Chichiri smiles and settles back to continue reading out of John's journal. Tasuki sits back beside him, chopsticks in hand as he turns his eyes to watch his lovers face as the monk begins to read.
DURING THE BLIZZARD AND REGAINING MEMORIES AND FEELINGS!
What a strange two days it has been. I am now sitting in a strangers cabin, although I am not sure I can call him that. Let me start from where I left off.
It was voices I heard approaching the shelter I was being held in. I was very surprised when the flap was opened and what can only be described as a mountain man walked in. He had a thick red beard, long red hair and piercing amber eyes. Despite the fear of the situation, I felt comfort from this man immediately. He spoke in English to me for a bit and knew of my symbol and then showed me his. Yes, Journal, that is correct. This man has a symbol. Somehow he got the Apache's to release me and we made it back to his cabin in the foothills before an approaching blizzard stopped us. So, now we are here, in his cabin, a raging blizzard all around. He is skinning animals, that he had caught, in this little leanto at the side of the cabin and I sit here in his living room.
This is where it gets even more strange. He claims he knows me. He also knew the purple haired man from the street in Boston. He showed me this drawing he had, the purple haired man, whom he calls Nuriko, is in it. As am I. He calls me Chichiri in the picture. He also had my kesa as well. I had vague flashes of this item in my dreams, but the moment I saw it, I knew it was mine. I also know what it can do, but I don't know how to access this power.
I think my mother would be very surprised at my behavior of late. Granted, I wasn't given much of a choice to follow this man out of the encampment of the Apache's, but I have a feeling that I might have followed him in a different situation. Like he told me when I met him, his aura reminds me of fire and something about him screams that I know him and he would never harm me. I find myself trusting this stranger with an intensity that rivals the trust I have in Karolyn and Harold.
Also this morning, I made a very startling discovery. He is handsome. I have never thought of another man in this way and now I am very confused, I don't know what to make of this, or even why I am writting it down. Every cell in my being calls to this man and I am now not able to comfortably relax around him, although it's only been a day, so I don't know why I would be able to relax anyways. But I want to be relaxed around him, I want to be comfortable in his presence. Oh Suzaku, what is happening to me.
(Chichiri flips ahead a bit and smiles in satisfaction.)
Well, the snow finally stopped falling. It's been 3 days of being stuck in this cabin with him. I have done nothing but dream of him at night and think of him during the day. I am no longer thinking of him as Shaun, but in my mind he is Tasuki. I think he has the same problem. He slipped just last night and called me Chichiri when asking for me to set the table while he prepared dinner. My comfort level has risen again with this man, even though I do find him more attractive and distracting as the days go by. For some reason, and I must be reading the situation wrong, he finds me as attractive as I find him. I catch him watching me at odd moments. I always figured that I would be uncomfortable with this type of attention from a man, but now that it is happening, I find this attention very relieving. Something in me seems to want this from Shaun. I wonder if he wants it from me.
More confusing though, are the small memories and recollections that come to me as the days pass. I now have solid memories of the purple haired Nuriko as well as the others from his drawing. Most deal with Tasuki in some manner of fashion. I did mention a few of these partial memories to him and he would describe the scene if he knew what I was remembering. Some of them are from times I was not with Tasuki though. I do find that the more I remember, the more I want my memories, and more importantly, my powers to return.
Now that the snow has stopped, if it remains clear, Tasuki says that we will be able to go down the mountain in a few days. I do hope so. As much as I am enjoying my time with Tasuki and don't want it to stop, I also have a responsibility to those children in Tularosa. Oh, he's back in now. Till later then, no da.
(A few more flips of the book and Chichiri starts to read again.)
Well, no da. I'm back within my own home, here in Tularosa. Tasuki was kind enough to allow me to return with the kesa. I think he realizes that even with my memories not complete, that this is a part of me. One thing does bother me, even after our almost regretful seperation, and my growing feelings (with growing confusion also, no da) I have no memories of Tasuki that would confirm that we were more then friends. Even memories that he says are after we summoned Suzaku, and the ensuing problems that took place afterwards were done, show no sign that he was more to me then a close friend and Suzaku brother. Maybe these feelings were only my own and I never confessed them to him before.
I think I am giving myself a headache with these thoughts. I was greeted with much welcome back into town, as was Tasuki. Apparently he is well respected in town and school is to resume in two days, to give me time to recover from my 'ordeal'. So, now I sit within my home, kesa over my shoulder and draped across my chest. I put it on like this at one point during my stay with Tasuki and he chuckled and said it looked very familiar like that.
I did send a message to my mother, as she had been informed I was captured by 'savages' and wished to let her and father, as well as Karolyn and Harold, that I was fine. I think I might compose a letter to my dearest friends soon, to inform them of this little adventure and get their opinions on it. They have always believed I was a reincarnation of some person from China, and this confirms it, I must say.
