A/N: Well, by popular demand, this is the bit that changed from the first draft of this story:

Jack momentarily had the wind knocked out of him from hitting the ground with his 2IC on top of him. It took a few seconds for him to realise the drama was over, and that now he was lying flat on his back on the ground with Carter on top of him. And that while one of his hands was around her waist, the other one, that had been aiming to cup her shoulder from behind, had missed its mark and landed squarely on his 2IC's black tee-shirt clad left breast. "Um, sir, could you move your hand?" she finally asked after several seconds of awkward silence. "Umm... I can't," he realized, wincing as he said it.

I think it would be funnier for them to come through the gate like that, but it would be too weird for the rest of the story. I mean, I want to have them out and about the SGC, and I can't help but think that if they got stuck like that, they'd just hide somewhere until they were fixed. Also, it was a bit too mean, even for me, to leave Jack with no free hands at all.

I've had the first and last chapter to this one for ages, and I'm working on the middle just as fast as I can.

Nadya: Don't worry, that's exactly why this story had to be last.

Ch 2: Home Again

"Maybe you guys can go back and Carter and I can just wait here until you find a solution," Jack suggested as they walked back to the gate.

It took a lot longer than before, as they were forced into a rather awkward waddle while they walked, and Teal'c and Daniel were dragging the wrecked UAV behind them, not too bothered at this point about wrecking it further. Daniel had even managed to kick it when Sam wasn't paying attention, although all he really achieved was giving himself an achy toe.

"I doubt General Hammond will approve that, Jack," Daniel said logically. "We should be checked out to make sure there's no other side effects to whatever this is."

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"General Hammond, we're receiving a transmission from SG-1," Sergeant Harriman reported, punching in a few keys so that every available monitor in the control room filled up with an extreme close-up of the entire flagship team. They must have been standing awfully close to each other for all four of their faces to be captured by the MALP's camera.

"SG-1, report," Hammond ordered, crossing his arms and staring at the monitor. It was unusual for them all to report together, although they looked unharmed. Preoccupied, certainly, but they were all clearly present, accounted for, and conscious.

"Well, General… Carter located the UAV and we've successfully retrieved it," O'Neill reported.

"Then what's the delay?" Hammond asked. 'Mission accomplished. Get your butts back here.' He was tempted to say it, but didn't.

"Well… we've hit a bit of a snag, sir," O'Neill continued.

"Alien opposition?" Hammond guessed.

"In a manner of speaking, General…"

"Sir, we'd like Dr. Fraiser and maybe a team of scientists to come through the gate, there's a substance here that we need to have analysed…" Carter said rapidly, taking over.

"Why can't you bring a sample back with you? Is it toxic?"

"Not exactly, sir," Carter hedged.

"General," Daniel began. "The substance in question has… unusually strong adhesive… qualities. And, well, we didn't know that when we 'found' it."

"Dr. Jackson, are you trying to tell me that the four of you are somehow… stuck together?"

"Well… not exactly. I mean, we are stuck together, but we're not all stuck to each other…" Daniel started. They all looked embarrassed. O'Neill and Carter shifted awkwardly.

"Well… I'm not authorizing the expense of sending an entire team to you just because you're embarrassed. Report back immediately, we'll initiate quarantine procedures to make sure nobody else is exposed to the adhesive substance. You have twenty minutes, SG-1. Hammond out."

He nodded to Harriman, who cut off the transmission, and went over to the phone on the wall to inform Dr. Fraiser of the situation. And to think, he had thought today was going to be slow…

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"Well, it was worth a shot," Daniel muttered as he and Teal'c dragged the damaged UAV behind them, towards the Stargate.

"Indeed," Teal'c agreed.

"At least we're not them," Daniel added, nodding back at Jack and Sam, who were standing awkwardly next to the DHD.

"An excellent point, Daniel Jackson. Hopefully they will draw the majority of the attention."

