herself.
"Remus," she started, pausing momentarily to lick her lips and she decided the best way to put what was on her mind. She didn't know what was coming over her, but she had a feeling of what it might be.
"I'm not saying you need to decide now. Like I said, it's not a decision you should make hastily or take lightly..."
He nodded his head slowly, she was right. If he understood correctly, choosing his Lupa needed to be a very thought out decision. Choosing one person to be with for the rest of his or her life was intimidating, but he knew that in reality, how many female werewolves did he actually know, and was willing live the rest of his life with
Rae hesitated. She knew in her heart he was the right one. That was why she felt such a strong attraction to him. The wolf in her had recognized the wolf in him easily because they were a match. And when they had kissed... The way it made her feel only further drove that point home. When they kissed she had felt so alive. She could feel the power between them wanting to merge. But she was still afraid he would reject her.
"Remus," she started again, this time a bit more confident than the last. "I would consider it a great honor if you would, in the future, possibly consider me as a potential candidate for your Lupa."
Remus' heart was pumping fast in his chest, and he was sure that the whole world could hear it, he knew he could. It was pounding loudly in his ears, but he had heard Rae perfectly clear. She wanted to be his Lupa, which meant that, unlike himself, she was sure of her feelings, and the fact that it would mean that she would be spending the rest of her life with him. There were actual butterflies trapped inside his stomach at this point, and he felt as if he couldn't get a proper thought to process correctly if he tried, but he knew that he couldn't just leave her in silence after what she'd just proposed.
" It would be an even greater honor to be your Ulfric...I just...I need to think, this has all happened so suddenly... " He whispered, glancing down at his last words. He didn't want her to think that this wasn't what he wanted, because there was a very good chance that it was. He just didn't know this for himself yet, and didn't want to tell her something that in the end, wasn't true.
" Do you understand? " He asked softly, smiling only slightly, trying to reassure her.
Rae sighed heavily and stood up, going over to the stove where she finally turned back to face him.
"I understand completely, Remus," she told him. "You're not ready to make the decision yet. I'm just letting you know that when you are ready to make that choice, I would like to be considered for the position."
He gave a sigh of relief at her words, he hadn't wanted to hurt her feelings in anyway, and was glad that he hadn't. She seemed to know exactly how he was thinking, and he wasn't sure what he was supposed to feel at this, but he knew that it didn't bother him at all. Which was weird in and of itself, because he usually liked having his thoughts to himself, feeling that they were all he really had that was all his, and no one elses. Those feelings didn't apply to Rae.
" You will... " He said, running his hand through his hair quickly, trying to get it out of his face, It was just about dry by now, and rather unruly.
She looked at him from where she was standing and couldn't help but smile. In less than twenty-four hours, there was already a noticeable difference in him. He seemed less tired, somehow more alive than he had been when she first met him.
"Do you feel it?" she asked. "Do you feel the difference inside you?"
Did he? That was a good question, one that he desperately wanted to know the answer too. He thought for a moment, then realized, something in him had in fact changed. He felt for more alive than he had before Rae had arrived, his tiredness had faded greatly, and his head, although it was still busy processnig thoughts of just a few moments ago, was perhaps in a way, clearer that it had been in a long while.
" Yes, now that you mention it... " He said, grinning at her from across the room. It was then that she herself came back over, sending the butterlies in his stomach for another round, and he loved every second of it. She went up behind him, resting her cheek on the top of his head, and nuzzling him for the second time.
"It's amazing, isn't it? How different you can feel in just one day. I imagine after our first proper session, you'll be walking with a bounce in our steps you haven't had in years."
" I look forward to it... " He stated, thinking of how it might be not to ache so terribly after every transformation, and most of all, to not be afraid of the full moon...
Rae moved around him in his chair and raised herself up to sit on the table in front of him, then reached out to take his hands in hers. They sat there for a moment in silence, while she thought about everything that was going on inside her and what might be going on inside him.
Her eyes traveled up his arms to his chest, his throat, and then his face. She didn't see the scars, all she saw was him. A man who had probably spent most of his life alone. A man who probably hadn't felt real love in years. A man who was just like her, in more ways than one.
"We should get together later this week sometime," she told him quietly. "Get started on your training."
She got up again and stood there in front of him with his hands still in hers.
"Just come find me when you're ready. And feel free to take your time. I know this is all a lot to take in."
He squeezed her hands, already thinking about going to see her in the future...the near furure that is.
" I will... " He said, feeling her hands slip out of his own. He stood up, pushing in the chair he had been sitting in. He looked at her, a grin playing on his lips, as he walked slowly out of the room, not even bothering to turn back and look at her again.
He headed out the door of Grimauld Place, thinking that he had some research to do.
The bright warm July sun was beating down on the contrete beneath him and he lifted his head to feel the effect the sun had on his pale skin. Sighing, he stood there for a moment, letting his skin bake for a few seconds, then, with a tiny pop, he was gone.