(More flipping of the pages)
Well, school has resumed and although he has almost constantly been on my thoughts and in my mind, I have not seen Tasuki since he left me at my house. I must say, I miss him. Not just because my nights seem so lonely without him to talk to, but it is a deeper yearning in my soul to see him. Maybe this is love. I doubt it, I barely know him. More like infatuation. I got asked to supper by a mother of a young, eligible woman at the church on Sunday. Which makes me point this out. I feel like a hippocrit. I have gone to church all my life and studied the Word, and now here I am, a reincarnation of a warrior for a God named Suzaku. I know Suzaku is real, I have been in his presence, his mark shines from my knee, his gifts of magic and power flow through my veins, unawakened, but there, and here I am, on my knees, at church on Sunday, giving lip service to a God I don't worship. I wonder if Suzaku is displeased with me. I should stop going, but after a few days of being alone, I was very lonely and it was companionship.
Anyway, back to the mother's invitation. There are not many eligible bachelor's out here and this is not the first time that I have been invited to a families house in an effort to know their eligible child. I have always known that I don't really like women in that way. I never really liked men that way too, school and education seemed more important. I wasn't missing much, I had my friends and an active social life. The women I did escort around Boston were more sisters to me then anything else. But since getting to know Tasuki, I have found myself daydreaming about being with him, not romantically, just living life with him. I know now what I am, I don't feel ashamed either. Tasuki told me that Suzaku is the God of Fire and Love. I seem to recall a memory of me having a conversation with a wrinkled old lady in an elaborate gown, one Tasuki called Taiitsukun, and she told me that Suzaku doesn't look down upon same sex marraiges, that love is a gift no matter what form it takes. He only encourages male and female relationships for procreation. I didn't tell Tasuki about this memory, I am not sure what he would say, although I will admit that I am a bit curious to hear his opinion on it.
(More flipping of pages and the rest of the room is finished eatting, minus Miaka and Tasuki. Everyone is still engrossed in the story.)
I've been back from my 'ordeal' for three weeks now. I am beginning to think that my time spent with Tasuki was a dream, maybe it didn't happen and I was hallucinating. I still have yet to see him and I find myself yearning for him. I wonder now if my previous assessment that this is just infatuation was correct. Shouldn't infatuation dim by now? I yearn for him more and more each day. Maybe it is only that he is my celestial brother. However, my heart's pain says he is more to me then this. I wonder how he is. I wonder where he is. Is he yearning for me as I yearn for him? Does he know that I think I love him? I don't think he could, who knows. I miss him.
I know, I left that off at a weird spot, but as soon as I finished writting that last sentence, a knock sounded at my door and I opened it to find Tasuki standing there, looking very pleased to see me, as much as I was to see him. After I invited him into my house, he wandered around, looking at my items and then picked up my kesa and smiled as he turned to me, holding the fabric. Apparently I'm not the only one that gets comfort out of the old fabric.
He said he was sorry he hadn't seen me before this, but some of the traps he had up in the mountains were in need of repair and he has not had a chance to return to town until this evening. He gave me a gift, I know not where he found it, but they are my prayer beads that I received as a gift from Taiitsukun. Now is where the experience gets a bit strange. The moment I gripped those beads and rolled them in my fingers, experience and knowledge flooded into me. I remember staggering and the feel of Tasuki holding me up and guiding me towards a chair, but little else for the next few moments.
When the thoughts that had flooded my brain settled, I realized that part of my memory had been unlocked and I knew spells of defense and offense, as well as what I like to call "spells for amusement". I now know a spell that will allow me to deform into a miniture me, one that allows me to be a bit more outgoing. I remember Miaka calling me a chibi while I was in this form. I have not assumed it yet. I have also remembered how to access the dimensional holding area within my kesa and have retrieved my Shakujo and my kasa from there. Tasuki was most impressed and happy by witnessing these powers. I still have not unlocked the spells to use the kesa and kasa for teleportation, but I am sure they will come with time.
However, Journal, one more memory came to mind, one that I was not able to share with Tasuki, for I am unsure if it is real or just a product of my overactive mind. I received a vision when I came around, of me, as Chichiri, in Tasuki's arms, in a very intimate position.
Even now, with Tasuki sleeping upon my couch in the next room, I can not get that image from my head. He still has not shown to me that he feels for me in any way other then friendship and brotherhood. I find myself floundering with how to treat these growing feelings within me. I wish Tasuki would give me some clue.
(A/N The part where Chichiri got the rush of information from the prayer beads was not my idea, I just loved it. This was from Babbling Brook's story "New Life, Old Bonds" which I consider to be one of the greatest Chichiri/Tasuki fanfictions out there. I definately recommend everyone to read it.)