Disclaimer: I own nothing. CSI: Miami and CSI: Crime Scene
Investigation belong to whomever they belong to. The songs belong to Enigma and Micheal Cretu.

Synopsis: Angst fest. Tim loves Eric and Eric doesn't love him. It's Horatio to the rescue… sort of. (Timothy Speedle/Horatio Caine)

Archive: Long as you ask and make sure my e-mail address is with it... :)

Pairing: Horatio Caine/Timothy Speedle

Rating: R because of allusions to sexual content and very little
strong language. Rating will probably go up later due to sexual
content. (LOL)

Authors Notes: This was supposed to be a Eric Delko/Timothy Speedle
fic but for some reason it didn't work out. Then I was going to make
it Speed/Greg Sanders-- but my muse demanded that I write a
Horatio/Speed fic. So, here is the first part and I hope you enjoy.
(Be forewarned... it takes me a long time to post the chapters
afterwards... LOL. I'm bad about that...) Ah, and it is extremely
disjointed... it's supposed to be.

Chapter 5: You Were the Rain, You Were the Sun

((Someday you came, and I knew you were the one. You were the rain, you were the sun. But I needed both, 'cuz I needed you. You were the one I was dreaming of all my life, when it was dark you are my light. But don't forget who is always our guide… it is the child within us. ))

There was complete darkness, nothing inside this envelope of complete and utter nothingness. Speedle felt himself there, but only as a distracted feeling that pulled on something far back in his subconscious. Something about having friends and people who needed him—but he couldn't really make head or tails of what it all meant. He shrugged it off because it was an indistinct feeling, something that he could easily ignore for the time being. He left himself be carried away on the strange ocean of darkness, letting it's calming song of night relax his muscle. He felt everything getting slower, darker. A fleeting thought passed over his mind…

what if i'm dying…? The thought echoed in the darkness, taking a shapeless form that began to light up a very small section of the darkness. It was barely a dot, but it made a difference, changing the darkness in one corner to a mottled grey color. He sighed and tried to clear his head of those thoughts.

but what if its true…? then where would i be? would it really matter if i was? i don't think i care anymore… Speedle continued to have his thoughts, sections of the room getting brighter and brighter as each thought pierced a hole in his comforting darkness. He sighed but he felt it more than heard it. Some of the room was completely lit up and Speedle could make out a television and stark white, sterile walls. The reality was like a slap in the face… and his eyes opened up.

It was dark; a few stars were visible through the mostly drawn curtains of his hospital room. Speedle's eyes adjusted to the sudden change of light and he felt his throat begin to burn as his other sensations awoke as well. He figured he hadn't been out for too long… but he could never be sure. He yawned, his jaw cracking and he wiggled, trying to sit up slightly. He winced as he felt a dull ache turn to a sharp pain in his side. He winced and drew a sharp, hissing breath in. He pressed a hand to his forehead, trying to take the pain away. He closed his eyes again to block it out—the comforting darkness didn't come. He reached up to rub the bridge of his nose as he looked around, noticing no one was there. Not even Horatio.

So much for love… Speedle thought bitterly, before slipping back into the oblivion of sleep.

Eric picked at his salad, not really wanting to eat it. Horatio had invited him out after a long day of trying to find a suspect. There was nothing concrete and by the end of the day the exhaustion was too much to comprehend. Horatio was almost done with his dinner, but Eric had barely touched his. Horatio stopped eating his hamburger and set it back down on the plate. There was concern etched in his eyes.

"What's wrong, Eric?" Horatio asked. Eric looked up at him, unshed tears dancing under the dull lighting in the restaurant. Horatio sighed and shook his head, knowing that above all else—Eric needed to let his feelings out. Horatio continued to stare as Eric looked for the words to express himself. They sat in a semi-companionable silence for some time before Eric finally sat up and decided to speak.

"I… I think that this… this might have been… my… my fault…" Eric finally said as he shoved his plate away, no longer caring to pretend to still be eating. Horatio looked at Eric, once again, their eyes meeting. Horatio's face was still etched with concern and he stood up, gesturing for Eric to follow. Horatio paid the bill and he and Eric walked outside. The air was humid and sticky outside the air conditioned restaurant. They both said their goodbyes and walked to their cars.