"Okay, ready, on three," Jack said. Sam nodded. "One, two, three…"

They both appeared to be struggling against each other for several moments, but nothing happened. "Guys, give it up," Daniel called. "You look like you should be on a toilet right now!" As soon as he said it he wondered how they were going to work out bathroom procedures… hopefully Janet would figure out a way to get them all unstuck before that became an issue. Somehow he doubted it though.

Jack and Sam stopped trying to forcefully separate themselves and Sam started dialing the gate with unnecessary force, punching each symbol so hard that Jack muttered, "Geez, Carter, don't break the damn thing."

The wormhole established, and they all looked at it reluctantly. "Um, don't you want to…" Daniel started hopefully.

"No way. You're going first," Jack said firmly. "That's an order," he added for good measure. Daniel could tell he tried to cross his arms over his chest to accompany the smug look on his face. Unfortunately, Sam was in the way. He dropped his free arm hastily and mumbled an apology to her, then quickly barked, "Daniel! Move! And take that damned plane with you."

Daniel couldn't resist the urge to mock-salute him just before he and Teal'c stepped through the puddle, hand in hand.

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Janet could feel a migraine coming on. The morning had been progressing normally when General Hammond called her and ordered her to have Level 3 De-con procedures ready for SG-1 in twenty minutes. She had barely had time to ask him what they had been exposed to before he slammed the phone down, making her own end of the extension click loudly.

"Alien adhesive?" she allowed herself one moment to marvel aloud before she snapped into action and began delegating tasks.

Now, she was waiting in the gate room next to the General, who had his 'absolutely don't mess with me' face on this morning. The wormhole had been established, SG-1's IDC received, the MALP had just rolled its way down the ramp, and still no SG-1. Finally, Daniel and Teal'c stepped through the event horizon, Teal'c dragging the damaged UAV in one hand, holding Daniel's hand in the other.

"General Hammond, we have been exposed to an extremely adhesive substance that seems only to bond to human skin," Teal'c informed him, dropping the UAV near the MALP.

"How do you know that?" Daniel asked before Janet could.

Teal'c looked at Daniel and said, "Your hand did not stick to the log on which you encountered the substance, Daniel Jackson. It only adhered to mine when I offered you assistance."

"Oh yeah, that's right. And Jack and Sam…" Daniel turned to the puddle and said, "Speaking of Jack and Sam… where are they?"

The question didn't have to hang in the air unanswered for very long. Before Janet had fully absorbed the sight of Daniel and Teal'c strolling down the ramp hand in hand, she got an even funnier sight as Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter came through the gate. If they hadn't both looked so sheepish and embarrassed, it might have looked like he was taking her hostage.

"Colonel O'Neill! Major Carter! I don't care how adhesive this substance is, you'd better have a damn good explanation for how you got like that in the first place!" Hammond said sternly.

"It's not what it looks like, sir," Sam said quickly. Janet thought, from the way Sam was concentrating all of her attention on Hammond, that she was probably pretending the twenty other people gaping at her weren't even there.

"Carter was fetching your plane for you, sir," O'Neill began.

"It hit a tree, sir. A tree excreting some kind of sap. And, well, the UAV started to fall and I had to get down much faster than I got up…"

"She was about to be squashed by the UAV, so I ordered her to drop the rest of the way down and I sort of caught her and, well, we had to roll out of the way and… by the time it was over we tried to sit up and… couldn't. At least, not separately."

"I see," Hammond said tersely. He still looked mad about the whole thing, although Janet now felt nothing but pity for them, especially for Sam, who looked like she'd rather be anywhere else in the world right now than standing in front of the base commander with her CO plastered to her from behind. "Dr. Fraiser?"

Snapping into action, Janet quickly said, "Right, you're all going through Level 3 Decontamination procedures immediately, just to be certain. Make sure nobody else touches you anywhere, even on your clothes. Do you have a sample of the substance that hasn't already been in contact with any of your skin?"

"Yes," Daniel said quickly, holding up a little vial.

"Good. Follow me. And for the love of God, all of you keep your hands to yourselves."

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