Eric slid behind the passenger seat of his silver colored Hummer and rested his head on the steering wheel. Numbly, he started his car and let the air conditioner cool down the car. It was so warm in his car, and Eric continued to rest his forehead on the steering wheel. His mind was brimming with thoughts and he finally backed out of the parking lot. He drove towards his house, but he decided he wasn't that tired and he began to drive around aimlessly. Just wasting time and gas while he tried to sort out his thoughts. He stopped in front of the park and exited his car. He sat on one of the low hanging swings and stared at the slightly cloud blocked stars and sighed. The night was progressively getting worse. They had no leads, no suspects, and barely any evidence. It seemed that they had reached a dead end investigating the murder of a friend.

He put his head in his hands, wracking his mind over what evidence they did have. Unfortunately, it wasn't a lot. What they did have was extremely inconclusive, so whoever was trying to kill Speedle was definitely going to get away. Eric was beating himself up over this, his body burned with rage.

"THAT ASSHOLE!" He screamed. He heard some startled birds flutter after being roused from their sleep. He slammed his fist into an unoffending pole and winced as his knuckles collided with the metal. He didn't really care though, his emotional pain was far worse than the physical. Helplessly, he began to cry and he stood up, kicking everything in his sight as he walked back towards his car.

He slid behind the wheel and once again, started his ignition. He wasn't sure where to go, he was a little wary about going back home. His state was pretty unfit to be by himself, so he drove to the one place he knew he'd be welcome.

Horatio had poured himself a nightcap, just a finger of scotch in his glass tumbler. There was no ice, and he hadn't begun to drink the liquor yet. He couldn't, for some reason, get his limbs to move anymore. He sighed, the tumbler held loosely in his hand. He was staring at the now blank television screen; it had been a news story of the crash before he had clicked the television off. Horatio sighed and brought the glass to his lips. He took his first sip of the drink, feeling the alcohol sear down his throat. With his other hand, he reached up and took off his tie, as well as unbuttoned the first two buttons of his dress shirt. He then reached down and took off his belt, trying to relax.

A knock on his door startled him out of his half numb reverie and he pushed himself out of the black leather chair. He had kicked his shoes off earlier and he padded over to the door, looking through the peephole. A very distressed looking Eric stood on the other side and he undid the lock and the deadbolt and opened the door. He wordlessly invited Eric inside by stepping aside and sweeping his hand back. Eric nodded his thanks and walked in.

"Can I get you a drink?" Horatio asked, gesturing his barely sipped scotch at the kitchen. Eric looked at Horatio and nodded. Horatio led him into the kitchen and pointed at his fairly extensive alcohol collection. Eric just sighed and shrugged.

"I'll take what you've got. Wouldn't do me well to get plastered…" Eric said, almost mumbling. "I'm gonna need to be able to think straight tomorrow when I go back to work on our case…" Horatio nodded as he pulled out a matching tumbler and poured Eric a finger of scotch as well. Eric held the tumbler in both hands, a small whimper escaping his throat as he thought about Speedle. Eric took a small sip of his scotch and looked at his boss.

Eric shook his head slightly as inappropriate thoughts began to flitter into his mind. Horatio, Eric had never noticed, was very attractive. Especially now, looking so unprofessional. Eric tossed off the rest of his scotch and Horatio quirked an eyebrow. Eric shook his head.

"Sorry man, I don't know… I just… I don't know." Eric sat down heavily on Horatio's black leather couch and Horatio sat down next to him. Horatio set down his tumbler on the dark finished wood coffee table and he also took Eric's tumbler and set it down next to his own. Eric rubbed his eyes slightly, feeling his body start to shake as a fresh wave of tears came over him. He was intensely aware of Horatio's hands on his back, his thumbs tracing small circles to comfort him. Eric leaned back into the touch, wanting to be held and comforted throughout this ordeal. Horatio continued tracing the circles while he muttered comforting words. They were mumbled, so Eric couldn't hear what he was saying, but more felt what he was saying as his body relaxed slightly.

Horatio maneuvered himself so he was sitting behind Eric. He had pushed Eric slightly forward and began to massage his back. His hands made progress on getting the knots out of his back and Eric was surprised at how strong Horatio actually was. Eric heard himself making these pathetic moan-whimper sounds as Horatio's hands worked to get the deeper knots out. Eric leaned back into the touch and he felt Horatio try and get out the ones that had been there for a long time. He felt himself slowly becoming more and more relaxed. He finally batted Horatio's hands away and leaned against the older man. Horatio wrapped his arms around Eric's waist. Horatio pressed the younger man closer to him, guilt wrenching his heart as he thought about Speed. He trailed one hand up to gently wipe away the silent tears running down Eric's face. Some unknown force compelled Horatio and he leaned forward to place a gentle kiss on Eric's ear. Lust sparks flew and crackled in the air. Eric turned his head and his lips met Horatio's.

Horatio brought a hand up to his lips, after Eric had backed away, and he trailed his fingers along them in surprise. Eric paled slightly and looked about ready to bolt. His heart was screaming at Horatio to not do it, but his body was already overpowering the heartstrings. He reached forward and pulled Eric back towards him, their lips coming together once again. Horatio pulled away after a couple of minutes, stood up, and pulled Eric up with him.

"Bed." He growled. That one word, to Eric, was loaded with a lot of other things. Eric obliged, watching as Horatio shed his shirt and pants on the way to the room. Horatio was completely undressed by the time they reached the room; Eric was still fumbling with getting off his shirts. Horatio stalked over, looking for the world like a predatory cat and easily removed both shirts. Horatio got his pants undone and pulled both his boxers and pants down together. Eric's erection sprung out at Horatio like some demented pop-up book.

Horatio stood in front of Eric, his gaze sweeping over the younger man appreciatively. His heart was screaming at him to stop, because he loved Timothy. However, his body was telling him to continue—and his body was winning hands down. He finally went in for the kill and pressed his lips to Eric's. The response was like fire as every nerve in his body prickled and stood on end. An unadulterated wave of wanton lust coursed through Horatio's body and he pulled Eric backwards towards the bed. They fall together as the back of Horatio's knees collided with the mattress. Eric fell on top of Horatio, their bodies touching everywhere. Eric, taking the initiative, straddled Horatio, inching up slightly to press his lips to Horatio's once again.

Instead of being the gentle kisses they had been before, these kisses were rough. Eric drew Horatio's lower lip into his mouth and sucked on it slightly, eliciting a moan from the older man. They continued playing around, being rough with each other, before Eric realized that he wanted… no needed Horatio inside of him. He needed it like he needed water right now, he needed that pain… that feeling… to ground him. He needed some feeling that all of this was real and not some sort of torturous dream. He looked around and saw some hand lotion on Horatio's bedside table.

So that's how his hands stay so soft… Eric thought as he reached over to grab the lotion. He opened the battle, squeezing the pale green cucumber melon lotion onto Horatio's outstretched hand. There was no need for voices, because their bodies were responding in ways that made their voices obsolete. Horatio spread the slick lotion all over his fingers and he motioned for Eric to lay on his back. After he did so, Horatio slid one finger inside of him, loving the tight, hot sensation. He slowly worked in three of his fingers, making sure that Eric was properly stretched. He removed his fingers and put some of the hand lotion on his throbbing cock. Horatio pushed the tip of his cock into Eric, moaning as he entered the hot channel. He heard Eric gasp but, now without inhibitions, he buried himself to the hilt. Eric moaned low in his throat and another spark flashed between the two of them. They moved together, in a rhythm to some unknown beat in their heads… or hearts.

Eric thrust up against Horatio as Horatio drove down into him. Their rhythm was unbroken, and the gasps and moans just became a part of the silent song coursing through their heads. Eric felt so good; his body was practically on fire. They continued on with their dance, it getting more and more frantic as Eric and Horatio both got closer and closer to the edge. Finally, Eric couldn't take anymore, and he felt his orgasm and he screamed as it tore through his body. He heard Horatio let out a muffled scream, as he bit down on Eric's shoulder. Horatio collapsed on top of Eric and laid there for a few second before rolling off. As soon as the waves of pleasure died down… Horatio felt nausea and guilt roil in his stomach. As Eric cuddled next to Horatio, falling asleep, Horatio thought about Speedle as another wave of guilt coursed through his body.